Mayo Chiki!
“…Ah, Onii-chaaan~ I was waiting for you~”
The following day after the sports festival—the 20th of September. With classes over, right as I came to the school gate all on my own, a voice as sweet as chocolate sundae called out to me.
“Come on, I was getting bored of waiting, you know? Let’s go home together, Onii-chan!”
“………”
Honestly speaking, I was pretty lackluster. Can you blame me, this sweet and almost sickeningly cute voice has no right to call me ‘Onii-chan’. Am I hearing some hallucinations now? My god, I get that a lot of trouble happened yesterday after the sports festival, so I’m sure I must be tired to some degree, but to think that it would dwindle down my mental health this much. I should probably hurry up to take some Lipo*itan D and recover my HP.
“Hmmm? Onii-chan, where are you going~?”
I fully ignored the voice who continuously annoyed me, and made my way home. Just act like I’m not hearing anything, and leave. Well, we’ll be going to the same ‘home’, so that won’t work out too well.
“Hey hey, Onii-chan~”
So persistent. What is this? Did I create some fantasy character that’s clinging to me now? Did I want a little sister that badly? I already have one, so that’s the problem? Well, she’s a wrestling maniac that tortures me with wrestling techniques from morning to night.
“Onii-chan? Are you listening~?”
I sure am, I’m just too scared to turn around and look at you. Eh, why does this feel like some horror story now? Damn it, why a little sister? If it had to be a fantasy character, at least make it some rat bastard going ‘Hey, everyone!’, alright. Now that it’s come to this, I have to hurry home as quickly as possible. Once I make it there, this adorable little sister voice will come to an end as well. Or rather, I wouldn’t know what to do if it didn’t. Worst case scenario, I would have to get checked out at the hospital.
Right there, as I sped up with these thoughts in mind…
“Cobra!?” I involuntarily screamed out the name of a snake living in India.
Why? I was tackled. Someone rammed their body into my back. And then, their slender arms wrapped around my neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck!? I can’t breathe! Am I being choked by some actual cobra now?!
“Onii-chan, listen to me.”
This would be the time for them to take out a discount Dracula voice, saying ‘Give me your blood!’, but it turned out to be a cutesy anime TV show running Sunday morning…No, hold on. This voice suddenly sounds quite familiar…
“Urk…”
I somehow managed to turn my head with cracking sounds, only to find a single girl clinging to my back. She had semi-long silver hair, a super small stature, with sportive spats beneath her skirt, and a blouse tightly fitting her body—Narumi Schrödinger. She is the vice club president of the handicrafts club as well as an existence feared as the strongest at our school, currently about to crush my windpipe.
“S-Schrö-senpai…”
“Hmpf, finally looked at me, huh.”
She seemed to be satisfied with me calling out her name, as she got off my back. Immediately after, I started coughing violently. Normally, if a girl like her were to be this close to me, my gynophobia would activate, but for better or worse, this sleeper hold had my body busy enough. As proof of this, I wasn’t even suffering from a nosebleed.
“W-What are you doing out of the blue like this…” I tried to get my breathing under control, and asked her.
In response, Schrö-senpai crossed her arms and started thinking.
“Skinship?”
“That sure is a violent type of skinship.”
“Ahaha. Don’t be so angry. You started this by ignoring me, even though I went out of my way to play the little sister as I promised.” Schrödinger-san showed an innocent smile.
Grrr, she’s not wrong. What am I talking about with a hallucination? I’ve gotten crazy for good. A genre doesn’t suddenly jump to a fantasy from a high school life.
“Do you need something?”
“Am I not allowed to share a bit of skinship with my Onii-chan if I don’t?”
“Not exactly, but…Also, could you drop that ‘Onii-chan’ already?”
“Ehhh, why, Onii-chan?” Schrö-senpai flapped her arms up and down like a protesting child.
Adding her small stature into the mix, she really looked like an adorable little sister, but there’s actually a reason she addresses me as an Onii-chan. At the sports festival that happened yesterday, Schrö-senpai and I had decided on a competition. Although the results ended up a bit messy because of the circumstances, Schrö-senpai ended up calling me ‘Onii-chan’ as she does now.
“Do you not like being called Onii-chan?”
“Well…”
As a matter of fact, I have a bit of a trauma with being addressed that way. Whenever I hear ‘I love Onii-chan!’ back in the day, it surely ended up with me being used as a punching bag. It really doesn’t help that Schrö-senpai has a similar body stature to Kureha, which only worsens my flashbacks. Shudders.
“Then, maybe I should change that.”
“Change the way you’re calling me?”
“You dislike being called Onii-chan, right? Then, I just have to change that, and everything should be fine. Then, I can stay as your little sister.”
“……”
No, that’s not the problem here. Also, why are you so adamant on being my little sister?
“Hmm…What would be best, I wonder?”
“You’re going at your own pace as always, I see.”
“That’s my strong point. So, what would you prefer?”
“I don’t really…”
“For your choices, you have Onii-chan, Onii-chama, Anii, Onii-sama, Onii-tama, Aniue-sama, Nii-sama, Aniki, Nii-kun, Niikun-sama, Nii-chama, Nii-ya, An-chan, and so on.”
“I feel like there’s too many choices in the mix!?”
“Best be careful. Besides one correct choice, all of them lead to a bad end.”
“Why does this feel like I’m playing a gal game now!?”
“That ain’t true~ Even if you choose the correct one, it’ll lead to a Dead End.”
“This ain’t some sound horror game!”
She sure does not make it easy for me…She’s not a sister princess at all.
“Well, leaving those jokes aside, hurry up and pick one, Onii-chan.”
“U-Um…Then, Anii, please.”
“…Wah, you actually chose that one.”
“You made it an option, right!?”
“But, Anii of all the choices…”
“Don’t be grossed out now. Would you rather call me ‘Onii-chama’, or ‘Onii-tama’, hm?”
“Well, those two are even more embarrassing.”
“Then, please call me Anii.”
“Urk…O-Okay, I’m doing it, alright?” Schrö-senpai muttered a faint ‘Anii, huh…’ to herself, and bit her lips with reddened cheeks.
Then, a brief silence followed. While trying her best to ignore her embarrassment, she pushed out a voice to the best of her ability.
“A…A…A…Anija!”
“Anija!? You’re not a guy, right!?”
“Anijaaaaaa! Anijaaaaaa!”
“Stop! Don’t scream that with your anime-like voice!”
Also, that wasn’t even a choice, right? That way of addressing me just makes you sound like a younger brother rather than a younger sister. Not to mention how antiquated it is.
“…Anija?”
“Using a cute voice doesn’t change anything.”
“Tsk. What’s the matter? Anija is definitely the best choice here~” Schrö-senpai complained.
…Yeah, I really don’t think I can win against her. Just talking to her makes me get mixed up in her pace. She’s another type of pushy compared to Suzutsuki, that I just can’t deal with.
“…So, what did you want? I seriously doubt you came all the way over here just to call me Anija, right?”
Now that it’s come to this, I’ll have to forcefully change the topic myself. Since all her grudges towards me should have been resolved during yesterday’s sports festival, there shouldn’t be any more reason for her to involve herself with me…
“The thing is, I wanted to talk about my little sister.”
“About Nakuru?” I returned this question, to which Schrö-senpai gave me a serious glare.
“Yesterday, you ignored Nakuru’s phone call, right?”
“Urk.” I froze up.
Oh yeah, I feel like Nakuru called me last night…
“I already heard about it, so spit it out.”
“I mean, I’ll apologize for ignoring her call, but…isn’t she calling me a bit too much?”
“You gonna blame her? She’s a maiden in love.”
“That doesn’t mean she can call me 120 times in a single day, you know!?” I complained, and pushed my phone screen onto her.
There, the entire list of calls was full of calls from ‘Glasses Junkie’. Before I realized it, I was too terrified to call her back. This most likely is related to the whole confession incident that happened during the closing ceremony of the sports festival. There, Nakuru desperately confessed her feelings for me. Normally, that would be the happy-go-lucky normie debut I had always waited for, but reality isn’t as kind.
After all, the reason that Nakuru wanted to go out with me was none other than to simply observe me. Or in simpler words, she wanted to get material for her BL works. With how motivated she is, I wouldn’t be surprised if she started keeping a diary or something like that. Seton’s ‘Wild Animals I have Known’, Fabre’s ‘Book of Insects’, and Nakuru has her Book of BL. For people with her interests, it would probably turn into a new bible. Of course, knowing her peculiar fetish, I immediately rejected her, but…
“Nakuru still hasn’t given up on you, alright. If anything, she’s falling in love with you even more.”
“If so, then she could have just written an email or something like that, right?”
“That’s what I argued as well, but she said ‘It’s embarrassing to write Senpai lots of mails!’, and kept on calling you.”
“She sure is shy during the weirdest times…”
“Well, she can be embarrassed at times. She even asked me for advice yesterday.”
“Advice?”
“She said ‘Nakuru can’t talk with Senpai when she looks at his glasses…’, you know.”
“……”
Well. Normally you’d say ‘in his eyes’, right? Maybe it was just Schrö-senpai who misspoke right now. Even that glasses junkie would properly look at my eyes when we’re………
“She apparently is too focused on the shape of your glasses, and can’t focus on the conversation.”
“Are you serious!?”
“Hm? Or was she interested in the thickness of the lenses?”
