Chapter 63: 50

Chapter 50 - I’m just a little sad, that’s all.

After returning to Yun Garden and resting for a few days, I had barely recovered my spirit. I picked a clear day with gentle wind and warm sunshine to fill a few boxes with generous gifts and drop by Yang Lake to apologise. I knew that I owed Yang Qingzhou a lot, and since his one-in-one-thousand horse died at One Sword Tomb, I felt very guilty.

I mounted a lone boat and drifted along through the vast water mist, when I suddenly heard the sound of a flute. It was melodious, clear and resonant, and the tune was mournful, it sounded better than anything I had ever heard here, so I was deeply entranced for a time.

This was the famous Broken Willow1 nocturne, who wouldn’t feel longing when hearing it. It was only a pity that I had no way of sharing such a pleasant tune with Ye Tan.

As I got closer, I was able to see the small eight-sided pavilion in the centre of the lake, there were no roads around it, with the only things surrounding it being groups of round lotus leaves. There was a slender person leisurely sitting on the ivory eaves, controlling his breath, as a cluster of long green bamboo stands like a young girl in makeup2 , between his arms was a bitter bamboo flute with seven openings, its tune was melancholy and gentle, carrying a trace of loneliness characteristic of a wanderer in the Jianghu.

He stood all alone with only his shadow to comfort him, and his lonely, inverted reflection on the heart of the lake made the world seem even more desolate.

He wore a black and gold garment, with a golden cloud-patterned brocade sown into the trim. I stared at him for a while, and felt that he seemed somewhat familiar.


“Eldest Young Master?” I tried calling out in a light voice.

The tune suddenly came to a halt, and he slowly placed the bitter bamboo flute on his lap. That person’s head was still down, with his eyebrows lowered and his eyes closed, so I wasn’t clearly able to see whether his expression was happy or sad.

I almost doubted whether or not I had mistakenly recognised him.

This desolate-looking man, with seemingly boundless melancholy, was too different from that rash, stupid Zhongli Zixu that hung out on the outskirts of Changluo.

“Young Master Jun?” He asked softly, without turning his head.

Zhongli Court and Henglian were enemies that could not live under the same sky, yet I had run into him here, I was truly amazed, and couldn’t help but ask: “Yang Lake is affiliated with Henglian, isn’t it dangerous for you to be here?”

Zhongli Zixu laughed softly: “My Second Brother doesn’t regard me as one of his own, so is there someone who would consider me as being from Zhongli Court?”

This was actually the first time I had heard him mentioning matters between him and his younger brother, it sounded like their relationship wasn’t too close?

He had quite uncharacteristically not come down to stick to me as soon as he saw me, so much so that he hadn’t even looked me in the eyes, so I carefully speculated: “You.... aren’t in a good mood? Did something happen?”

“My good younger brother told me there was news of Yue Changsheng in the vicinity, so I came out to look for him. It’s a pity that I couldn’t find him.... naturally, I’m very disappointed.” Then he simply turned his back and raised his hand to knead at the centre of his forehead, saying: “You go to the island first, I’ll come a while later.”

I said goodbye and continued forward, getting on the island and handing over my name card. Unfortunately, Yang Qingzhou wasn’t on the island.

The one who came to greet me was Yang Qingzhou’s carefree younger brother, Yang Su. When we went in, I felt that the number of people coming and going was less than half of what it had been, so much so that the main hall felt a little desolate.

“Where’s Qingzhou?” I asked after seeing some tea and taking a seat.

“What are you doing, calling him so affectionately!” Yang Su’s tone was bad, and he stared coldly at me.

“Forgive me for acting discourteously.” I humbly took his advice, and asked once more, “Where’s Young Master Yang?”

Only then did Yang Su say: “Recently, Zonglian and Zhongli Court have been fighting awfully without conclusion, big brother took the opportunity to go add fuel to the fire, and he took along with him over half of the people in Yang Lake.”

“He left in such a hurry?” I felt a little astonished, when I came to visit a few days ago, Yang Qingzhou hadn’t said a word about this, could it be a last-minute plan?

“Yes, the battlefield situation was a little more extreme than we had thought. In just this half month, more than a thousand people were massacred in Zonglian’s Qincheng, entire families have been exterminated. Most of the people in Renzong Temple have also been injured or killed, after a few days, Qingcheng and Renzong Temple won’t exist in this world. On the Second Young Master’s side, Jinguan Court’s strength was also heavily injured, its destruction is simply a matter of time.” Yang Su said these things as if they were of no concern to himself, and stared out the window at the trembling branches as he said, “Originally, it was unsuitable to go to war during winter, and big brother wanted to launch an expedition again next year in the spring. At this rate, if Henglian doesn’t help it stand its ground, I’m afraid Zonglian will instantly collapse into the Second Young Master’s hands.”

