If I Can't Be Your Wife
***
***
“What are you doing?”
With a cold sinking feeling, Kathleen tried to take her child, but Alexis took a step back.
“Go wash up and come back.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“If you went outside, you should wash yourself before touching the child.”
“Since when has the Duke been interested in such useless things?”
“Cabel told me it was very important to keep the child clean. So I’m going to pay attention from now on.”
She was taken aback by how shameless he was. But he wasn’t wrong. Luci seemed to have already washed and changed clothes, and all the dust and dirt from the garden had been removed so he looked clean and fresh.
For now, Kathleen stepped back and headed towards the bathroom.
“When did the Duke come?”
Kathleen whispered to Emily who was following her.
“He was waiting as soon as we went up.”
“Is he not going out today?”
According to Alexis’ schedule that Kathleen remembered, today was not a day he was supposed to be at the Duke’s mansion.
“I thought so too, but these days, the Master seems to change plans often.”
What kind of whim was this all of a sudden?
Kathleen, feeling it was strange, quickly washed and changed her clothes.
‘Maybe he’s not there anymore.’
She was dubious but when she went back to the room, something else was going on.
Alexis was sitting in front of the table holding Luci and feeding him baby food.
“What are you doing?”
As soon as Kathleen saw the ridiculous figure of Alexis holding a baby spoon in a way that didn’t suit him, she repeated her words, which she had been afraid of without realizing it.
“Why is the Duke…”
“Luci was hungry.”
There was no hesitation as he responded naturally.
“Ma!”
Luci smiled softly and waved his hands at her. He seemed to like the new baby food that was made for him. Kathleen was stunned and stood frozen.
“Fortunately, he ate well.”
As soon as Alexis added his words, Luci whined as if asking for more. Then Alexis awkwardly took a spoonful of baby food, cooled it down a bit, and brought it to Luci’s mouth. The child swallowed the baby food without hesitation.
It looked so natural that she even felt betrayed.
“I asked if he wanted to. Because Master has never fed the child before.”
Emily whispered.
“Yes.”
Kathleen murmured. He was the kind of person whom she thought didn’t need children, so she didn’t expect it.
‘Are you that determined?’
She didn’t know he could make a move like this. Luci was still young and couldn’t understand anything yet, so it was clear that he wanted to bring him to his side first. She was so dumbfounded that she almost laughed out loud.
But even so, it would only be for a short while. He would give up soon after playing with shallow waters right now. That was the Alexis that Kathleen knew.
If it was a winning strategy, he would push forward without looking back, but if time passed and he judged that the possibilities of winning were low, he would give up without any hesitation.
‘And never try again.’
She knew his coldness better than anyone. Kathleen decided to completely ignore him.
Her heart ached when she thought of Luci who would be hurt by him as she turned away, but he was still young, so he would soon forget. Still, once they meet Joseph again, he would be loved endlessly.
She sat down at the end of the table without a word. Even the maids did not think that Alexis would meet Kathleen in the evening, so only one meal was prepared.
Kathleen rang her bell and called her attendant.
“Did you call, Madame?”
As soon as she entered the room, the attendant, who glanced at Alexis, had a puzzled expression on her face.
“Bring one more meal.”
“Oh, yes! I’ll bring Master’s tableware here too. Please wait a little bit.”
“No. You don’t have to.”
The servant was perplexed by Kathleen’s words.
“Pardon? What do you mean by that……”
“Emily will eat with me. Bring Emily’s.”
The servant’s mouth fell open. Emily, in embarrassment, also waved her hands.
“No, Madame. I will eat separately. The Madame and the Master……”
“Are you going to make me say it twice?”
Confused by Kathleen’s words, the servant turned to Alexis. He gestured without changing his expression.
“Do as she says.”
“B-But.”
“Emily, go sit down.”
At Alexis’ words, the maid bowed her head and left, and Emily, who sat next to Kathleen, was restless.
“Madame, what do I do?”
“You heard me. It’s good that the Duke came to take care of Luci himself. Let’s eat.”
Emily was at a loss, but Kathleen was stubborn. So was Alexis. He steadfastly fed Luci then left. He even took the leaf the child had given him.
Eventually, Kathleen had an upset stomach as she forced herself to chew and swallow her food.
“Madame, why did you do that?”
Emily, who did not understand, brought her digestive medicine with a tearful expression.
“Aren’t you two reconciled yet?”
