If I Can't Be Your Wife
***
***
“…..You.”
“It’s an attire that suits me. What would the widow wear if not this?”
She never thought of Joseph as her husband. They lived in the same house back in the village, and although it was true that he took care of Luci like a biological father, Kathleen had never cared for him in that way.
Joseph knew that too. He claimed to be Kelly’s husband, but kept his duty as a priest and never crossed the line.
With his tolerance and sympathy as a priest, he only lied in good faith so that the villagers would not be suspicious of Kathleen.
So Kathleen felt more guilty.
‘He went through all this because of me.’
If he hadn’t tried to help her, he would have already been promoted to high priest…
“So let me go.”
She said, looking up at the man she had once loved and who was still her husband.
“From the beginning, we had a bad relationship. The mistake should have been buried as if it never happened, but we couldn’t, so this is what happened. But now we can fix it.”
“…..”
“It was my fault.”
Kathleen said quietly. Though she thought she would never see his face again, it helped her sort out her emotions.
It was fortunate that she was able to speak calmly without crying or shouting.
“I should have kept in mind that we got married under certain conditions. I said I would abide by those conditions, but I crossed the line first. You were just my husband on paper, and while I fell in love, I wanted my feelings returned. It was selfish of me.”
Alexis didn’t say anything. She didn’t even know now whether he was shocked or angry.
At one point, she was afraid of how those eyes would look upon her. But she was not scared anymore.
Kathleen didn’t want anything from Alexis Walten anymore.
Now, there was a being who she could pour her love on. An existence that made her heart flutter.
She didn’t want to get hurt anymore.
“It’s late, but I apologize. I realized it too late that I have made the Duke uncomfortable. So… Ah!”
Alexis jumped up and took off the black shawl she wore over her shoulders.
His golden eyes were burning like fire when she saw them up close.
“Say.”
It was the most furious tone Kathleen had ever heard.
“Do you love that son of a b*tch?”
“What?”
“I asked if you love that b*stard commoner priest.”
She was speechless. It almost sounded like a joke…..
“Don’t say that. He was the person who risked his life for me…!”
“Or, were you so grateful to him you wanted to do some charity? Is that why you gave birth to that kid?”
The corners of Alexis’ lips were strangely twisted.
“How am I to accept the words of the Duchess of Walten who repaid kindness by letting a priest break his oath? How will the Trivellian Imperial Family and the Temple of Delafos react to this news?”
“I loved him.”
Kathleen suddenly hurled the words.
Alexis clenched the black shawl in his hand, crumpling the cloth.
“My son was born because I loved him.”
Even if you forcefully reattach a cracked glass, it wouldn’t be as shiny as it used to be.
Kathleen then lied with the intention of leaving Alexis completely.
“Now all I have is Luciano. He is the only trace left of the man I loved.”
And the child would love her. He was still a child who could not speak, but Kathleen knew. So she wanted to collect all of her remaining love and give it to the child.
By scraping away even the last feeling she had left for Alexis Walten.
To do that, she had to leave this place as soon as possible.
Before the remaining debris in her heart revealed themselves again.
“Please let me go.”
Instead of answering, Alexis dropped the shawl on the floor and trampled on it.
“No, I can’t do that.”
“Duke!”
“You will remain here as Duchess. Think of where your child will grow up.”
He wrapped one of his arms around Kathleen’s waist and pulled her back, then untied the hat’s laces.
“That sc*m is already dead, so let’s pretend that you didn’t run away.”
“Don’t speak nonsense!”
“So don’t ever say that you loved that garbage ever again.”
Alexis let her go and grabbed Kathleen’s dyed hair.
“The masquerade is over now. Stop playing couples in a quiet country village and live as Duchess of Walten again.”
“I don’t want to.”
“There’s nothing you can do even if you don’t want to. Your son has already been named Walten.”
“W-What?”
“Luciano Walten. That’s his name.”
“Are you crazy?”
Kathleen glared at Alexis, but the rock-like man didn’t budge.
He calmly responded.
“I will throw away what’s mine when I want to, but it will never be taken away. So there’s no use struggling.”
Her lips trembled. If he had said something else, even a little, she might have been swept away like before. But he still didn’t love her. It was just that his ego was hurt. Just because the woman who was his wife had betrayed him.
