Chapter 13: Chapter 12: The Job Is a Heist

“What!? He wants to pull the job NOW?? He’s been putting that off for months!!” shouts a tiny, angry ball on Umeso’s shoulder. Your enby friend winces a little from the volume. “I can’t believe this! Of course he’d decide to do it when I’m stuck like this!”

“Can you maybe move away from their ear if you’re going to keep shouting like that?” you say, receiving an appreciative smile from Umeso. If Ruem could shrug you think she would have, but she still deigns to roll down Umeso’s arm, coming to a stop atop the hand resting on you. “What the heck is this job, anyway? Radestro didn’t explain.”

“Don’t know what a heck is. The job’s a robbery, though. Gonna break into the town bank,” Ruem says, with much more nonchalance than seems appropriate. You’d thought all this ‘job’ stuff sounded suspicious, but you hadn’t imagined Radestro was talking about an actual robbery! Ignoring or perhaps oblivious to the panic spreading across your face, Ruem says, “That’s why I learned astral projecting.”

“To rob a fucking bank!?” you say, stifling the final word with a hand over your mouth as you remember that the three of you are sitting by the usual hangout tree, a very public location. Some people glance your way, but fortunately they just seem irritated by your volume.

“How was astral projecting going to be useful for robbing a bank?” says Umeso, their expression as bewildered as your own.

Ruem scoffs. You’d describe her as waggling her eyebrows, except she doesn’t have any, so it’s more like wiggling the top of her eyes. “Thought you were supposed to be a smarty-pants. It’s simple! I would astral project, float through the bank, and then come back and give Raddy all the deets!”

“Please never call him that again.”

Nodding their head, Umeso says, “Yes, agreed, that was horrible to hear. But Ruem, you would have needed to practice astral projecting much more for that to work.” They shift their glasses, a telltale sign that they’re going to start quoting a book. “As I understand it, exiting and reentering the body as a spirit is nauseating, and often results in temporary memory loss. It would have taken a great deal of time and effort to mitigate those effects.”

“Yeah, well, I might’a tried, but some rando decided to body-block me,” Ruem says, glaring at you. It’s a friendly glare, though. You’ve become good at identifying them. Her glare gives way to worry a second later. “You’ve gotta stop him though, Biat!” She rolls toward you on Umeso’s hand, resting mostly on their fingers now. “He can’t leave without me!”

And you certainly don’t want to leave with him. But… “He seems scared out of his gourd, Ruem. I don’t know if it’s possible to change his mind. I was barely able to get him to wait until tonight!” Starting to feel a light panic pooling in your gut, you add, “Also, let me make it clear: I super don’t want to rob a bank! Also I haven’t learned how to astral project—”

“You are still not ready for that.”

“—so what am I supposed to do when he expects me to do that?”

“Um, um…” Ruem rolls back and forth, back up Umeso’s hand, then to the tips of their fingers. “You could… I don’t know, knock him out or something? Or say you’re feeling sick, or, or—”

As you watch Ruem roll, listening to her rattle off nothing but bad ideas, you gradually realize something is strange. She’s moving back and forth, and— “Ruem, can you stop moving for a sec?” She comes to a halt, staring at you questioningly. Which you can see. With your eyes. Which is strange, because she is currently sitting on your arm, a little ways away from Umeso’s fingers. She is not touching them at all. Umeso’s eyes go wide as they also take note of this. Then, before you can suggest it, they pull their hand away and… Ruem is still there. On your arm. You can’t feel her, but you sure can see her.

“Is one of you gonna say something at some point? You’re both just staring at me like weirdos.”

“Ruem. Look at where you are. Like really take it in,” you say, not wanting to move in case it somehow messes whatever is happening up.

“Where I’m…?” Ruem looks down at your arm. Then at Umeso. Then back up at you. “I’m on your arm?” You nod, but Ruem doesn’t seem to get it. She looks back at Umeso, who holds their hands up and wiggles them. Light dawns in Ruem’s eyes. “Wait, you’re… Holy shit! Umeso’s not— And you can see me!?”

“I can!!”

Ruem screams in excitement, making your ears ring. She rolls around on your arm in excitement, squealing and shouting incoherently. “Yes, now I can bother you too!!” That brings a smirk to your face, which soon leads to a full on guffaw, and then the laughter just won’t stop.. You laugh, and Ruem laughs, and Umeso laughs too. You all laugh long and you laugh loud. The people walking by must think the two of you that they can see have lost it.

“How…?” Another chuckle pushes its way out of your mouth, and you wipe a tear from the corner of your eye. “How is this even possible?”

“I do not know,” Umeso says, still shaking from their laughing fit.

A memory pops into your mind, of your first encounter with this particular duo. “Didn’t she, like, attack my head, back when we first met?”

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Ruem mutters.

“It’s fine,” you say with a shrug, wiping away another tear. “But she just went through me, right? And I never saw her. So it’s not like we haven’t touched before.”

