Chapter 61: Volume 7 - CH 5

Thinking about it, all of this misfortune began when my house burned down. Having lost our place to stay, Kureha and I became temporary servants at the Suzutsuki Residence. What awaited me was a workplace even worse than any black company out there. A sadistic master, residents with personalities far too distinct and dangerous for my taste, and a storm of power harassment…That being said, this is clearly taking the top of it all, don’t you think?

“Urk…”

Waking up from my slumber, I slowly opened my eyes. Because I had just woken up, my eyes still had to adjust, so everything around me looked blurry. I wanted to rub my eyes with my hands, but both my arms and legs were restrained……The hell is going on.

Shaking my body, I heard a scratching sound. It seems like my arms and legs were tied to the chair I was sitting on with a solid rope. From an outsider’s perspective, it might look like some ‘Boy turned chair’ or whatever, but this was no joke. The costume I was wearing not too long ago had been stripped off me, so I was sitting here in a shirt and pants.

Being tied to a chair like this reminded me of the hostage in a spy movie I watched not too long ago. Of course, he was tortured relentlessly shortly after. During the movie, he was eventually saved, but who knows if I’m that lucky?

“Damn it…”

My head still felt dizzy, but I tried my hardest to organize my thoughts. After my vision cleared up, I was finally allowed to check my surroundings, and found a familiar face—Suzutsuki Kanade. In this room, my master Suzutsuki Kanade was present. Posters on the walls, several plush toys, hugging pillows, sheets, handheld fans, towels, mugs, shirts, the PC background, mouse pad, it was all the young lady. This entire room was buried with Suzutsuki Kanade goods.

The final nail in the straw was the bed in front of me, in front of the chair I was restrained on. Lying on the bed was the eyepatch maid, comfortably sleeping as she tightly embraced another big hugging pillow.

“……”

I remember. After I split up with Masamune in the hallway, that maid, Saotome Ichigo, made me faint. She probably used some kind of sleeping medicine. Since Suzutsuki used that last summer, it wouldn’t be weird for Ichigo-san to have that as well.

“Ehehe, Kanade-ojousama…” She muttered in her sleep, sounding as peaceful as all hell.

She’s like a sleeping princess. If this was a nursery rhyme, a brave prince would come to wake her up with a kiss. As I was trained in that role (since I won it during the ghost leg lottery in grade school), I decided to become her prince, but tied up to a chair, that sadly is impossible. I am the restrained prince, and I have the worst possible princess.

“Hey, wake up.”

Instead, I decided on waking her up. This room probably belonged to her, so she should know what the hell is going on.

“Mmm…I can’t eat anymore…”

“Yeah yeah, sure you’re dreaming right now.”

“Munya…munya…”

“Never seen anybody actually say that during their sleep.”

“Zed…zed…zed…”

“This ain’t a manga, so don’t use ‘ZZZ’ as some onomatopoeia.”

This person is definitely awake, right. She’s just making fun of me.

“Good morning, Odd Jobs-san. Since you wouldn’t wake up at all, I fell asleep.”

As proof of that, Ichigo-san now raised up her body, while still embracing the body pillow. Of course, a picture of Suzutsuki was printed on that pillow, not to mention it being about human-sized. I guess the goods are selling well.

“Um…Ichigo-san, can I ask something?”

“YES.”

“Why are you doing this?” Even while asking this question, I tried my hardest to untie the rope, but nothing worked.

I guess I’m stuck here until someone frees me.

“…Hmmm.” Ichigo-san thought about it for a second. “A new type of diet?”

“As if! Not even boxers go through this kind of torture!”

“It’s fine, you’ll lose weight soon enough.”

“Lose weight…!?”

“I’ll keep you tied to that chair for a solid two weeks now.”

“Rational people call that death from starvation!”

This sounds like it could come straight out of a bizarre novel written by Edogawa Ranpo. Of course, I’m the victim and the corpse that is later discovered.

“That just now was more of a joke. In reality…I just can’t stand you.”

“That is quite the straightforward reason, alright.”

“Because you’re close with Kanade-ojousama. Until now, Kanade-ojousama never got that friendly with a boy.”

“That’s…”

It’s because I found out about their secret, and she made me their partner in crime. However, I can’t tell Ichigo-san about this.

“That’s why, I’ll remove you from this residence.”

“R-Remove…”

“Rest assured. I’ll give you enough money that you can live elsewhere in the meantime. I’m not a demon myself, and I can offer you a home.”

“A home?”

“A luxurious tent.”