“Who cares about that!?”
“Anyway, she apparently has a lot of trouble talking to you without being engrossed by our glasses. That seemingly has her getting nervous.”
“………”
It’s a terminal illness. That was the first thought that popped up in my head. She’s done for. It’d be best to send her to a hospital, and give her a surgery done by Black *ack-sensei himself.
“I’m sorry, I’ll apologize later for not answering the phone calls. I was just a bit busy yesterday.”
“Huh, did something urgent come up?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
Telling her what happened to my home crossed the line a bit, so I kept my words vague. Especially more so considering where I’m currently staying. Also, I definitely can’t tell her. Imagine this spread inside the school.
“Hmpf, I’ll leave it at that then today. I do have faith in you after all.”
“?”
What’s that supposed to mean? Did I do something that would warrant this much trust? If anything, we’ve been on awful terms before the culture festival.
“I mean, you’re keeping Usamin after all.”
“Huh?”
Usamin…she’s talking about Usami Masamune, right.
“Ever since she met you, she has changed a bit. Before, she pretty much ignored everybody who tried talking to her, but recently she’s opened up a lot more. Rumours say that you took her in to become like that.”
“Rumours…”
“Disciplining?”
“I’m not doing anything like that.”
“Training?”
“Not training either!”
“Ehh, then what did you do? You fed her some carrots?”
“Not at all. She’s not an actual rabbit after all.”
“Right~ I tried to feed her carrots as well, and she got angry at me.”
“You actually tried that!?”
“Usamin said ‘Stop fooling around, Did you think you could win me over with carrots!?’, but she ate it in the end.”
“She ate it in the end!?”
Maybe that’s why she stopped talking altogether? Though I’m sure Schrö-senpai just did it as a well-meant joke. However, I’m not doing anything special. I’m not talented or skilled enough to simply change people like that, and neither am I as clever as Suzutsuki. That’s why, we’re just simple friends. That’s about the best I could do. Though, I’m happy if that led to Masamune changing a bit. Also, now that I think about that…
“I see how it is.”
“Hm?”
“Schrö-senpai, you’re more caring than you initially lead people to believe.”
That’s the vice club president for you, I guess. She’s keeping Masamune in check, and is liked enough by people to be the sports festival executive president. Also, if she only were to fix this wild personality of hers, she might just be a perfect senior.
“Hanya!?”
However, the Schrö-senpai in question suddenly let out a baffled voice resembling a small animal, staring at me in disbelief.
“M-Moron! D-D-D-Dummy! What are you blurting out so nonchalantly?!”
“Eh? I just said what I felt, though?”
“Shhh…S-Shut up! I don’t like being praised!”
“How can you dislike that…”
“I sure do! I absolutely hate it when people praise me or pat my head!!” Schrö-senpai blushed furiously as she glared up at me.
…I might be wrong about this, but…
“Are you…embarrassed?”
“Huuuh!? Why the hell would I embwawassed!”
Ah, she bit her tongue…She’s so easy to see through. I clearly hit bullseye with that. Ahh, I didn’t expect that. To think Schrö-senpai of all people would be such a bashful person. However…what is this sensation? If I were to give it a manga-esque explanation, it’s like your rivaling female character suddenly turned into your ally, and is just always going in full dere mode. A dere Schrödinger-san…Or, Deredinger-san for short…
“……”
Oh crap, she’s so adorable. I feel like teasing her a bit now…
“Ah, stop that, will you!”
Without even asking for permission, I simply put my hand on Schrö-senpai’s head. And then, I moved it up and down, left and right.
“Funyaaa…I-I told you to stop…” She spoke like a kitty that got high on catnip, her resistance growing weaker and weaker.
Waaah, the gap to her usual attitude is crazy! My gynophobia is slowly flaring up again, but I can’t help wanting to touch her more like this.
“You really are a reliable senior, Schrö-senpai.”
“Unya!?”
“You care about your juniors.”
“A-Again, stop praising me…”
“That’s a third-year for you, and the vice club president, you’re the leader that will bring us to a new world.”
“Y-You bastard, if you keep going like this…”
“Eh, what? I couldn’t hear you.”
“~~~!?” When I rubbed her head even stronger, her face turned as red as a tomato. “Unyaaa~!?”
Ohhh, this is it, Deredinger-san. She’s even holding back on her usual forceful attitude, and is now acting like a docile cat.
“Urk…”
However, I’m also getting close to my limit. My nose will start bleeding any second now. Alright, I got to enjoy lots of Deredinger-san, so I’ll leave it at this for now—
“Senpai, what are you doing to Onee-chan?”
Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice. When I turned around with stiff movement, standing there was a girl with cat ears and glasses, possessing a physique the exact opposite of Schrö-senpai—It was the one and only glasses junkie, Narumi Nakuru. She looked at me petting her older sister’s head with dampened eyes.
“……”
Oh crap. I don’t know why, but it feels like another Ice Age arrived…
“N-Nakuru?”
For now, I put my hand away, and tried to reason with this junior of mine.
“Um…since when were you watching?”
“It should be around the time you said ‘Then, please call me Anii’…”
What awful timing! She was probably watching us from the shadows, right!?
“Uuuu…you’re cruel, Onee-chan. Being lovey-dovey with Senpai…”
“Wha…Calm down, my little sister! That bastard did it without my consent!”
“But…you looked pretty happy, Onee-chan…”
“That’s…well…you know…”
“Uwaaaaaaaaah!”
“Ah, don’t just start crying!”
“Not fair…You said you’d support Nakuru…you traitor! Now that it’s come to this…!”
“…!?”
For a second, I failed to grasp what was going on, as Nakuru suddenly leaped at Schrö-senpai.
“N-Nakuru, you…!”
Even Schrö-senpai was taken by surprise, her reaction belated. Nakuru used that moment to take out a bottle filled with coke, opened it up, and shoved it into Schrö-senpai’s mouth.
“Mguh!?”
The contents gushed down Schrö-senpai’s mouth…What is going on? What did she just do?
“Fufu, you leave Nakuru no other choice. From here on out, you will see Onee-chan’s different side!”
“W-What do you mean?”
“Put simply, it will be a shameful sight for her.” Nakuru flashed a devilish grin, and started explaining. “Normally, Onee-chan is always brimming with energy and a dependable person, but…she has one decisive weakness.”
“Weakness?”
“Fufu, that is…”
—When Onee-chan drinks carbonated drinks, she’ll get drunk.
That’s what Nakuru declared.
“She gets drunk off carbonic acid…?”
Wasn’t that your weakness? Well, they’re blood-related sisters, so they must share some kind of similarity.
“As for the details, it would be best for you to see it yourself.” With these words, Nakuru pulled the bottle out of Schrö-senpai’s mouth.
“N-Nakyuru, you…” Schrö-senpai’s articulation suddenly changed.
Her cheeks grew red, and her eyes seemed drowsy. It seems like she really got drunk off the carbonic acid. But, what about it? What is Nakuru planning with this? She probably wants to lessen my impression of Schrö-senpai by showing me one of her embarrassing sides. But, that right now isn’t nearly enough.
“……Ish hot.”
“Eh?”
What did she just say? Right when I wanted to ask for confirmation, Schrö-senpai suddenly took off the spats she was wearing.
“Wah, what are you doing!?”
“Eh? But, ish hot, sho…” After taking off her spats, the girl now put her hands on her uniform, and…Waaaah, don’t take that off!
I reflexively grabbed Schrö-senpai’s arm, and pushed her down in order to restrain her movement.
“Hmpf, what are you doing, Onii-chan. I can’t take off my clothes like this…” She glared up at me, trying to shake off my hand.
“This is Onee-chan’s weakness.” The only person calm and rational about this was Nakuru, flashing a satisfied smile. “You know how Nakuru wants to take off other people’s clothes when she gets drunk on carbonated drinks, right? Onee-chan is the opposite. She—can’t help herself with wanting to take off her own clothes!”
“What’s that even…”
That’s such a chore. Nakuru’s Drunken Undressing Fist was already a pain, but Schrö-senpai is even more dangerous. Right now, I’m restraining a half-naked loli girl. If someone saw me like this…actually they already are, since we’re still at the school. If this continues for much longer, I’ll probably get arrested.
“Hehehe! It’s Onee-chan’s fault for betraying Nakuru! Be more embarrassed as Senpai gets to see every part of you!”
As if that wasn’t enough, this glasses junkie made things only worse. She totally lost herself, and started laughing like a maniac. The scenery just now must have been that big of a shock for her. But, there’s still no need to go that far, right? Women are scary.
“Nakuru! Help me! At this rate, Schrö-senpai will strip completely!”
“It’s fine. Once she ends up completely naked, Nakuru will offer up her glasses.”
“Eh? Seriously? That’s good to…Wait, how does that help!?”
“Just kidding. However, rest assured. Speaking from experience, she won’t take off her underwear at least.”
“That’s not the problem here!”
“It’s not? …Ah!? Don’t tell me, are you hoping to have your way with Onee-chan’s loli body!?”
“Alright, you shut your mouth for a second!”
Her fantasies were running full speed ahead with no brakes in sight. She seems like she’d jump off the cliff if I told her.
“Let go of me! I’m going to take off my clothes!”
The situation quickly accelerated towards the bad, as Schrö-senpai started to grow more violent. Because she was still drunk, she failed to muster up any strength, but I was starting to grow weaker because of my gynophobia.