“You’ve been away for a very long time because you needed to recuperate. That’s what we will announce to the outside world.”
There was an unknown heat in the voice that whispered like a driven nail. Kathleen protested.
“I will leave again.”
“Then the child will grow up without a mother.”
“Of course I’ll take him!”
“The father also has custody.”
“I said you’re not the father.”
“I can be a fake father, there’s nothing I can’t do.”
Alexis looked satisfied, as if he had put on the perfect shackles from which she could never break free.
“Welcome home, wife.”
Alexis whispered, kissing the silvery hair around her ear that was now exposed after the scarlet color had faded. He then left the bedroom.
Kathleen lost strength in her legs and plopped down.
The faces of the son that had been stolen from her and her lost friend came to mind. Helplessness engulfed her body.
According to Emily, fortunately, Luci seemed to have no problems other than being away from her…
‘Are you really dead?’
He, who was worried about Luci up until the moment he fell, could not be erased from her mind.
‘Joseph…’
Kathleen gripped her chest out of her frustration. Hot tears flowed down her cheeks.
***
It was just shortly after they had left the village with one luggage. The road leading to the capital was dangerous, so they opted to go around the steep cliff.
“Kelly.”
Joseph, who had just thrown a dry branch into the bonfire to keep it burning, said as he thought intently about something.
“I think we need more preparation before we go to the Carmine Mountains.”
“It’s a rough place. Fortunately, we won’t be short on travel expenses. Little by little, we have saved up quite a bit of money. Once we get to the Rideple Estate, we can buy winter clothes and food.”
“I’m not talking about that.”
“Then?”
Kathleen was puzzled. Joseph silently looked down at the baby sleeping peacefully in her arms.
“I’m worried about Luci.”
“What do you mean?”
Instinctively, her arms tightened as they held her child. Joseph waved his hand, not to be misunderstood.
“I have no other meaning. Kelly may not want to hear this, but you have to be prepared.”
“I won’t misunderstand. Just tell me.”
“…Luci resembles his father too much.”
Her mind went blank as if she had been struck by lightning.
She knew it better than anyone else. Every time she saw her child’s face, she saw him. She tried to pretend she didn’t know.
She wanted to believe it was an illusion.
However, Joseph never mentioned Luci’s biological father, nor did Peter. So she thought it was just her foolishness….
Joseph carefully continued his explanation.
“The hair and eye color resembles you, but everything else looks exactly like his father. I’m not a portrait painter and I’m not that familiar with Luci’s father… but, even I see it. From the eyes to the nose and the mouth, even the eyebrows and the forehead. They are identical. Anyone who has ever seen him will recognize him.”
“…..”
“It would be nice if the child grew up to be more like you, but he might not.”
Kathleen understood what he was saying.
“If we don’t meet the winter fairies in the Carmine Mountains… and even if we do, if they don’t accept us, we’ll have to leave for another estate.
The absence of an Imperial successor was a major concern for the entire Empire. Meanwhile, they didn’t know what would happen if a rumor spread that there was a child resembling Duke Walten in the surrounding territory.
“I can change Luci’s face with divine power.”
“Isn’t Joseph only able to use healing powers?”
“Yes. In fact, it’s a slight variation of healing powers so it’s like a makeshift. It would be a mess if the Temple learns that I used my divine powers in a wrong way.”
Joseph had already added that he was fine, as he had been kicked out.
“It will distort the vision of anyone who sees Luci. It will make them perceive something different than what he really looks like.”
“Is that possible?”
“Yes. But it’s not permanent. Like I said, it’s a makeshift. When Luci grows up and wonders why he and others see different things in the mirror, the trick will disappear. It does not apply to oneself.”
“Then there won’t be any harm on Luci?”
“I’m sure of it.”
Joseph said confidently. Kathleen quietly looked down at her son, who was sleeping softly.
And she decided.
“Please do that.”
Kathleen thought that she didn’t want her child to grow up with Walten or the Imperial Family. He needed to be with the people who loved him and not experience the pain she had been through.
Kathleen gave Luci a hug then passed him to Joseph. Joseph took the child carefully in his arms, spread his palms out, and placed them over his face. A faint light came out and covered the child’s face.
