Life Going Wild With Plug-ins
Jun Xuanheng confirmed that he and Ye Tan were in love.
This was a long and somewhat tedious process, since he recognised he was very deficient in knowledge about all things, and he frequently ruined things by mistake, so he was even more unwilling to to make any kind of slip-up, especially with this matter concerning Ye Tan. When he found out he was so special to Ye Tan, he had several long heart-to-heat talks with him, and afterwards flipped through all the love poems and romantic songs that talked about yearning, reading them out sentence by sentence while Ye Tan listened.
“I think I’m sure, I really agree with all of these.” Jun Xuanheng closed the booklet filled with charming and gentle spring sceneries, and earnestly summarised: “I want to do all the things in the world that bring joy to lovers with A-Tan. I have had all the feelings of pining and adoration towards A-Tan.”
After several days of being pushed to listen to his words of love, Ye Tan was blushing so deeply he could have bled out, kneeling across from him with his fists tightly clenched as he seemed to become more and more reserved.
Jun Xuanheng kept thinking about the incomplete final words Qin Qi left for Yun Pizhi, which Yaksha thought hard about for a long time and completed himself: My only regret is that I couldn’t spend this life with Young Master Yun.
He straightened up, and quietly said: “If I’m lucky….. I wish to be able to spend this life with A-Tan.”
Ye Tan couldn’t bear this revelation anymore and, still kneeling, knocked his head against the small table in front of him.
Jun Xuanheng was startled, wanting to hurriedly help him up, but Ye Tan’s movements didn’t change, and he took out his hands to wave wildly as he refused: “Don’t!! Don’t mind me!! Please step back.”
He had always done as he was told, so he obediently took his hands back and retreated, still watching Ye Tan with concern.
Ye Tan stooped and leaned against the table, his shoulders shaking chaotically, and trembled for a moment until he gradually slid down from the table down to the couch, after which he rolled around a few more times.
Jun Xuanheng watched him in bewilderment. Ye Tan suddenly climbed back up, returning to his upright kneeling position, and combed the disorderly hair on his temples as he politely apologised: “Just now I was excessively discourteous in expressing my feelings and was afraid of knocking against Master, please pay it no mind.”
Jun Xuanheng had always been good at understanding others: “No problem.”
Ye Tan calmed down, and began to reflect on the things his Master spoke about. After a long time, he asked: “Master, do you want to sleep with this subordinate?”
Jun Xuanheng nodded: “That seems to be the case.”
Ye Tan thought about it, and spoke somewhat apologetically: “This subordinate doesn’t really understand too much about this, it might take some time for me to prepare.”
Jun Xuanheng gladly said: “Then I’ll trouble you.”
He thought to himself: He deserves to be my A-Tan, he’s just as serious and reliable as I am.
The reliable Ye Tan spurred his horse on towards the house of the Eldest Young Master, who was rumoured to have countless concubines, to learn from his experience.
The salted fish-like Zhongli Zixu was also swinging on the doorway today. He suddenly saw (one of)3 his dream handsome swordsman spurring his horse forward, pulling its reins and watching him, cold and aloof, as he proudly said: “Eldest Young Master, please teach me how to sleep with somebody.”
Words like ‘a lamb in a tiger’s den’ and ‘a pie falling from the sky’ tumbled through the Eldest Young Master’s mind in a spectacular mess as he hurriedly grabbed hold of this duck4 and dragged him into a room, while at the same time he filtered through which kind of love words he should use for this guy.
Ye Tan sat on the bed and coldly said: “Please.”
“…..just, just go straight for it…..?” The Eldest Young Master took in his imposing bearing, and actually shrunk back a bit instead.
“How else?” Ye Tan responded.
“You have to flirt first of course! Naturally, you have a good chat for a bit first, wait to get into the mood, then when the time comes…..”
“What kind of good chat could you and I have.” Ye Tan frowned as he asked.
“……” Although you’re right.
“What time is ‘the time’?” Ye Tan was treating this matter with extreme seriousness, and wouldn’t let any doubts slip by.
“…..There is no way to explain it, the time comes when it comes, the situation will reveal itself, when conditions are right, success will follow, and what is done cannot be undone, so it’ll be too late to change anything5.” The Eldest Young Master was so angry he was talking nonsense.
Ye Tan didn’t understand, so he could only memorise his words one by one, wanting to go back and reason it out later. He spoke again: “You continue first.”