“There’s no such thing as reconciliation. I’ve never had a fight with the Duke.”
“Then?”
Kathleen did not respond. She just swallowed the pill stubbornly.
***
“Madame took the digestive medicine and was fine. It’s not that she was sick, it was because she wasn’t able to eat comfortably.”
“Okay.”
Dr. Cabel bowed and left the office. Alexis glanced at the paperwork again, but the letters didn’t catch his eye. He looked away and saw a green leaf on the top compartment of a bookshelf full of papers.
“I put it there in case the wind blows it away.”
Viscount Rylent, who was frantically flipping through the documents, added.
“It was the first gift from the Young Master, so it mustn’t get lost.”
“Do you have nothing to do? I see you are doing things you weren’t even asked to do.”
“Ah, I kept it in case Your Grace forgot, I will remove it immediately.”
Viscount Rylent hastily got up and stretched out his hand towards the bookshelf. Alexis changed his mind.
“Leave it.”
“Oh, yes.”
Viscount Rylent sat back down without a word and began to do his work. It was clear that he did that after hearing something from Dr. Cabel or Alsdorf.
Alexis sat back down, annoyed. He grabbed a quill, and began to sign his signature fiercely.
‘I don’t know why I feel this way.’
When he heard that Kathleen had an upset stomach, his mood turned sour.
Was she being stubborn on purpose? Showing that she would be ruined if he kept her by his side, that she would rebel like that until the end?
However, despite his anger, Alexis couldn’t help but care. Unlike before, he now had a hard time paying attention to her every move.
Was it because of the nerves that have been revived and the emotions that returned, just as Cabel and Edith said?
When he thought that she was even the slightest bit ill, he became impatient and felt it unbearable. As he handled his affairs, his mind would lose focus and wander to her. He had Cabel prescribe her all sorts of prescriptions, and sent a maid or Alsdorf to check on her.
He eventually realized that the root cause of Kathleen’s illness was him, and he stopped going to see her child.
‘It was pointless.’
He went to her bedroom, and saw the child who looked like her with a leaf in his little hand.
He even fed him food as if he was possessed.
It was awkward and uncomfortable, but every time the twinkling eyes looked at him, somehow, he felt like he couldn’t turn away, so he got involved.
Alexis processed the documents in front of him while regretting what he did.
The sun had already set. While sorting out the pile of papers Alexis had reviewed, Viscount Rylent asked.
“Oh, and sir. When will Miss Edith be called back?”
She, too, seemed to have the same conclusions as Cabel. He had no intention of meeting Edith right now, unless she was able to make an antidote. His mind was too complicated and he didn’t want to hear anything else.
“If she hasn’t made an antidote, tell her to wait.”
“Yes, I’ll get going then.”
Not until Viscount Rylent had left was he able to let out a long sigh while he gently pressed down on his eyelids. Fortunately, his vision wasn’t as blurry as before.
‘You must have eaten properly today.’
He knew nothing happened if Emily didn’t report anything, but somehow, he felt an uncomfortable feeling in the corner of his chest.
After pacing around his office, he finally left the room. Unknowingly, he walked towards Kathleen’s bedroom. However, upon reaching the front of the bedroom, he saw that the door was slightly open.
After he promised not to lock her in, the escorts outside the room were sent away, but the maids remained, so it was strange for the door to be left open in the middle of the night.
His footsteps accelerated as he became slowly filled with anxiety. Even the cool breeze could be felt coming from inside the room.
‘Did she… through the window…’
His heart suddenly sank. Alexis slammed the door and entered. The moonlight was shining in the dark room.
Kathleen, with her silver hair unraveled, was in her pajamas, with her upper body protruding out the open window. She looked back at him. Her hand, which gently gripped the thin organza curtain to one side, looked perilous.
“Duke? What’s going on, it’s the middle of the night…”
His mind went blank. He couldn’t breathe because it seemed like she would fall off as soon as she lost strength from that slender hand that was holding onto the curtain.
Alexis ran to her, grabbed her arm, pulled her away from the window, and, not knowing what he was thinking, hugged her hurriedly and tightly.
His heart started beating like crazy. His mind seemed to have stopped working at the thought that she could choose to leave this world, when he had just found her after three years.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Don’t go.”
He knew he was talking crazy. But he couldn’t stop. Alexis gasped for breath, pulling her silver hair into his arms and hugging her.
“Kathleen.”