“So it still is a tent in the end!?”

“You don’t like it? When Nagare-san was chased out back in May, he gladly accepted the tent.”

“So you were the one who gave him the tent!?”

Back during Golden Week, a lot of stuff happened, and the old fart was kicked out of this residence, living beneath a bridge near the river, but to think she was the one who gave him that very tent. And good on the old man to even accept that.

“Calm down, don’t you need your master’s permission to kick me out?”

“I’ll just tell Kanade-ojousama that you went on a trip to find yourself.”

“That sure sounds fishy. Also, it’s not like I ever did something to Su…to the young lady. We’re just friends, nothing more.”

Some things happened during Golden Week, like the kiss for example, but that still doesn’t change the fact that we’re friends.

“…NO.” Ichigo-san fiercely shook her head.

From somewhere only lord knows about, she took out the dull chainsaw. An eerie Brrrrr sound rang out, as the engine of the chainsaw started up.

“I can’t believe anything you say. After all…you managed to tame Masamune.”

“Wha…”

Tame? I feel like I heard something similar before. I think it was Schrö-senpai, but why did Ichigo-san bring that up? Not to mention that she called her Masamune…

“Just who…”

“YES. Since this will be our last meeting today, I’ll teach you.” Ichigo-san continued with an expression devoid of any emotion as always. “I am the lowest in the Rouran Academy handicraft club’s ranking—and the club’s president, Saotome Ichigo.”

×

“C-Club president…!?”

Eh? Why? Wasn’t Ichigo-san supposed to be 29 years old…?

“You’re wondering about my age, right? What’s so weird about being a high school third-year at 29?”

“…Well, I guess.”

“Just to let you know, I wasn’t endlessly repeating this year.” Ichigo-san glared at me with an odd glimmer in her eyes.

Seems like I made her angry.

“I simply enrolled at the same time as Kanade-ojousama did.”

“Why one year above her?”

“She has Subaru in her same school year, so if two servants of hers stayed in the same year, it would be too much for her. That’s why I enrolled as a third-year. No problems there, since I have a lot of work to do at the residence, I can barely attend school.”

“Why are you not being expelled from school?”

“All thanks to the influence of Kanade-ojousama’s father, the board president. He leaves behind grades needed barely for me to pass. Thanks to that, I can enjoy my student life as well, and I even made a club of my own.”

“So you’re the founder of that messed up club…”

“YES. I like handicrafts. However, I originally didn’t plan on making a club. It’s all Schrö’s fault. She was the selfish one.” Ichigo-san let out a sigh.

Oh yeah, Ichigo-san was the one who made this costume for me, right. Thinking about it, this is one type of handicraft. Although it has way too many functions if you ask me. Still, to think she’s the club president. However, there were clues.

‘Nice to meet you, newcomer.’

That was how Ichigo-san greeted me. However, when she talked to Kureha and Masamune, she used ‘Hello’ instead. Why did I not realize? I never thought a second about it, but if she knew Kureha and Masamune, then her greeting would naturally change. Still, she’s the club president? I always assumed the club president would be more like a gorilla.

“Newcomer, are you thinking something rude right now?”

“…Urk.”

“…Whatever, enough about the club.”

“But, can’t you split a concrete block with your fingers? That’s what Kureha told me.”

“That’s just a magic trick.”

“Magic trick?”

“With the right item and set-up, everybody can do that. I was just joking, but they immediately took it seriously. I myself am exceptionally weak.”

“So that’s why you ended up as the lowest rank?”

“That…is a NO. After all…”

“Yeah?”

“If I participated in that ranking match, I’d be killed. That’s why I skipped out on it entirely.”

“………”

I see. I looked at her chainsaw again. Her main expertise is weapons, and there’s no way these would be allowed on school grounds.

“I get that you’re the club president of that handicrafts club. However, I feel like you were never that close with a fellow club member like Masamune.”

“YES. I rarely got any chances to talk with her during our club activities. Since I only participate from time to time, I leave most of the club to Schrö. Also, Masamune never talked to anybody in the club.”

“……”

“Today is the first time I ever properly talked with her. That’s why I called her ‘Newcomer’.”

“………”

Now their awkward exchange made sense, considering Masamune’s fear of strangers. I can’t see Masamune being able to hold a proper conversation with someone she just met. I thought that I was slightly improving her shyness of strangers, but it turned out to be the opposite. That’s right, it was simply because this wasn’t her first meeting with Ichigo-san.

“However, she’s changed.”

“Eh?” I froze up because of Ichigo-san’s sudden statement.