“Damn it…!” Even as I was grumbling these words, I felt the strength leave my arms.
As a result of this, Schrö-senpai’s arm managed to reach her skirt—
“Jirou, what exactly am I looking at?”
What rang out was an awfully cold and freezing alto voice. When I directed my gaze over towards the voice, I spotted a familiar silhouette. It was a student wearing a uniform different from the one normal students wore, designed to look like a butler’s uniform—Konoe Subaru.
She must have passed here by mere coincidence, but our school’s prince gave me a condescending look.
“Konoe! Save me! I need your help to get out of this!”
“Help…in what way?”
“You can tell by looking, right!? Schrö-senpai’s clothes are—”
There, I realized. I reconfirmed the current situation. Right now, I was holding down (or from an outsider’s perspective pushing her down) Schrö-senpai, who was blushing furiously, half her clothes were taken off (not to mention her loli physique), so things couldn’t look worse.
“……”
Huh? Now that I look at the situation, isn’t this pretty bad…?
“K-Konoe, you’re wrong. Calm down. This is a misunderstanding. That’s right, this isn’t what it looks like. Take a deep breath. There’s no way I would force myself on Schrö-senpai, nor am I interested in her loli body, I’m simply trying to save Schrö-senpai from embarrassment…” I desperately tried to make up excuses, as I felt my temperature get lower and lower.
“…Jirou.”
Grin, Konoe showed an unnatural yet angelic smile. “I will show you my certain kill technique now.”
“D-Don’t tell me…”
“Yeah. I was trying to show you when we first met, but I held back regarding the circumstances.”
She was declaring my imminent death. And then, she formed a small fist, raising it towards the sky…
“End of Earth.”
There, with a skill name so ridiculous, the world in front of me vanished instantaneously.
×
Thinking about it, the misfortune began with the fire that burned down half of my house. Because a telephone pole caught fire, the calamity happened. Our beloved home was unusable. Kureha and I lost our place we belong to. However, life isn’t always evil. As we stood in front of our house’s remains, with absolute luck, my phone vibrated, it being a phone call from Mom.
Naturally, since she was on her travels to become even stronger by fighting people overseas, she is not in Japan. From her end, it apparently happened simply on a whim, but to us it was a saving grace amidst this hell. After explaining the circumstances, Mom contacted the fire insurance, and it was decided that our home would be rebuilt. However, that naturally wouldn’t work in a day.
Since it was only burned down about half-way, there were a lot of things that only had to be fixed briefly, but it would still take a solid two months to make it inhabitable again. In order words, my little sister and I ended up stranded in this concrete jungle. What a day full of twists and turns.
However, that wasn’t the end of our road. The person who offered us a helping hand was one other than Lady Suzutsuki Kanade. She offered to let us stay over at her residence. It was yet another saving grace…but to me, it looked more like the devil’s contract. After all, she brought up a condition, which forced me to work as her servant for the duration of our stay. As a result, we were kept as pets by Suzutsuki Kanade.
“Hey, Konoe, will you finally cheer up already?”
We stood in front of the Suzutuski Family’s main gate, and I called out to my pouting butler.
“I already explained everything, right? That was Schrö-senpai suddenly stripping for no reason, okay?”
After that previous incident, I was hit with Subaru-sama’s certain kill technique, and got knocked out in one solid hit. Seriously, End of Earth sure is amazing, my view just turned blank, and it felt like the earth just exploded. I even thought of my testament. Once my consciousness returned, Nakuru quickly explained that everything was just a misunderstanding. Immediately after, Nakuru was dragged off by the still drunk Schrö-senpai with ‘Naaakuuuruuuuu, punishment time~’, and they disappeared in the distance. No clue what’s going on with them, but I’m sure it’ll be some good medicine for that glasses junkie.
Either way, after everything was resolved, Konoe and I headed to the Suzutsuki Residence, but…
“Shut up. It’s your fault for getting wrapped up in that, you tried to go home alone after all.”
Even though everything should have been resolved, Konoe still was in as much of a bad mood as before. It seems like she really didn’t like the fact that I wanted to head home myself.
“I mean, you were asked to help Sensei, right?”
“Urk…T-That is true, but…” Konoe pouted even more aggressively.
There is a reason that I was planning on heading home alone, which was because Konoe was asked for some assistance after classes by our homeroom teacher. Can’t blame her for that, since honor students tend to get a lot of trust and responsibility from the teachers.
On a side note, Suzutsuki was absent today. Not to mention not on a sick notice, but rather because she apparently had something urgent to attend to at her residence. Kureha was all ‘Maybe she’s preparing a welcome party for us!’ with sparkling eyes, but knowing that rich lady, there’s no way that’s happening. And I’d be willing to bet on that.
“Since our way home is the same, you might have as well waited for me…” Konoe muttered, still as displeased as before.
“I’m sorry, okay? Next time, I’ll make sure to wait.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah, promise.”
“You better keep that. If you lie, I’ll have to destroy earth again.”
“Yeah, yeah. But more importantly, there’s something I want to confirm.” I asked, as we set on the plot of the Suzutsuki Household.
Leading from the gate was a large garden, giving off a dense bourgeoise feeling as there were trees and flower beds guiding our way.
“Today, Kureha and I will be introduced to the other servants at the Suzutsuki Household, correct?”
“Yup. The young lady should have prepared a location for this already. With how much she was going around, I didn’t even have time to meet her.”
We’ve already stayed over at the Suzutsuki Residence yesterday, but we have yet to meet the other servants working there. Since we’d start working today, they also decided this day to be the first meeting.
“So, because your old man is with Suzutsuki’s parents, he won’t be home right now, yeah?”
“That’s right. He at least won’t be back during the time you’re staying over.”
“Great timing. If he was here as well, I probably wouldn’t be allowed to leave alive.”
Konoe Nagare, who I call old man or old fart, is still under the suspicion that there’s something going on between me and his beloved daughter. If he knew that I was working at the Suzutsuki Residence, he would be against it, so at least that is out of my way.
“…I don’t think it’ll be that much easier even without him.” Konoe muttered with a grim expression.
Hold on, what’s that reaction for? Are you telling me that there’s other servants who are as troublesome?
“More importantly, you have to be careful, Jirou.”
“Hm? About what?”
“Isn’t that obvious? Make sure that the other servants of the residence don’t find out about the fact that you know my secret. If they figure it out, I’ll have to quit as the young lady’s butler.”
“…Ah.”
I see, I totally forgot, but if the people at the school find out that Konoe is a girl, she’ll have to quit as Suzutsuki’s butler. However, I’m already an exception. I’ve been keeping the fact of me knowing it a secret myself…Well, the old man does know, but he’s keeping it a secret for his daughter’s sake.
“Be careful, okay? If someone from the residence realizes that you know about my secret, the young lady will immediately kick you out. If I have to quit as her butler, she probably won’t even care about protecting her promise of helping you.”
“…Hmm.”
Back in April, Suzutsuki and I shared the promise of ‘I’ll keep Konoe’s secret to me, so you two help me with my gynophobia’. Basically, it’s a shared contract. That’s why, if Konoe has to quit as a butler, Suzutsuki has no more reason to help me.
“That’s why, the best is that ‘Jirou and Kureha-chan became servants without knowing my secret’, see.”
“So basically, I’m supposed to act like I don’t know anything.”
“Indeed. Or, there’s also the option that you find out after you became servants at the residence. The rule is that nobody from school finds out, but the servants at the residence are an exception.”
“…Sounds difficult. Basically, it’s a time delay trick? I’ll act like I found out about your secret after becoming your servant.”
“Yeah. Though, that would mean Kureha-chan also finds out about it…”
“That’ll make things a whole lot more complicated.”
Kureha’s head over heels for Subaru-sama after all. She might just break down from the shock of finding out that Konoe is a girl. Or, she’ll get violent. I don’t even want to imagine that. If she goes crazy, I doubt even the military can stop her.
“You don’t need to think about it too deeply. What’s important is that no other servant finds out that you already learned of my secret.”
“…Got it, I’ll be careful.”
Right as we stopped talking, a young voice called out to us.
“Nii-san! Konoe-senpaaaai!”
Talk about the devil, I guess. Kureha started running towards us from behind my back. Seems like her classes just ended as well. Since Schrö-senpai and Nakuru left early, I guess they didn’t have any club today.
“Alright, now that everyone’s here, let’s enter together.”
“Y-Yes! Understood!”
I guess even Kureha is nervous in this situation. Well, the first impression is the most crucial after all, and I can’t relax either. I’ll be working here for the next two months, so I need to not mess things up at the first meeting. In front of my eyes was the large entrance of the residence. It was a Western residence several times bigger than my home, belonging only to the Suzutsuki Family. And starting today, I’ll be fighting here.
“…Phew.” I took a deep breath to steady my feelings.
And then, I carefully put my hand on the doorknob.
“—I’ve been expecting you, Jirou-kun.”
A dignified voice greeted me. Upon opening the door, there stood a girl with a goth uniform, her black hair tied up into twintails—She is my master starting today, Suzutsuki Kanade.
“Now, come with me to the reception room. I have to introduce you and Kureha-chan to the other servants after all.” Suzutsuki walked down the hallway, seemingly delighted.
Seems like the other servants have been waiting for us.
“Konoe, how many other servants besides you and your old man are working here?”
