Chapter 5: My last memory

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I entered the house with shopping bags and closed the door behind me.

"Mom I am home!"

I shouted toward the living room and went to the kitchen to unpack the bags.

Not long after my mom came into the kitchen to help me. When we were almost done. Mom spoke to me.

"You know sweety you don't need to do the shopping for us. If something is missing just tell me or dad." She said a little tentative and I was just to rebuke her but it seems she still had something to say. So I held up.

"You know that going out so often is not good for your health. Especially if the outside weather is so cold."

That's the truth but I feel that she exaggerates a little.

"You and dad always work quite long hours and I don't think any of you had any energy left to do the shopping after a tiring day. I on the other hand just sit here all day so it's not a problem to do some light shopping from time to time. Besides, you do shopping on the weekends so it's not like I need to buy a lot..."

"But..."

It seems she is still not satisfied with my answer. Well, I think that is the time to evacuate myself from here.

I put the last item in hurry and started to run away to my room.

"I am going to my room Mom, can you take care of the bags? Thank!"

I don't want to have this conversation again. So running away is probably the best option.

I skipped my steps as I was going to the second floor. Where my room is located.

Opening the door and locking it soon afterward, I finally found myself in the safety of my room.

Leaning closer to my doors I took a couple of labor breaths. If I was, to be honest with myself I don't feel the best today. Actually, for all this week, my illness was acting up. Which even forced me to double my pill intake. Which are just basically painkillers and some vitamins.

Maybe I should notify about it a long time ago my doctor but I didn't want to make a fuse. Everyone would just unnecessarily get worried. I wouldn't like that. Besides my illness is incurable. So that wouldn't change anything.

I know that I'm dying. All my life I was doing basically that. I just want to spend the time that is left to me relaxing and not thinking about it. But probably the biggest factor against telling about it to anyone is just that I don't want people to look at me with pity in their eyes. The people gave me this look too much in my life and to be honest, I hate it.

I kinda already accepted it. I don't remember how many times, I was hospitalized and how many times my parents heard that doctors are hopeless in my case.

They often got to hear that the only thing they can count on is a miracle. How many times a miracle can happen?

I can feel that day by day my body is just giving up. Waking up from my bed becomes a chore that is hard to manage every day.

I am just tired, I want it to end. I don't know how many many days I have left. But I wouldn't give myself more than a week. This time it seems that I am at my limits.

I try to act strong in front of my family. Show them that I am ok, getting better. They seem to go along with my lie but I'm sure that they know the reality of my situation. I just don't want them to worry. I saw how frustrated my parent are that they can't help me [can't find any specialist that would know how to cure me]. So I will tell them tomorrow maybe after tomorrow...

Thinking all about it, I don't even realize that I started walking in circles. So I stopped and accidentally faced the mirror in my room.

In the mirror, I got to see my reflection, and to be honest I looked totally like a zombie. Dark circles under eyes, the figure too thin to be called healthy someone even would call that malnourishment and pale skin, unhealthy pale.

In my younger years, I was such a lovely girl. Nothing like today and I can't really do anything about it. My not leaving home, problems while sleeping, and diminishing appetite has done that to me.

But here I am 21 years old still living. The problem is what to be happy about if you can't live like a normal person. I don't mean I had a bad life it was a good one but.....

There are so many things I want to do, see, and experience but I can't.

That is so frustrating.

"Sigh...."

I walked to my bed and lay down. I don't feel like doing today anything, I feel kinda drowsy, to be honest. Even though I sleep every day for like 10 hours, I still need a nap here and there.

So I closed my eyes and took some rest as I used to.

"Kate diner is ready, come downstairs!"

"...hmmmmm"

Hearing the voice of my younger brother behind the doors awoke me from my slumber but I don't feel at all like standing up from my bed. Besides, I am not hungry. So I went back to sleep.

But soon after I was awoken once again.

"Mom did your favorite dish today and told me if you don't come to the kitchen soon I can eat your portion!"

"So you better hurry up because I gonna eat it now....ha ha"

After that, I could hear the loud sounds of my brother running downstairs.

My tiredness instantly evaporated and I leaped from my bed like a spring.

Opening my door and running down the stairs. I stopped at the entrance of the kitchen my eyes opening in horror looking at my brother that seems to heartily eat his second plate.

The sound of a chuckle reaches my ears when my mom put a new plate on the kitchen table.

"Here you go baby, this is your plate"

"But.."

Was the only sound that fled from my mouth. Because I was still staring at my brother that seems to enjoy our mother's cooking.

Mom seemingly perfectly understanding me, said.

"This is your sister's plate. She will be late today and told me that she will be eating out so we should not wait for her.

"Oh... I SEE."

