Chapter 1: How did it happen

It all started when I was born, my father was found dead hanging on a tree in a plain, the police think it was a suicide or someone could help him but I don't think so, I think rather that it's someone who killed him  in fact you know that my family just like my mother didn't want to tell me what was going on with my father because they say he was a bad man and that I shouldn't contact his family, to tell you the truth.

 I went to his grave only once because no one wanted to take me there, I tried to find out things about his family but no one wanted to tell me if his family was still alive, but anyway. 

Afterwards my mother played a lot of video games so she didn't spend too much time with me except with my big brother because yes I have a big brother who had the chance to know my father but that's not the subject so my mother played video games and that's how she met her boyfriend .

And suddenly we had to move to France (I was born in Poland) and this gentleman was alcholic but my mother did not know it, he also smoked cannabis and in addition did not work , suddenly he forced my mother to work (me during this time I learned French and I went to school). 

My parents punished me a lot but it was the age to do stupid things but well after we moved to another city and I had to go to college there in the meantime my father-in-law changed a lot and became aggressive towards me and my big brother (morally) and after unfortunately my mother and him had children together a little boy and a little girl after that my father-in-law was violent towards my little brother so I told my school and my school warned the police who she warned the magistrate and one day on January 24, 2021 the police came to look for me to file a complaint against my mother and my father-in-law so I did it and the magistrate decided that I I have an opp (provisional placement order in the home for young children in emergencies).

After all this mess I arrived at the children's emergency home, I didn't know what to do I was crying, I was having panic attacks but I knew that at college I always had someone to count on even if this person is older than me but he was always there for me, he was the one who calmed me down when I was having panic attacks. 

And then I started do go see a psy because I wanted to die and I wanted to kill myself so i started scratching myself to the veins and a lot of blood went out of my body after that episode I refused to eat or drink anything so I started to feel dizzy and I havan’t eaten in 10 days but the problem is that , that caused anorexia so I started to drink vitamins and taking xanax(that is a pill to fight the stress)

But Meddy is no longer in my life... But he left me his cap as a souvenir and he told me: keep the cap until you're happy.

It touched me so much because I knew it was the last time we would see each other so I cried so much that my head hurt and my heart hurt that Meddy was gone for good.. .

But on April 12, 2021 I was placed in a long-term child's home but I didn't want to at all at first but I ended up accepting.

In my new house I had a boyfriend but this did not last long because the educators did not accept the facts that I was with him so we broke up.

I saw a psychiatrist all the time but I felt bad so they prescribed me anti depressants, tercian, imovane, theralene and melatonin, yes I admit it's a lot for my age but I I had and have major problems with insomnia and the psychiatrist said I was depressed.

since I was placed I have done a lot more scarification so I have been hospitalized many times but even now I am because I made a big suicide attempt as you want to know everything so in fact I I ran away from home and took to the highway so I could throw myself under a car.

Suddenly hop I am hospitalized.

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