“There’s one chef, as well as two maids. Today, you’ll be meeting one of the maids. The other maid had to be hospitalized.”
“Hospitalized?”
“Because of an appendix.”
“Ouch, that sucks. What about the chef?”
“She, well, was wrapped up in an unfortunate accident…” Konoe suddenly grew quiet with a gloomy face.
…Ah, crap. Did I step on an uncomfortable topic? Looking at her expression, it must have been something quite unlucky and severe. Was he hit by a Romero Special1 I wonder? No, such things only happen in the Sakamachi Family. But then, what…
“It really was an unfortunate accident. Because of my Butler Knuckle, she ended up hospitalized.”
“So you’re the aggressor!?”
“Don’t blame Subaru, Jirou-kun. It was Kosame’s fault.”
“Kosame?”
“The name of the chef. Samejima Kosame. She is a bit…no, quite different from normal people.”
“Different…?”
“She’s a yankee, a pervert, and an extreme lolicon.”
“She’s a failure of society!?” I subconsciously screamed.
Here, Suzutsuki moved closer to me, and whispered.
“Also, she really loves girls that are like little sisters.”
“………”
“She really has talent when it comes to cooking though. However, as she loves cute girls more than anything, she tends to be a bit assertive towards Subaru. The other day, things escalated and she ended up hospitalized.”
“But, for her to be hospitalized, it had to be something severe, right?”
“Well, to give you a brief summary of what happened: ‘Subaru-taaan!’ ‘Wha, Kosame! Don’t touch me there!’ ‘I wanna lick you! Lick you all over! Lickie lickie Subaru-tan!’ ‘Unyaaaaaa!’ and that’s how she ended up.”
“Let that pervert stay hospitalized forever!”
Why not get her head checked out while she’s there already? Or, send her to a medical treatment facility for rehab?
“It was a surreal scenery. Subaru couldn’t handle the sexual harassment anymore, and sent Kosame flying with her Butler Knuckle, to which Kosame let out a delighted ‘Ahiii!?’ voice, and clung to Subaru again. Rinse and repeat several times…”
“What an awful endless loop.”
“After around 30 times, Kosame’s strength gave out. Well, because this kind of exchange happens almost on a daily basis, she’s got a sturdy body at this point.”
“……”
“That being the case, she’s currently hospitalized. The biggest reason is overwork. After eating so many of Subaru’s punches, she still didn’t suffer any severe injuries.”
“Maybe she’d come to my place if I asked her?”
I want her to take over as Kureha’s punching bag. She looks like a loli little sister on the outside, so she must be in that woman’s strikezone.
“That reminds me, Subaru. I asked the doctor to do a CT scan on Kosame’s brain, but they didn’t find any results.”
“Young lady, maybe we should have gone with the MRI as I suggested? I won’t accept that she does not suffer from any brain injury.”
“You really have no faith in her, I see.”
I genuinely feel like Konoe can’t be blamed for using her Butler Knuckle here. If anything, she’s clearly on the righteous side of things. Normally, you’d report a person like that to the police, if not worse. Not to mention that, because we were whispering right now, Kureha’s curious about us now. It’d be bad if she found out about Konoe being a girl.
“Well, that’s why the chef is currently hospitalized.”
“So we’ll only be meeting the maid today, right.”
I honestly expected there to be more people. Judging from my manga and anime experience, I was waiting for a full-blown reception with twenty or more people.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get along just fine.” Suzutsuki-san smiled with a cheerful grin.
That smile only terrified me more. After all, she stopped being Deretsuki-san, and moved up a notch to turn into Yamitsuki-san. Even yesterday, she called me her dog, so if I’m not careful, she might put a leash on me, taking me for a stroll.
“Then, it’s time for you to meet each other—Subaru.”
“Yes. Understood, young lady.” Konoe seemed to take the role of the servant, and put her hand on the doorknob.
Moments later, the door slowly opened. What greeted us was a stylish hall of sorts, with antique furniture. Standing in the center of this was a girl with long hair that reached down to her waist, together with a void expression on her face, like she wore a mask. It was a maid, a real maid. On top of her glossy wine-red hair, she had a maid’s hairband, with a maid uniform full of frills everywhere. It was a strong contrast between black and white. Everything about her looked like a true maid, except one, which was an irregularity for a normal person—an eyepatch.
“……”
The heck is that? Because of her hair, I couldn’t fully see it, but it was an eyepatch or eye bandage on her left eye. However, it’s not one you’d get from a doctor. It looks like it could come straight out of the movie called ‘Apocalypse Now’.
“Let me introduce you.” Suzutsuki spoke up upon entering the banquet hall. “This is one of my maids, Saotome Ichigo. Ichigo, please introduce yourself to Jirou-kun and Kureha-chan.”
“Understood, Kanade-ojousama.”
After the girl spoke up with a robotic voice, she walked towards me first. And then, she showed a polite bow.
“Good day, Odd Jobs-san, my name is Saotome Ichigo, nice to meet you.”
“…Nice to meet you too.”
That ‘Odd Jobs-san’ caught my attention, but for now I followed suit, and lowered my head towards her as well. Looking at her from up close, she gave off quite the mature atmosphere. Age-wise, she might be in university? Either way, I have to get along with her, as I’ll be in her care. The more allies, the better. The eyepatch might just be some avant-garde fashion for all I know, but there’s no way that she’s a lolicon and pervert like the other person.
“Odd Jobs-san, there is one thing I would like to tell you.”
There, as I was still busy with my thoughts of the girl in front of me, the eyepatch maid suddenly took out—A chainsaw. It looked like one used by a serial killer in a splatter movie. No clue where she took that out from, but she pointed at me with zero hesitation—or rather, at my neck.
“It’s fine.” The girl, Saotome Ichigo, said with a lack of expression as always. “It might look like a chainsaw, but the blade has been taken out entirely. It’s also spinning much slower, so I can’t cut anything with this. It’s a dull chainsaw.”
“……”
“However, if I put on the engine and press it against your skin, the friction will burn your skin. You’ll scream in agony. It might not be lethal, but I can still use it as a weapon to punish you.”
“………”
“Everything would have been fine if you were a girl. I would have treated you more kindly. However, you’re a man, so things are different.”
“……”
“One last thing to tell you. If you dare to lay even one finger on Kanade-ojousama, I will not forgive you. Because I…LOVE Kanade-ojousama.” Despite speaking of such fond emotions, her voice was robotic and cold from the beginning to the end.
After showing another polite bow, she then moved on to Kureha, and gave her a calm ‘Hello’ greeting…Well, you know. It seems like there’s a lot of peculiar people working here, for sure. It’s fine, the beginning might be a bit rough, but I’ll get used to it. I’ll have to put my faith in this, and live on. Staying positive in life is most crucial after all.
“Fufu, that concludes this enjoyable self-introduction time.” I heard Suztsuki’s delighted voice.
Since I was still shocked, I could only stand immovable, whereas Ichigo-san and Kureha finished greeting each other.
“Ichigo, could you show Kureha-chan to her room? She stayed in the guest’s room yesterday, but starting today, we’ve prepared a servant room.”
“Understood, Kanade-ojousama.” Ichigo-san took Kureha with her, and left the hall.
“Jirou, you okay?”
I must have shown a horrible face, because Konoe came talking to me with a truly worried expression.
“I’m sure you must have understood it with that, but Ichigo is a bit weird. As long as you don’t do anything to the young lady, she’s just your average maid…I think.”
“…Got it, thanks for the help.”
You truly are my only ally here, Subaru-sama. You’re like my shining light amidst this darkness I find myself in. Though, that ‘I think’ is scaring me.
“Jirou-kun, your room is over here. Let me show you there. Subaru, please bring his uniform with you.”
“Uniform…?”
“Yes. It took me an entire day to make it. It’ll be Jirou-kun’s working uniform. It’s in my room, so could you bring it to me?”
“…Yes, understood.”
With the order of her master, Konoe left the hall, leaving behind only me and Suzutsuki Kanade. In this situation, she’s my master.
“So, what do you think about my maid?”
“She’s left quite the impression, that’s for sure.”
“Fufu, don’t you worry, you’ll get used to her right away. Now, let’s go, I’ll take you to your room.”
That damn Devil Suzutsuki, she’s clearly enjoying my reactions. While mentally cursing her, we walked down the hallway away from the banquet hall. Well, whatever. She might be a maid holding a murder weapon who LOVES Suzutsuki, but that’s no biggie. It’s nothing compared to the spartan training by Mom that I had to suffer through.
Not to mention, I can actually sleep here. Even the guest room yesterday was amazing. It felt like I was sleeping on marshmallows. In that sense, this here is paradise. No matter how cruel my work may be, at least I can get some proper sleep.
“Over here.”
With this positive mindset, I followed Suzutsuki down the hallway, and……Hm? Weird, why are we stepping out into the garden?
“I’m sorry, Jirou-kun.” Before I could ask anything, Suzutsuki opened her mouth. “I’m sure you knew, but you’ll be a servant working here starting today, not a guest. And, you are also the only man at this residence right now.”
“……”
“It’s not that I don’t have any faith in you. However…Ichigo was against sleeping in the same house as you.”
“…I see, so that’s why this, right.”
“That’s right, this.”
Tracing Suzutsuki’s gaze, standing in the corner of the garden was a single—tent. It was a green tent you’d use for camping. It seems like this thin layer of protection will be my room from now on.
