Chapter 44: 31

Chapter 31 - I don’t understand what the small loyal dog is saying.

The auction was to take place at sunset, with a competition and a performance in the afternoon, and a banquet at noon. At the centre of the lake, there was an elaborate bamboo house brightly lit on all sides, with a hundred or so people gathered, every person sat and ate around different tables, their jade plates filled with delicacies, with gentle music playing in the background. Even though it was already late autumn, an intoxicating warm breeze could still be felt.

Every so often there would be bursts of “it’s an honour to finally meet you” and “nice to meet you”, just like at a social party.

I roughly guessed that our usual behaviour would not be suited to the etiquette of the moment, so I didn’t let Ye Tan feed me. Aside from him occasionally serving me some dishes, I also did not do anything unnecessary.

People hadn’t even eaten a few bites when everyone began scattering around, holding their wine bottles and chatting candidly. It wasn’t long before some people began casting glances our way, muttering between themselves.

The guests at the banquet were all elegant young men, having the strong and healthy appearance of martial artists, while also smelling of ink and Confucian scrolls, they had both the elegance and grace of aristocracy, with expensive food and clothing. Ye Tan and I found ourselves among them, and we were really out of place.

Even though Ye Tan’s looks were not bad, in the end his current cultivation base was shallow, so it was hard to avoid people’s contempt, especially with that small dull..... pah! That great sword at his waist, he attracted even more attention.

Although I didn’t mind, I was afraid Ye Tan would bear a grudge, so I stole a glance at him out of the corner of my eye and saw that he was focused on the roasted fish in his hands, completely ignoring the sneering eyes in the surroundings. Come to think of it, how does my shadow guard have such a relaxed heart......

Alas, I’m not happy.

Ye Tan saw me looking at him, and immediately got the wrong idea, so he took the fish out from his bowl and put it in my small porcelain plate with a whoosh.

I hurriedly said: “Hey, this isn’t what I meant.....”

Ye Tan: “Aren’t you going to eat?”

I: “I’ll eat.”


Is there anything on this earth more difficult than eating fish?

There isn’t.


I thought I knew my place and was being low-key, but clearly some people didn’t think so. Someone slowly approached holding a bowl of hibiscus soup, then laughed and said “Uh-oh, my hand slipped.” as it spilled down. I currently have strong inner breath, and though I could be considered to be keenly perceptive, my body is worse in contrast, making me slow to react, so naturally I couldn’t avoid it. I could only helplessly stare as Ye Tan wrapped his arms around me and the soup spilled all over his hair and shoulders.

What’s the meaning of this?

Rather than being angry, it would be better to say I was bewildered.

“You actually know how to protect others1 .” The hibiscus soup man gave Ye Tan a side glance, and sneered, “Brother, although your South-style hobby2 is understandable, I’m warning you two, in order to avoid disgracing the military glory of today’s prestigious swords, you better take your little servant and get out of here.”

Ye Tan was suddenly extremely hostile, and he pulled me behind himself.

I was increasingly puzzled. I feel like I’ve already been extremely well-behaved today, besides, we are surrounded by beautiful young women teasing and being held by the drinking young masters, so why are we the only ones getting called on?

I naively asked: “There are also people embracing over there, why are you targeting us?”

The hibiscus soup man angrily said: “How can you be the same?!”

My head was full of question marks: “It’s not the same???”

The man across from us was so enraged he was actually speechless. I was used to self-reflection, so I took this opportunity to think about it, and thought that the difference could be that the two of us looked too disgraceful, so we pulled down the average value of everyone attending the meeting.

What a joke, this Creation God has a cultivation base of thirty thousand, I can still fight, I just look rather disgraceful.

With this idea in place, I lightly pushed Ye Tan to the side, putting my right hand underneath the table and lifting it to show off my skills.

I only used about a fifth of my strength, gently lifting it up, and with a demonic smile I maliciously said: “My accuracy has never been good, so you might as well say it.....”


The whole table broke through the air.

Then hit the roof.

And immediately after.

It flew off with it.


The hundred or so people attending suddenly felt the tops of their heads get cold, and they were exposed to sunlight and the vast clear sky. In an instant, everyone was quiet as chickens.

“.....all over again.” I had just finished saying that half sentence.

Counting that last time I beat Ze Que up, I find that my accuracy is, indeed, not good.


The roof flew high up into the sky, and exploded into countless fragments which fell down one after the other, the bamboo joints breaking sharply like spearheads and arrows, becoming increasingly frightening as their fall accelerated.

If one were to get pierced by these, the consequences would be too horrible to imagine. The graceful guests that had been indulging and chatting with each other until now scattered in an instant, leaping into the lake one after the other to take refuge.

Ye Tan grabbed me by the waist and was also going to jump down, but my face was pale with fright, and he quickly reacted: “You can’t swim?”

Before I was able to reply, he quickly kicked a few tables and stacked them into something resembling a shield, then rolled on the spot and pulled them up, holding me firmly in his arms as the sound of screeching and cracking repeated again and again beside my ears.

