Chương 85: Arc 5: Chapter 18

“Aah!” Bianca woke with a scream, startling both the women sitting by her side.

Yu Juan jumped away a little while Song Ming remained in place, but either way the two were obviously a little shocked at the situation.

“What happened in the dream? Yu Juan, did you-” Song Ming immediately asked the Dancer.

“I’m not sure what happened. Both dreams started out with… satisfaction, happiness and the like. She gained lucidity rather early in the first one, so it’s likely that… well, Bianca, if you’re fine with it, maybe you ought to explain instead.”

“I… uhm…” Bianca felt cold sweat covering her whole body, making all of her already tight clothing stick to her skin to an uncomfortable degree, but she still forced herself to come up with better explanations than the truth, “It was… all very familiar and homely, and I thought that I had met with old friends and did… familiar things to me.”

“D-Did you remember them?” Song Ming asked, hope blatant in her voice.

For a moment, Bianca couldn’t help but compare the dream variant of Song Ming to her real self, and… had she still had her cock, it would’ve definitely gotten hard. Her pet’s true self still looked so innocent and kind, while her dream self… she had looked so lustful and experienced, in its own incredibly charming way.

“I… no. That’s what freaked me out, since I realised that so many things were just… blobs of colour and the feeling of familiarity, rather than anything real.”

“Yes, that… It can end up disturbing people who regain lucidity in their dream, but the exact reactions vary. That explains why the dreams started to turn strange. Could you tell me about the second dream?”

“The second…” Bianca bit her lip as she looked at Song Ming, ‘Should I tell her… tell them? Song Ming knows about my Demon Queen self, so she might understand, but Yu Juan… Ah, fuck it, I already admitted that I’ve lost my memories, and she’ll be going around with us, so she’ll find out soon enough no matter how hard I try…’

“If it’s too personal, then you don’t have to-”

“I think it was a dream influenced by my Demon Queen self. I saw myself sitting on a throne, women bowing before me and serving me… The moment I understood I was dreaming – again, I somehow forgot in between the two – I realised just what I saw seeing, and… it terrified me.”

“Uh… Demon Queen self?” Yu Juan said, “W-What?”

“Long story short, I’ve got… something like a second personality, I guess. She’s a bit of a bitch and fits more with the aura you can feel from me. She tends to come out when I’m pissed off enough.”

“I… see?”

 

Yu Juan couldn’t truly see Bianca, not as Bianca could see her, but she had spiritual perception that was even sharper than that of other cultivators, and she had gotten to view her dreams as well, so she had a greater understanding of the woman than most could get from sight alone. And that indicated a certain fact – she couldn’t feel a distinct separate identity within her.

Perhaps there was one that she couldn’t feel, as it wouldn’t be that big a surprise. There were all kinds of things out there in the world, and even if she was to be considered skilled for her realm, she was only in the third realm. There were six more above her, and if she was dealing with something above her realm, then it wouldn’t be possible for her to notice without diving in deeper, and that may not be something that Bianca would agree to.

She would’ve mentioned it, but if her reading of the second dream was correct, then… perhaps it was best not to.

The immediate overflow of denial and shame that filled Bianca in the last moments of the dream, compared with the pleasure and satisfaction of everything prior, painted the picture of something akin to a guilty pleasure. It seemed to her that if Bianca was telling the truth of her own view of the so-called Demon Queen self, then it was her denying the reality of her own whims and desires.

It wasn’t too uncommon of a situation, if her experienced were anything to go by. People had all kinds of thoughts and desires that they would never show in reality, and only experience in dreams and daydreams, fantasies and what not.

‘If that’s the case, then… I shouldn’t rush to conclusions, but could she have such a significant aversion to certain thoughts that she tries to seal them away, and becomes overwhelmed by them when she cannot spare the focus to do so? If so, her mental strength isn’t to be looked down upon, but at the same time… it can’t be healthy to deny herself to such an extent. Even if there was an entirely separate personality, there must be aspects of it that are positive and that she can accept…’

Of course, Bianca couldn’t have known about everything that was going through Yu Juan’s head, not when she was visibly perturbed by the things occurring within her own mind, so after a while she just nodded, “Yeah, it’s a bit confusing, but that other self has, admittedly, saved my life a few times, and Xue Yaling does want me to play into her more and learn to harness her, so… Ugh.”

‘So even she recognises that there are upsides to her so-called other self… How can I convince her to accept them?’ Yu Juan pondered, and quickly found something to say, “I don’t think she’s wrong, then. Out of curiosity, when did your… other self appear?”