“…..”
“Don’t leave me.”
I don’t want to lose you again.
His hands were trembling. Could this be due to poison? Or…….
It didn’t matter. Alexis was willing to do anything now, if only he could keep holding this woman in his arms.
Chapter 38: 38
***
“What are you doing?”
With a cold sinking feeling, Kathleen tried to take her child, but Alexis took a step back.
“Go wash up and come back.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“If you went outside, you should wash yourself before touching the child.”
“Since when has the Duke been interested in such useless things?”
“Cabel told me it was very important to keep the child clean. So I’m going to pay attention from now on.”
She was taken aback by how shameless he was. But he wasn’t wrong. Luci seemed to have already washed and changed clothes, and all the dust and dirt from the garden had been removed so he looked clean and fresh.
For now, Kathleen stepped back and headed towards the bathroom.
“When did the Duke come?”
Kathleen whispered to Emily who was following her.
“He was waiting as soon as we went up.”
“Is he not going out today?”
According to Alexis’ schedule that Kathleen remembered, today was not a day he was supposed to be at the Duke’s mansion.
“I thought so too, but these days, the Master seems to change plans often.”
What kind of whim was this all of a sudden?
Kathleen, feeling it was strange, quickly washed and changed her clothes.
‘Maybe he’s not there anymore.’
Alexis was sitting in front of the table holding Luci and feeding him baby food.
“What are you doing?”
As soon as Kathleen saw the ridiculous figure of Alexis holding a baby spoon in a way that didn’t suit him, she repeated her words, which she had been afraid of without realizing it.
“Why is the Duke…”
“Luci was hungry.”
There was no hesitation as he responded naturally.
“Ma!”
Luci smiled softly and waved his hands at her. He seemed to like the new baby food that was made for him. Kathleen was stunned and stood frozen.
“Fortunately, he ate well.”
As soon as Alexis added his words, Luci whined as if asking for more. Then Alexis awkwardly took a spoonful of baby food, cooled it down a bit, and brought it to Luci’s mouth. The child swallowed the baby food without hesitation.
It looked so natural that she even felt betrayed.
“I asked if he wanted to. Because Master has never fed the child before.”
Emily whispered.
“Yes.”
Kathleen murmured. He was the kind of person whom she thought didn’t need children, so she didn’t expect it.
‘Are you that determined?’
She didn’t know he could make a move like this. Luci was still young and couldn’t understand anything yet, so it was clear that he wanted to bring him to his side first. She was so dumbfounded that she almost laughed out loud.
But even so, it would only be for a short while. He would give up soon after playing with shallow waters right now. That was the Alexis that Kathleen knew.
If it was a winning strategy, he would push forward without looking back, but if time passed and he judged that the possibilities of winning were low, he would give up without any hesitation.
She knew his coldness better than anyone. Kathleen decided to completely ignore him.
Her heart ached when she thought of Luci who would be hurt by him as she turned away, but he was still young, so he would soon forget. Still, once they meet Joseph again, he would be loved endlessly.
She sat down at the end of the table without a word. Even the maids did not think that Alexis would meet Kathleen in the evening, so only one meal was prepared.
Kathleen rang her bell and called her attendant.
“Did you call, Madame?”
As soon as she entered the room, the attendant, who glanced at Alexis, had a puzzled expression on her face.
“Bring one more meal.”
“Oh, yes! I’ll bring Master’s tableware here too. Please wait a little bit.”
“No. You don’t have to.”
The servant was perplexed by Kathleen’s words.
“Pardon? What do you mean by that……”
“Emily will eat with me. Bring Emily’s.”
The servant’s mouth fell open. Emily, in embarrassment, also waved her hands.
“No, Madame. I will eat separately. The Madame and the Master……”
“Are you going to make me say it twice?”
Confused by Kathleen’s words, the servant turned to Alexis. He gestured without changing his expression.
“Do as she says.”
“B-But.”
“Emily, go sit down.”
“Madame, what do I do?”
“You heard me. It’s good that the Duke came to take care of Luci himself. Let’s eat.”
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“Madame…..”Emily was at a loss, but Kathleen was stubborn. So was Alexis. He steadfastly fed Luci then left. He even took the leaf the child had given him.
Eventually, Kathleen had an upset stomach as she forced herself to chew and swallow her food.
“Madame, why did you do that?”
Emily, who did not understand, brought her digestive medicine with a tearful expression.
