Chapter 37: Chapter 36: Going Out With Mom [Sexual Frustration(3)]

"If you guys were to disappear one day... I'd be very sad. To me, you guys are everything..."

"Mom..."

What's wrong with me? Is this why Onee-chan didn't want me to do anything like 'that'? Is it because I'd waste my life like I am now. Is it because at one point in life I'd just be doing all this day-in and day-out? 

What's wrong with me? Here I am worrying all about masturbating and having sex with Onee-chan, while mom and the rest of the world are worrying about something more serious.

But still, I wonder, what was Onee-chan's purpose in making me not masturbate? Was it really the reason I'd just thought of, or could it be because of something else?

"I feel the same! If you, dad, and Onee-chan were to leave my life, I'd-" 'What would you do?' "I-I'd-" What can I do? 'You're so pathetic. You can't even survive a single day without releasing your gross, slimy semen, and yet, you think you could survive this?' "...Be sad as well,"

"I see. Well, we will just have to hope nothing happens, right?" She smiles, brightly. I guess this is her way of trying to lighten up the mood or maybe change topics.

"Yeah."

We enter the store and I follow mom around, pushing the cart.

It's kinda fun, pushing the cart, that is. It's almost like you're driving a car. With all the turns and the fact that you can control the speed, and also that you have to be careful not to hit other people.

"Milk," Mom says, and we move over to the big fridge filled with all kinds of milk.

She takes the blue bag out of it and places it in the cart. It's our third item. Egg and sugar are the other ones.

"Are you making a cake?"

"I plan to, yes. It's summer, so we should enjoy ourselves a little more. Also, you guys have been working hard at school, so it'll be my little treat. Be excited, okay?" She says. "...Well, it's also cause your fathers birthday is coming up," She adds, looking to the side. So that's the real reason. 

"Hmm~" It's been a while since mom's baked; It's mostly been Onee-chan. So yeah, you can say I'm a little excited.

"What would you like to eat for dinner?"

"Dinner? Hmm~ Pasta!"

"Okay!"

We get the rest ingredients and wait in line to check our things. The line is pretty long, all of them are. Today is busy for some reason.

I look around and I find ice cream in almost all the people's cart. I can't blame them. It was really hot the other day.

Eventually, it's our turn. I help mom place all things on the moving thing. Mom hands the cashier money and we leave after filling our things in bags.

We're outside, and the crowd is gone. It's almost empty. Or at least it feels like that. People aren't in an line or anything like inside the store; They're all over the place. 

I take in a big breath and exhale it all out. The air is so clean. Which is a little surprising after hearing that Japan- Tokyo, has lots of air pollution. Maybe I'm just lucky. I wonder what the air will be like where Souma will be moving to. Since it's probably a rich neighborhood, it'll have bad air right? Since rich people probably waste their money on useless things(people other than Souma).

I look up at the sky. It's almost night. The day is almost over. The thought of tomorrow hurts. Today went somewhat alright. But, tomorrow, I can't say. It'll be even harder. I'm really not looking forward to it. I hope I can complete it. 

"Is something wrong, Haruka?"

"Hm?-" I turn to look at mom. She's in front of me, looking me straight in the eye, her head tilted about 45 degrees. Too close. With her face so close to me, I notice some things I didn't notice a couple years before. Somehow.

She has features that remind me of Onee-chan. The shape of her face, her hair. She looks just like Onee-chan- or maybe Onee-chan looks just like her. The only obvious difference is the maturity in their looks and eye colours.

Maybe Onee-chan will look like mom when she grows up.

"W-wha...!" I move back. She tilts her head to the side again.

She seems to be getting old. I'm reminded of all those past years.

"Thanks for everything mom. I love you, so much." I smile.

"Huh? Wha-...What are you saying all of a sudden?" She blinks a couple of times, her mouth wide open.

"I was just thinking about everything you've done for me,"

"Are you only saying that because you saw me looking so old?" She asks, pouting and I swallow.

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"..."

"You're gonna make me cry,"

"I'm sorr-"

"Thank you, Haruka. Thank you for being my son," She smiles, cheerfully while letting a soft giggle.

"...Now you're the one that's gonna make me cry,"

"Haha, cry all you want. Mommy is right here," She giggles, holding her hands out.

"I'm good," I take a couple steps forward, hiding my embarrassment.

I come to a sudden stop and tenderly smile.

--------

"Mom, we're not going home?" Me and mom are currently in the opposite direction from the house. 

"Not yet. It's been a while since you've been out right? Make sure you get as much fresh air as you can. You never know when you may not be able to breath this air anymore. You never know when something you do everyday can be stolen and taken away from you. You never know when you can never breath the same air ever again. Or just air in general." For some reason, I don't think she's talking about air anymore. 

I decide to say nothing and just listen, and it seems she knows I'm listening.

We walk through empty streets, passing by trees and grass. Not many cars are coming by this way.

She places her hands behind her back. "Haruka, the world is big. There are all kinds of things and people you will meet in this world. Those things or people can either bring misfortune in your life, or fortune." Mom looks at me and for a second, I feel like I'm looking at an ocean; beautiful and blue. It's pretty, this ocean- her eyes. "Do you get why I'm telling you all this?"

"...No,"

She looks up at the sky. "It's because it's almost graduation for you... I know you still have a couple of months left, but still, now that I have the chance, I want to tell you. I know you may forget, but at the same time, you may not. If you don't forget what I'm about to tell you, then you'll have more time to think about to do and take action upon it," She takes a short pause and then breathes out. "In high school, you'll meet all sorts of people. Good and bad, so, just be careful, okay?"

"Yeah,"

"One misstep and done, you're life is over. That's one of the rules of the world. But, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to do something new."

------

I can't believe I felt like that towards to mom. What she said made me feel warm inside and stuff, but in a way, in some weird way, I found it a little cute? Like I wanted to jump into her arms? 

Nah, I'm just making it up. No way.

It's been a couple minutes since we made it home. It felt good being out. The mornings are annoying, but when the sun starts setting its pretty out, plus, the wind gets stronger. It feels good. 

I'm lying down on my bed with my eyes closed, thinking about literally nothing.

The walk really helped. All those desires vanished just like that. I'm feeling much more relaxed now. 

This emptiness in my thoughts are kinda nice. So free and relaxing. 

My family has always called me quiet, though, I don't really get it much.

I'm forcibly pulled out of my thoughts as I hear another knock at the door. Is it mom again?

"Yes?

"Haru?"

"...Onee-chan?"

 

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