“……”
Don’t look down on me, alright. I’m not that much of a choosing beggar that I would complain about this. Normally, I wouldn’t even have any place to stay, so I should be thankful. Not to mention that I can understand the concerns of not letting a boy stay in a house full of women. No biggie at all. I just have to gain their trust starting now. I can still return to that marshmallow bed. Once a week’s over, I get used to this life…
“Um, young lady…” There, an alto voice interrupted our conversation.
Turning around, there stood Konoe, carrying something in her arms.
“Yes, Subaru?”
“I went to your room, but this is the only thing resembling a uniform that I could find…”
“It’s fine, that’s exactly what I was talking about.”
“But, isn’t this…” Konoe gave me an apologetic look.
I looked at what she carried. It was a costume, not to mention one that looked like a dog. It seems like this will be my working attire.
“I told you right, Jirou-kun. I’ll have you become my dog.” Suzutsuki’s face looked awfully serious, as she offered me the costume. “Welcome to the Suzutsuki Family. As the master of this residence, I welcome you.”
1 A grappling technique from History’s Strongest Disciple Kenichi
Chapter 57: Volume 7 - CH 1
The following day after the sports festival—the 20th of September. With classes over, right as I came to the school gate all on my own, a voice as sweet as chocolate sundae called out to me.
“Come on, I was getting bored of waiting, you know? Let’s go home together, Onii-chan!”
“………”
Honestly speaking, I was pretty lackluster. Can you blame me, this sweet and almost sickeningly cute voice has no right to call me ‘Onii-chan’. Am I hearing some hallucinations now? My god, I get that a lot of trouble happened yesterday after the sports festival, so I’m sure I must be tired to some degree, but to think that it would dwindle down my mental health this much. I should probably hurry up to take some Lipo*itan D and recover my HP.
“Hmmm? Onii-chan, where are you going~?”
I fully ignored the voice who continuously annoyed me, and made my way home. Just act like I’m not hearing anything, and leave. Well, we’ll be going to the same ‘home’, so that won’t work out too well.
“Hey hey, Onii-chan~”
So persistent. What is this? Did I create some fantasy character that’s clinging to me now? Did I want a little sister that badly? I already have one, so that’s the problem? Well, she’s a wrestling maniac that tortures me with wrestling techniques from morning to night.
“Onii-chan? Are you listening~?”
I sure am, I’m just too scared to turn around and look at you. Eh, why does this feel like some horror story now? Damn it, why a little sister? If it had to be a fantasy character, at least make it some rat bastard going ‘Hey, everyone!’, alright. Now that it’s come to this, I have to hurry home as quickly as possible. Once I make it there, this adorable little sister voice will come to an end as well. Or rather, I wouldn’t know what to do if it didn’t. Worst case scenario, I would have to get checked out at the hospital.
Right there, as I sped up with these thoughts in mind…
“Cobra!?” I involuntarily screamed out the name of a snake living in India.
Why? I was tackled. Someone rammed their body into my back. And then, their slender arms wrapped around my neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck!? I can’t breathe! Am I being choked by some actual cobra now?!
“Onii-chan, listen to me.”
This would be the time for them to take out a discount Dracula voice, saying ‘Give me your blood!’, but it turned out to be a cutesy anime TV show running Sunday morning…No, hold on. This voice suddenly sounds quite familiar…
“Urk…”
I somehow managed to turn my head with cracking sounds, only to find a single girl clinging to my back. She had semi-long silver hair, a super small stature, with sportive spats beneath her skirt, and a blouse tightly fitting her body—Narumi Schrödinger. She is the vice club president of the handicrafts club as well as an existence feared as the strongest at our school, currently about to crush my windpipe.
“S-Schrö-senpai…”
“Hmpf, finally looked at me, huh.”
“W-What are you doing out of the blue like this…” I tried to get my breathing under control, and asked her.
In response, Schrö-senpai crossed her arms and started thinking.
“Skinship?”
“That sure is a violent type of skinship.”
“Ahaha. Don’t be so angry. You started this by ignoring me, even though I went out of my way to play the little sister as I promised.” Schrödinger-san showed an innocent smile.
Grrr, she’s not wrong. What am I talking about with a hallucination? I’ve gotten crazy for good. A genre doesn’t suddenly jump to a fantasy from a high school life.
“Do you need something?”
“Am I not allowed to share a bit of skinship with my Onii-chan if I don’t?”
“Not exactly, but…Also, could you drop that ‘Onii-chan’ already?”
“Ehhh, why, Onii-chan?” Schrö-senpai flapped her arms up and down like a protesting child.
Adding her small stature into the mix, she really looked like an adorable little sister, but there’s actually a reason she addresses me as an Onii-chan. At the sports festival that happened yesterday, Schrö-senpai and I had decided on a competition. Although the results ended up a bit messy because of the circumstances, Schrö-senpai ended up calling me ‘Onii-chan’ as she does now.
“Do you not like being called Onii-chan?”
“Well…”
As a matter of fact, I have a bit of a trauma with being addressed that way. Whenever I hear ‘I love Onii-chan!’ back in the day, it surely ended up with me being used as a punching bag. It really doesn’t help that Schrö-senpai has a similar body stature to Kureha, which only worsens my flashbacks. Shudders.
“Then, maybe I should change that.”
“Change the way you’re calling me?”
“You dislike being called Onii-chan, right? Then, I just have to change that, and everything should be fine. Then, I can stay as your little sister.”
“……”
No, that’s not the problem here. Also, why are you so adamant on being my little sister?
“You’re going at your own pace as always, I see.”
“That’s my strong point. So, what would you prefer?”
“I don’t really…”
“For your choices, you have Onii-chan, Onii-chama, Anii, Onii-sama, Onii-tama, Aniue-sama, Nii-sama, Aniki, Nii-kun, Niikun-sama, Nii-chama, Nii-ya, An-chan, and so on.”
“I feel like there’s too many choices in the mix!?”
“Best be careful. Besides one correct choice, all of them lead to a bad end.”
“Why does this feel like I’m playing a gal game now!?”
“That ain’t true~ Even if you choose the correct one, it’ll lead to a Dead End.”
“This ain’t some sound horror game!”
She sure does not make it easy for me…She’s not a sister princess at all.
“Well, leaving those jokes aside, hurry up and pick one, Onii-chan.”
“U-Um…Then, Anii, please.”
“…Wah, you actually chose that one.”
“You made it an option, right!?”
“But, Anii of all the choices…”
“Don’t be grossed out now. Would you rather call me ‘Onii-chama’, or ‘Onii-tama’, hm?”
“Well, those two are even more embarrassing.”
“Then, please call me Anii.”
“Urk…O-Okay, I’m doing it, alright?” Schrö-senpai muttered a faint ‘Anii, huh…’ to herself, and bit her lips with reddened cheeks.
“A…A…A…Anija!”
“Anija!? You’re not a guy, right!?”
“Anijaaaaaa! Anijaaaaaa!”
“Stop! Don’t scream that with your anime-like voice!”
Also, that wasn’t even a choice, right? That way of addressing me just makes you sound like a younger brother rather than a younger sister. Not to mention how antiquated it is.
“…Anija?”
“Using a cute voice doesn’t change anything.”
“Tsk. What’s the matter? Anija is definitely the best choice here~” Schrö-senpai complained.
…Yeah, I really don’t think I can win against her. Just talking to her makes me get mixed up in her pace. She’s another type of pushy compared to Suzutsuki, that I just can’t deal with.
“…So, what did you want? I seriously doubt you came all the way over here just to call me Anija, right?”
Now that it’s come to this, I’ll have to forcefully change the topic myself. Since all her grudges towards me should have been resolved during yesterday’s sports festival, there shouldn’t be any more reason for her to involve herself with me…
“The thing is, I wanted to talk about my little sister.”
“About Nakuru?” I returned this question, to which Schrö-senpai gave me a serious glare.
“Yesterday, you ignored Nakuru’s phone call, right?”
“Urk.” I froze up.
Oh yeah, I feel like Nakuru called me last night…
“I already heard about it, so spit it out.”
“I mean, I’ll apologize for ignoring her call, but…isn’t she calling me a bit too much?”
“You gonna blame her? She’s a maiden in love.”
There, the entire list of calls was full of calls from ‘Glasses Junkie’. Before I realized it, I was too terrified to call her back. This most likely is related to the whole confession incident that happened during the closing ceremony of the sports festival. There, Nakuru desperately confessed her feelings for me. Normally, that would be the happy-go-lucky normie debut I had always waited for, but reality isn’t as kind.
After all, the reason that Nakuru wanted to go out with me was none other than to simply observe me. Or in simpler words, she wanted to get material for her BL works. With how motivated she is, I wouldn’t be surprised if she started keeping a diary or something like that. Seton’s ‘Wild Animals I have Known’, Fabre’s ‘Book of Insects’, and Nakuru has her Book of BL. For people with her interests, it would probably turn into a new bible. Of course, knowing her peculiar fetish, I immediately rejected her, but…
“Nakuru still hasn’t given up on you, alright. If anything, she’s falling in love with you even more.”
“If so, then she could have just written an email or something like that, right?”
“That’s what I argued as well, but she said ‘It’s embarrassing to write Senpai lots of mails!’, and kept on calling you.”
“She sure is shy during the weirdest times…”
“Well, she can be embarrassed at times. She even asked me for advice yesterday.”
