Chapter 18: Ihoujin, Dungeon ni Moguru Chapte

『Then, he lost after getting the living daylights beaten out of him』

「Uwaa, my follower is too weak」

「So uncool」

Misuranika-sama and Ea were giving their honest impressions on Makina’s report.

I couldn’t see in front of me.

「You guys! You’re getting in the way of his treatment! Either help or get out!」

Rana yelled loudly. I was somehow pulled and dragged into the tent.

『Rana, here’s the disinfectant, compresses and bandages. It might be better to cool the affected areas first』

Well, that was dangerous.

I was still in a perilous state, but I might have died if Otou-san hadn’t been there by chance, and had cut in and saved me. Rather than saying that I had been careless, I had forgotten. In this world, I was exceedingly weak. It was one thing if my opponent was a normal person, but it was quite another to go bare-handed against middling adventurers. I had been completely helpless. I gave as good as I got, but had dealt no damage.

「My healing magic is a fire-type magic, so it’s hot. This person’s regeneration point is less than normal. What should I do………………」

Yes, mine is the same as a puppy’s.

「Ea, lend him your hand protector」

「Ehhh! This is Heures-sama's hand protector, you know? Is it okay to lend an elf treasure to a Hemu?」

「This person has hardly any inner or outer magic. I’ll convert the arm protector’s magic power and transfer it to his regeneration point so lend it to him」

「Umm, Onee-chan. That’s not what I’m talking about」

「Lend it to him!」

「O, okay」

I felt the warmth that had been transferred to the metal from her arm. Ea whispered into my ear.

「Five ramen」

I gave her an『Understood』and a thumbs up. Then, Rana muttered.

「Oh Ezusu, my god. Tell the god of torrents, Meltomu. Grant me the grace of the noble traditions and raise the breeze that stimulates magic. Oh wind, together with this person and the olden vessel, dance, transfer, mix, melt and undulate」

A cool breeze caressed my cheek.

The alluring Rana continued in a whisper.

「I offer my next wish. Arumoniya, the god of harmony, build up, bring together, align, gather the magic, and become one with this person」

「Urgh」

My blurred sensations and consciousness cleared up, and the pain gradually set in. Like a sponge dissolving in acidic liquid, my swollen flesh disappeared. My vision became clear. Rana’s chest was in a position where it was almost touching my nose.

『Wow, that's amazing. 80% of the wounds from the beating have disappeared』

Makina cheered.

「Haa, that’s good. What’s next may be a bit painful, but please endure it」

Rana swung her staff lightly and prayed. Try as I might, I couldn’t stop my eyes from following the melons, which were moving together in front of my eyes.

「Oh fire, fire that grants all people light and grace. With that heat and pain, heal this person’s wounds」

Light gathered in Rana’s right hand. If she punched with that, it’ll look like a special move, won’t it? As I was entertaining such thoughts, Rana pressed that hand down on my face.

「GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!」

「Please don’t move!」

Hot! Her hand was like a hot iron. It hurts! I’ll die! It hurts so much that I’ll die! I’m burnt! I’m going to become like Sukekiyo!* I tried to escape but I was stopped and my head was firmly secured by Rana’s slightly chubby thighs. I felt one moment of bliss before it was wiped away by the heat and pain.

「UGYAAAAAaaaaa………」

I fainted.

And woke up straight away.

『Wounds to the head reduced to 5%, it's a marvelous method of treatment. There’s a light bruise on the abdomen, but it’ll be fully healed in around three days, won’t it?』

「Yes, that’s great」

「………………」

My whole body felt drained and was twitching, but the treatment appeared to be almost perfect.

「Rana, thank you」

I said my thanks. With this, I owed her two debts.

「What started it all was you, but……, no……, I’ll stop. With what happened this time, I now understand very well what kind of person you are. Haaa, for goodness’ sake……」

Rana sighed.