It was only after Ye Tan reminded me last time that I realised those in the middle of the fighting, the killing, and struggles were flesh and blood humans, and that one commander’s success resulted in ten thousand dried up bones. Now, such indifferent words feel very serious to me.

Yang Su spoke again: “The Jianghu hasn’t had major changes like this for a long time, sweeping through with such irresistible force as though crushing dry weeds and smashing rotten wood. Regardless of the outcome, it will no longer be the same deadlock these vassals have been divided into, which is not necessarily a bad thing.”

I was an outsider, after all, and didn’t know about these gains and losses, I also wasn’t clear on who was right and who was wrong, so I could only say: “I hope Young Master Yang doesn’t meet with misfortune.”

Yang Su furiously hammered his fist onto the table, grimly laughing: “Misfortune? What chance does he have of meeting with misfortune?! He’s got the acclaimed reincarnation of Wolong3 by his side, Mr. Tian Ji, who can make good plans and never makes a mistake. He is able to plan for victory from a thousand miles away without wasting a single soldier from a single army, of course he can just lie down and wait for victory.”

I didn’t understand why he had gotten angry: “Young Master Yang has a strategist? Isn’t this a good thing?”

“Good thing my ass!” Yang Su rubbed the edge of the teacup between his fingers and gnashed his teeth, “I’ve seen that guy, he’s just a swindler, but big brother has been fascinated by him, running to his room every day before the sun is even up.”

“You’re saying he’s a swindler..... is it possible that you have obtained some proof of his deception?” I asked again.

“That, I haven’t.....” Yang Su guiltily lowered his voice, then raised it again in anger as he cursed, “You haven’t seen him! Just how old is he?! Twenty at most, he seems like frivolous, coquettish little white faced rabbit lord4 , how could he know astronomy and geography from top to bottom5 ?! Ever since he came here, he has been speculating on the development of the situation, the stars and meteorology, with each one definitely being exaggerated, he’s absolutely a swindler!”

Huh? All I hear is strong jealousy?

“The most hateful thing is, this guy also knows I.... towards big brother....” Yang Su clenched his teeth and cursed when he got to this point, suddenly stopping, then muttered to himself, “Fuck, that’s not right, how did he know about this?!”

I curiously questioned further: “Huh? What’s the matter?”

Yang Su’s face reddened and he glared at me: “Shut up!”

Since I was good at understanding others, I obediently shut my mouth and didn’t speak again.

Yang Su said again: “Talking about this, what about that person of yours?”

“Which person?”

Yang Su was dissatisfied with my slow reaction, and impatiently said: “The one that carries you around everywhere, causing me to think you were the little herdsboy and he was the master.”

“A-Tan? ......This isn’t convenient for me to say, don’t ask me.” I was concerned about the walls having ears, and how it was inevitable there was someone following me, so I played it extremely safe. I curiously said again, “What’s a little herdsboy6 ?”

Yang Su glared at me again: “Enough, don’t act innocent!”

Sigh, this person, always cursing me, I’m really not happy. They’re both brothers, but how is his temperament so much worse than Yang Qingzhou’s.

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Thinking about brothers, I remembered how I bumped into the Eldest Young Master on my way to the lake, and asked: “Oh, right, is the relationship between Zhongli Court’s Eldest Young Master and Second Young Master not too good?”

“I’m not too clear on this.” Yang Su shook his head, and said, “However, on the Jianghu these two people are actually considered to be poles apart from one another. The Second Young Master is a vicious and merciless old fox, who holds a lot of information that can be used against people, everyone reveres and fears him, no one dares rashly provoking him. The Eldest Young Master was originally scorned by people as a licentious philanderer, however, in these few years a lot of people from various groups have received his favour, and now he is thought of as a hero with a frank temperament.”

“Favour?”

“Yanguan had a great drought for many years where not a single grain was reaped, and the Eldest Young Master delivered food to the people. A few years ago, the granddaughter of Qiu Manor’s Elder Qiu got lost, and it was he who sent people looking for her and brought her back. One time, my big brother and I fell into dire straits, and it was also him who saved us, I have been very grateful to him..... and various things like this, which are too many to mention one by one.” When Yang Su mentioned him, his previously irritable tone became a lot gentler.