“Advice?”
“She said ‘Nakuru can’t talk with Senpai when she looks at his glasses…’, you know.”
“……”
Well. Normally you’d say ‘in his eyes’, right? Maybe it was just Schrö-senpai who misspoke right now. Even that glasses junkie would properly look at my eyes when we’re………
“She apparently is too focused on the shape of your glasses, and can’t focus on the conversation.”
“Are you serious!?”
“Hm? Or was she interested in the thickness of the lenses?”
“Who cares about that!?”
“Anyway, she apparently has a lot of trouble talking to you without being engrossed by our glasses. That seemingly has her getting nervous.”
“………”
It’s a terminal illness. That was the first thought that popped up in my head. She’s done for. It’d be best to send her to a hospital, and give her a surgery done by Black *ack-sensei himself.
“I’m sorry, I’ll apologize later for not answering the phone calls. I was just a bit busy yesterday.”
“Something like that, yeah.”
Telling her what happened to my home crossed the line a bit, so I kept my words vague. Especially more so considering where I’m currently staying. Also, I definitely can’t tell her. Imagine this spread inside the school.
“Hmpf, I’ll leave it at that then today. I do have faith in you after all.”
“?”
What’s that supposed to mean? Did I do something that would warrant this much trust? If anything, we’ve been on awful terms before the culture festival.
“I mean, you’re keeping Usamin after all.”
“Huh?”
Usamin…she’s talking about Usami Masamune, right.
“Ever since she met you, she has changed a bit. Before, she pretty much ignored everybody who tried talking to her, but recently she’s opened up a lot more. Rumours say that you took her in to become like that.”
“Rumours…”
“Disciplining?”
“I’m not doing anything like that.”
“Training?”
“Not training either!”
“Ehh, then what did you do? You fed her some carrots?”
“Not at all. She’s not an actual rabbit after all.”
“Right~ I tried to feed her carrots as well, and she got angry at me.”
“You actually tried that!?”
“Usamin said ‘Stop fooling around, Did you think you could win me over with carrots!?’, but she ate it in the end.”
Maybe that’s why she stopped talking altogether? Though I’m sure Schrö-senpai just did it as a well-meant joke. However, I’m not doing anything special. I’m not talented or skilled enough to simply change people like that, and neither am I as clever as Suzutsuki. That’s why, we’re just simple friends. That’s about the best I could do. Though, I’m happy if that led to Masamune changing a bit. Also, now that I think about that…
“I see how it is.”
“Hm?”
“Schrö-senpai, you’re more caring than you initially lead people to believe.”
That’s the vice club president for you, I guess. She’s keeping Masamune in check, and is liked enough by people to be the sports festival executive president. Also, if she only were to fix this wild personality of hers, she might just be a perfect senior.
“Hanya!?”
However, the Schrö-senpai in question suddenly let out a baffled voice resembling a small animal, staring at me in disbelief.
“M-Moron! D-D-D-Dummy! What are you blurting out so nonchalantly?!”
“Eh? I just said what I felt, though?”
“Shhh…S-Shut up! I don’t like being praised!”
“How can you dislike that…”
“I sure do! I absolutely hate it when people praise me or pat my head!!” Schrö-senpai blushed furiously as she glared up at me.
…I might be wrong about this, but…
“Are you…embarrassed?”
“Huuuh!? Why the hell would I embwawassed!”
Ah, she bit her tongue…She’s so easy to see through. I clearly hit bullseye with that. Ahh, I didn’t expect that. To think Schrö-senpai of all people would be such a bashful person. However…what is this sensation? If I were to give it a manga-esque explanation, it’s like your rivaling female character suddenly turned into your ally, and is just always going in full dere mode. A dere Schrödinger-san…Or, Deredinger-san for short…
“……”
Oh crap, she’s so adorable. I feel like teasing her a bit now…
“Ah, stop that, will you!”
“Funyaaa…I-I told you to stop…” She spoke like a kitty that got high on catnip, her resistance growing weaker and weaker.
Waaah, the gap to her usual attitude is crazy! My gynophobia is slowly flaring up again, but I can’t help wanting to touch her more like this.
“You really are a reliable senior, Schrö-senpai.”
“Unya!?”
“You care about your juniors.”
“A-Again, stop praising me…”
“That’s a third-year for you, and the vice club president, you’re the leader that will bring us to a new world.”
“Y-You bastard, if you keep going like this…”
“Eh, what? I couldn’t hear you.”
“~~~!?” When I rubbed her head even stronger, her face turned as red as a tomato. “Unyaaa~!?”
Ohhh, this is it, Deredinger-san. She’s even holding back on her usual forceful attitude, and is now acting like a docile cat.
“Urk…”
However, I’m also getting close to my limit. My nose will start bleeding any second now. Alright, I got to enjoy lots of Deredinger-san, so I’ll leave it at this for now—
“Senpai, what are you doing to Onee-chan?”
Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice. When I turned around with stiff movement, standing there was a girl with cat ears and glasses, possessing a physique the exact opposite of Schrö-senpai—It was the one and only glasses junkie, Narumi Nakuru. She looked at me petting her older sister’s head with dampened eyes.
“……”
Oh crap. I don’t know why, but it feels like another Ice Age arrived…
“N-Nakuru?”
“Um…since when were you watching?”
“It should be around the time you said ‘Then, please call me Anii’…”
What awful timing! She was probably watching us from the shadows, right!?
“Uuuu…you’re cruel, Onee-chan. Being lovey-dovey with Senpai…”
“Wha…Calm down, my little sister! That bastard did it without my consent!”
“But…you looked pretty happy, Onee-chan…”
“That’s…well…you know…”
“Uwaaaaaaaaah!”
“Ah, don’t just start crying!”
“Not fair…You said you’d support Nakuru…you traitor! Now that it’s come to this…!”
“…!?”
For a second, I failed to grasp what was going on, as Nakuru suddenly leaped at Schrö-senpai.
“N-Nakuru, you…!”
Even Schrö-senpai was taken by surprise, her reaction belated. Nakuru used that moment to take out a bottle filled with coke, opened it up, and shoved it into Schrö-senpai’s mouth.
“Mguh!?”
The contents gushed down Schrö-senpai’s mouth…What is going on? What did she just do?
“Fufu, you leave Nakuru no other choice. From here on out, you will see Onee-chan’s different side!”
“W-What do you mean?”
“Put simply, it will be a shameful sight for her.” Nakuru flashed a devilish grin, and started explaining. “Normally, Onee-chan is always brimming with energy and a dependable person, but…she has one decisive weakness.”
“Fufu, that is…”
—When Onee-chan drinks carbonated drinks, she’ll get drunk.
That’s what Nakuru declared.
“She gets drunk off carbonic acid…?”
Wasn’t that your weakness? Well, they’re blood-related sisters, so they must share some kind of similarity.
“As for the details, it would be best for you to see it yourself.” With these words, Nakuru pulled the bottle out of Schrö-senpai’s mouth.
“N-Nakyuru, you…” Schrö-senpai’s articulation suddenly changed.
Her cheeks grew red, and her eyes seemed drowsy. It seems like she really got drunk off the carbonic acid. But, what about it? What is Nakuru planning with this? She probably wants to lessen my impression of Schrö-senpai by showing me one of her embarrassing sides. But, that right now isn’t nearly enough.
“……Ish hot.”
“Eh?”
What did she just say? Right when I wanted to ask for confirmation, Schrö-senpai suddenly took off the spats she was wearing.
“Wah, what are you doing!?”
“Eh? But, ish hot, sho…” After taking off her spats, the girl now put her hands on her uniform, and…Waaaah, don’t take that off!
I reflexively grabbed Schrö-senpai’s arm, and pushed her down in order to restrain her movement.
“Hmpf, what are you doing, Onii-chan. I can’t take off my clothes like this…” She glared up at me, trying to shake off my hand.
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However, she couldn’t muster up enough strength to achieve this. Is it because of her being intoxicated?“This is Onee-chan’s weakness.” The only person calm and rational about this was Nakuru, flashing a satisfied smile. “You know how Nakuru wants to take off other people’s clothes when she gets drunk on carbonated drinks, right? Onee-chan is the opposite. She—can’t help herself with wanting to take off her own clothes!”
“What’s that even…”
That’s such a chore. Nakuru’s Drunken Undressing Fist was already a pain, but Schrö-senpai is even more dangerous. Right now, I’m restraining a half-naked loli girl. If someone saw me like this…actually they already are, since we’re still at the school. If this continues for much longer, I’ll probably get arrested.
As if that wasn’t enough, this glasses junkie made things only worse. She totally lost herself, and started laughing like a maniac. The scenery just now must have been that big of a shock for her. But, there’s still no need to go that far, right? Women are scary.
“Nakuru! Help me! At this rate, Schrö-senpai will strip completely!”
“It’s fine. Once she ends up completely naked, Nakuru will offer up her glasses.”
“Eh? Seriously? That’s good to…Wait, how does that help!?”
“Just kidding. However, rest assured. Speaking from experience, she won’t take off her underwear at least.”
“That’s not the problem here!”
“It’s not? …Ah!? Don’t tell me, are you hoping to have your way with Onee-chan’s loli body!?”
“Alright, you shut your mouth for a second!”
Her fantasies were running full speed ahead with no brakes in sight. She seems like she’d jump off the cliff if I told her.
