Chapter 43: Chapter 43: Breakthrough

Chapter 43:

Breakthrough

Jace sat out on the terrace, the cool morning breeze blowing gently across his body. The refreshing breeze was only amplified by the pleasant smell of all the flowers Liana had blooming in the various pots throughout the terrace. It was his morning meditation routine. Liana oversaw him with a watchful eye from the nearby patio couch.

Nadine had always instructed him to push out all outside distractions. So, it proved an adequate challenge with Liana's eyes on him. He was still self-conscious, especially now that they were more than just friends. Having her eyes on him was quite distracting, as he wanted nothing more than to pay attention to her.

"Breathe..." Jace took a deep breath, feeling the air enter his lungs. Deep, even breaths followed by longer exhaling of the breath. Each time he felt the flow of oxygen, and with it the mana inside of him. It was hard to describe to those without mana, but it was like feeling your blood move through your veins, if that was even possible.

It flowed from his core, his chest, throughout the rest of his body. A warm, comforting sensation followed by a cold, calming feeling. Each breath in was cool, calming. As he exhaled, the warm sensation dispersed throughout his body. This was Mana Circulation.

It allowed one to gather mana, accumulating it within themselves. Like any muscle, it had to be worked to improve. Meditation was one of several ways to improve Mana Flow, as well as recover lost mana. Since he was burnt out, this was the safest way to accumulate his mana again.

Mana Burnout was dangerous if not immediately taken care of. If it hadn't been for Selene, he may be dead already. Once again, he owed someone for his life. "When will I be strong enough not to burden others?" He worried to himself, causing him to struggle with the flow.

His demons came to haunt him. An echo of his father's voice. Tormenting him constantly.

"Burden."

"Failure."

"Mistake."

He struggled against them, trying to refuse their implications, but it was hard to refute what was so deeply ingrained into him. Especially when those he cared about had to always take care of him. Even if they didn't mind it, it was hard for him to accept.

"Jace..." Liana's soft voice whispered in his ear as her arms wrapped around him from behind, "Relax."

Feeling and hearing her brought Jace back to reality. He was shaking violently, sweat beading his skin. His mana flow was a complete mess. Frowning, he opened his eyes slowly.

"...I failed again," Jace muttered, sighing in frustration, "They won't stop..."

This wasn't the first time he failed in gathering his mana. Over the last couple of days, he struggled with the thoughts inside of himself. As he fell into the meditative trance, he fought with his inner demons. That was one of the biggest obstacles for Ascended.

It was as if the world was testing them. They'd face their biggest fears, their greatest regrets. They'd have to overcome them, or at least be able to handle them or fall into despair. Lately, it was worse than ever before. "Is it because I'm changing, finally facing it all?" Jace could only sigh in response to his thoughts.

"Just because you've failed," Liana held him close, her face nuzzled up against his gently, "Doesn't mean you always will. The fact you fail means that you've tried. That's more than most people can say."

Her words were comforting, and as always gave him a sense of peace. Still, it was frustrating.

"I know..." Jace smiled softly, holding her arms to him, "Thank you. It's just...so much harder lately."

"I know," Liana empathized, "Return to it after you take a shower and get something in your stomach, alright?"

Nodding, Jace stood with the help of Liana and was sent on his way to wash the sweat from his body. Liana, as always, was so accommodating. She was an angel in disguise. "No, not in disguise...she really is any angel." Jace smiled to himself in amusement.

As he made his way to the shower, he could feel eyes on him. They were watching closely, following him all the way to the bathroom. As the door closed shut, Jace leaned against the wall with a sigh.

"Come on then," He called, rolling his eyes knowingly, "I know you're there."

"Well, I'd imagine so," Nadine's voice called out playfully, "I was staring holes through you."

"Is everything alright?" Jace asked, confused why she was making an appearance now.

"You tell me," Nadine floated in the middle of the bathroom, legs crossed along with her arms, "You're having trouble, despite the recent developments."

"...Well, I am happier than before," Jace admitted, smiling in thought, "But, you're right. I can't focus. The thoughts inside are more aggressive than before. More...persistent."

Nadine floated over to him, smiling a kind smile. Her ghostly hand placing itself upon his cheek gently.

"My dear child," Nadine soothed, "You're growing. You're at an impasse that all Ascended go through. Unfortunately, you're haunted by more than most."

Feeling her cold, yet oddly warm hand upon him was comforting. She was a second mother to him, and he couldn't help but feel the sadness well up inside of him. While one of his mothers were in a coma, the other was dead. He didn't want the other to join her just yet but was grateful for his Ascended ability. If only it could bring them back.

"Jace..." Nadine spoke softly with a sad tone, as if reading his mind, "Even the strongest Ascended can't bring back the dead..."

"I know..." Jace mumbled, sighing as her thumb wiped away the beginnings of tears on his face, "I just find it unfair I can see you...interact with you while Liana can't. They miss you; I know it. Even if they put on such a brave face."