The Eldest Young Master had already started to retreat at this time, but thought better of it. What kind of person was he? How could he destroy the reputation he’d build throughout his life in one night? He should just do it, bring it on!
He coughed and stood close to Ye Tan, lifting his finger and pressing it against his Adam’s apple, sliding it down inch by inch until he hooked it onto the lapel of his clothes and slowly pulled it down. Ye Tan quickly realised what was happening, and asked: “Should I undress?”
Zhongli Zixu hadn’t even finished responding with “Of course…..” when Ye Tan retreated back a step and took off his belt in a flash, pulling off his upper garment and standing with a bare torso. He spoke coldly again: “Done, what’s the next step.”
The Eldest Young Master: “…..you took it off too fast.”
Ye Tan: “Thanks, but that wasn’t even as fast as my sword.”
The Eldest Young Master: “…..I wasn’t complimenting you.”
Ye Tan’s expression was blank.
The Eldest Young Master held his forehead as he spoke: “Taking off your clothes is also the type of thing you need to pay special attention to for setting the mood, you really are…. no fun at all.”
Ye Tan had a sudden realisation, and moved swiftly to put his clothes back on extremely quickly, saying: “One more time.”
The Eldest Young Master wanted to retreat x2
Zhongli Zixu toughened his mind and started over. He had always paid special attention to foreplay, but this time could barely be considered as going smoothly, to the extent that he suddenly thought that perhaps this would also be a pretty good experience for himself…..
Just as he thought this, the hand he was holding on Ye Tan’s abdomen moved downwards, but was suddenly clamped down.
Ye Tan was touched by him for a long time, but he didn’t feel anything at all, calmly saying: “If you continue like this, won’t this just turn into you and I sleeping together?”
“Demonstrate it on yourself.” Ye Tan said.
The Eldest Young Master was shocked: “You, you want to watch me….. doing that….. to myself??”
Ye Tan nodded with an honesty that was unrivalled in the universe.
The Eldest Young Master felt extremely wronged: “Pervert ying ying ying6.”
“You don’t want to.” Ye Tan observed.
“No shit! Of course I don’t like being watched! If you want to watch go watch other people ah!!” Zhongli Zixu felt like he had never suffered such extreme humiliation in this life, and he felt depressed.
“That makes sense.” Ye Tan thought deeply, then grabbed the Eldest Young Master by the belt and picked him up, sweeping out into the courtyard and throwing him on his horse.
The Eldest Young Master: “Aaaah where are you taking me!!”
Ye Tan: “To watch other people doing it.”
Ye Tan found the largest Nanfeng Shop7 in the vicinity under the Eldest Young Master’s guidance.
The Eldest Young Master was naturally a frequent guest here, and the brothel keeper eagerly went up to him when she saw him, asking the Young Master what he would like today.
The Eldest Young Master had an unspeakable, bitter suffering, so he didn’t dare utter a word.
Ye Tan calmly said: “I want the most skilled.”
The brothel keeper: “Wow, this is the first time this old woman has ever met someone as frank as you.”
Ye Tan: “Two of them.”
The brothel keeper: “Sure, have fun.”
Ye Tan felt that the boss here was very good at communicating, and her efficiency was also high, so this must be a good place.
He grabbed the Eldest Young Master and threw him on the ground, then grabbed his sword and sat upright on the bed, telling the two handsome young men that the brothel keeper sent in: “You two, get up there, go ahead and do it.”
The young man with big round eyes and a teardrop mole was startled: “You, you have this kind of preference….. that’s quite hard to come by.”
The Eldest Young Master felt so awkward he wanted to find a crack in the ground and squeeze himself into it.
Ye Tan: “Quickly.”
The young men trembled as they climbed up on the bed, looking at each other in dismay. Neither of them had ever had this kind of experience, and the person next to them was fixedly staring at them with eyes like torches, making them find themselves even more at a loss on what to do.
They were in this deadlock for a long time, and Ye Tan felt a little angry. He rapped his knuckles against the scabbard of his sword and spoke in a deep voice: “I don’t have patience.”
It had already been four sichen since he last saw his Master, and every second it dragged on was torture for him, he only wanted to figure out these things as quickly as possible and get back.
The two young men were frightened by his eerie, hostile behaviour and instantly huddled together, crying non-stop and begging Ye Tan not to kill them.