“That is true.” Umeso puts their hand to their face, thinking. “Perhaps after sharing my powers so often, they have manifested in you? Do you see any other spirits? Some dormant ones are around right now.”

Glancing around, you see nothing but the usual scenery and students giving you a wide berth. “Nope.”

Brow furrowing, Umeso says, “Hm… perhaps because the two of you are emotionally closer now, that has changed things?”

“Ew, gross, don’t say that,” says Ruem, rolling around on your arm seemingly due to antsiness at this point.

“It is just a theory. Truly, I have no idea why this is happening.”

Smirking, you poke Ruem. You do not actually feel anything, yet your finger stops when you touch her. It’s an odd sensation. Ruem, on the other hand, certainly reacts as though she felt it; she tries to headbutt your finger. It’s good this spirit form of hers does not have a mouth, because you’re sure she’d be constantly biting things if she could. “Is the idea that we’re friends now really such a bad thing?”

Ruem sighs dramatically. “When you put it like that, no. But ‘emotionally closer’ sounds so… gross.” Before you can respond, her eyes go wide and she jumps up into the air, briefly disappearing from view before bouncing back onto your arm. “Wait! Waitwaitwait. This means you can do the heist!!”

You grimace. “Wait, what?”

Rolling all the way up your arm and coming to a stop on your shoulder, Ruem says, “Yes, yes, don’t you get it!? If you can see me, then you don’t need to astral project! I can float through the bank and tell you all about it!”

“But Ruem. Really think about this,” says Umeso, frowning. “Radestro still expects the astral projecting. And after the robbery he wants to leave. He cannot see you, so even if you went with him—”

“Nah, it’s fine. Biat can just pretend like he’s doing it.” The pronoun shoots through you like a lance, but you elect to ignore it. This isn’t the time for gender stuff. “And you’ll convince Radestro to stay, right?” She does her best attempt at puppy-dog eyes at you. Part of you wants to push her away and say ‘hell no.’ The other, stronger part…

“Are you sure? You really want me to?”

Umeso’s mouth falls open. “Biat?”

Ruem’s eyes smile at you. “Yes, please!!” After shooting a mouthless smirk at Umeso, she turns back to you and says, “Don’t worry, buddy. You and me, together? We’ll kick that bank’s ass.”

“I don’t think that’s how banks work,” you say with a giggle.

“Biat!” Umeso shouts, drawing your attention. “You are not seriously—? Will you really go through with this?”

It’s not that you want to. It’s just that you don’t want to disappoint. But then, by doing this, might you be disappointing Umeso? Your stomach is uneasy. “I—I mean… maybe? I don’t know.”

“Maybe!?” Ruem glares. “Com’on, Biat, we’re a team! We’ve got this!”

Umeso crosses their arms. “This is foolish and reckless, and also illegal. I thought you were better than this, Biat.”

Fuuuuck. Knots form in your stomach, and your eyes dart between your two friends. “I— well… maybe you’re right?”

Ruem headbutts you, which you do not feel. “Biat! My buddy, my guy! Don’t do me like this! I thought you were cool.”

“I—I’m cool!”

“But you are also reasonable. Responsible.”

“That stuff isn’t cool, Umeso. My main man Biat here doesn’t care about that.”

“He does care, and he also explicitly stated earlier that he does not want to rob a bank!”

The amount of gendering you’re suddenly receiving as your friends argue about you is starting to take its toll. You told Ellemenie last night that you want to be a girl, but the two of you were interrupted before you could actually talk about what that means. And you still don’t know now, but you’re pretty sure that part of it means that you really don’t like hearing your friends call you ‘my guy’ or ‘main man’ or ‘he.’

“He’s in my body, and this concerns my boyfriend, so he kinda owe me, right?”

“He does not owe you! He did not choose this, so do not try to guilt trip him!”

“Ugh, fine, but still, he wants to, right, Biat? Doesn’t pulling a little heist sound like fun? Guys love heists, right?”

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“Anyone can love heists! But also, again, Biat literally already said he is not interested!”

“He just didn’t wanna be alone!”

“That is not what he said!”

“It’s what he meant!”

“He did not—”

“He did—”

“He—”

“He—”

Your hands grasp your face, wanting to tear it off like a mask. Their voices ring in your ears, echoing, filling your head so fully you can scarcely think. They’re so loud. So infuriatingly loud! Why won’t they just STOP!?

“He—”

“He—”

And that damn word!! They won’t stop saying it! They just keep arguing!! It’s neverending! No matter how badly you want it, they won’t stop. They’ll never stop. You hate this, you hate the fighting, you hate the ‘he this’ and the ‘he that’ and you just. You just need it to stop. You just need everything… to…

“STOP!!!”

Umeso’s eyes go wide and their mouth snaps shut, while Ruem tumbles off your shoulder in surprise, disappearing from view. A few moments later, she reappears on your leg.

“Shit, Biat, sorry. You okay, dude?”