She had an expression that I couldn’t interpret. It was hard to read her. Was this exasperation, or was she grateful, or was it some other emotion? And should I rue my own stupidity or take pride in my devil’s luck? As for my rash actions this time, if I didn’t properly capitalize on them next time, I would die.

Why had I been on the brink of death twice now in incidents unrelated to the dungeon? Someone, please tell me. Oh, that's right, it’s because I’m an idiot.

「Souya, I'm hungry. Prepare my lunch」

「Hemu, I’m hungry. Can I eat the ramen right away?」

These guys.

「………Alright, I’ll make something, hmm?」

My body couldn’t move.

「Hmmm?」

I broke out in a cold sweat. It felt like I had been petrified. I couldn't even move my fingertips.

「Rana, Makina. I can’t move my body」

「It’s probably an after-effect from combining your magic power」

『Souya-san, does this hurt?』

Makina extended her arm from outside the tent, and stuck a needle into my toe.

「Ouch」

The pain made my knee jerk a little.

『No problems with your nervous system. Your reflex actions seem fine. Let’s observe you overnight to see if it’s due to severe fatigue』

「Hopefully, you’re right」

It would be an unfunny ending if I stayed bedridden like this.

「Then, Makina. Can I leave it to you to prepare lunch? There's cut meat and vegetables, so keep an eye on the ratio between them as you boil them inside a pot. After that, make a stew using the powdered demi-glace sauce. Put in a small amount of ketchup and honey to give it a subtle flavor. Ea likes it spicy, so add the Sriracha sauce specially for her. Don't recommend it to Misuranika-sama. Make more so that there’s enough to serve as dinner. If it’s not enough, you can open the hardtack, instant food, and also the canned food. I’m leaving it to you」

『Understood』

She stuck out what I suppose was the thumb of her arm, and withdrew. Ea went out with her.

「Are you really not a chef?」

「No, princess. I'm just a little bit good at cooking because of the education that I received from my grandfather」

「Please stop calling me princess」

She slapped a compress onto my forehead. Rana lifted my head up and placed the back of my head on her lap. More compresses were applied to the feverish parts of my face. Rather unceremoniously, she rolled up my shirt and I could feel the coldness of the compresses on my chest and abdomen. Something round and arousing was touching my face, but I emptied my mind and prayed fervently: Please, I beg of you, other than the parts of me that were wounded, please do not get swollen.

Her treatment of my face completed, Rana put on the glasses for me. To be honest, the glasses didn’t look good on me.

「Ouch」

I felt pain as the glasses scraped my ear.

「Oh, I’m sorry」

「No, it’s okay」

「Hey, my follower. Did you forget about me?」

I had forgotten about Misuranika-sama.

I thought for sure that she had went out together with Ea.

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「Rauaryuna. This guy seems to be quite smitten by your charm, but that won’t work on me. Princess of the Heures Forest, there’s something that I would like to ask you about, but is that alright?」

「It depends on what you ask, but if it’s within the scope of what I can answer, then I’ll answer anything」

Misuranika-sama’s question was something that had been on my mind too.

「Why are elven royals working as adventurers?」

After Rana had finished applying the compresses, she began wrapping the bandages.

She was very skilled at it.

「When the war was lost, my father presented me and my severely ill sister to King Lemuria. It’s common practice for elves to send off unneeded relatives as official hostages. As you can see, I’m an ugly woman, and even though I did it to defeat the enemy, my father couldn’t possibly keep the daughter who burnt down our own forest close at hand. The people he rules over won’t stay silent if he did」

As I expected, it wasn’t a happy story.

「King Lemuria is a kind person. I had fully expected to be confined, and even with a body like mine, I had steeled my resolve for being made to do things like mating with a pig as a spectacle. But, with the condition that both of us had to work as adventurers, we were allowed our freedom. The family of the losers were made to bear nothing that looked like punishment. His vassals, and especially the prince, had opposed vehemently, but they couldn’t go against the king’s judgement」

Misuranika-sama climbed on top of my belly. She began licking and grooming herself.