“According to what Schrö told me, Masamune’s opened up a lot lately. She’s been talking with the people from the club, which was to Schrö’s delight. Even today, although it wasn’t our first meeting, she talked to me.”

“……”

“I asked Schrö. Asked why Masamune changed like this. Then, she told me ‘The change happened after she got closer to a certain student’. This very student—turned out to be you.”

“No, I didn’t really…”

“You didn’t do anything…is what you’re trying to tell me? However, it’s a fact nonetheless. And, that’s when I thought—You changed Kanade-ojousama.” With a voice cold enough to make my back shiver, Ichigo-san exclaimed.

“I changed Suzutsuki?”

“YES. Ever since she became a second-year, she started to enjoy going to school more and more. That has never happened before. Around that time, she also started talking about you more.”

“Talk about me…”

“They were absurd stories. That’s why I never paid them much mind. If she made a friend at school, then I’d be happy for her. And even if that friend turned out to be a man, then Subaru and I simply had to protect her…However, my assumptions were wrong.” Ichigo-san closed her eyes, almost like she was sad about something. “Recently, Kanade-ojousama has been acting weird. It looked like she was troubled about something, her expression seeming weak and fragile.”

“So…you’re saying that’s my fault?”

“I can only assume this to be the case. Whatever the method may have been, you changed Kanade-ojousama.” Ichigo-san declared.

Now that she mentioned it, Suzutsuki was acting off even from my point of view. One big part of this is simply her referring to herself as ‘Yamitsuki-san’. She also said that she had trouble falling asleep lately, which shows that she’s worried about something. But, how is this related to me…

“Hey—Newcomer.” As I was lost in my thoughts, Ichigo-san spoke up with her robotic voice. “Should I tell you the reason why I feel LOVE towards Kanade-ojousama?”

“The reason?”

“YES. The reason I deeply adore her is…because she is sharp.”

“…What?”

“For example, the chainsaw. Or, the other weapons in my collection…they’re dangerous, and sharp. I just love these kinds of things.”

“……”

“That’s why I fell in love with Kanade-ojousama. She is sharp. She may act like a gentle honor student on the outside, but deep inside, she is pointed, strong, and sharp. She’s almost like an item out of my collection. That’s why I decided to fall in love with her.”

“……”

…This is bad. She’s actually twisted. She might just be living out her interests, but the direction of this affection is absolutely messed up. Waaah, she’s an absolute yandere, a psycho.

“However, the recent Kanade-ojousama is different.” Ichigo-san ignored my silence, and simply continued. “Even though she had been so razor-sharp before…she changed. She may be trying to hide it, but this weakness born inside of her is growing. Like she’s affected by an illness, she is losing her strength. I want to cure Kanade-ojousama…That’s why.” She said, and swung the chainsaw down towards my neck. “…Tell me?”

Luckily, she stopped right before it touched my skin. However, her words did not stop.

“How did you change Kanade-ojousama?”

“I-I didn’t do anything like that…”

“NO. You changed Masamune. That’s why, there’s a definite chance that you did something to Kanade-ojousama as well. Let’s strike a deal, okay? If you tell me about this method, I don’t mind letting you stay in this residence for a bit longer. However, if you won’t cooperate with me…”

Brrrrrrrrrr, the chainsaw sped up even further. Hey now, are you kidding me? She’s seriously trying to torture me now?

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“Waaah, wait a moment!” I desperately tried to reason with her.

I feel like a koi fish on the cutting board. Either that, or a tuna during a cooking show. I guess I’m still somewhat safe if she simply uses the chainsaw, but looking at her other tools, my life may be in definite danger. Now that it’s come to this, I need to convince her.

“Calm down! Didn’t the young lady say that I am her servant, as well as her friend!? You shouldn’t be torturing me, right!?”

“…Mmm.” Ichigo-san’s movement stopped after hearing my words.

This is my chance. If I pressure her further, she might even listen to me.

“YES. That does make sense.”

“R-Right? So, take this rope off me…”

“If so…then I have to change my approach.”

“Huh?” I let out a dumbfounded voice—and froze up because of the shock assaulting me.

With a rustling noise, Ichigo-san’s maid clothes fell to the ground.

“W-What are you doing!?”

There in front of me now stood a maid wearing nothing but underwear. Not to mention that she was wearing super mature underwear……Wait, this isn’t the time to calmly analyze how her underwear’s color was black, or that her garter belt was charming, and all that. I didn’t need to be Einstein to guess what development was coming next.

