If I Can't Be Your Wife
***
***
“Your Grace, what’s wrong?”
“I have something to think about.”
Alexis put down the glass and said nothing.
“Listening to you, I thought of a good idea.”
“Since you said that, I’m curious.”
Count Schenberg refilled Alexis’ glass with an interesting look. Alexis thought of Count Schenberg’s family relationships and thought, ‘How fortunate’.
He said, “I heard you have a sister.”
“Oh, yes. She is two years younger than me. She turned 19 years old this year, so she had just become an adult.”
“Is she engaged?”
“Not yet. It is difficult to see the Schenberg family as a high-ranking noble family, so there has been no talk of marriage. I’m trying to look for one now.”
“Then let me try matchmaking.”
“Your Grace? Who…”
“How about my brother?”
“Excuse me?”
Count Schenberg, who could not understand the meaning of the words for a moment, asked blankly, and his face hardened slightly.
“You mean…”
“The Schenbergs are not big, but your history alone is second to that of the Imperial Family. Enough for the Crown Princess seat. That’s what I am thinking.”
“But my lord, my sister is still too young to rise to such an important position.”
“Isn’t it said that a seat makes a person? She is the same age as the Crown Prince, so there should be no problem.”
Alexis stared silently at the hand of Count Schenberg, who was fiddling with his glass.
“This marriage will be an excellent testament to Schenberg’s loyalty to the Empire.”
“…..”
“If Young Lady Schenberg becomes the Crown Princess, you will become the older brother of the next Empress, with more wealth than you have now. Didn’t you want to buy that mansion in Meyer and have a large estate?”
“Of course I do, but it is too sudden, so I need time to think about it.”
Count Schenberg’s face, as he calmed his expression and uttered the words softly, was seamless, but Alexis saw calluses on his fingers.
“Of course you must. It’s your sister’s wedding.”
Alexis nodded happily and stood up.
“Then enjoy your stay. If you want to talk about the marriage, you can come see me at Walten.”
“I will. Please take care.”
Count Schenberg skillfully raised a glass and sent Alexis off. He began to mingle with the beautifully dressed girls.
As soon as Alexis left the club, he summoned the shadow that was lurking.
“From now on, while Count Schenberg stays in the capital, find out whose mansion he is visiting and report it to me. If his vassal returns to his territory, let me know immediately.”
“I heed your orders, Lord.”
Marriage to Schenberg was a good opportunity to put an end to the rebellion in the South. As a result, not only Schenberg but also the Imperial Family, will not lose money. However, the Count’s reaction earlier was somewhat strange. It was different from the worries of an older brother who loved his younger sister terribly.
And his hands, contrary to the rumors that he was always indulging in alcohol and carnal pleasures, there were several faint traces of recently healed wounds. As if before he ascended to the capital, they were hastily healed with divine powers.
‘This is going to be fun.’
Count Schenberg’s choices will determine the shape of the Southern Rebellion. Moreover, if the Empress hears of the betrothal, she would not be able to afford to pay attention to Kathleen who had returned with her child. She would do her best to prevent the marriage.
When he returned to the Duke’s residence, it was night near dawn. Alsdorf, who was waiting, brought a letter.
“Miss Edith asked me to deliver this. Viscount Rylent briefly explained your symptoms, and this is her opinion.”
Since entry to the mansion was forbidden, she sent it in writing. Alexis opened the letter without a second thought and then froze.
[The Duke seems to be recovering gradually from the nerves paralyzed by the scorpion’s poison. Although the active state of the poison has been alleviated to some extent with the ice flower, it is difficult to improve it with the Tassart herb, so it is strange. Have you been healed by a priest with great divine power? If so, call the priest and have him use his healing powers consistently. It might be more effective than the Ice Flower.]
It wasn’t that he never called a priest to treat the poison. It was just that, all of them excelled only in external wounds, but could not heal internal damage, so they changed directions and found a pharmacist to treat it. But if the priest’s treatment was done without his knowledge……
The priest of Delafos.
He remembered how he treated him after the avalanche in the Carmine Mountains. Then recalled that not long ago, he had collapsed in Osole village, and when he opened his eyes again, he didn’t feel any pain.
The middle-aged man in Osole said that Joseph was a skilled healer. That may have been when he treated him a second time.
They had been working hard to cure him for a long time, but this was the first treatment that was most promising.
Alexis said to Alsdorf.
“Call Cabel.”
It was good that his nerves were recovering, but lately he had been feeling like there’s something wrong with his heart, so he wanted to have it checked. Soon, Cabel was called.
“My lord, are you uncomfortable anywhere?”