Ye Tan had never been able to coax people, so he just watched them with detachment, motionlessly holding his sword and waiting for them to calm down, but to his surprise this only made the two people cry harder, and he was left with no other option but to turn his head towards the Eldest Young Master and ask for help. Zhongli Zixu sighed and went up, easily consoling them in a few words.
“Forget it, if you don’t want to, just say so.” Ye Tan felt that, except for his Master, everyone in the world was very hard to communicate with, so he didn’t struggle any more, “I will ask you a few questions, answer me honestly and I’ll be satisfied.”
The two young men buried in the Eldest Young Master’s left and right arm nodded carefully.
Ye Tan dealt with everything, regardless of whether it was big or small, and asked questions one by one, such as how to please another person, how to decide who’s on the top and who’s on the bottom, he asked about the pros and cons of every kind of position, and especially how to handle the care afterwards, he was extremely thoroughly detailed.
Among the questions Ye Tan had, he asked whether or not they would feel happy doing these things, and that young man with the teardrop mole smiled bitterly as he said: “Naturally the one who is being served is the one that feels better. We all serve people, so there is no happiness for us to speak of.”
After Ye Tan heard this, he muttered to himself: “I naturally want to make him feel better.”
That young man was very clever, asking: “Daxia, you asking us so many questions, is it in order to serve someone?”
Since this was mentioned, Ye Tan couldn’t help but show a light smile that was like snow and ice melting, making way for spring: “Yes.”
The young man with the teardrop mole had, until that point, been cursing him in his heart for being a cold-blooded, ruthless viper, but was stunned when he suddenly saw this smile, and foolishly said: “…..that’s really enviable, ah.”
Ye Tan thought deeply: “I also really envy myself.”
4 Slang for male prostitute. Top.
5 He used a bunch of idioms in a row, I just kept the general meaning: 水到渠成 lit. where water flows, a canal will form; 木已成舟 lit. the wood has already become a boat; 生米煮成熟飯 lit. the coarse rice has been cooked. Top.
6 It’s a type of cutesy? crying sound. Top.
7 Basically a brothel with male prostitutes. Top.
Chapter 1: extra 1
[TanGua1] «Clear Stream2» 01 - Novice driver Ye Tan’s first time on the road >.<
Jun Xuanheng confirmed that he and Ye Tan were in love.
This was a long and somewhat tedious process, since he recognised he was very deficient in knowledge about all things, and he frequently ruined things by mistake, so he was even more unwilling to to make any kind of slip-up, especially with this matter concerning Ye Tan. When he found out he was so special to Ye Tan, he had several long heart-to-heat talks with him, and afterwards flipped through all the love poems and romantic songs that talked about yearning, reading them out sentence by sentence while Ye Tan listened.
“I think I’m sure, I really agree with all of these.” Jun Xuanheng closed the booklet filled with charming and gentle spring sceneries, and earnestly summarised: “I want to do all the things in the world that bring joy to lovers with A-Tan. I have had all the feelings of pining and adoration towards A-Tan.”
After several days of being pushed to listen to his words of love, Ye Tan was blushing so deeply he could have bled out, kneeling across from him with his fists tightly clenched as he seemed to become more and more reserved.
Jun Xuanheng kept thinking about the incomplete final words Qin Qi left for Yun Pizhi, which Yaksha thought hard about for a long time and completed himself: My only regret is that I couldn’t spend this life with Young Master Yun.
He straightened up, and quietly said: “If I’m lucky….. I wish to be able to spend this life with A-Tan.”
Ye Tan couldn’t bear this revelation anymore and, still kneeling, knocked his head against the small table in front of him.
Jun Xuanheng was startled, wanting to hurriedly help him up, but Ye Tan’s movements didn’t change, and he took out his hands to wave wildly as he refused: “Don’t!! Don’t mind me!! Please step back.”
He had always done as he was told, so he obediently took his hands back and retreated, still watching Ye Tan with concern.
Ye Tan stooped and leaned against the table, his shoulders shaking chaotically, and trembled for a moment until he gradually slid down from the table down to the couch, after which he rolled around a few more times.
Jun Xuanheng watched him in bewilderment. Ye Tan suddenly climbed back up, returning to his upright kneeling position, and combed the disorderly hair on his temples as he politely apologised: “Just now I was excessively discourteous in expressing my feelings and was afraid of knocking against Master, please pay it no mind.”
Jun Xuanheng had always been good at understanding others: “No problem.”
Ye Tan calmed down, and began to reflect on the things his Master spoke about. After a long time, he asked: “Master, do you want to sleep with this subordinate?”