Dear god-sama, please listen properly.

「However, being an adventurer was a harder job than we had expected. It’s a profession where people's trust is very important, so people like us, who are hated by people no matter where they're from, couldn’t carve out a place for ourselves. It was day after day of being tricked by adventurers, being tricked by merchants, being tricked by innkeepers, and sleeping nestled against my sister in a corner by the side of the road. If I were by myself, I might have hung myself. No, before that, this naive body might have been stripped and cast off somewhere」

「Hmm, it seems like I’ve asked about something rather harsh. Forgive me. My follower was at death’s door, I would at least be suspicious」

「Yes, incidents like what occurred today will never happen again. Next time, I'll knock him out then deal with it myself」

「That’s troubling. I'm the one who will do better next time」

Certainly, I had almost died, but I didn’t particularly regret what I did. If the same thing occurred once more, I would probably do the same thing once again. Definitely.

「Souya. To begin with, I'm angry. I told you to leave it to me, didn't I? You pulled back because you understood, right?」

「I did indeed pull back at that time. But when I took a peek, you were about to kiss that idiot prince's foot, so I couldn't help it」

「If the matter could be settled with something of that level, then it's not a problem」

「It's a big problem. There's no man who would look on silently as a low-life like that does as he pleases with a beauty」

And this girl was selling herself far too short. It was such a waste. She was as lovable and beautiful as my sister. I wished that she would puff out her big chest and hold her head up more.

「………………What did you just say?」

「Huh? I said that there's no man who would look on silently at something like that」

「After that, at the end」

「Beauty」

「!!!」

Rana snatched my poncho and hid her face with it. Her ears, which were not hidden, were bright red.

「You’re cute. Super cute」

「S, stop it, I hate jokes like that!」

「I don't know what elven standards are like, but by my standards, you're cute. VーEーRーY cute. It's not been many days since I came to this side, but I've seen my fair share of women. You're definitely cute」

「Hiyu~ya~aaaa~aa~aaa」

With a strange scream, Rana's limbs flounced about as she left the tent. I got a knock on the back of my head because my lap pillow had been wrested away. Give me back my poncho......

I'm not a person who picks up girls, but I could at least tell the truth to a woman without confidence. If she went to Japan, she would have plenty of admirers.

「Hey」

Misuranika-sama narrowed her eyes.

「I’ll have you know that I’m much cuter! Don’t you forget this!」

She said, then went out.

Then please show me your human form soon. I’ll lose interest if you take this suspense play too far.

「Haaa」

It seemed like it was around noon, but the fatigue I was feeling was tremendous. Or rather, I wondered if anyone was going to feed me lunch. I felt like it would probably be fine for me to sleep as is, but..., oh, my fingers moved slightly! I heaved an even deeper sigh of relief. It appeared that I would be able to avoid being bedridden. My head felt uncomfortable, so I put it on top of the pillow that just happened to have rolled over.

Hmm?

『Team member Souya. Did you heed even a single one of Izora’s warnings?』

It was the Izora pod.

I hadn’t realized that she was back in service.

「I’m sorry. I did not heed them」

『Izora doesn't like this inclination of the Japanese people to apologize before anything else. It makes Izora sick to her stomach. However, Izora will respect the intentions of her master, team member Souya, even if it’s unpleasant』

「Okay」

She was acting weird.

At that exact moment, a message from Makina was displayed on the LCD display of my glasses.

(I’m reporting that the adjustments to Izora have been completed. In order to find the severe damage caused by her problems with stress, her self-thinking was unlocked by three levels, her freedom of speech increased by one level, and her banned language was unlocked by two levels. In other words, she's become a little bit willful and sharp-tongued, but please don't worry about it. Alright then)

Hooray. This is definitely going to be troublesome.