His hair was a mess because he had ran out in the middle of the night.
“I want to hear the doctor’s opinion about my heart.”
Alexis briefly described his symptoms along with Edith’s findings.
“The pharmacist says it is a process of nerve recovery, but I often feel cramped or suffocating. I get angry in an instant, and sometimes, an indistinguishable sense of uneasiness persists. Does this happen during the detoxification process?”
“Well…….”
Cabel diligently jotted down Alexis’ words, and his expression became strange.
“Duke. When did you start feeling that way?”
“Since when?”
He hadn’t really thought about it. Alexis said quietly, searching his memory.
“I think about a fortnight ago.”
“After the return of the Madame?”
“Roughly around that time.”
“What exactly is that vague feeling closer to? Is it something positive or negative?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, I’ll change the question. Do you feel that feeling when you’re alone or when you’re with someone else?”
“Usually the latter.”
“Do you feel that when you talk to Madame?”
“Yes.”
“When you look at the Young Master?”
“I think so.”
Cabel finished what he was writing.
“The nerves appear to have recovered just as Miss Edith said. My lord. The nerves that feel emotions have come back, but since they were paralyzed at a very young age, you don’t seem to know exactly what those feelings are.”
“You mean it’s not a symptom of the poison flowing to the heart?”
“Yes. The average person’s heartbeat depends on their emotions. Of course, we will have to look further to see if it is completely detoxified.”
He couldn’t understand it, but it was the doctor’s opinion, so he wanted to hear more. Cabel asked with a serious expression.
“When you see Madame and the Young Master, do killing them cross your mind?”
Alsdorf was terribly surprised. Alexis furrowed his eyebrows.
“You are aware what it is you’re asking, right?”
“You have to tell me so I can give you an answer, my lord.”
“……..No. I never thought of killing them.”
At Alexis’ words, Cabel gave a confident expression.
“Then you are just not aware of it, but what you are feeling is normal. Congratulations. Duke. Since your nerves have recovered this far, it won’t take long before it is completely detoxified.”
It was an unexpected statement.
It was hard to admit that his throbbing heart and choking feeling was normal.
“Is this normal?”
“Yes. It’s natural to feel that way for your family. Since you haven’t seen each other for a long time, you’re getting impatient and anxious over small things. However, as long as Your Grace loves Madame, you will be able to accept and naturally express your feelings in time. It is fortunate that the Young Master is also here. First of all, if you try to feel those emotions when you get closer to the Young Master…….
“Stop.”
Alexis became agitated and cut off the quick ramblings of Dr. Cabel.
“What did you say?”
“I’m sorry? Ah, getting closer to the Young Master…
“Before that.”
“You mean, when I said expressing love will become more natural with a little more time?”
Cabel’s face that looked completely clueless as he asked back, contained a question as if asking if he had said something wrong.
“……You can go now.”
“Yes, my lord.”
He left the room with a relieved face. Alexis sat still and reflected on Cabel’s words, not even thinking of changing his clothes.
Alsdorf quietly left the room and returned with a trolley.
“This will help you organize your thoughts.”
Then he placed a glass of strong liquor full of ice in front of Alexis.
“It might also help you get a good rest.”
“What do you think?”
Alexis spat out unknowingly.
“About what Cabel said.”
The old butler Alsdorf answered the question in a low voice, as if he had been waiting for the question for a long time.
“I don’t think he’s wrong.”
“…..”
“Compared to Master Alec, who was with Baroness Duroc, to the present Lord Walten. From the eyes of this butler who served next to you, Dr. Cabel’s words are true.”
“Get out.”
“Have a good rest, sir.”
Alsdorf quietly left the room. The sound of the trolley he was pulling along the long hallway faded away.
‘Love.’
Alexis thought blankly as he touched the tip of the glass.
‘Do I love her?’
He thought that there was no way for him to have such feelings in the first place. The nominal wife who would be by his side only existed for the purpose of keeping the Empress in check. That was why he married Kathleen…
The alcohol flowing down his throat was as hot as lava. Her voice resounded like an echo.
– I no longer love the Duke.
He couldn’t breathe again. Alexis took off his shirt and threw it away. Even so, his chest kept feeling constricted as if it had been trapped by something.
– My son was born because I loved him.
Her voice continued to ring like hallucinations. Suddenly, the glass slid from his hand. With a sharp sound, shattered pieces splattered and ricocheted and hit his face.
Alexis wiped off the hot liquid running down his cheeks. However, the liquid on his hand was not reddish in color. With trembling hands, he ran his hand over his face again. The corner of the other eye, which was not cut by the glass, was already wet.
‘Ah….’