Jun Xuanheng nodded: “That seems to be the case.”
Ye Tan thought about it, and spoke somewhat apologetically: “This subordinate doesn’t really understand too much about this, it might take some time for me to prepare.”
Jun Xuanheng gladly said: “Then I’ll trouble you.”
He thought to himself: He deserves to be my A-Tan, he’s just as serious and reliable as I am.
The reliable Ye Tan spurred his horse on towards the house of the Eldest Young Master, who was rumoured to have countless concubines, to learn from his experience.
The salted fish-like Zhongli Zixu was also swinging on the doorway today. He suddenly saw (one of)3 his dream handsome swordsman spurring his horse forward, pulling its reins and watching him, cold and aloof, as he proudly said: “Eldest Young Master, please teach me how to sleep with somebody.”
Words like ‘a lamb in a tiger’s den’ and ‘a pie falling from the sky’ tumbled through the Eldest Young Master’s mind in a spectacular mess as he hurriedly grabbed hold of this duck4 and dragged him into a room, while at the same time he filtered through which kind of love words he should use for this guy.
Ye Tan sat on the bed and coldly said: “Please.”
“…..just, just go straight for it…..?” The Eldest Young Master took in his imposing bearing, and actually shrunk back a bit instead.
“How else?” Ye Tan responded.
“You have to flirt first of course! Naturally, you have a good chat for a bit first, wait to get into the mood, then when the time comes…..”
“What kind of good chat could you and I have.” Ye Tan frowned as he asked.
“……” Although you’re right.
“What time is ‘the time’?” Ye Tan was treating this matter with extreme seriousness, and wouldn’t let any doubts slip by.
“…..There is no way to explain it, the time comes when it comes, the situation will reveal itself, when conditions are right, success will follow, and what is done cannot be undone, so it’ll be too late to change anything5.” The Eldest Young Master was so angry he was talking nonsense.
Ye Tan didn’t understand, so he could only memorise his words one by one, wanting to go back and reason it out later. He spoke again: “You continue first.”
The Eldest Young Master had already started to retreat at this time, but thought better of it. What kind of person was he? How could he destroy the reputation he’d build throughout his life in one night? He should just do it, bring it on!
He coughed and stood close to Ye Tan, lifting his finger and pressing it against his Adam’s apple, sliding it down inch by inch until he hooked it onto the lapel of his clothes and slowly pulled it down. Ye Tan quickly realised what was happening, and asked: “Should I undress?”
Zhongli Zixu hadn’t even finished responding with “Of course…..” when Ye Tan retreated back a step and took off his belt in a flash, pulling off his upper garment and standing with a bare torso. He spoke coldly again: “Done, what’s the next step.”
The Eldest Young Master: “…..you took it off too fast.”
Ye Tan: “Thanks, but that wasn’t even as fast as my sword.”
The Eldest Young Master: “…..I wasn’t complimenting you.”
Ye Tan’s expression was blank.
The Eldest Young Master held his forehead as he spoke: “Taking off your clothes is also the type of thing you need to pay special attention to for setting the mood, you really are…. no fun at all.”
Ye Tan had a sudden realisation, and moved swiftly to put his clothes back on extremely quickly, saying: “One more time.”
The Eldest Young Master wanted to retreat x2
Zhongli Zixu toughened his mind and started over. He had always paid special attention to foreplay, but this time could barely be considered as going smoothly, to the extent that he suddenly thought that perhaps this would also be a pretty good experience for himself…..
Just as he thought this, the hand he was holding on Ye Tan’s abdomen moved downwards, but was suddenly clamped down.
Ye Tan was touched by him for a long time, but he didn’t feel anything at all, calmly saying: “If you continue like this, won’t this just turn into you and I sleeping together?”
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Zhongli Zixu: “How else should I teach you???”“Demonstrate it on yourself.” Ye Tan said.
The Eldest Young Master was shocked: “You, you want to watch me….. doing that….. to myself??”
Ye Tan nodded with an honesty that was unrivalled in the universe.
The Eldest Young Master felt extremely wronged: “Pervert ying ying ying6.”
“You don’t want to.” Ye Tan observed.
“No shit! Of course I don’t like being watched! If you want to watch go watch other people ah!!” Zhongli Zixu felt like he had never suffered such extreme humiliation in this life, and he felt depressed.