“I wouldn’t have been able to tell that he was actually such an attentive and gentle person.” You really can’t judge a person by their appearance, my impression of him was that he was a lowly prodigal son who sexually harassed people everywhere, I never would’ve thought he would have the kind of melancholy and desolate appearance I saw today, and I didn’t know he could play the flute like that. He had a heroic liver and a righteous gallbladder, and also iron bones and a tender heart7 .


We had had two cups of tea by the time the Eldest Young Master strolled in.

He had already completely shed off that bitter and melancholy look, his bitter bamboo flute was also nowhere to be found, and he had changed back into the appearance of that sloppy philanderer. He sat down near me, very close to my shoulders, and picked up my teacup, drinking from the place I had just taken a sip from and teasing: “Sweet aftertaste.”

I kept thinking about his appearance at the heart of the lake, so I asked: “Eldest Young Master, why are you by yourself?”

The Eldest Young Master was all smiles as asked back: “Who should I be with?”

I also didn’t know who he normally took with him, so I could only pick someone I was familiar with and ask: “What about Ze Que?”

The Eldest Young Master put the teacup down and tilted his head to the side: “He left on a journey, saying he was seeking the way of the sword. It has been over a month since he left, and he has only left me one letter, I also don’t know where he is.”

He can still leave on a journey whenever he pleases? Zhongli Court really treats their subordinates very generously.

I thought about it, and advised him: “Eldest Young Master, don’t only focus on going around looking for Yue Changsheng, you should cherish the people in front of your eyes. Ze Que is also very good, last time he said you wouldn’t like him, and he seemed very disappointed.”

The Eldest Young Master turned his head to look at me with a strange expression: “He said this kind of thing?”

I nodded.

The Eldest Young Master held his chin with one hand, and bowed his head as he pondered for a moment, then smiled: “You’re right, I am a little regretful.”


I returned to Yun Garden in the evening, and washed up before going to bed. Ever since Ye Tan was not by my side, I tossed and turned every night for a long time before I was finally able to fall asleep.

I suffered from insomnia, and I was bored to death, so I went into the Modifier Tool to look around.

Right now, Ye Tan was too far away from me, so I couldn’t see the situation on that side, and I missed him a little more and more.

I casually took a quick look, and accidentally saw something that made my heart grow cold.


Ze Que, status, already dead.

He had been dead for a month.


In my dismay, an extremely ominous premonition flashed through my mind.

I searched for Yue Changsheng.


Yue Changsheng was also dead.

He had been dead for two years.


My heart was shocked as though I had been struck by lightning: Does the Eldest Young Master know about this?!

If he doesn’t know, should I tell him? Which one is sadder, having a thread of hope while looking for someone who has been dead for many years, or finding out the truth and giving up completely?

If he already knew about this.....

I recalled how he sat on the ivory eaves at the heart of the lake today, alone, playing the tune of the Broken Willow; I remembered his reflection on the lake had his eyes tightly closed, and how he never once dared to turn his head to look at me; I recalled how he said: I have regrets.

I felt pain in my heart as though I had been pricked by a needle.


I am a melancholy guest in this world.

Knowing what happened, tears fall.8

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1 Apparently in ancient times people used to break willow branches and give them to others as farewell gifts, which is where the name of the song comes from. Listen to the song here. Top.

2 This metaphor is from the poem “High Balcony ” by Wu Wenying. It is also a poem about separation. The original line is 修竹凝妝 lit. repairing bamboo condensing makeup (or cultivate/cut bamboo makeup). From what I found it is comparing the bamboo to a lady wearing makeup, hence my translation, but classical chinese poetry is hard so idk. Translation of the poem collection (scroll to ‘(226) High balcony 265’). Top.

3 卧龍 lit. crouching dragon. The nickname given to Zhuge Liang, the most recognised military strategist of the Three Kingdom’s period. Top.

4 Little white face, 小白臉, derogatory term for an attractive young man (think ‘pretty boy’ but condescending). Rabbit lord, 兔兒爺, slang for male prostitute. Top.

5 上知天文下知地理 lit. top know astronomy bottom know geography. Meaning to have a broad range of knowledge. Top.

6 Another slang for male prostitute. Top.

7 Heroic liver righteous gallbladder, 俠肝義膽, someone who is brave and acts to help the weak and fight injustices. Iron bones tender feelings, 鐵骨柔情, someone who is physically strong but gentle on the inside. Top.

8 The last two lines are from the poem “Washing Creek Sands” by Manchu poet Nalan Xingde. He writes about the loneliness of heartbreak, and most of his poems are sorrowful. Top.

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