Alexis came to the realization that the liquid on his fingertips were tears.
He recalled Kathleen Winston’s words when she said she no longer loved him,
Along with the truth that Alexis Walten was in love with her.
Chapter 35: 35
***
“Your Grace, what’s wrong?”
“I have something to think about.”
Alexis put down the glass and said nothing.
“Listening to you, I thought of a good idea.”
“Since you said that, I’m curious.”
Count Schenberg refilled Alexis’ glass with an interesting look. Alexis thought of Count Schenberg’s family relationships and thought, ‘How fortunate’.
He said, “I heard you have a sister.”
“Oh, yes. She is two years younger than me. She turned 19 years old this year, so she had just become an adult.”
“Is she engaged?”
“Not yet. It is difficult to see the Schenberg family as a high-ranking noble family, so there has been no talk of marriage. I’m trying to look for one now.”
“Then let me try matchmaking.”
“Your Grace? Who…”
“How about my brother?”
“Excuse me?”
Count Schenberg, who could not understand the meaning of the words for a moment, asked blankly, and his face hardened slightly.
“You mean…”
“The Schenbergs are not big, but your history alone is second to that of the Imperial Family. Enough for the Crown Princess seat. That’s what I am thinking.”
“But my lord, my sister is still too young to rise to such an important position.”
Alexis stared silently at the hand of Count Schenberg, who was fiddling with his glass.
“This marriage will be an excellent testament to Schenberg’s loyalty to the Empire.”
“…..”
“If Young Lady Schenberg becomes the Crown Princess, you will become the older brother of the next Empress, with more wealth than you have now. Didn’t you want to buy that mansion in Meyer and have a large estate?”
“Of course I do, but it is too sudden, so I need time to think about it.”
Count Schenberg’s face, as he calmed his expression and uttered the words softly, was seamless, but Alexis saw calluses on his fingers.
“Of course you must. It’s your sister’s wedding.”
Alexis nodded happily and stood up.
“Then enjoy your stay. If you want to talk about the marriage, you can come see me at Walten.”
“I will. Please take care.”
Count Schenberg skillfully raised a glass and sent Alexis off. He began to mingle with the beautifully dressed girls.
As soon as Alexis left the club, he summoned the shadow that was lurking.
“From now on, while Count Schenberg stays in the capital, find out whose mansion he is visiting and report it to me. If his vassal returns to his territory, let me know immediately.”
“I heed your orders, Lord.”
Marriage to Schenberg was a good opportunity to put an end to the rebellion in the South. As a result, not only Schenberg but also the Imperial Family, will not lose money. However, the Count’s reaction earlier was somewhat strange. It was different from the worries of an older brother who loved his younger sister terribly.
And his hands, contrary to the rumors that he was always indulging in alcohol and carnal pleasures, there were several faint traces of recently healed wounds. As if before he ascended to the capital, they were hastily healed with divine powers.
‘This is going to be fun.’
Count Schenberg’s choices will determine the shape of the Southern Rebellion. Moreover, if the Empress hears of the betrothal, she would not be able to afford to pay attention to Kathleen who had returned with her child. She would do her best to prevent the marriage.
When he returned to the Duke’s residence, it was night near dawn. Alsdorf, who was waiting, brought a letter.
Since entry to the mansion was forbidden, she sent it in writing. Alexis opened the letter without a second thought and then froze.
[The Duke seems to be recovering gradually from the nerves paralyzed by the scorpion’s poison. Although the active state of the poison has been alleviated to some extent with the ice flower, it is difficult to improve it with the Tassart herb, so it is strange. Have you been healed by a priest with great divine power? If so, call the priest and have him use his healing powers consistently. It might be more effective than the Ice Flower.]
It wasn’t that he never called a priest to treat the poison. It was just that, all of them excelled only in external wounds, but could not heal internal damage, so they changed directions and found a pharmacist to treat it. But if the priest’s treatment was done without his knowledge……
The priest of Delafos.
He remembered how he treated him after the avalanche in the Carmine Mountains. Then recalled that not long ago, he had collapsed in Osole village, and when he opened his eyes again, he didn’t feel any pain.
The middle-aged man in Osole said that Joseph was a skilled healer. That may have been when he treated him a second time.
They had been working hard to cure him for a long time, but this was the first treatment that was most promising.
Alexis said to Alsdorf.
“Call Cabel.”
It was good that his nerves were recovering, but lately he had been feeling like there’s something wrong with his heart, so he wanted to have it checked. Soon, Cabel was called.
“My lord, are you uncomfortable anywhere?”
His hair was a mess because he had ran out in the middle of the night.