“It’s done.”
The face of the child who was handed back to her had changed significantly. He now only resembled his mother, Kathleen.
Chapter 30: 30
***
“…..You.”
“It’s an attire that suits me. What would the widow wear if not this?”
She never thought of Joseph as her husband. They lived in the same house back in the village, and although it was true that he took care of Luci like a biological father, Kathleen had never cared for him in that way.
Joseph knew that too. He claimed to be Kelly’s husband, but kept his duty as a priest and never crossed the line.
With his tolerance and sympathy as a priest, he only lied in good faith so that the villagers would not be suspicious of Kathleen.
So Kathleen felt more guilty.
‘He went through all this because of me.’
If he hadn’t tried to help her, he would have already been promoted to high priest…
“So let me go.”
She said, looking up at the man she had once loved and who was still her husband.
“From the beginning, we had a bad relationship. The mistake should have been buried as if it never happened, but we couldn’t, so this is what happened. But now we can fix it.”
“…..”
“It was my fault.”
Kathleen said quietly. Though she thought she would never see his face again, it helped her sort out her emotions.
It was fortunate that she was able to speak calmly without crying or shouting.
“I should have kept in mind that we got married under certain conditions. I said I would abide by those conditions, but I crossed the line first. You were just my husband on paper, and while I fell in love, I wanted my feelings returned. It was selfish of me.”
Alexis didn’t say anything. She didn’t even know now whether he was shocked or angry.
At one point, she was afraid of how those eyes would look upon her. But she was not scared anymore.
Now, there was a being who she could pour her love on. An existence that made her heart flutter.
She didn’t want to get hurt anymore.
“It’s late, but I apologize. I realized it too late that I have made the Duke uncomfortable. So… Ah!”
Alexis jumped up and took off the black shawl she wore over her shoulders.
His golden eyes were burning like fire when she saw them up close.
“Say.”
It was the most furious tone Kathleen had ever heard.
“Do you love that son of a b*tch?”
“What?”
“I asked if you love that b*stard commoner priest.”
She was speechless. It almost sounded like a joke…..
“Don’t say that. He was the person who risked his life for me…!”
“Or, were you so grateful to him you wanted to do some charity? Is that why you gave birth to that kid?”
The corners of Alexis’ lips were strangely twisted.
“How am I to accept the words of the Duchess of Walten who repaid kindness by letting a priest break his oath? How will the Trivellian Imperial Family and the Temple of Delafos react to this news?”
“I loved him.”
Kathleen suddenly hurled the words.
Alexis clenched the black shawl in his hand, crumpling the cloth.
“My son was born because I loved him.”
Kathleen then lied with the intention of leaving Alexis completely.
“Now all I have is Luciano. He is the only trace left of the man I loved.”
And the child would love her. He was still a child who could not speak, but Kathleen knew. So she wanted to collect all of her remaining love and give it to the child.
By scraping away even the last feeling she had left for Alexis Walten.
To do that, she had to leave this place as soon as possible.
Before the remaining debris in her heart revealed themselves again.
“Please let me go.”
Instead of answering, Alexis dropped the shawl on the floor and trampled on it.
“No, I can’t do that.”
“Duke!”
“You will remain here as Duchess. Think of where your child will grow up.”
He wrapped one of his arms around Kathleen’s waist and pulled her back, then untied the hat’s laces.
“That sc*m is already dead, so let’s pretend that you didn’t run away.”
“Don’t speak nonsense!”
“So don’t ever say that you loved that garbage ever again.”
Alexis let her go and grabbed Kathleen’s dyed hair.
“The masquerade is over now. Stop playing couples in a quiet country village and live as Duchess of Walten again.”
“I don’t want to.”
“There’s nothing you can do even if you don’t want to. Your son has already been named Walten.”
“Luciano Walten. That’s his name.”
“Are you crazy?”
Kathleen glared at Alexis, but the rock-like man didn’t budge.
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“Your husband has been crazy for a long time.”He calmly responded.
“I will throw away what’s mine when I want to, but it will never be taken away. So there’s no use struggling.”
Her lips trembled. If he had said something else, even a little, she might have been swept away like before. But he still didn’t love her. It was just that his ego was hurt. Just because the woman who was his wife had betrayed him.