"I understand," Nadine smile tenderly, "You always did care more about others than yourself. One day, you'll be able to help her see me, but right now...you have to focus on yourself."

"How?" Jace asked, his heart aching as he vented his frustrations, "I can't...I can't fight them! They burrow and worm and stay like the worst of shit. Like sand at the beach, finding it in the most obscure places despite cleaning everywhere."

Nadine laughed lightly, an angelic and well-needed sound. Jace found himself relaxing slightly, after all, jokes masked the pain.

"Jokes, they can help," Nadine said, "But they can't fix everything."

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"Right...So, why are you here?" He asked, sighing and slumping down onto the floor, "I'm sure you didn't just come to remind me of that."

"No, I didn't," Nadine told him simply, "But it was one of the reasons. Finally, you two admitted your feelings to each other. It was frustrating just watching sometimes...but now I just wanted to say I'm happy for the two of you."

Jace blushed, smiling sheepishly.

"Of course, you'd know..." Jace mumbled.

"Well, yes," Nadine smiled proudly, "I am her mother, and yours should you accept it. A parent's job is to know their children or try to."

"...You know I think of you as another mother," Jace told her, glancing up at her, "Only recently did I accept it though."

"That's a start," Nadine nodded, speaking softly, "Still, it's nice to hear...Remember, Jace. You're changing. With it, your thoughts will be in more turmoil than normal. Let it wash over you, for only you know who you are."

"Ah..." Jace finally realized why she was there, as always, she was helping him, "Thank you...Mother."

Nadine's expression softened, tears forming in her eyes. Jace could feel the emotion welling up in the room. Ghosts were highly tied to emotions, especially their own. It could even manifest if the feeling was strong enough. It was a warm, soft feeling. A grateful feeling as if an entire weight fell from their shoulders.

"Oh, Jace...My son," Nadine swept towards him, her form engulfing him in the warmest hug he ever felt, "I'm happy to hear you say that...don't forget who you are. The words you hear are only words. You can do this."

Jace hugged her back, her ghostly form feeling cold, but in the most comforting way. Feeling so warm with the emotions in the room. Slowly, his arms slipped through where she was as she faded back into her realm. Leaving him with his thoughts, and an awkward feeling in his chest.

"I never did call her that..." Jace felt sheepish, but happy that he finally called her mother. After all, she was just like one to him. She always thought of him as her own, something his real mother was always grateful for.

Much more relaxed now, Jace was able to enter the shower with a more focused head. Letting the water wash over him, he was able to clear his thoughts. Nadine always seemed to arrive when he needed. Once again, receiving help from someone else.

This time, however, with everyone in his heart, he was able to accept it rather than bemoan his own shortcomings. Nadine had shown up to guide him, as she always did when he learned who he was as an Ascended. She couldn't always be around, but even now he was still her precious student.

Just as the water rushed over him, so too did all the negative thoughts. It wasn't easy, but somehow, he managed. He couldn't help but smile. It was as if Liana knew exactly what he needed when telling him to take a shower, as well as Nadine who gave the advice that got through his stubborn head. She had always known how to help him train.

As the mana flowed through him, the world became clearer. The thoughts still persisted, but now they were quiet. At least for now. Slowly, he opened his eyes feeling more at peace than before. Finally, he was able to get back on track.

Exiting the shower, he wrapped a towel around himself just as there was a knock on the door.

"Jace?" Liana called from the other side, "Everything alright?"

Without even thinking, he opened the door to face her.

"Yeah, I was just finishing up..." he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, "Did I take too long?"

"N-No," Liana breathed, biting her lip slightly as her eyes ran over him, "Just...get dressed, and, uhm..."

Liana trailed off, seemingly unable to find the right words.

"Liana?" Jace asked before realizing he was standing there, water dripping down his body with a towel around him, "Oh! I'm so sorry!"

Jace's face heated up as he blushed, bashfully shifting his weight.

"Oh, don't be..." Liana smirked, placing a hand on his chest, her eyes lighting up as she glanced up into his, "I was just surprised. You seem...calmer now."

"I-I guess so," Jace smiled, relaxing at her touch, "I got a bit of a pep talk. Some advice."

"...My mother?" Liana asked softly, which he confirmed with a nod, "She always is watching over us...hope she hasn't watched over everything."

"Oh god..." Jace became immediately embarrassed, "I don't think she would do that, thankfully."

"Heh, I guess not," Liana smiled, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek, "Now, go get dressed. Food is waiting."

Turning around, she seemed to glide away, holding her hands behind her back happily. Pausing for a moment, she glanced back towards him.

"I'm glad you were able to figure out it," Liana smiled sweetly.

"Well, I have you helping me," Jace responded simply, "Among others. How could I not with so many amazing people helping me?"

Her smile brightened, and she practically glowed as she turned around and made her way back downstairs. With a warmth in his heart, and his head a bit clearer, Jace made his way to his room to dress. He didn't want to leave Liana waiting any more than he already had.

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