“Let go of me! I’m going to take off my clothes!”
The situation quickly accelerated towards the bad, as Schrö-senpai started to grow more violent. Because she was still drunk, she failed to muster up any strength, but I was starting to grow weaker because of my gynophobia.
“Damn it…!” Even as I was grumbling these words, I felt the strength leave my arms.
As a result of this, Schrö-senpai’s arm managed to reach her skirt—
“Jirou, what exactly am I looking at?”
What rang out was an awfully cold and freezing alto voice. When I directed my gaze over towards the voice, I spotted a familiar silhouette. It was a student wearing a uniform different from the one normal students wore, designed to look like a butler’s uniform—Konoe Subaru.
She must have passed here by mere coincidence, but our school’s prince gave me a condescending look.
“Konoe! Save me! I need your help to get out of this!”
“Help…in what way?”
“You can tell by looking, right!? Schrö-senpai’s clothes are—”
“……”
Huh? Now that I look at the situation, isn’t this pretty bad…?
“K-Konoe, you’re wrong. Calm down. This is a misunderstanding. That’s right, this isn’t what it looks like. Take a deep breath. There’s no way I would force myself on Schrö-senpai, nor am I interested in her loli body, I’m simply trying to save Schrö-senpai from embarrassment…” I desperately tried to make up excuses, as I felt my temperature get lower and lower.
“…Jirou.”
Grin, Konoe showed an unnatural yet angelic smile. “I will show you my certain kill technique now.”
“D-Don’t tell me…”
“Yeah. I was trying to show you when we first met, but I held back regarding the circumstances.”
She was declaring my imminent death. And then, she formed a small fist, raising it towards the sky…
“End of Earth.”
There, with a skill name so ridiculous, the world in front of me vanished instantaneously.
×
Thinking about it, the misfortune began with the fire that burned down half of my house. Because a telephone pole caught fire, the calamity happened. Our beloved home was unusable. Kureha and I lost our place we belong to. However, life isn’t always evil. As we stood in front of our house’s remains, with absolute luck, my phone vibrated, it being a phone call from Mom.
Naturally, since she was on her travels to become even stronger by fighting people overseas, she is not in Japan. From her end, it apparently happened simply on a whim, but to us it was a saving grace amidst this hell. After explaining the circumstances, Mom contacted the fire insurance, and it was decided that our home would be rebuilt. However, that naturally wouldn’t work in a day.
Since it was only burned down about half-way, there were a lot of things that only had to be fixed briefly, but it would still take a solid two months to make it inhabitable again. In order words, my little sister and I ended up stranded in this concrete jungle. What a day full of twists and turns.
However, that wasn’t the end of our road. The person who offered us a helping hand was one other than Lady Suzutsuki Kanade. She offered to let us stay over at her residence. It was yet another saving grace…but to me, it looked more like the devil’s contract. After all, she brought up a condition, which forced me to work as her servant for the duration of our stay. As a result, we were kept as pets by Suzutsuki Kanade.
“Hey, Konoe, will you finally cheer up already?”
We stood in front of the Suzutuski Family’s main gate, and I called out to my pouting butler.
“I already explained everything, right? That was Schrö-senpai suddenly stripping for no reason, okay?”
Either way, after everything was resolved, Konoe and I headed to the Suzutsuki Residence, but…
“Shut up. It’s your fault for getting wrapped up in that, you tried to go home alone after all.”
Even though everything should have been resolved, Konoe still was in as much of a bad mood as before. It seems like she really didn’t like the fact that I wanted to head home myself.
“I mean, you were asked to help Sensei, right?”
“Urk…T-That is true, but…” Konoe pouted even more aggressively.
There is a reason that I was planning on heading home alone, which was because Konoe was asked for some assistance after classes by our homeroom teacher. Can’t blame her for that, since honor students tend to get a lot of trust and responsibility from the teachers.
On a side note, Suzutsuki was absent today. Not to mention not on a sick notice, but rather because she apparently had something urgent to attend to at her residence. Kureha was all ‘Maybe she’s preparing a welcome party for us!’ with sparkling eyes, but knowing that rich lady, there’s no way that’s happening. And I’d be willing to bet on that.
“Since our way home is the same, you might have as well waited for me…” Konoe muttered, still as displeased as before.
“I’m sorry, okay? Next time, I’ll make sure to wait.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah, promise.”
“You better keep that. If you lie, I’ll have to destroy earth again.”
“Yeah, yeah. But more importantly, there’s something I want to confirm.” I asked, as we set on the plot of the Suzutsuki Household.
Leading from the gate was a large garden, giving off a dense bourgeoise feeling as there were trees and flower beds guiding our way.
“Today, Kureha and I will be introduced to the other servants at the Suzutsuki Household, correct?”
“Yup. The young lady should have prepared a location for this already. With how much she was going around, I didn’t even have time to meet her.”
We’ve already stayed over at the Suzutsuki Residence yesterday, but we have yet to meet the other servants working there. Since we’d start working today, they also decided this day to be the first meeting.
“So, because your old man is with Suzutsuki’s parents, he won’t be home right now, yeah?”
“That’s right. He at least won’t be back during the time you’re staying over.”
Konoe Nagare, who I call old man or old fart, is still under the suspicion that there’s something going on between me and his beloved daughter. If he knew that I was working at the Suzutsuki Residence, he would be against it, so at least that is out of my way.
“…I don’t think it’ll be that much easier even without him.” Konoe muttered with a grim expression.
Hold on, what’s that reaction for? Are you telling me that there’s other servants who are as troublesome?
“More importantly, you have to be careful, Jirou.”
“Hm? About what?”
“Isn’t that obvious? Make sure that the other servants of the residence don’t find out about the fact that you know my secret. If they figure it out, I’ll have to quit as the young lady’s butler.”
“…Ah.”
I see, I totally forgot, but if the people at the school find out that Konoe is a girl, she’ll have to quit as Suzutsuki’s butler. However, I’m already an exception. I’ve been keeping the fact of me knowing it a secret myself…Well, the old man does know, but he’s keeping it a secret for his daughter’s sake.
“Be careful, okay? If someone from the residence realizes that you know about my secret, the young lady will immediately kick you out. If I have to quit as her butler, she probably won’t even care about protecting her promise of helping you.”
“…Hmm.”
Back in April, Suzutsuki and I shared the promise of ‘I’ll keep Konoe’s secret to me, so you two help me with my gynophobia’. Basically, it’s a shared contract. That’s why, if Konoe has to quit as a butler, Suzutsuki has no more reason to help me.
“That’s why, the best is that ‘Jirou and Kureha-chan became servants without knowing my secret’, see.”
“So basically, I’m supposed to act like I don’t know anything.”
“Indeed. Or, there’s also the option that you find out after you became servants at the residence. The rule is that nobody from school finds out, but the servants at the residence are an exception.”
“…Sounds difficult. Basically, it’s a time delay trick? I’ll act like I found out about your secret after becoming your servant.”
“Yeah. Though, that would mean Kureha-chan also finds out about it…”
“That’ll make things a whole lot more complicated.”
Kureha’s head over heels for Subaru-sama after all. She might just break down from the shock of finding out that Konoe is a girl. Or, she’ll get violent. I don’t even want to imagine that. If she goes crazy, I doubt even the military can stop her.
“You don’t need to think about it too deeply. What’s important is that no other servant finds out that you already learned of my secret.”
Right as we stopped talking, a young voice called out to us.
“Nii-san! Konoe-senpaaaai!”
Talk about the devil, I guess. Kureha started running towards us from behind my back. Seems like her classes just ended as well. Since Schrö-senpai and Nakuru left early, I guess they didn’t have any club today.
“Alright, now that everyone’s here, let’s enter together.”
“Y-Yes! Understood!”
I guess even Kureha is nervous in this situation. Well, the first impression is the most crucial after all, and I can’t relax either. I’ll be working here for the next two months, so I need to not mess things up at the first meeting. In front of my eyes was the large entrance of the residence. It was a Western residence several times bigger than my home, belonging only to the Suzutsuki Family. And starting today, I’ll be fighting here.
“…Phew.” I took a deep breath to steady my feelings.
And then, I carefully put my hand on the doorknob.
“—I’ve been expecting you, Jirou-kun.”
A dignified voice greeted me. Upon opening the door, there stood a girl with a goth uniform, her black hair tied up into twintails—She is my master starting today, Suzutsuki Kanade.
“Now, come with me to the reception room. I have to introduce you and Kureha-chan to the other servants after all.” Suzutsuki walked down the hallway, seemingly delighted.
Seems like the other servants have been waiting for us.
“Konoe, how many other servants besides you and your old man are working here?”
“There’s one chef, as well as two maids. Today, you’ll be meeting one of the maids. The other maid had to be hospitalized.”
“Hospitalized?”
“Because of an appendix.”
“Ouch, that sucks. What about the chef?”
“She, well, was wrapped up in an unfortunate accident…” Konoe suddenly grew quiet with a gloomy face.
…Ah, crap. Did I step on an uncomfortable topic? Looking at her expression, it must have been something quite unlucky and severe. Was he hit by a Romero Special1 I wonder? No, such things only happen in the Sakamachi Family. But then, what…
“So you’re the aggressor!?”
“Don’t blame Subaru, Jirou-kun. It was Kosame’s fault.”
“Kosame?”
“The name of the chef. Samejima Kosame. She is a bit…no, quite different from normal people.”