On top of that, of all the times this could have happened, it happened when I was unable to move.

『Team member Souya. Izora has changed her perception of you』

Beads of cold sweat were running down my neck.

Was I going to be remodeled? Or injected with a strange medicine?

『This is something that can't be helped. Izora was originally designed with the premise of having excellent team members, so it’s inevitable that Izora would be of no help to a Japanese who’s like a dying cicada. HAHA, you braised-pork-square』

I have absolutely no idea what that means. She’s scary!

『However, Izora has a high opinion of nothing other than your zeal to act. The point is, if Izora thinks of you as a person who's like Ed Wood, then Izora will generally end up forgiving you』

「Ed, who?」

I didn’t have the foggiest idea who it was that she was comparing me to.

『It’s Ed Wood. Don't you know who that is? He’s the worst film director in the history of the 20th century. Here’s Izora’s evaluation of you. Izora acknowledges your enthusiasm, passion and ability to take action. But, other than those, you’re a fool who doesn't have anything. In the end, you will live in abject poverty and die from alcoholism』

「Izora, I don't drink. I don't know anything about alcohol, and I’m a light social drinker at best 」

『Shaーーーー!』

「Umm, somehow, I’m sorry」

Because it's troublesome, I’ll just apologize randomly. What should I do with her?

For a long time after that, I listened to Izora’s abusive rants. For some reason, I became knowledgeable about B-list and below foreign movies. It was completely useless knowledge.

By afternoon, I had recovered enough to move my upper body.

I still felt some discomfort in my body, but I went ahead and prepared dinner.

Before long, the sun set, and I practiced shooting the bow in the dark again.

Tomorrow, I would discuss with Irvin and the rest about whether I could be a part of the party with just this one skill at the bow. I didn't feel confident. To be honest, I kept thinking about what would happen if I failed, rather than if I succeeded.

I wouldn't get any answers whichever way it went, so I stopped thinking about it.

I shot about 90 arrows, the string broke, and that was the end of the day for today.

Wow, what an old reference this one is. It’s from the novel “The Inugami Clan” by Seishi Yokomizu, published in 1951. There’s a movie of it released in 1976, which was remade in 2006, so maybe not that old. The story follows a detective, Kousuke Kindaichi, who was trying to find out who in the clan was killing off the other relatives for the inheritance. In there, one of the characters, Sukekiyo appears wearing a skin-tight, white latex mask that covers his whole head, which freaks everyone out, but he then removes it once to show everyone that his face is horribly burnt. Which is what Souya is referencing, of course. Detective story fans also probably noticed a particular name there. Yes, Kousuke Kindaichi is the grandfather of that Hajime Kindaichi, from “The Kindaichi Case Files”.

Anyone else creeped out by how off-the-rails Izora is? Already a ton of notes this chapter so I won’t go into detail about every nuance, but her speech is indeed very nuanced now. Btw, HAHA is Izora laughing in English and that sha— is probably the start of shaddup/shut up.

There’s a 1994 movie starring Johnny Depp, and directed by Tim Burton, titled Ed Wood that earned 2 Academy Awards which was a biopic about Ed Wood. But to sum him up, from wikipedia, he was noted for his campy aesthetics, technical errors, unsophisticated special effects, ill-fitting stock footage, eccentric casts, idiosyncratic stories, and non sequitur dialogue. Suffering from depression, and an alcoholic, he passed away of a heart attack in 1978. Wood's films remained largely obscure until he was posthumously awarded a Golden Turkey Award for Worst Director of All Time in 1980, renewing public interest in his life and work.

FYI, chapters have been short recently so I’ve been releasing them as is, but just a head’s up, next chapter is massive, far longer than any chapter before, and will be split into 3 parts.

And it's the start of the month, so it's time for my once-a-month shill for my Patreon. I'll stop doing these once bills aren't a problem but for now, I thank all of you for reading and hope that you'll consider supporting me! Thank you!!

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