“That makes sense.” Ye Tan thought deeply, then grabbed the Eldest Young Master by the belt and picked him up, sweeping out into the courtyard and throwing him on his horse.
The Eldest Young Master: “Aaaah where are you taking me!!”
Ye Tan: “To watch other people doing it.”
Ye Tan found the largest Nanfeng Shop7 in the vicinity under the Eldest Young Master’s guidance.
The Eldest Young Master was naturally a frequent guest here, and the brothel keeper eagerly went up to him when she saw him, asking the Young Master what he would like today.
The Eldest Young Master had an unspeakable, bitter suffering, so he didn’t dare utter a word.
Ye Tan calmly said: “I want the most skilled.”
The brothel keeper: “Wow, this is the first time this old woman has ever met someone as frank as you.”
Ye Tan: “Two of them.”
The brothel keeper: “Sure, have fun.”
Ye Tan felt that the boss here was very good at communicating, and her efficiency was also high, so this must be a good place.
He grabbed the Eldest Young Master and threw him on the ground, then grabbed his sword and sat upright on the bed, telling the two handsome young men that the brothel keeper sent in: “You two, get up there, go ahead and do it.”
The young man with big round eyes and a teardrop mole was startled: “You, you have this kind of preference….. that’s quite hard to come by.”
The Eldest Young Master felt so awkward he wanted to find a crack in the ground and squeeze himself into it.
Ye Tan: “Quickly.”
The young men trembled as they climbed up on the bed, looking at each other in dismay. Neither of them had ever had this kind of experience, and the person next to them was fixedly staring at them with eyes like torches, making them find themselves even more at a loss on what to do.
They were in this deadlock for a long time, and Ye Tan felt a little angry. He rapped his knuckles against the scabbard of his sword and spoke in a deep voice: “I don’t have patience.”
It had already been four sichen since he last saw his Master, and every second it dragged on was torture for him, he only wanted to figure out these things as quickly as possible and get back.
The two young men were frightened by his eerie, hostile behaviour and instantly huddled together, crying non-stop and begging Ye Tan not to kill them.
Ye Tan had never been able to coax people, so he just watched them with detachment, motionlessly holding his sword and waiting for them to calm down, but to his surprise this only made the two people cry harder, and he was left with no other option but to turn his head towards the Eldest Young Master and ask for help. Zhongli Zixu sighed and went up, easily consoling them in a few words.
“Forget it, if you don’t want to, just say so.” Ye Tan felt that, except for his Master, everyone in the world was very hard to communicate with, so he didn’t struggle any more, “I will ask you a few questions, answer me honestly and I’ll be satisfied.”
The two young men buried in the Eldest Young Master’s left and right arm nodded carefully.
Ye Tan dealt with everything, regardless of whether it was big or small, and asked questions one by one, such as how to please another person, how to decide who’s on the top and who’s on the bottom, he asked about the pros and cons of every kind of position, and especially how to handle the care afterwards, he was extremely thoroughly detailed.
Among the questions Ye Tan had, he asked whether or not they would feel happy doing these things, and that young man with the teardrop mole smiled bitterly as he said: “Naturally the one who is being served is the one that feels better. We all serve people, so there is no happiness for us to speak of.”
After Ye Tan heard this, he muttered to himself: “I naturally want to make him feel better.”
That young man was very clever, asking: “Daxia, you asking us so many questions, is it in order to serve someone?”
Since this was mentioned, Ye Tan couldn’t help but show a light smile that was like snow and ice melting, making way for spring: “Yes.”
The young man with the teardrop mole had, until that point, been cursing him in his heart for being a cold-blooded, ruthless viper, but was stunned when he suddenly saw this smile, and foolishly said: “…..that’s really enviable, ah.”
Ye Tan thought deeply: “I also really envy myself.”
✦✧✦✧✦✧
1 TanGua, 谭挂, is the ship name for Ye Tan x Jun Xuanheng. A-Gua is JXH’s nickname, coming form the title of the novel. Top.
2 Can also be a metaphor for a noble and virtuous scholar, or a chaste and virtuous woman. Top.
4 Slang for male prostitute. Top.
5 He used a bunch of idioms in a row, I just kept the general meaning: 水到渠成 lit. where water flows, a canal will form; 木已成舟 lit. the wood has already become a boat; 生米煮成熟飯 lit. the coarse rice has been cooked. Top.
6 It’s a type of cutesy? crying sound. Top.
7 Basically a brothel with male prostitutes. Top.
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