“YES. If any physical approach is no-go, I’ll move on to seduction.”

“You moron! Do you think such a honey trap method would work on me!?”

“I heard from Kanade-ojousama, you love maids, right?”

“!?”

“Not to mention that you hold great interest in garter belts.”

“L-Like hell I do! That’s all nonsense—”

“So, should I take off my headband?”

“Of course not! If you take that off, you’ll ruin your image!”

Ah!? Crap, I let my honest feelings spill!

“What an honest person you are. Then, how about I show you what a real maid is like.” She declared with a teasing voice.

And then, she put her hand on her eyepatch. I figured it was just some kind of fashion. I bet it was just for fashion, because her eyes were beautiful. Following that, she approached me, and gently sat on my lap. Of course, while facing me. And then…

“—Dear master.”

“!”

She tightly embraced me, whispering these words into my ear. This is bad. This is way too destructive, in a lot of ways. She’s an actual maid, together with her soft body touching me all oveeeeeer! My brain is being turned to mush because of all the positive stimuli.

“Dear master, I have a request.”

“Ugh…!?”

Of course, there’s another huge reason why I’m suffering—My gynophobia. If she sticks to me this close, there’s no way it won’t activate. My nose will start bleeding soon enough, and she’ll find out about my embarrassing disposition…!

“Dear master…”

“Urk…Gah…!”

…N-No more. My consciousness was growing thin. At this rate, I’ll suffer from a nosebleed, and pass out.

“——”

However, oddly enough, a completely different image was floating inside of my head—The kiss. Maybe because I had a woman’s face right in front of me, the scene from that night popped up in my head again. The sensation of her lips that should have vanished long ago, still remaining…

“—Ichigo!”

There, my consciousness returned. The door to the room swung open, and someone stormed inside.

“…Ahh.”

There’s no mistaking that alto voice. It’s Konoe Subaru, my best friend. To think she’d save me at a time like this.

“Subaru, aren’t you supposed to knock before entering a room?” Ichigo-san was clearly cautious of Konoe, as she moved away from me, picking up the chainsaw.

I’m safe…All that’s left is for Konoe to remove the rope on my body, and…

“Why did you come here?”

“The young lady said that she couldn’t find Jirou anywhere, so she tasked me to look for him. When I passed by your room, I heard his voice from the inside.”

“So that’s why you came barging in? You’re as rough as rampant.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you.”

“I won’t deny that. So, what do you plan on doing now?”

“Hmpf, that’s obvious. No matter how I look at it, Jirou’s in a pinch right now. That’s why I’ll save him.”

Sparks flew between the butler and the maid. Waah, why does this feel like some final battle? Am I some guy in a cinema watching a Hollywood movie? If they had a game with a concept like this, it might just blow up.

“Interesting. Are you saying you can win against me?”

“That’s my phrase. Don’t underestimate a butler.”

It was an explosive touch-and-go situation. A heavy and tense atmosphere filled the room.

“…Damn it.”

How pathetic, once again. Being tied up like this, I can only watch. Just how helpless of a role do I have…No, is there really nothing I can do? Wrong, there is. Even if I can’t move my body, I can use my voice. Ever since that kiss incident, it’s been super awkward between the two of us, but this isn’t the time to worry. I can at least cheer for Konoe, so that she won’t lose…!

“Y-You can do it, Konoe! I believe in you!”

“Urk…Y-You don’t need to cheer for me like that…” Probably because of that kiss, Konoe clearly blocked off my words.

Waaah, just talking to her makes my heart race. But, I can’t step back down now.

“What are you saying! We’re best friends, right!?”

“Eh…”

“That’s right! We are bound together by endless friendship!”

“……!”

“Nobody can destroy the bonds we have!”

“~~~!”

“Yeah! We’ll always stay best friends!”

“……~~~!”

For some reason, after hearing my cheering voices, Konoe looked like she had lost all motivation, almost like she was depressed about something.

“Maybe I should have properly told you last summer…” She said, crouched on the ground, and drew circles with her finger.

W-What is going on? Just when I wanted to support her…Maybe it’s because my words were just too lame, and she felt embarrassed? No, she looks more depressed than anything else.

“…Chance.” There, Ichigo-san dashed towards me like a wild beast.

Gyaaaa! Be careful, Konoe-san! This isn’t the time to be depressed! Your best friend is in a pinch!

“…Damn it.”

It’s all over now. THE END, yeah. Now that Subaru-sama is out of the fight, nobody can save me. At this rate, I’ll end up as fodder for the maid—

“Aren’t you in quite the predicament, Jirou-kun.”

