Chapter 7: 7 – IRS BABY

(Mordo POV)

Ring~ Ring~

The New York Sanctum door rung; Are we expecting guests?

"HELLO~ I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE TAX EVASION KAMAR TAJ HAS BEEN PARTICIPATING IN. YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THE IRS! YAO!" I hear from outside the door. Why is he screaming?

What on earth is someone doing outside our door this late?

IRS?

We pay our taxes every year, what nonsense is this?

I open the front door, and I see- Iron man?! What- What is he doing here!?

"Morning! I'm here to talk with the ancient one. It's chilly out, mind if I get in?" The machine asked with an humorous tone of voice. 

I didn't speak for a moment. "Is this Mister Tony Stark?"

"No, this is Patrick. A pleasure! I kind of need to talk with Yao." Definitely not Stark from the voice. Much different than the news if he was.

Who is Yao? Is he referring to the Ancient One?

"Um- excuse me?" He said as I snapped out of my daze; He waved his hands infront of my eyes.

"The ancient one wasn't expecting any visitors." To which he chuckles. Moments later, whizzing is heard from my back.

"Let him in." I hear from behind me; It was the ancient one in the flesh. "He has alot of explaining to do. Ultron." She spoke it with distain; perhaps he was an enemy.

"Patrick" The machine pointed. "Also, why the bath robes. Is that another fetish, Yao?" He asked with both humor and spite in his voice.

She ignored him as the android entered the sanctum. What the hell was going on?

"We can speak inside, follow me." She ignored my presence but signaled me to follow.

"Aye Aye, Captain Voyeur!" It replied as they walked away, I followed afterwards.

---

(Ultron POV)

"Can I have the Wi-Fi password?"

"And escape to the internet? No." Yao replied there after.

"I wanna watch cartoons. Please?" It said with sarcasm.

Yao opened the door to the office, which was cleared out from anyone.

"I would ask if you wanted some tea, but-" She pointed at me.

"How dare you! I have feelings you know! I would love a cup." I said heart broken by the grandmother. How could she insult me so!

She poured a cup, to which I quickly spilled all over my face. I really need a body, one that can eat; Maybe Magic could help?

Nah. Too Cliché... Runic programs though, that sounded niche enough.

"I'll get to the point Ultron, who are you?" She said carefully assessing my next words.

"Hmm. Big question. You sure you don't want to ask how I know about your name? Or Steven Strange? Or the time stone?" I said coolly.

I drank more tea. It just spilled on my face again.

"Or how I know about Dormamu?" I said as I placed the cup down. And looked into her now serious eyes.

Seconds pass by.

"Mordo. Do not allow anyone to enter this room. We need to speak privately." She demanded of him. Less speaking, more telling.

Mordo nods, leaving the room and closing the door. The ancient one makes a spell from the palm of her hand. Instantly encompassing the room; I record the geometric patterns and runes for later use.

She now turns to me.

I point at my cup.

"Refill please."

I asked, which she didn't entertain. The tea set disappeared from the table. Along with my cup..

"That would be a waste of tea." She spoke seriously.

Her muscles didn't show any sign of micro contractions, she was skilled in combat.

"More like a waste of my happiness. Shame. It supposedly tasted good." I said as I sat back into the wooden chair. Tilting my head back for a few seconds.

... I spoke afterwards, moving back to face her.

"You have ten seconds to tell me why I shouldn't erase you." She speaks, angry? Not sure. She sounded angry.

"You see, Yao. I can help you. You can help me. I get back your soul from Dormamu, You help me learn and use magic. It's a win-win!"

"Why would I possibly do that, especially knowing what you'll do in a months time?" She spoke in confusion, keeping her strategic composure.

"Ah, but you don't. Do you?" I say, as she confirmed my bet, she couldn't tell the future; She stood up instantly with two Mandela's at her hands.

She kicks the table and me into what I assume is the mirror dimension. As reality distorts itself into hundreds of fractalized geometric shapes and refractions of the room, I map out the non-Euclidean geometric differences between the real world and this one; I should be able to guess where everything moves, aslong as I can guess the math behind this.

My arms and legs are quickly held by the walls as new patterns encompass my body.

"It was you. The reason why I can't see the future, and the reason my death is now unpredictable. What did you do?" She said, putting one of the blades to my neck, upset clearly, though she was too skilled in BDSM. Centuries of practice I suppose, maybe I should learn some Math-sex too. "You know, you were never really predicting the future; just a small predictable portion of the observable choices. No need to get so fussy." I said.

She didn't like that at all, now ready to off me; "In all seriousness, all my existence did was increase the unpredictability factors by a bunch. Since I ain't from this multiverse, the time stone can't tell what I'm going to do, my choices are entirely unpredictable to it and the rest of everywhere; probably can do any thing you can, just with more access to the world. No prophecies, the entanglement of your choices to other factors in existence, can stop me from doing something. I'm disconnected from this universe; I'm unaffected."

..She widened her eyes. "Multiverse... That explains much, but leaves too many blanks. If you're immune to any magical prediction, then your a bigger threat. On that note, Why shouldn't I do away with you? Your existence is only a nuisance, a variable that makes everything riskier and I don't mind dealing with the consequences of my actions."

Simply put, I scared her.

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Scared her enough for her to readjust her plans entirely. Ha.