“It was… I mean, I’m not sure, but it seemed to first manifest around the time that I… well…” she looked at Song Ming, whose head lowered almost by instinct before she reluctantly nodded, prompting Bianca to continue, “That I killed… Song Ming’s father.”

“Ah… Um, if I may suggest a possibility, could you have suffered trauma as a result of that incident? It doesn’t sound like something you wished to do, after all…”

“I was surrounded by everyone, under suspicion of being a demonic cultivator, with everyone whipped up into a frenzy by a certain asshole, and I just… I acted by reflex and did something I regret to this day,” Bianca sighed, her head also lowering in shame.

She knew that it might not be the best opportunity to reply now, but she felt that she had to, “I know not the exact circumstance of your other self, but have you considered that, perhaps, your other self is a series of emotions and thoughts that you have effectively sealed away after that traumatic event, and that it is in fact harmful to restrain yourself to such an extent as it prevents you from considering the full range of actions that you might commit to?”

“Uh… I’m a bit of an idiot sometimes, so-”

“Perhaps you have a second identity, perhaps not – I cannot know that unless you wish me to delve so deeply into your mind and dreams that I’d be able to see every detail. However, it feels like you’ve separated out a part of yourself and are forcing it to sleep beneath the surface. When it does come out… it’s too intense for you to manage responsibly, and that’s what causes it to appear quite so intense and dangerous.”

Bianca frowned, looking to Song Ming while the other woman did the same in return. Clearly, it wasn’t as simple a possibility to them as it was to her, though Yu Juan figured that it made plenty of sense. They would’ve encountered said other personality a lot more than she did, and might’ve formed a set of prejudices against it, especially if it had done some terrible things that Bianca now regretted.

Her opinion wasn’t based on some minor inference, either. She tended to look into dreams deeper than she typically admitted, and she couldn’t shake the habit even now, not that she gave it much thought in the first place. She would’ve felt the distinction between two minds, two wills or two identities, but the two dreams that Bianca experienced were the same in nature. They were viewed and generated in the same manner, by the same mind, and experienced by the same will.

Again, perhaps she overlooked some details, but on the surface, this definitely seemed to be the case. Thus, she wanted to avoid any chances of Bianca destroying herself by trying to supress an aspect of herself to such an extreme extent.

“You… do you really think that?”

“Mhm. I would have to agree with the kitsune that you would be better off if you were able to overcome that trauma, and allow those parts of yourself to… well, be part of you once more.”

“… I’ll have to consider it, but… you haven’t seen what she can be like. The name isn’t there just as a joke, my Demon Queen side is…” Bianca shuddered, “But since you’re the second person to say this sort of thing, then maybe I should think it over a little more than before… Because, to be honest, I don’t entirely trust Xue Yaling, and I’m not sure anyone does.”

“I don’t either, but she has been very helpful so far,” Song Ming agreed.

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“I’m pretty sure that Yan Taijun doesn’t trust her completely either, but from what I know, both of them have known each other for a while and helped one another quite a lot… Speaking of, I hadn’t actually realised that Xue Yaling was that Xue Yaling when we first met… Anyway, I’d rather not shift away from the earlier topic, as I believe it to be very important to you. If we – if you – can overcome it, then I know that you would have a much better time from now on.”

Bianca’s shoulders dropped and she let out a loud sigh, “I suppose I can’t dispute that. Just… fuck, the Demon Queen just treats killing like it’s some nonchalant thing, as if it’s just normal to kill everyone and dominate everyone and…”

‘Dominate… Exactly what was present within the dream, by her account and my own perception, so… yeah, I think I’m right about this. At least, I certainly hope I am,’ Yu Juan thought, “Strength does have a certain value, though. You need to be able to show it and use it, but if you remain like this, then it’ll either be nothing or everything when it comes to force…”

“I… I know that… Can we talk about this some other time? I really need to think over this myself, and I doubt that I’ll be able to actually change anything within a short period of time,” Bianca said, “Instead, let’s talk about… anything else. Literally anything.”

“Hm… I’m sure we can come up with something, but if you need my aid at any moment, then I would gladly assist you with overcoming your struggles,” Yu Juan placed her hand on Bianca’s shoulder.

“Of course, I’ll do anything I can too. Anything,” Song Ming added, clearly implying significantly more than Yu Juan was.

“Hm, should I say the same?” the kitsune’s voice called their attention to the entrance, where Yu Juan noticed Xue Yaling standing there, leaning on the wall, “What, did you forget I was on my way here as well? I generally try to leave more of an impression than that, but I suppose I do have the occasional failure.”

“When did you get here?” Bianca was the first to ask, mere moments after the kitsune’s mouth shut.

‘She must be used to this…’ Yu Juan thought, taking a seat on the other bed and simply watching.

