Chapter 19: Chapter Nineteen – Waxing Cresent

Chapter 19

I freeze. 

I want to sit, but I, I just…I-

Lina suddenly grabs my waist, interrupting my deliberations. She quickly spins me around to face away from her, and drags me onto her lap with a surprised yelp. 

I reflexively dip my shoulders down lower, trying to make myself as small as possible in her large arms. I look into her eyes and I feel her disappointment, her concern, and her compassion. But I also feel something else. Something that makes my heart beat faster, and my chest tighten up. 

I know who's in charge here.

I tilt my head back, as the sheer power of Lina's emotions, spirit, and force of will wash over me. My breath comes out in a soft whimper. 

"Aww, Lua, Lua, Lua." Lina softly coos, shaking her head. "What are we going to do with you?" 

She holds me firmly, rubbing small circles on my exposed thigh under the hem of my thin robe. 

"Talk to me Lua. What is this really about?" Lina softly asks. 

"It's, it's nothing…" I whisper, barely loud enough to be heard. 

Lina stops rubbing my thigh. Her hands tighten on my body. 

"Lua, you know I can feel what you feel. It's ok. I won't judge you, or get angry, or make fun of you. Just tell me what's going on here." 

I hesitantly look into Lina's eyes. I can tell she means it. I feel safe. 

"I don't like Nadia." I blurt out, then quickly break eye contact. 

Lina chuckles. "Yes, I know. That's the problem we're here to talk about, but why? Nadia has been nothing but incredibly kind to us. She was the one who welcomed us into her mosque, her home, remember? I know that the eavesdropping wasn't great, but you can't deny that she had valid reasons."

"I know…" I sigh, looking down, slightly ashamed. 

"So what is this really about then? Jealousy?" 

I hesitate, then shyly nod. 

"Oh Lua. Come here. It's ok." Lina comforts me, holding me tighter. 

She holds me firmly a moment, then pulls away slightly. She tilts my chin up at her. "This is becoming a problem though. Your behavior towards Nadia is not appropriate. I already told you, in the closet at the mosque. You're my only thrall. I can never replace you. Look at my feelings, you'll see that it's true." 

"I know that…" 

"So what's wrong then?" 

I try to dodge Lina's gaze, but she grabs my chin and holds my face in her sight. "What's the real problem then?" 

"She's just, she's just so...so…"

"So what?" 

"So pretty!" I gasp out. "And small, and cute, and she has great outfits, and hair, and she's kind, and funny, and on top of it all a genius! And I'm… I'm just me." 

It feels good to get that out I guess…

"And what's wrong with you?" Lina says, resuming her thigh rubbing. 

I huff. "I'm just…I'm just too big. I'm tall, and I've been covered in sand and dirt for the last week. My hair is a disaster, I don't have any makeup, and you only let me bring two sundresses! And I never went to some fancy magic school, and, and, I'm just… I'm just normal. Normal, average Lua." 

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Lina wipes away a tear rolling down my cheek. 

"Lua…" She whispers. "First of all, you're plenty small to me. Do you feel big now, sitting on my lap like this?"

I look up at her strong shoulders, her large arms wrapped around me. I know the answer. I shake my head. 

I do feel small.

"Good. Then from now on you're going to be spending a lot more time in my lap!" 

My legs instinctually rub together at the thought of more time in Lina's lap. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she noticed. 

She continues anyway. "Second, you're anything but normal. You're my thrall, and there will never be another one of those, and-" 

"You didn't even mean to make me your thrall!" I interrupt. 

I feel Lina's sudden pain at my words. Her eyes quickly fill with tears, and I instantly regret what I just said. 

"Is that what you think?" Lina whispers. 

My eyes shift away from hers. "I don't know…" I whisper. 

"Lua, making you my thrall was anything but an accident. The opposite. When you…when you died, I felt like I lost a part of my soul. Like I'd never be whole again. I would have given anything to save you. I just… I don't know how, but I just made it happen. I made it happen because I had to. Because I couldn't lose you. Because… I can't live without you." Lina chokes out. 

I tear up even more. I can feel that Lina means every word she says. 

"Why me though?" I sniffle. "You're an ancient, immortal vampire, and I'm just a normal girl. Why me?"

Lina cups my face in her hands. "Because you're you. Because of everything about you. You're not normal at all Lua. You've been through so much in your short life already. Losing your parents at such a young age, surviving that awful orphanage, living on the streets, working at that horrible club! Through it all you never lost who you are. You never lost your kindness, your sense of humor, your hunger for adventure, your enthusiasm for life! That’s hard, really hard. I'm proud of you, Lua, but don't lose yourself now. Treating Nadia like this isn't like you. I know you've gone through a lot these last couple weeks, but I'm here for you. We can talk about anything you need to. You don't have to carry these feelings alone." Lina smiles warmly at me. 

"Ok…I guess. I'm just scared, Lina. I'm really scared all the time." I let a few tears fall off my cheek. 

"Scared of what, Lua? You know I'll always protect you. I'll never let anyone hurt you." 

I feel exactly how much Lina means that. "I know, but…"

"But what?"

I hesitate. Lina tucks a loose piece of hair behind my ear. "Lua, you can say it. You know I already know. I can feel everything you feel." 

I sigh. "I'm afraid you'll get a girlfriend." I whisper. "That I'll just be left as your delicious thrall that you snack on when you're hungry, then go live your life with…with someone else." I barely get my words out before breaking down in tears.

Lina sighs. I'm flooded by her sympathy, and pain, pain that I would feel this way.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper. 

"Lua, you don't have to be sorry. That's a perfectly reasonable way to feel. I'm the one that's sorry. I've known you’ve felt this way since the moment I turned you, and I think you know how I feel too. I've felt the same for years, long before I made you my thrall. You were the first real friend I had after my imprisonment. All those years living under my 'parent's' supervision, they never let me get close to anyone. I moved around constantly, changing lives and identities every few decades. It was hard. When I moved to Lisbon, and took the name Lina, it was the first life I chose solely for me, to live how I want to live, and not for the consortium. I wanted to open a pastelaria, and live a quiet life, just baking pastries for a few centuries. My life in Lisbon was nice, but I was lonely. I was lonely for a long time. I was lonely until I found you Lua. You were the first human I connected with in thousands of years. You have no idea how much you mean to me."

I start to cry as I feel exactly how Lina feels for me, and what she's felt for years. 

Lina cups my crying face in her hands. "After I made you my thrall, I knew we shared those feelings. I just wanted to go slow, so as not to overwhelm you with so many life changes all at once. I was worried that I would be taking advantage of your emotional state, or abusing the power imbalance that I unjustly hold over you with the thrall magic. I'm sorry, Lua. I'll stop avoiding the feelings we both clearly have." 

I sniffle. Fear and nervousness surge inside of me. I know it's coming from both of us. I anxiously wiggle in Lina's lap, looking up at her with pleading eyes, waiting on her to ask what we both know is about to be asked. 

Lina takes a deep breath, her body slightly shaking. 

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

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