Chapter 52: 53-need for spines...

After school, I decided to go to the rose garden, even though I had just told Alina a few hours earlier that I was free again today.

Hello!

He opens the door briskly and greets her cheerfully.

'You, I thought you didn't have anything going on today ......'.

'Something urgent came up. Don't look at me like that.

The trigger for the personality shift is the past.

Someone she knows well. Aki is a good example. She must have been a very important person in her life, because she had switched personalities for two days just by looking at a picture of her.

Sadly, there was no change when she met Nakamura Taku, who has feelings for Alina. The fact that he did not trigger the personality change, even though he knew Alina in junior high school, means that he was not that important to her. It is a tragedy for him. I felt for him intensely.

We do not want to experiment on Alina. Alina's condition is one of illness, and toying with her is the worst thing you can do. So I decided not to force her to switch. I don't know how much strain it will put on Alina's psyche.

Alina. What do you think about your other self? Just speak frankly.

'What out of the blue? I wonder if you're in love with the other me.'

'It's fascinating. Seriously.

'I'm gonna gut it all. I feel sick. ......'

Alina hugged herself with both hands and shivered.

'Frankly, she's like a little sister to me.

'Is he too young for his age? I'm not a pedophile, so in some cases I have to beat myself up.'

'No. In my notebook, I introduced myself as seventeen years old. But she's kind of like a younger sister.

''Well.''

'Your sister, Ugin-chan, right? That's what I thought when I saw her.'

'At Ugin? It's strange, isn't it?'

'They adore me. That's about it. I'm so embarrassed. I shouldn't have told you.

I don't think my sister adores me, but I suppose objectively she does. Maybe I'll ask her today. Do you like me? I mean. It's the anniversary of his death.

"What if 'she' disappears from you?"

'So you're saying that my personality will disappear and it will just be me?

'Yes.

'......'

Silence . A momentary but profound silence.

'...... just me.

In a voice so small and thin that you had to listen carefully to hear her, she said, "I'm sorry.

'You mean I can just disappear?

'Yes. The other me must be a reaction to grief. I know it somehow. She's smiling with something heavy on her back. That's the impression I got from the picture of her on my phone. To other people, she might look like a healthy girl, but I know. She's really fragile. So I want to put her to sleep. I want to tell her that it's okay.

'I'm surprised at the unexpected answer.

'That's an annoying way of putting it.'

'Honestly, what do you think would have happened if I hadn't shown up?'

'Well, maybe I'd still be a hater.

'It's not that they don't like you. Maybe some of the girls are jealous. But the guys love you.

'Men have ulterior motives. Die.'

'Don't worry, I'm the exception. I'm a sociopath.

'But I guess sooner or later I would have been one of those guys. Maybe your coming along was a turning point.

I heard from Dr. Akakusa that the other Alina asked someone for help.

The other Alina told me this. Please find someone to talk to who is a good match for the other me. Whether that other person was me or not is in the mind of the alina in front of me. I'm not going to bother to ask.

But I was happy, if only a little, when she said, 'Maybe it was a turning point. I knew that I had been useful, that I had not wasted my time.

My plan was set.

In a nutshell, I'm going to make Alina really want to be here.

I think Alina's personality change is triggered by a very simple and strong feeling of 'wanting to be' or 'not wanting to be'. I have no proof or way to confirm this. But I can only assume that it is so. That's my answer.

Alina. I've decided what I'm going to do starting tomorrow.

'Which club activity is next?'

'We'll see tomorrow.'

It's a hard decision.

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The next day.

'Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I went to the rose garden at lunchtime, and as expected, Alina was there. It seems to be a law of physics that she is here.

'I wonder if this is a continuation of what happened yesterday.

Closing the paperback book, Alina prepared for the dialogue. It was a perfectly normal action, but for her it had never happened before. In the past, she would have ignored it and followed the text.

'Let me put it simply. Make friends.

''What?''

'Let's make friends, Alina.

I don't need it.

'Mm. We already know the answer to that question, so let's just back off. Then what do we do? It's just normal school life.

'You're often made fun of, aren't you?

'Yes, I know. I feel like I've been hearing that ever since I was born. And since I met you, it's been more frequent. But this is a different matter. Now, I said a normal school day. Do you know what that means, Alina?

'...... No.'

'Are you sure you don't know?'

'I kind of get it. But I don't want to say too much, maybe ......'.

'Then I'll tell you. The Rose Garden is dissolved.

There is no longer any need for a rose garden.

Dual personalities, abuse, bullying. I didn't know that when I met Alina. So I did everything I could to get a chance to interact with people in the Rose Garden, a space just for me and Alina. But this stops changing when it reaches a certain value. I'm out of ideas, and I'm just in this space. That's just the way it is.

So it would be better to just lose it.

Even if it is gone, we will still have opportunities to meet and to work. The escape of the Rose Garden is gone. I don't mean to push her away, but she has been too extravagant.

At first, I didn't think I needed to force myself to make friends. No relationship can last or be good if it is forced upon you.

But it is always when you meet someone that your outlook on life changes. There are people in the world who have surprising pasts, thoughts, and interesting people. The mind changes its shape little by little after such encounters.

After meeting Alina, I started to change my school life and I started to think that it is not so bad to spend time with someone after school. If you want to change yourself, the best way is to meet people.

'The Rose Garden is no good, this space is no good.

'Why not?

'This place is just a refuge. Alina, I really want to make you realize what you really want. So here's what we're going to do. Be more approachable. Not everyone wants to smoke you.

I don't either... and neither do Tsuru, Shirana, Makoto, the student council, and Akakusa-sensei. They're all waiting for you. It's not brazen to step into people's hearts. We are creatures who need to eat human hearts to grow up. Don't reject me, poison rosebud.

We are creatures who seek connection, and no matter how much we reject people, deep down we miss them. They want to connect with everyone, no matter who they are. You'll only make it harder on yourself if you grow thorns against them. Be honest. Be honest. Then you'll find the answer naturally.

I meant it as a sermon, but surprisingly Alina had no expression on her face. Then she giggled.

Did you just think of that?

'I'm not going to remember it even if I have a script ready.

'Ha-ha-ha. That's just like you.

Alina stood up and peeled off her skirt.

She exhaled and looked up.

'Okay. I believe you.

I'm sorry.

'No need to apologize, cockroach.

'At least compare me to a mammal.

'Don't be rude to mammals.'

It brings back the usual. I'm elated for the first time in a long time.

The rose garden is now closed. But our work is not over, is it?

''Oh.''

Alina smiled and raised her middle finger.

'Good. Nice to meet you, Comet Sakakiki.

'Nice to meet you, Alina Hinoha.

I raised my middle finger, too.

I really think we're idiots.

But I also thought we made a great team.

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