 

Bianca couldn’t help but ponder how she managed to – once again – overlook the kitsune’s presence, and for once, she found a potential answer. Aside from common negligence, the Aureate Sword that Xue Yaling had might’ve been able to assist in hiding her, or perhaps she had been deliberately slow and quiet in her approach.

If that was the case, then…

‘She probably heard a bunch of what we talked about. Again. How much does she know after all of these times?’ she thought, feeling a certain presence rise from the depths of her mind, ‘I bet if I was to let her loose here, she’d be able to figure it all out in seconds… Is Yu Juan right about this?’

Simply letting the Demon Queen take the reins more often wasn’t something that she was going to agree to without further thought, but it was impossible to deny that, as much as she didn’t like it, the Dancer did have a point. Demon Queen Bianca seemed to understand and master her skills, she seemed more adept at confronting others and asserting herself, and generally acted as far less of a push-over in certain regards.

If those were indeed parts of herself, then by not letting them out, she’d be limiting her own potential, keeping herself from ever settling into this world.

“Oh, a while ago… though I hope that you remember that spiritual perception is a thing. With enough effort – and the ghostflames – I could be listening to anything you say at any given moment,” Xue Yaling shrugged, “Another person confirms my belief that you need to stop being so cautious about that other side of yours.”

“Of course you’d start with that… I will actually, properly, consider properly doing… something. Alright?”

“On one hand, that does not sound very promising. On the other, you do sound significantly more honest than the last few times, so… whatever. We won’t be able to remain here for as long as I would’ve hoped, and so if you really want to make progress, it would be best for you to do so while you still have time.”

“… Tch. I’ll try.”

“No. You’ll do it, or else we might be in significant trouble once we get to the Phoenix Sect.”

“I… what part am I supposed to play in that, anyway?”

“Depends on what happens once we get there. However, it is undeniable that, with so few people, we will all be vital to making the plan happen, and if any of us fail, there will be little than any of the others can do to remedy the situation,” Xue Yaling pointed out.

“Right…”

There was a moment of silence, and then the back of the room – or rather, Yu Juan – suddenly posed a question.

“So, you are really trying to steal the Weave, right?” she said, “Is it really worth it?”

“With a woman like Bianca, yes,” Xue Yaling said, coming over to Bianca and looking into her eyes, a little awkwardly, “It’s the best lead we’ve got to establishing ourselves in this world, like Yan Taijun has done, and it’s something all of us should desire since that’s the only way we ensure that nobody else has the chance to kick us while we’re down and do whatever they wish with everything we’ve ever acquired.”

Bianca nodded, “If we obtain an item that lets me power an array to protect a sect, then settle in there, my understanding is that we can carve out some territory for ourselves and therefore grow however we wish. I would like that, Song Ming would too, Xue Yaling… blatantly wants it for some personal reason, and if we do make a sect, I imagine that we have to bring in others, too.”

“Disciples and so on are typically sought out, since they’re needed to complete tasks around your territory, obtain and research more skills and techniques, and generally grow the strength of the sect, so yeah, if we were to lay a proper foundation for ourselves, then disciples would be necessary,” Xue Yaling agreed.

“Yeah, so I suppose that we would have to find other like-minded people, at least in some regard. Don’t all of the sects out there have some kind of… theme? What would we even have?” she pondered out loud, ‘I can’t teach anything I’ve got, Song Ming doesn’t have much, even with the newly acquired Violet Kick, Xue Yaling is… she’ll do something weird if I let her – or rather, if she prevents me from stopping her – and Yu Juan might have her dream skills, but I’ve got a feeling they’d be infringing some other sect’s copyright. All in all, we don’t have much.’

“We will find something, and if not, we’ll make it. It’s not strictly a necessity for a sect to provide skills to their disciples, but instead to nurture and support them. As long as we can provide resources and protection, then people will have reason to remain with us, under our command. Of course, that is if we are strong enough to keep them in line,” the kitsune said, focusing on Bianca’s eyes again, “Like you.”

“I… which one of the two am I supposed to be?”

“I imagine you know, but in the unfortunate case that you don’t… protection. You, with the Weave of the Senses, would be able to protect countless people with minimal effort. They would likely follow you and do whatever you requested – within reason, of course – so long as you kept them safe long enough.”

For a moment, an image of the dream flashed before her. Countless women kneeling down, obeying her every whim, helping her dominate the world and accomplish whatever she desired… it was an intoxicating feeling, that much she couldn’t deny.

‘Even though I feel like I should deny it. If I get a non-physical boner each and every time that I have this thought, it will eventually take over, I’m sure it will…’

“… Bianca?”

“Ah, sorry, I… What were you saying?”

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