Chapter 33: Chapter 33: Reaching Out

Chapter 33:

Reaching Out

There wasn't much Jace wouldn't do for those he cared about. Stealing. Killing. He did all that and more for the money to save his mother. Of course, he still tried to sift through the less desirable jobs. Still, it took a toll on him. He often wondered if he was a good person.

Staring at the cold, lifeless eyes of his victims, he'd often wonder if it was all worth it. They had lives as well. They had family, friends, loved ones. He told himself they were all bad people, but wasn't that just an excuse?

These thoughts came to him in the most inopportune times. He knew who he was. He knew what he stood for, but that didn't stop him from doubting. This was Neo City. If you didn't fight to survive, you'd die alone in the gutter.

He knew this, but he still felt it creep in on him. Waking in a cold sweat as he saw the faces of those he killed. Saw the face of his mother as she was beat by his father. Calling out to him for help as he just stood there frozen in fear. Her words turning to taunting as she blamed him for her pain and all the things going wrong.

He knew she didn't think that. Knew it was just his own guilt eating away at him, but it was there. In these moments he found himself at his weakest. Sitting on the floor of his shower as the hot water washed over him.

It was the thought of his mother in her hospital bed that drove him to pick himself back up again. There were people he cared for in this world, his mother above them all. Selene would take care of her. He knew he could trust her.

He didn't understand the trust he felt, as it was only a feeling. Yet this feeling was unshakeable. Then, there was of course Balek. Always the ear to listen and be there. Same with his daughter, Liana and her girlfriend Kiera. All these people and even the staff of Radiance. They were people he cared for.

There was a time when he felt he couldn't trust anyone. He knew that was foolish now. He was just pushing away those he didn't want to see hurt. Hurting them in the process. So counterproductive. Now, as he let the water run down his face, he gathered himself with all of them in his mind and heart.

They gave him a newfound purpose and strength. Though he still doubted himself, they all seemed to see such good in him. He hoped to live up to that. For now, he couldn't stay moping in the shower. "Today of all days..." Jace sighed to himself, pushing up from the floor.

These doubts manifested in wondering if it was all worth it. If he would truly be able to make it. He pushed himself to his limits just to be able to reach that deadline. He knew that if he died, there would be no one left for his mother. At least, he once thought that.

He knew now that he was wrong. He was wrong about a lot of things. There were others who would care for her, but if she recovered...she'd never be the same learning he was dead. "I have to get stronger..." He told himself as he looked in the mirror. He knew now that he couldn't be reckless anymore. There were people who truly wanted him around.

Holding his hand to his chest, he could feel his heart beating. Inside of it was a love and warmth for all those around him. Something he had ignored for so long as he focused solely on his goal. It took such a hard hit to make him realize it.

He was grateful to the Vesela's, especially Liana. Without her, he honestly didn't know what he'd do. His heart had fallen for her before he even realized it. Now that he did, everything was a mess. Were Selene's words true? Did she really not mind?

"Does she love me regardless?" Jace whispered to himself, finding it hard to believe.

The thought of Selene accepting his love for Liana made him fall even harder for her. He felt...right. As if Selene was the person he had always been waiting for. Of course, he couldn't forget Liana who had always been there. The two of them were entwined within his heart now.

"Kiera..." Jace muttered, turning to dress himself.

She had come into Liana's life several years ago. She had taken care of her when he couldn't...no, didn't. He was remorseful, but also grateful. If Kiera hadn't been there, how much worse would it have been for Liana?

"Ah, shit..." He sighed to himself, finding that his heart warmed at the thought of Kiera now.

Was he also falling for her, or was it just the gratefulness he felt from her presence? Was it her love for Liana that caused him to care for her? Shaking his head free of these thoughts, he couldn't dwell on it right now.

He had to keep a clear head. Today, they confronted the Spider who sold information about his mother. Before he met up with Kiera and Selene, there was one stop he had to make. Radiance.

-----

Balek saw the look in Jace's eye. He saw it many times before. There was no light in them as his thoughts were distant. Before he even pulled up to the bar, Balek was already preparing his drink. Having it ready for him the moment he sat down.

"Hey, Balek," Jace greeted with little energy, "How's business?"

"Slow," Balek responded, motioning around, "You know our daytime hours aren't busy."

"Ah, right. Sorry," Letting out a dry laugh, he took a sip from his drink and closed his eyes.

"Don't be," Balek told him as he wiped down part of the bar, "You sleep alright?"

Balek's eyes were sharp as he saw the slight flinch come from Jace.

"...No," Jace answered honestly, surprising Balek.

"Nightmares again?" He asked, to which Jace nodded.

"I keep seeing my mother..." Jace spoke softly, "She blames me, but I know it's not real..."

"Of course not," Balek stated confidently, "That woman loves you."

"Heh, I know," Jace smiled softly, a little light returning to his eyes, "I just can't help but think...if I had done something sooner, then maybe-"

"Jace," Balek placed his hands on the bar, leaning on it as he leveled with them, "You were a kid. No one blames you."

"...I know," Jace stared into his drink, taking a deep breath, "Doesn't stop it though..."

"No, it doesn't," Balek spoke softly, reaching a hand across the bar to his shoulder, "Depression is a bitch. I may not be the best at emotions myself, but know you can always count on me."

Jace smiled, placing a hand over his on his shoulder. Looking up at him, Balek found his heart caught in his throat. The look Jace gave him was one he never saw before. It was filled with such gratefulness.

"Yeah...That's why I came here," Jace's words tore through his heart.

