Chapter 2: Chapter Two

I’m in the bathroom on the second floor of my highschool, the window as far down as it goes leaning on it and breathing in the fresh march air. I need to breathe. I see the alcove behind the last stall, out of sight of most of the room and they won't even see my feet, there's a bench. I feel for my safety pin where I keep it in the secret inside pocket on my denim jacket. The jacket itself is stiff but it's the only one that has the secret pocket. And I need my safety pins

 

My Safety pins

And old mint tins 

That Younger me 

Could never see

their beauty

Or their safety

But I can see it now

strange safety in how

A scratch

Is a patch

Feels warm like a coat

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Makes me not float

The safety of blood

Like a sunny warm flood

The cold of air 

Snow cold stares

The lines like frosty tallies

The hills and all the valleys

The ice of air on skin

The safety keeps me in 

 

There they are again, the words. Like I'm stuck in the center of a storm and the words are whirling around me so fast verse after verse. It's all coming so fast with nowhere to go but swirling around me faster and faster until I need to get out. I'm in the alcove with my safety pin. I’m safe and breathing again, just breath and sight in this small space. Then a thump thump thump of someone walking into the bathroom and I hold my breath and wait. I hear the creek of a stall door and let out my breath. Then a cloud of black hair peeks around the corner and spots me and looks disappointed. And I tucked my safety pin in the secret pocket that I know she already spotted but it gives me something to do, a reason to look down. I feel like a child caught stealing cookies from the jar but more exposed. She already knew and she didn't say anything. She just reaches out her hand to help me up and after a moment I take it and we walk over to the mirror and look at ourselves. She takes off the rings on her fingers and holds her hand out to me and I take them while she lathers and washes her hands then dries them off. I hold them out to her and she takes them back her eyes and I smile at her, and we both know it's fake, but she smiles back anyway, like nothing happened. Sometimes all you need is to pretend like nothing happened.

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