“THAT!!” you shout, poking Ruem roughly in her face. “Stop saying that!!”

“B—but that was the first time…”

Resting a hand on your arm, Umeso looks at you with concern. “Biat, I apologize for upsetting you. I let myself get too heated… but that does not seem to be the only problem.” They try to meet your eyes, but you won’t allow it. In an even softer voice, they say, “Please… tell me how I can help.”

You bury your face in your hands, having already turned the corner from outrage to embarrassment. This is ridiculous, you shouldn’t be bothering them with whatever’s going on inside you. “I—I just. It doesn’t m—mat—”

A soft squeeze from Umeso’s hands cuts your sentence off. “Please do not say that. You are my friend. Your feelings do matter.”

“Yeah, you can talk about sappy stuff, it’s fine!!” Ruem says, rolling up your leg a little. “And sorry for whatever I did? I guess you don’t like the word ‘dude?’”

“I—I don’t l—like any of th—them,” you say, sniffling.

“Dudes?”

The light of recognition enters Umeso’s eyes. “Is this about pronouns?”

A weak shrug is the only answer you have in you right now.

“Oh, shit. But wait I thought you said you were—”

Shushing Ruem, Umeso says, “Biat, do you not like the pronouns we’ve been using for you?”

After another sniffle, you manage to nod your head.

“What pronouns would you prefer?” Umeso says, before shaking their head, perhaps realizing that words haven’t been coming to you easily. “Apologies. Perhaps I can suggest some and you can indicate if you like them?” You nod. “So would you like she—” As she starts to say ‘her’ your head violently nods, like a bobblehead being shaken.

“Heh, that was easy,” Ruem says, squinting at you. “You always have been pretty girly,” she adds, tone haughty. Despite that, her words make your heart swell. It’s nothing like school bullies of the past who swung that word around as a cudgel. This is different. Validating. You… hadn’t realized this sort of thing could feel validating. All you’d known for so long was fear and shame. But Ellemenie, and Umeso, and even Ruem… Tears well in your eyes, but happy ones this time.

Mercifully pretending not to see your tears, Umeso sighs at your spherical friend. “What does that even mean?”

“Eh, she just has a vibe.” The use of that pronoun brings an upward curve to the wobbly line of your mouth..

“S—so I’m n—not just some p—pervert?” you say, using Ruem’s insult from your first conversation. Her eyes indicate she recognizes this.

“Ugh, girl, I’m sorry for that…” Rolling up onto your arm, she says, “That was shitty of me even if you had been a boy, huh.”

You sniffle, then smirk. “L—look at you, being all humble.”

She glares. “Well you’re clearly feeling better, you bit—”

Umeso pushes Ruem off your arm, making her disappear from view. “Behave.” Then they look at you, their eyes shining, shimmering even. Oh, they’re crying too. “This is amazing, Biat! I am so happy for you. Truthfully, I had also been wondering whether you were… something other than a boy, I suppose. Not that boys are not capable of acting like you, I just—”

Unwilling to wait another moment, you pull Umeso into a tight hug. Ruem appears on your shoulder, and to your surprise, she leans in, becoming part of the hug to an extent. The three of you sit like that for a good while, tears streaming down at least two of your faces. But unfortunately all good things must come to an end. This particular good thing ends when Ruem starts whispering.

“So… Biat, what say us two girls go rob a bank?”

Umeso pulls away, frowning, while you can’t help but laugh. When your glasses-wearing friend opens their mouth, you hold up a hand, then look to Ruem.

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Yes!!” Ruem shouts, leaping up, disappearing, and reappearing on top of your head. At least, that’s where you assume she is, because though you can’t feel her, you sure do hear her as she bellows, “LET’S ROB A MOTHERFUCKING BANK!!!”

That leads you to another giggling fit, one Ruem soon joins. When it finally fades a minute or two later, your chest and throat in pain from the exertion, you see Umeso with their head in their hands. They look up as the laughter dies, brow furrowed but a reluctant smile on their lips.

“Fine. It seems I cannot stop you. All I can do is help if things go wrong.”

Ruem, back on your shoulder, says, “Wait, you’re coming with? I don’t think Radest—”

“No!!” Umeso says, waving their hands in alarm. “No, no, I am not— No. I will not take part. I simply mean, if things go poorly, and you are caught, I will do what I can to assist you. I do not know if I will be capable of much, but I will do my best.”

Setting a hand on Umeso’s shoulder, you squeeze, your smile wide. “Thank you.” They nod back. Retracting your arm, you get to your feet and stretch a little; you’d been sitting for quite a while.

“Going somewhere?” Ruem says, so much closer to your ear than you’re used to. “The heist isn’t until tonight.”

Sighing, you say, “True. But I have another appointment to keep.”

Rising to their feet as well, Umeso cocks an eyebrow. “With Kittpey?”

“No, much worse than that,” you say, your happiness fading as a wave of nerves crashes through your body. “Headmistress Onpertet is expecting me.”