He wasn't prepared for such a confession from Jace. Balek was extremely touched as he felt his heart give way to emotions held back over the years. He always thought of Jace as a son, but also wanted to give him his own space. Now, he came to Balek. Something he always wished he would.

It brought his eyes to watering. Sniffing quickly, he took his hand back as he turned around. Trying to find something to do so he didn't break down.

"Th-These glasses need cleaning..." Balek muttered, picking them up and wiping them down.

They were obviously not in need of cleaning, but Balek had to do something. That's when he heard it. Jace's laugh. Glancing over his shoulder, Jace was smiling as he shook his head in his direction.

"Thank you, Balek," Jace told him, taking a sip of his drink with a smile, "I'm sorry I never came to you before..."

"Nonsense," He told him, looking back towards the glass he was cleaning, "I'm always here. I just...waited."

"...Thank you," Jace told him once again, his tone softer, "For waiting...So, now that I made this awkward, I'll finish this and head out. I have something to take care of today."

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"Alright," Balek smiled to himself, "You take it easy, alright?"

"Yeah...I will," Jace downed his drink, letting out a refreshing sigh before standing up.

Balek turned to watch him leave, picking up his glass which actually did need cleaning. "That boy...he's come a long way." Balek smiled in pride as he saw the recent changes in him.

He sensed that there would be more changes to come. However, as of now he was just happy Jace came to him. He felt the waterworks begin to build once more.

"Hey boss, you alright?" One of the waitresses called, catching him off guard, "Your eyes look a bit puffy..."

"Ahem, yeah...I'm alright," Balek composed himself, sniffing as he rubbed at his eyes, "Just got something stuck in it is all..."

"...Riiight," She gave him a knowing smile, much to his chagrin, "Has nothing to do with Jace's visit?"

"What? No!" He felt his cheeks burn as he waved her away, "Go on now! Shoo! Back to work!"

"Yes, sir!" She giggled, moving away as Balek noticed the other staff all looking in his direction, amused smiles on their faces.

"That goes for the rest of you too! Back to work!" Balek hollered.

Laughing, their smiles grew even brighter as they dispersed.

"Damned busybodies..." Balek muttered, though found himself smiling as well.

-----

Jace felt a little better after speaking to Balek. He had always been nervous about reaching out to him, but this was a start of a whole new Jace. He could no longer keep himself inside of his own little shell. It was slow, but with one step at a time he would make progress.

"Jace..." Selene called his name gently as he approached her, "You look unwell."

"Ah, do I?" He laughed lightly, rubbing the back of his neck, "I didn't exactly sleep well..."

Kiera eyed him curiously from behind Selene. They shared a quick look as she knew about his nightmares. It would be hard to hide them from her when she was so close to Liana.

"We can go another day..." Selene offered, to which Jace shook his head.

"No, it's alright," Reaching for her hands, he took them in his, "Thank you for your concern, I just..."

His eyes moved over Kiera once more, Selene's gaze going between the two of them with a confused look. Kiera simply shrugged nonchalantly. It was her way of telling him that it was his choice to tell her or not about the nightmares. Though he knew that look in her eye. It would definitely be better if he did.

"What's going on?" Selene's tone grew serious, "Did something happen?"

"Not...exactly," Jace took a breath, patting her hands reassuringly, "I just...get nightmares sometimes. They aren't pleasant, so I don't exactly sleep great..."

Selene's expression softened as a look of empathy crossed it. With such tenderness, she embraced him. Closing his eyes, he let himself be held as he smiled gratefully. Letting him go, she looked at him with discerning eyes. After a moment, she nodded succinctly in satisfaction.

"I know you said it, but..." Kiera looked towards him with knowing eyes, "Are you alright?"

"...Thank you, Kiera," Jace felt his heart warm from her concern, "But yeah, I am. I stopped by Radiance to talk with Balek before I headed here...It was helpful."

Kiera's eyes widened in surprise before a genuine, delightful smile crossed her face.

"Good..." She nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Don't be afraid to reach out."

"Yeah..." Jace smiled slightly, nodding, "I'm getting there."

He felt Selene's arm around his waist, her hand wrapping around his side. She felt her pull him into a side hug as both of them smiled towards him.

"You have people by your side," Selene told him, "Never forget that."

"I'll...do my best," His cheeks burned as he blushed from their words and actions, it was nice to be reminded of it, "Thank you. Sometimes, I just need reminders..."

"Well, don't worry," Kiera beamed, slapping her bicep with pride, "I'll remind you."

"As will I," Selene added, eyeing Kiera, "Perhaps a bit more...gently than her, but..."

"Hey! I'm gentle!" Kiera exclaimed, sounding slightly hurt, "Right?"

"I mean..." Jace looked to the side awkwardly, "We should probably get going..."

"Good idea," Selene smirked, beginning to walk away with Jace in arm.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Kiera called after them, "I can be gentle! Wait up!"

Jace found himself laughing as Kiera caught up, jumping on his back in protest. Selene attempting to pry her off as she defended herself from their slander. Walking with the two of them, he felt the strength in his heart grow, as well as the warmth and love for those around him.

As Selene finally pried her off, they discussed about what gentle was supposed to mean. Selene in her monotone way, and Kiera in her upbeat fiery way. This allowed Jace to get ahead, though he stopped to wait as he looked back towards them. His heart was full as he realized just how well they were getting along.

"Alright, alright," He chuckled, "If you two are done bonding, we have work to do."

Looking towards him, they exchanged a glance. Selene nodded with a polite smile while Kiera beamed with laugh of her own. In short order, they made their way back to his side as they set off. The Spider awaited.

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