“Different…?”
“She’s a yankee, a pervert, and an extreme lolicon.”
“She’s a failure of society!?” I subconsciously screamed.
Here, Suzutsuki moved closer to me, and whispered.
“Also, she really loves girls that are like little sisters.”
“………”
“She really has talent when it comes to cooking though. However, as she loves cute girls more than anything, she tends to be a bit assertive towards Subaru. The other day, things escalated and she ended up hospitalized.”
“But, for her to be hospitalized, it had to be something severe, right?”
“Well, to give you a brief summary of what happened: ‘Subaru-taaan!’ ‘Wha, Kosame! Don’t touch me there!’ ‘I wanna lick you! Lick you all over! Lickie lickie Subaru-tan!’ ‘Unyaaaaaa!’ and that’s how she ended up.”
“Let that pervert stay hospitalized forever!”
Why not get her head checked out while she’s there already? Or, send her to a medical treatment facility for rehab?
“It was a surreal scenery. Subaru couldn’t handle the sexual harassment anymore, and sent Kosame flying with her Butler Knuckle, to which Kosame let out a delighted ‘Ahiii!?’ voice, and clung to Subaru again. Rinse and repeat several times…”
“What an awful endless loop.”
“After around 30 times, Kosame’s strength gave out. Well, because this kind of exchange happens almost on a daily basis, she’s got a sturdy body at this point.”
“……”
“Maybe she’d come to my place if I asked her?”
I want her to take over as Kureha’s punching bag. She looks like a loli little sister on the outside, so she must be in that woman’s strikezone.
“That reminds me, Subaru. I asked the doctor to do a CT scan on Kosame’s brain, but they didn’t find any results.”
“Young lady, maybe we should have gone with the MRI as I suggested? I won’t accept that she does not suffer from any brain injury.”
“You really have no faith in her, I see.”
I genuinely feel like Konoe can’t be blamed for using her Butler Knuckle here. If anything, she’s clearly on the righteous side of things. Normally, you’d report a person like that to the police, if not worse. Not to mention that, because we were whispering right now, Kureha’s curious about us now. It’d be bad if she found out about Konoe being a girl.
“Well, that’s why the chef is currently hospitalized.”
“So we’ll only be meeting the maid today, right.”
I honestly expected there to be more people. Judging from my manga and anime experience, I was waiting for a full-blown reception with twenty or more people.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get along just fine.” Suzutsuki-san smiled with a cheerful grin.
That smile only terrified me more. After all, she stopped being Deretsuki-san, and moved up a notch to turn into Yamitsuki-san. Even yesterday, she called me her dog, so if I’m not careful, she might put a leash on me, taking me for a stroll.
“Then, it’s time for you to meet each other—Subaru.”
“Yes. Understood, young lady.” Konoe seemed to take the role of the servant, and put her hand on the doorknob.
Moments later, the door slowly opened. What greeted us was a stylish hall of sorts, with antique furniture. Standing in the center of this was a girl with long hair that reached down to her waist, together with a void expression on her face, like she wore a mask. It was a maid, a real maid. On top of her glossy wine-red hair, she had a maid’s hairband, with a maid uniform full of frills everywhere. It was a strong contrast between black and white. Everything about her looked like a true maid, except one, which was an irregularity for a normal person—an eyepatch.
“……”
The heck is that? Because of her hair, I couldn’t fully see it, but it was an eyepatch or eye bandage on her left eye. However, it’s not one you’d get from a doctor. It looks like it could come straight out of the movie called ‘Apocalypse Now’.
“Let me introduce you.” Suzutsuki spoke up upon entering the banquet hall. “This is one of my maids, Saotome Ichigo. Ichigo, please introduce yourself to Jirou-kun and Kureha-chan.”
“Understood, Kanade-ojousama.”
After the girl spoke up with a robotic voice, she walked towards me first. And then, she showed a polite bow.
“…Nice to meet you too.”
That ‘Odd Jobs-san’ caught my attention, but for now I followed suit, and lowered my head towards her as well. Looking at her from up close, she gave off quite the mature atmosphere. Age-wise, she might be in university? Either way, I have to get along with her, as I’ll be in her care. The more allies, the better. The eyepatch might just be some avant-garde fashion for all I know, but there’s no way that she’s a lolicon and pervert like the other person.
“Odd Jobs-san, there is one thing I would like to tell you.”
There, as I was still busy with my thoughts of the girl in front of me, the eyepatch maid suddenly took out—A chainsaw. It looked like one used by a serial killer in a splatter movie. No clue where she took that out from, but she pointed at me with zero hesitation—or rather, at my neck.
“It’s fine.” The girl, Saotome Ichigo, said with a lack of expression as always. “It might look like a chainsaw, but the blade has been taken out entirely. It’s also spinning much slower, so I can’t cut anything with this. It’s a dull chainsaw.”
“……”
“However, if I put on the engine and press it against your skin, the friction will burn your skin. You’ll scream in agony. It might not be lethal, but I can still use it as a weapon to punish you.”
“………”
“Everything would have been fine if you were a girl. I would have treated you more kindly. However, you’re a man, so things are different.”
“……”
“One last thing to tell you. If you dare to lay even one finger on Kanade-ojousama, I will not forgive you. Because I…LOVE Kanade-ojousama.” Despite speaking of such fond emotions, her voice was robotic and cold from the beginning to the end.
After showing another polite bow, she then moved on to Kureha, and gave her a calm ‘Hello’ greeting…Well, you know. It seems like there’s a lot of peculiar people working here, for sure. It’s fine, the beginning might be a bit rough, but I’ll get used to it. I’ll have to put my faith in this, and live on. Staying positive in life is most crucial after all.
“Fufu, that concludes this enjoyable self-introduction time.” I heard Suztsuki’s delighted voice.
Since I was still shocked, I could only stand immovable, whereas Ichigo-san and Kureha finished greeting each other.
“Ichigo, could you show Kureha-chan to her room? She stayed in the guest’s room yesterday, but starting today, we’ve prepared a servant room.”
“Understood, Kanade-ojousama.” Ichigo-san took Kureha with her, and left the hall.
“Jirou, you okay?”
I must have shown a horrible face, because Konoe came talking to me with a truly worried expression.
“I’m sure you must have understood it with that, but Ichigo is a bit weird. As long as you don’t do anything to the young lady, she’s just your average maid…I think.”
You truly are my only ally here, Subaru-sama. You’re like my shining light amidst this darkness I find myself in. Though, that ‘I think’ is scaring me.
“Jirou-kun, your room is over here. Let me show you there. Subaru, please bring his uniform with you.”
“Uniform…?”
“Yes. It took me an entire day to make it. It’ll be Jirou-kun’s working uniform. It’s in my room, so could you bring it to me?”
“…Yes, understood.”
With the order of her master, Konoe left the hall, leaving behind only me and Suzutsuki Kanade. In this situation, she’s my master.
“So, what do you think about my maid?”
“She’s left quite the impression, that’s for sure.”
“Fufu, don’t you worry, you’ll get used to her right away. Now, let’s go, I’ll take you to your room.”
That damn Devil Suzutsuki, she’s clearly enjoying my reactions. While mentally cursing her, we walked down the hallway away from the banquet hall. Well, whatever. She might be a maid holding a murder weapon who LOVES Suzutsuki, but that’s no biggie. It’s nothing compared to the spartan training by Mom that I had to suffer through.
Not to mention, I can actually sleep here. Even the guest room yesterday was amazing. It felt like I was sleeping on marshmallows. In that sense, this here is paradise. No matter how cruel my work may be, at least I can get some proper sleep.
“Over here.”
With this positive mindset, I followed Suzutsuki down the hallway, and……Hm? Weird, why are we stepping out into the garden?
“I’m sorry, Jirou-kun.” Before I could ask anything, Suzutsuki opened her mouth. “I’m sure you knew, but you’ll be a servant working here starting today, not a guest. And, you are also the only man at this residence right now.”
“……”
“It’s not that I don’t have any faith in you. However…Ichigo was against sleeping in the same house as you.”
“…I see, so that’s why this, right.”
“That’s right, this.”
Tracing Suzutsuki’s gaze, standing in the corner of the garden was a single—tent. It was a green tent you’d use for camping. It seems like this thin layer of protection will be my room from now on.
Don’t look down on me, alright. I’m not that much of a choosing beggar that I would complain about this. Normally, I wouldn’t even have any place to stay, so I should be thankful. Not to mention that I can understand the concerns of not letting a boy stay in a house full of women. No biggie at all. I just have to gain their trust starting now. I can still return to that marshmallow bed. Once a week’s over, I get used to this life…
“Um, young lady…” There, an alto voice interrupted our conversation.
Turning around, there stood Konoe, carrying something in her arms.
“Yes, Subaru?”
“I went to your room, but this is the only thing resembling a uniform that I could find…”
“It’s fine, that’s exactly what I was talking about.”
“But, isn’t this…” Konoe gave me an apologetic look.
I looked at what she carried. It was a costume, not to mention one that looked like a dog. It seems like this will be my working attire.
“I told you right, Jirou-kun. I’ll have you become my dog.” Suzutsuki’s face looked awfully serious, as she offered me the costume. “Welcome to the Suzutsuki Family. As the master of this residence, I welcome you.”
1 A grappling technique from History’s Strongest Disciple Kenichi
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