My brother just grinned at me completely not bothered that his lie came to light. He can be sometimes so annoying. I miss times when he was younger, he was at least cute back then.

"I am going to wash my hands, I will be right back."

"Sure but be fast because the food soon will get cold "

"Sure"

I shouted back and went to the bathroom.

Opening the door to the bathroom and washing my hands didn't take me long and soon, I was in the kitchen again.

I took my seat at the dinner table and started eating. I am quite a slow eater completely opposite of my brother. That seems to swallow his portion not even bothering to munch on it.

Between bites, I asked Mom a question.

"Where is dad? Isn't he today off work? He was at home when I went shopping."

"Yes of course but you know how it is, they needed him so he had to go. 

But he came back when I was doing dinner."

"He came back so where is he?"

I asked looking around in confusion.

"Well, he went to the vet with Ariel"

"Does something happen to her?"

I asked worried a little.

"Don't worry sweety just a regular vaccination"

Mom smiled and reassured me.

That got me concerned a little because she is kind of silly. Eating some random mushroom or getting quite a cut by trying to fight or eat(to this day I don't know the truth) hedgehog. Is not the craziest thing my dog did.

"By the way, I didn't see her today almost at all can you explain it?"

I said looking at my brother.

"Well she was with me in my room of course"

Said my brother almost choking on his food because he was speaking with his full mouth.

"So you think that is completely ok to monopolize her like that?"

I asked him calmly.

He was just to do what seemed to be an affirmative nod but stopped in the middle when he saw that Mother was giving him **that look**.

He noticeably gulped down and tried to play a good brother card.

"Well, I played with her a lot today so you can have her for a little."

"Are you sure?"

I asked him wanting to tease him a little.

He looked sneaky at our mother who even though went back to eating was undoubtedly attentively listening to our conversation. Then looked straight into my eyes seemingly wanting to tell me something telepathically.

'I have no idea what you want. You better answer my question'

That was me answering his call.

"For the rest of the day, you can have her, it suits you now?"

Well, it wasn't my intention but I will take that.

"Yup that suits me"

Just as I was to stop the conversation, I got to hear the sounds of the door being opened.

I got up and went to the doors 'Dad sure is back' I thought.

Walking through the corridor, I could already hear the sounds of running Ariel. So I crouch down and waited for her.

Soon afterward I got to see her running narrowly making a turn and almost hitting the wall.

"silly"

I told in a whisper smiling a little. She always manages to make me smile.

It seems she already noticed me because she started running faster. So I just prepared to receive this little white furry comet.

"Hey, the little one did you miss me?"

I said holding her in my arms.

In my answer, she just tried to lick me all over the face.

"Hey, stop hahaha.."

"Oo hey Kate"

"Hey dad, dinner is already ready so come to the kitchen"

I exclaimed still having fun with a doggy.

"Oh yes, sure I'm so hungry today, I didn't really get any chance to eat earlier.

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Said, my dad already sniffing the scent that is drifting from the kitchen.

"Well, you have to be fast because otherwise, Timmy gotta eat your portion.

I said with a serious expression.

Dad stopped in his tracks and looked at my expression. Probably analyzing if I am telling the truth.

I held on but I was close to bursting into laughter.

This staring contest lasted only a second but it felt like an eternity. After that, my dad speeded up to the kitchen and I got to hear his broken voice from afar. Probably thinking the same thing I thought the first time I entered the kitchen.

That, I couldn't hold it anymore and I burst out laughing.

"Hahahaahahahhaha"

I was holding my stomach because I couldn't stop laughing.

"ruff.. ruff... ruff.."

Ariel suddenly started playfully barking and jumping still adamant about licking me.

'it's fun for you too?' I thought to myself as I tried to escape from her licking onslaughter.

10 minutes later...

After playing a little and washing my hands again. I went back to the kitchen to finish eating. The food got a little cold. So my mother proposed to reheat it for me. Which made me feel really sweet because she didn't have to do it.

"So where is our younger daughter today? Lately, I don't see her at home at all"

Said my dad to my mom relaxing with a cup of coffee after his meal.

"Ah she is with her boyfriend"

Said my mom not thinking much of it.

"Didn't she break up with him last week?"

Dad raised one of his eyebrows perplexed a little.

"Yes, but they talked and come back to each other after that."

"Hmph, she should better study more her grades are not that good. Besides, she is only 17. In my days I wasn't dating anyone back then.

"Ha ha ha"

My mother chuckled softly.

Which made my father stare at her.

"What?"

"It's nothing honey, I wasn't expecting anything less from you"

Said my mother trying to hold it.

They started bickering from there. Sometimes it's really hard to imagine that they are almost hitting their fifties. When they like that.

I excuse myself silently to not disturb them. Even though I didn't finish my plate. I only ate 40% of it. But I am sure dad gonna finish it. He always tells that good food can't be wasted.