“I want to hear the doctor’s opinion about my heart.”
Alexis briefly described his symptoms along with Edith’s findings.
“The pharmacist says it is a process of nerve recovery, but I often feel cramped or suffocating. I get angry in an instant, and sometimes, an indistinguishable sense of uneasiness persists. Does this happen during the detoxification process?”
“Well…….”
Cabel diligently jotted down Alexis’ words, and his expression became strange.
“Duke. When did you start feeling that way?”
“Since when?”
“I think about a fortnight ago.”
“After the return of the Madame?”
“Roughly around that time.”
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Cabel met Alsdorf’s eyes, and quickly wrote something then said.“What exactly is that vague feeling closer to? Is it something positive or negative?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, I’ll change the question. Do you feel that feeling when you’re alone or when you’re with someone else?”
“Usually the latter.”
“Do you feel that when you talk to Madame?”
“Yes.”
“When you look at the Young Master?”
“I think so.”
Cabel finished what he was writing.
“The nerves appear to have recovered just as Miss Edith said. My lord. The nerves that feel emotions have come back, but since they were paralyzed at a very young age, you don’t seem to know exactly what those feelings are.”
“You mean it’s not a symptom of the poison flowing to the heart?”
“Yes. The average person’s heartbeat depends on their emotions. Of course, we will have to look further to see if it is completely detoxified.”
He couldn’t understand it, but it was the doctor’s opinion, so he wanted to hear more. Cabel asked with a serious expression.
“When you see Madame and the Young Master, do killing them cross your mind?”
Alsdorf was terribly surprised. Alexis furrowed his eyebrows.
“You have to tell me so I can give you an answer, my lord.”
“……..No. I never thought of killing them.”
At Alexis’ words, Cabel gave a confident expression.
“Then you are just not aware of it, but what you are feeling is normal. Congratulations. Duke. Since your nerves have recovered this far, it won’t take long before it is completely detoxified.”
It was an unexpected statement.
It was hard to admit that his throbbing heart and choking feeling was normal.
“Is this normal?”
“Yes. It’s natural to feel that way for your family. Since you haven’t seen each other for a long time, you’re getting impatient and anxious over small things. However, as long as Your Grace loves Madame, you will be able to accept and naturally express your feelings in time. It is fortunate that the Young Master is also here. First of all, if you try to feel those emotions when you get closer to the Young Master…….
“Stop.”
Alexis became agitated and cut off the quick ramblings of Dr. Cabel.
“What did you say?”
“I’m sorry? Ah, getting closer to the Young Master…
“Before that.”
“You mean, when I said expressing love will become more natural with a little more time?”
Cabel’s face that looked completely clueless as he asked back, contained a question as if asking if he had said something wrong.
“……You can go now.”
“Yes, my lord.”
He left the room with a relieved face. Alexis sat still and reflected on Cabel’s words, not even thinking of changing his clothes.
Alsdorf quietly left the room and returned with a trolley.
Then he placed a glass of strong liquor full of ice in front of Alexis.
“It might also help you get a good rest.”
“What do you think?”
Alexis spat out unknowingly.
“About what Cabel said.”
The old butler Alsdorf answered the question in a low voice, as if he had been waiting for the question for a long time.
“I don’t think he’s wrong.”
“…..”
“Compared to Master Alec, who was with Baroness Duroc, to the present Lord Walten. From the eyes of this butler who served next to you, Dr. Cabel’s words are true.”
“Get out.”
“Have a good rest, sir.”
Alsdorf quietly left the room. The sound of the trolley he was pulling along the long hallway faded away.
‘Love.’
Alexis thought blankly as he touched the tip of the glass.
‘Do I love her?’
He thought that there was no way for him to have such feelings in the first place. The nominal wife who would be by his side only existed for the purpose of keeping the Empress in check. That was why he married Kathleen…
The alcohol flowing down his throat was as hot as lava. Her voice resounded like an echo.
– I no longer love the Duke.
He couldn’t breathe again. Alexis took off his shirt and threw it away. Even so, his chest kept feeling constricted as if it had been trapped by something.
Her voice continued to ring like hallucinations. Suddenly, the glass slid from his hand. With a sharp sound, shattered pieces splattered and ricocheted and hit his face.
Alexis wiped off the hot liquid running down his cheeks. However, the liquid on his hand was not reddish in color. With trembling hands, he ran his hand over his face again. The corner of the other eye, which was not cut by the glass, was already wet.
‘Ah….’
Alexis came to the realization that the liquid on his fingertips were tears.
He recalled Kathleen Winston’s words when she said she no longer loved him,
Along with the truth that Alexis Walten was in love with her.
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