While Su-Jin was still confused about her own state of mind, Ji-Won had begun speaking again. His voice droned on, slowly recounting that dreadful story from his childhood.
"Immediately after the incident, no one realized that something was wrong with me, not even myself. But everything changed on the day of the funeral. As my father and I were inside the car, returning to the house, I started feeling sick. My head was spinning and I remember throwing up. We were on a highway, so the driver couldn't immediately pull the car over. By the time we stopped, I was already having a full panic attack, sobbing hysterically and barely able to breathe. Soon, my consciousness started to fade and I don't remember what happened afterwards. They told me I was rushed to the hospital while being half-conscious. It took me several days to recover.
From that moment onwards, I began feeling sick whenever I had to sit inside a car.
In the beginning, my father thought I was just stressed from everything that had happened, so he didn't think too much of it. He made sure I was taken to counseling sessions and that was it. In fact, it wasn't just him seeing things this way. At that time, everyone, even the doctors, considered my condition to be the result of shock, merely a psychological trauma that could be made better with counseling sessions and pills. After all, my mother had just passed away and there were also other things happening in the family that could have added to the emotional burden.
Thinking back now, I can't say I blame them for brushing it off like that. I was still a child and easily impressionable, and it took me years to realize that my condition wasn't that simple. It wasn't until I left the country that I began exploring the matter further.
While I lived in the states, I applied for a driver's license. I didn't tell my dad about it and only took Seo-Jun with me. That's when I discovered something that helped improve my mental state. Apparently, my condition wouldn't be triggered as long as I was the one sitting behind the wheel. Although sometimes I would still feel restless or feel a certain tightness in my chest, during the times I was the one driving, the panic attacks never happened."
Ji-Won stopped in order to take a long breath. Thus, Su-Jin took advantage of the opportunity to ask a question that had been on the back of her mind for a long while.
"Then what about that time when we almost had an accident on the highway? After we barely avoided the collision, I remember you didn't look well. It seemed as though you were feeling very sick, even pulling the car over for a while."
Ji-Won's eyes widened slightly. He didn't expect Su-Jin to make the connection with that distant event so quickly. Still, his answer came in the same steady tone as before, without betraying his surprise.
"Something like that happened only once before. The doctor told me it was a normal reaction, considering my unusual condition. Even if I'm the one driving, as long as I get into a dangerous situation on the road, there is a high chance for my condition to be triggered. Depending on the circumstances, I may either feel dizzy, simply nauseous or even lose consciousness."
"But what about tonight?" Su-Jin pressed on.
The more she heard, the more puzzled she felt. Based on what Ji-Won just said it meant that, as long as he didn't get into an accident, he shouldn't lose consciousness. But earlier that evening he definitely fainted.
Seo-Jun had never mentioned an incident happening on the road. So, apart from having someone else drive, what other reason could possibly be for Ji-Won's passing out?
During this time, Su-Jin had been too absorbed in her own thoughts, so she didn't notice Ji-Won's furtive glances, nor the way he kept fidgeting. The man looked like he was sitting on pins and needles, his fingers fumbling nervously with the corners of the album.
After what felt like an hour, Ji-Won finally gave a reply.
"That… that could be due to…" His words faltered for a second, before resuming in a slightly louder tone. "Uhm… due to… Seo-Jun's terrible driving skills. Yes, uhm… he drove so chaotically that it made me feel sick."
A bout of silence followed these words.
While waiting for Ji-Won's answer, Su-Jin could barely contain her curiosity. In this state of agitation, her body moved on its own, leaning towards Ji-Won as though a hook was pulling at it.
But when she heard the man's reply, Su-Jin almost fell from the sofa. Her mouth twitched and she almost called Ji-Won out for his obvious lie. Luckily she quickly pressed her lips together, managing to force the words that almost escaped back into her stomach.
'Kang Ji-Won, are you serious right now?! I get it if you don't want to tell me. I could respect that choice and wouldn't pry further if you outright refused to say anything. But did you really have to make up such a stupid lie?! And here I was, thinking you were actually taking me seriously for once! I'm such a fool for believing that!'
Noticing Su-Jin's expression turning awful, Ji-Won instantly changed his tune.
"I… I mean I might have also been worried about something, causing my mental state to be bad." Ji-Won struggled to offer an explanation, but failed miserably.
A second later, though, he wanted to hit himself. He brought a hand up, squeezing the side of his neck in order to hide the rising embarrassment.
"Worried? About what?" Su-Jin asked in bewilderment.
Ji-Won bit the inside of his cheek, not knowing how to reply.
Should he be honest and admit that he was worried about her and that's why his reaction had been worse than usual? Or should he simply continue to ignore everything like he'd done so far?
Meanwhile, there was a notion at the back of his mind, one that kept assaulting the edges of its confinements, struggling to break free.
Should this unrelenting idea finally escape, it would signal the arrival of a great change in Ji-Won's life.