“Aren’t you two reconciled yet?”
“There’s no such thing as reconciliation. I’ve never had a fight with the Duke.”
“Then?”
Kathleen did not respond. She just swallowed the pill stubbornly.
***
“Madame took the digestive medicine and was fine. It’s not that she was sick, it was because she wasn’t able to eat comfortably.”
“Okay.”
Dr. Cabel bowed and left the office. Alexis glanced at the paperwork again, but the letters didn’t catch his eye. He looked away and saw a green leaf on the top compartment of a bookshelf full of papers.
“I put it there in case the wind blows it away.”
Viscount Rylent, who was frantically flipping through the documents, added.
“It was the first gift from the Young Master, so it mustn’t get lost.”
“Do you have nothing to do? I see you are doing things you weren’t even asked to do.”
Viscount Rylent hastily got up and stretched out his hand towards the bookshelf. Alexis changed his mind.
“Leave it.”
“Oh, yes.”
Viscount Rylent sat back down without a word and began to do his work. It was clear that he did that after hearing something from Dr. Cabel or Alsdorf.
Alexis sat back down, annoyed. He grabbed a quill, and began to sign his signature fiercely.
‘I don’t know why I feel this way.’
When he heard that Kathleen had an upset stomach, his mood turned sour.
Was she being stubborn on purpose? Showing that she would be ruined if he kept her by his side, that she would rebel like that until the end?
However, despite his anger, Alexis couldn’t help but care. Unlike before, he now had a hard time paying attention to her every move.
Was it because of the nerves that have been revived and the emotions that returned, just as Cabel and Edith said?
When he thought that she was even the slightest bit ill, he became impatient and felt it unbearable. As he handled his affairs, his mind would lose focus and wander to her. He had Cabel prescribe her all sorts of prescriptions, and sent a maid or Alsdorf to check on her.
He eventually realized that the root cause of Kathleen’s illness was him, and he stopped going to see her child.
‘It was pointless.’
He went to her bedroom, and saw the child who looked like her with a leaf in his little hand.
He even fed him food as if he was possessed.
It was awkward and uncomfortable, but every time the twinkling eyes looked at him, somehow, he felt like he couldn’t turn away, so he got involved.
Alexis processed the documents in front of him while regretting what he did.
The sun had already set. While sorting out the pile of papers Alexis had reviewed, Viscount Rylent asked.
“Oh, and sir. When will Miss Edith be called back?”
“If she hasn’t made an antidote, tell her to wait.”
“Yes, I’ll get going then.”
Not until Viscount Rylent had left was he able to let out a long sigh while he gently pressed down on his eyelids. Fortunately, his vision wasn’t as blurry as before.
‘You must have eaten properly today.’
He knew nothing happened if Emily didn’t report anything, but somehow, he felt an uncomfortable feeling in the corner of his chest.
After pacing around his office, he finally left the room. Unknowingly, he walked towards Kathleen’s bedroom. However, upon reaching the front of the bedroom, he saw that the door was slightly open.
After he promised not to lock her in, the escorts outside the room were sent away, but the maids remained, so it was strange for the door to be left open in the middle of the night.
His footsteps accelerated as he became slowly filled with anxiety. Even the cool breeze could be felt coming from inside the room.
‘Did she… through the window…’
His heart suddenly sank. Alexis slammed the door and entered. The moonlight was shining in the dark room.
Kathleen, with her silver hair unraveled, was in her pajamas, with her upper body protruding out the open window. She looked back at him. Her hand, which gently gripped the thin organza curtain to one side, looked perilous.
“Duke? What’s going on, it’s the middle of the night…”
His mind went blank. He couldn’t breathe because it seemed like she would fall off as soon as she lost strength from that slender hand that was holding onto the curtain.
Alexis ran to her, grabbed her arm, pulled her away from the window, and, not knowing what he was thinking, hugged her hurriedly and tightly.
His heart started beating like crazy. His mind seemed to have stopped working at the thought that she could choose to leave this world, when he had just found her after three years.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Don’t go.”
He knew he was talking crazy. But he couldn’t stop. Alexis gasped for breath, pulling her silver hair into his arms and hugging her.
“Kathleen.”
“Don’t leave me.”
I don’t want to lose you again.
His hands were trembling. Could this be due to poison? Or…….
It didn’t matter. Alexis was willing to do anything now, if only he could keep holding this woman in his arms.
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