For the rest of the day what I am gonna do?

Besides playing with Ariel. Maybe reading some manga. I don't know I have a lot of books but only 50% of it is completely read. So I guess catching up is the right thing to do.

In my room, I took the first volume from my bookshelf that I always wanted to read but didn't in the end, and slowly, unhurriedly started losing myself in this magical world. Where my problems aren't important anymore.

Next day: Morning

"Mom I already called her for breakfast two times and she is still sleeping"

Said Timmy with clear resignation written on his face.

"Oh is that so, well if she wants to sleep a little more I don't see a problem. It's not the first time she will be late for breakfast."

Said dad not really bothered by it.

"Okay you guys eat, I will go just to make sure she doesn't need anything."

Said the mother and went upstairs.

"Hey, baby do you maybe need anything because we will be going to work soon?"

Said the mother but she didn't get any response from the other side.

"Sweety, do you hear me?"

She tried to open the door but it seems it was locked as usual. She started to knock a little harder. Even though she didn't want to wake up her daughter if she was still sleeping.

But there was still no response from another side which made her worried a little. Because she usually always answers.

"Honey, can you come here for a second!"

Yelled the woman hoping that maybe her husband will know what to do.

Shortly after the men come to the second floor.Where he got to see his distressed wife.

"What happened?"

"I don't know she is not replying to me at all"

She said sounding a little panicked.

"Hey, sleepy girl are you awake?"

Said the man but he too didn't get any response.

"You see. Something had to happen to her"

"Calm down, calm down you didn't see her today at all? She didn't go out anywhere?

"No! No! I am sure she wouldn't wake up so early.

Said the woman now in a panic.

"Kate are you there!!"

Said loudly the father at the same he put an ear to the door and tried to catch any sound from the other side.

"Dad..."

The voice was so weak and low that he almost didn't catch it.

"Where do we have an extra key to her room?"

Asked father now completely serious.

"I...I...I"

But it seems his wife already thought the worse and has a hard time speaking because of the tears that were slowly dripping from her eyes.

The men realize that getting information on the key will be hard and he can't waste any more time. So he did the only thing that he could think of at the moment.

"Back of for me please"

He said to his wife and not wanting to wait any longer, rammed the door. He sure will get horrible bruises after this but he didn't care about it at the moment.

One, two, three, four, five, six boom the doors become open.

His wife seeing this ran faster to the room than him and seeing her daughter in pain immediately hugged her.

"It hurts"

"I know sweety don't worry ambulance will be right away so stay strong okay?"

Even though she was crying a second ago. She has to be strong right now in front of her daughter.

"Hello, I need help my daughter is..."

Earlier this morning...

Waking up I feel pain. overwhelming pain. I tried to stand up but I couldn't. I tried to reach out for my pills that were lying on my bedside table but it seems I don't have the strength even for that.

I refuse to die like that. I was too optimistic with my earlier assumption. It seems that it's going to be today.

I regret being such a coward that I didn't tell anyone. Now I will die just in my bed, unable to tell anyone my last words. I feel so useless and hopeless.

I just wanted to tell my family how thankful I am. Thousands of times I already thought about this moment but to be honest I still don't know exactly what to say. I always put that off for the next day. But like my days are numbered, I can't just keep doing it.

But maybe that is for the best I don't want to say goodbye to anyone. It's just too hard.

Closing my eyes feeling the coldness that is permanently in my body. I...

"Kate"

I suddenly heard a voice it wasn't loud but I still got it.

'Is this dad?'.

"Dad"

I spoke feeling how dry my throat is.

After that, I couldn't really understand what was happening to me. I was just too focused on not screaming from the pain that I'm feeling right now. I just didn't want my parents to see me like that.

There were a lot of voices around me but I just couldn't understand them. Everything seems to be so muffled. It was hard for me to stay conscious.

Until the moment I suddenly become sleepy. The pain, I couldn't feel it anymore. So closed I my eyes. Felling a little relieved and sad because I gave up at that moment.

"Will she be all right?"

Leaving the patient room I meet the worried parents of the girl. I got to know them pretty well over all these years but I would prefer it if they didn't have to meet me so often.

It's just hard. Even though people call me the best in my specialization. I'm just a normal human like anyone else in the world.

Making my expression unreadable I led them to my office. When everyone was seated...

"I am really sorry but it seems your daughter is in a coma"

After these words, it seems the parents had a sigh of relief because this attack seems to be a really strong one and they probably thought that they lost her.

But as a professional, I have to tell them everything. Tell them that this bright and curious girl that I saw slowly growing up and used to almost treat like my own granddaughter will die, in a couple of days, and I cannot do anything to save her.....

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