I was in such a panic that I wished I could shrink into a ball inside his arms, and couldn’t help but praise Ye Tan for his agility. He naturally doesn’t know that with my 10 HP value, jumping down would absolutely mean I’d be gone forever. He might simply be concerned that I would choke on water and not feel well, but to me this was a fundamental matter of life and death.

When the sound crashing stopped, Ye Tan lifted open the tables and helped me up. The bamboo hut facing the water now lay in shambles, and there was people at the shore dripping with mud and looking like drowned rats, while servants struggled to fish out the guests that couldn’t swim. It was seriously dismal.

Everyone was covered in mud and algae, half black and half green, every now and then there would be someone with a lotus flower on the top of their head. Only Ye Tan and I stood completely clean, watching on pins and needles.

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Yang Qingzhou, who had rushed over when he received news of this, was bewildered. He blankly stared at both Ye Tan and me.

I awkwardly said: “My hand slipped, forgive me, forgive me.”


If Ye Tan’s nickname in the Jianghu is the Scapegoat Hero.

Mine is probably the Butterfingers Hero3 .


Yang Qingzhou was unclear on the cause of these events, and he didn’t dare make any rash judgements, so he first sent everyone back to freshen up in accordance to the etiquette of their host, I pretended nothing had happened and ran away with Ye Tan while keeping his mouth shut.

Ye Tan had just been drenched in hibiscus soup, so I took the initiative to first help him take off his upper garment, only to discover that there was a red scald mark on his neck.

“You even got burnt?” I angrily said, “How could you still not say anything!”

Ye Tan only said: “It didn’t burn.”

I got even more angry: “I have never lied to you, is this how you repay me?”

Ye Tan didn’t dare to answer.

I said: “I’m giving you one more chance.”

“......it’s a little burnt.” Ye Tan reassured again and again, “Really. It really is just a little bit.....”

I spread out a cold towel and softly pressed it on, muttering: “If I had known earlier I would have flipped the table into his face.”

“He would have died.” Ye Tan faintly reminded me.

“That’s true.”


Fearing he might get cold, I draped a coat over his shoulders and wrapped him up. I then recalled that soup-spilling man’s previous words.

“A-Tan, why was that man picking on us?” I asked, “That man said we were not the same. Where is the difference that makes it not the same?”

Ye Tan was finding it difficult and hesitated for a while, then said: “Because Master and this subordinate are both men.”

“It’s because of our gender?” I was astonished.

Ye Tan nodded.

Honestly speaking, I don’t have a concept of gender, it’s all stuff that can be changed, so I don’t know what’s so important about it.

“I could be a woman.” I felt like it wouldn’t be difficult at all.

Ye Tan turned pale with fright: “Master, what nonsense are you saying!”

I said again: “Oh, then I could also turn A-Tan into a woman.” Although it would have to wait until I got admin privileges, it wouldn’t be impossible.

Ye Tan was even more terrified, he stuttered: “No no no no no need!!”

I seriously watched him for a long time, coming to the conclusion that his refusal should be real, and that he wasn’t just trying to be polite.

Seeing that he didn’t agree with my solution for this matter, I was forced to ask again: “Then what on earth are those things that can’t be done between men?”

“..... just.... just, a lot of things.” Ye Tan stammered, “What is normal between men and women, between men just.... it’s no good.”

“Do you mean.... feeding each other, hugging, holding each other up, sleeping on the same bed, these kinds of things?” I patiently asked.

Ye Tan was in a predicament: “More or less.... there’s also other things.”

“What happens if you do those things? Could you get into an accident? Could you die?” I saw he was serious, and unconsciously also got a little nervous.

Ye Tan quickly said: “That wouldn’t happen.”

I felt somewhat stupid: “Then, doesn’t that mean it can be done?”

Ye Tan looked at me and his eyes jumped as if I had just said something earth-shattering, and his expression became a little flushed for some reason.

“It’s not quite the same.” He said, “If one day you have.... a woman you admire, and you do these things with her, it will feel different.”

“Oh.” I nodded, profoundly feeling like I still really needed to learn a lot more about these things, “Then I’ll try that someday.”

Ye Tan closed his eyes and agreed, the colour on the tips of his ears gradually fading.

 

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1 憐香惜玉 lit. sympathise with the joss stick and cherish the jade. It’s an idiom used to refer to having tender and protective feelings towards someone, usually refers to men being protective towards women.Top.

2 Author is using the word 南, south, as a homonym for the word 男, man (both pronounced nán), in the phrase 男風之癖 which means ‘homosexual hobby’. Hibiscus soup guy is calling them out for lookin’ gay as hell together.Top.

3 手滑俠 lit. slippery hands hero, but I thought butterfingers fit better lol. Also, I’m using ‘hero’ in these titles as a catch-all term for the word 俠 xiá, which is basically used to refer to a righteous person, so like a knight, a hero, a paladin, or someone who is brave and does chivalrous deeds.Top.

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