“You’ve been away for a very long time because you needed to recuperate. That’s what we will announce to the outside world.”
There was an unknown heat in the voice that whispered like a driven nail. Kathleen protested.
“I will leave again.”
“Then the child will grow up without a mother.”
“Of course I’ll take him!”
“The father also has custody.”
“I said you’re not the father.”
“I can be a fake father, there’s nothing I can’t do.”
Alexis looked satisfied, as if he had put on the perfect shackles from which she could never break free.
“Welcome home, wife.”
Alexis whispered, kissing the silvery hair around her ear that was now exposed after the scarlet color had faded. He then left the bedroom.
Kathleen lost strength in her legs and plopped down.
According to Emily, fortunately, Luci seemed to have no problems other than being away from her…
‘Are you really dead?’
He, who was worried about Luci up until the moment he fell, could not be erased from her mind.
‘Joseph…’
Kathleen gripped her chest out of her frustration. Hot tears flowed down her cheeks.
***
It was just shortly after they had left the village with one luggage. The road leading to the capital was dangerous, so they opted to go around the steep cliff.
“Kelly.”
Joseph, who had just thrown a dry branch into the bonfire to keep it burning, said as he thought intently about something.
“I think we need more preparation before we go to the Carmine Mountains.”
“It’s a rough place. Fortunately, we won’t be short on travel expenses. Little by little, we have saved up quite a bit of money. Once we get to the Rideple Estate, we can buy winter clothes and food.”
“I’m not talking about that.”
“Then?”
Kathleen was puzzled. Joseph silently looked down at the baby sleeping peacefully in her arms.
“I’m worried about Luci.”
“What do you mean?”
Instinctively, her arms tightened as they held her child. Joseph waved his hand, not to be misunderstood.
“I have no other meaning. Kelly may not want to hear this, but you have to be prepared.”
“I won’t misunderstand. Just tell me.”
Her mind went blank as if she had been struck by lightning.
She knew it better than anyone else. Every time she saw her child’s face, she saw him. She tried to pretend she didn’t know.
She wanted to believe it was an illusion.
However, Joseph never mentioned Luci’s biological father, nor did Peter. So she thought it was just her foolishness….
Joseph carefully continued his explanation.
“The hair and eye color resembles you, but everything else looks exactly like his father. I’m not a portrait painter and I’m not that familiar with Luci’s father… but, even I see it. From the eyes to the nose and the mouth, even the eyebrows and the forehead. They are identical. Anyone who has ever seen him will recognize him.”
“…..”
“It would be nice if the child grew up to be more like you, but he might not.”
Kathleen understood what he was saying.
“If we don’t meet the winter fairies in the Carmine Mountains… and even if we do, if they don’t accept us, we’ll have to leave for another estate.
The absence of an Imperial successor was a major concern for the entire Empire. Meanwhile, they didn’t know what would happen if a rumor spread that there was a child resembling Duke Walten in the surrounding territory.
“I can change Luci’s face with divine power.”
“Isn’t Joseph only able to use healing powers?”
“Yes. In fact, it’s a slight variation of healing powers so it’s like a makeshift. It would be a mess if the Temple learns that I used my divine powers in a wrong way.”
Joseph had already added that he was fine, as he had been kicked out.
“It will distort the vision of anyone who sees Luci. It will make them perceive something different than what he really looks like.”
“Is that possible?”
“Yes. But it’s not permanent. Like I said, it’s a makeshift. When Luci grows up and wonders why he and others see different things in the mirror, the trick will disappear. It does not apply to oneself.”
“Then there won’t be any harm on Luci?”
Joseph said confidently. Kathleen quietly looked down at her son, who was sleeping softly.
And she decided.
“Please do that.”
Kathleen thought that she didn’t want her child to grow up with Walten or the Imperial Family. He needed to be with the people who loved him and not experience the pain she had been through.
Kathleen gave Luci a hug then passed him to Joseph. Joseph took the child carefully in his arms, spread his palms out, and placed them over his face. A faint light came out and covered the child’s face.
“It’s done.”
The face of the child who was handed back to her had changed significantly. He now only resembled his mother, Kathleen.
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