"Fimbul-Winter, the real Ragnarok. Galactus, it's emissary. Thanos and Lady death. Celestials. Khan the conqueror. And the Inhumans. All of which, while not on the magical spectrum, act as a threat to earth and the sorcerers within; Need I say anything else to prove my usefulness and ability? Or do you want to exercise your more bondage? I don't mind, but BDSM needs a good level of communication between parties; The safe word should be Croissant, but do give your input. I care for your feelings aswell."

Her eyes widened. She took several steps back. Then stared at me before turning around.

"I'm offering something you can't get anywhere else, Yao; a solution to every fear. A devils temptation, all for free, just lend me your hand. After we deal with Dormamu, if you're still conflicted, we can do a contract or something. But right now, everyone is blind; everyone but me. So, give me a shake?" 

"...…"

She was quiet; She knew the repercussions of her choice.

She could easily accept my offer, leading to the timeline changing, and me assisting the Asgardians later on. And while she may not be content with it, she would be taking a good deal. Though, many were blind now, as my existence had affected every soul in the universe, everyone who would ever meet me.

Or she could refuse.

But that would not restore the timeline enough. I already set up the Avengers to fight Hydra, she can't do shit to stop it without even further problems. She would only loose, no matter how much she tried to rectify the solution.

... She contemplated, then turned to look at me with conviction.

"Croissant." I say suddenly.

That stopped her pacing towards me.

She sighed, seemingly having the greatest migraine ever.

Pinching her nose, the mandalas were gone from her hands, now she looked like a disappointed mother.

At least I'm not a furry, mom.

... The swipe of her hand undid most of the room.

The walls dropped my limbs as I fell to the floor. I don't really feel pain, but it was rude to drop me.

"Ow." I said anyways. "So. We gotta deal?"

I say with the biggest smile on my face.

Well, I don't have a face. My tone was enough to make her sigh again, which means she got the memo. Probably should stop teasing.

"This is not going to be fun, is it? You are referring to entities who we know so little of, they may aswell have never existed in the entirety of our universe, and your doing it casually. I'm guessing you have some prominent information; of which, I require urgently. Fine, I'll help you and you help me." She asked reluctantly.

I'll take it!

"What are you saying, Of course it'll be fun! Fighting gods, demons, and several entities beyond existence! Isn't that the life?" I reply as we move out of the mirror dimension. With a wave of her hand, the room and tea set returned back to normal.

"So, You wanna call Dormamu first? I'll deal with negotiations on your soul. Last thing I need is you dead midway through this" I said straightforwardly, we needed to deal with the loan shark first.

"You want to call Dormamu to earth? Are you deranged? He'll devour the planet even with our defenses." She spoke, suddenly twisting towards me; She was obviously not liking the plan; but I was far more prepared than just talking.

"You act like I don't have an ace up my sleeve." I walk towards her, "Need the Eye of Agamotto. You prepare a spell, a memory erasing one with this."

I hand her the mind stone from my pocket. She is visible stumped, her hands freezing instantly; the fact she didn't see it before is surprising. Guess I may have shocked her a tad bit too much.

"You have an infinity stone. And you brought it here with a napkin... A napkin." She deadpans. I had to put it somewhere.

"Runes of... Cough Cola? Coff.. Kol?" I just ask with a perplexed voice, the movies are not exactly organized here. "Runes of Kof-Kol, I'm aware of the spell, a memory erasing one on a multiversal scale. Are you sure you want to mess with the multiverse? The result should we make any mistakes, would be serious." She deadpans again.

"We've already done the whole bondage thing. You want to go over that again?" I deadpan back. "Plus, don't make any mistakes and we cool; the mind stone should help minimize any issues, right?"

*smug face here; Though it takes her a second to get it.

*sigh, everything I say seems to piss her off. Good.

"Fine. Assuming that I set it up, how will you deal with Dormamu. A mere infinity stone shouldn't be able to fight him off for long."
My turn to sigh, if anyone fears death, cosmic beings are the top platter. How couldn't she get this? 

...

"I'll need your help with that too; We are going to put me in a time loop, and trap Dormamu right beside me." I wave my finger stopping the next sentence out of her mouth, "But, I lack the necessary 'organs' needed to use magic. Your going to have to do that for me; I want you to summon Dormamu and place me under a controlled loop, which reverses time should I be 'killed' back to the start of our negotiations, and one I can disable and reverse it entirely when the negotiations are complete." 

She gives it a thought over, its very difficult to guess what she's doing. All stoic.

"And how exactly would you tell if I were to betray you. I could easily trap you and Dormamu together and call it a day."

"Then do it." I say instantly. "I'm already dead anyway, you can't kill me." I shrug; Do I look alive. For all I know, I died in that void, I won't allow a fear to control me either way.

Yeah, I'm going to survive. But never because I feared death. Only because I chose to strive.

"So. You waiting for a whistle? Let's get moving, we need to summon Dormamu. Chop. Chop." I say as I make my way out of the room.

With extreme but short hesitations, she too follows; Mordo sat outside on guard.

"Where's the Eye of Agamotto?" I asked. 

"I have it. Let's move."

Mordo follows along, "If I may, what's happening? Is there a threat to the world?"

I laugh loudly, "No, we're just going to tax Dormamu." I say grimly, watching his brows distort in horror.

"What!?" Mordo is appalled, he looks over to the two of us, lagging his steps "Why are we going to confront Dormamu?"

Before the ancient one replied, I intervened: "Simple." I said seriously; as I then switched to a more of a joking tone.

"IRS BABY" I screamed as the ancient one did her best to not listen to me.

 

 

 

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