There, a dignified voice passed through the room. When I looked towards the direction of the voice, there stood Suzutsuki Kanade. She smiled at me with her usual calm smile.

×

“K-Kanade-ojousama?”

With the arrival of her master, even Ichigo-san was bewildered, and stopped moving. And then she blushed furiously, saying ‘Oh my, what appearance am I showing to my master!’. Now you’re feeling embarrassed? Not a minute ago, you literally didn’t care.

“Ichigo, would you mind freeing Jirou-kun? As I said before, he is a servant at my residence, as well as my friend.” Suzutsuki ordered Ichigo-san with a dauntless tone.

For the first time in my life, I started to see Suzutsuki as a good person. To think that the devil would come to save me, I can’t believe it.

“Well, I will compliment your style, tying him to the chair.”

Hey.

“If it was me, I would have preferred some hot dish for him to eat as well.”

Am I some late-night TV entertainer?

“Fufu, maybe even a hot tub with boiling water.”

“Urk…I never even considered that.”

Suzutsuki looked over at me with a sadistic glimmer in her eyes, whereas Ichigo-san just grit her teeth in regret. Save me, this residence is cursed. There will be a murder soon. Can someone call a detective here?

“Anyway, would you be so kind as to free Jirou-kun, Ichigo?”

“Urk…” Ichigo-san grew quiet in the face of her master’s order.

She really is against the idea of freeing me, huh. Well, I can’t blame her. Even so, this is Suzutsuki Kanade’s order. She should just back down here, and…

“…I don’t want to.”

Surpassing my expectations, Ichigo-san ignored her master’s order. She is rebelling against her.

“My, Ichigo, are you going against my order?”

“YES…I do, Kanade-ojousama. I cannot free Odd Jobs-san.”

“Why?”

“…Kanade-ojousama. You should understand. He will only bring you misfortune.”

“……”

“I do not understand the reason, but the influence he has on you is making you suffer. As your servant, as your maid, I cannot ignore this. In order to resolve your worries, we need to remove him.”

“…I see. So, what are you going to do then?”

“…I will fight. Even if it has to be you, Kanade-ojousama.”

Brrrrrrr, the chainsaw howled, pointed at her master.

“Wha…are you insane, Ichigo!?”

Konoe must have felt danger towards her own master, as she stood in front of Suzutsuki. Yet again, it was butler versus maid…However, shouldn’t Konoe have trouble in front of a weapon like this…

“Subaru, step back.”

Surprising everyone, the one who stepped to the front rows was Suzutsuki herself.

“Y-Young lady?”

“What are you doing? I told you to step back.”

“However…”

“It’s fine. I’m your master, so fighting a single maid of mine isn’t a problem at all.”

“…U-Understood.” Konoe still didn’t seem satisfied, but did as she was told.

“Kanade-ojousama, rest assured. I won’t hurt you.”

“Fufu, aren’t you relaxed.”

Saotome Ichigo and Suzutsuki Kanade, Maid and Master, were now facing each other. The curtains were about to be raised for a battle nobody could have expected.

“……!”

This isn’t good. Even if Suzutsuki is clever and uses her tactics, she still is a girl with no fighting strength. Compared to that, Ichigo-san is the club president of that handicrafts club. Well, she’s probably more like a prince than anything, but that club isn’t normal at all. On top of that, Suzutsuki has another handicap—the chainsaw that was revving up in Ichigo-san’s arms. Although it was a blunt chainsaw which probably isn’t that dangerous, it was still a weapon. The question was…how could Suzutsuki fight against that…

“—Eh?”

However, with no warning whatsoever, the battle was decided with a result nobody could have expected.

“…!” A painful sigh could be heard.

Suzutsuki—collapsed. She fell to the ground, like a puppet that had its strings cut.

“Y-Young lady! What happened!?” Konoe rushed to her side as she screamed her name, but—no response came back.

It seemed like she had passed out…Hey now, are you kidding me? This isn’t like you, Suzutsuki. Is this just another one of your mischiefs? Right now, she simply looked like she was sleeping peacefully. This has to be some kind of technique that would force Ichigo-san to let down her guard. That has to be it, right? It’s enough, Suzutsuki. Your acting is way too good. Look at Ichigo-san, she’s gone pale, about to fall over herself. Even Konoe is shaking in fear. So, get up already, Suzutsuki.

“……”

However, no matter how long we waited—Suzutsuki never got up.

1Ichigo means strawberry

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