Chapter 66: Regret and apology!

It was almost a month since that incident happened. I got my foot injured, and currently, as per doctor said, am going through PTSD also most important a week ago I did something to make Tsubaki cry.

The most amazing thing is that I don't remember what I did or what I said, but I could sense from her eyes that something irreversible have taken place. Those eyes under such stress never showed any pained expression and were now filled with the horror of something bad doesn't happen again.

After seeing this, something broke inside me.

Something which I might not voice out or share ever with anyone. Not even Tsubaki.

....

Today, finally the doctor gave me a green ticket for my release as my foot finally got in a position where I could walk some baby steps at a time. Tsubaki was genuinely happy when we finally arrived home hand in hand.

And for me, then I was feeling the most calm after breathing in this particular air of the place which I call home now since some months. After one month of living in the hospital, a sense of fulfillment was aroused just from stepping inside. 

Tsubaki suddenly left my side and after walking some steps she merrily turned on her heel before bowing down slightly. In a playful voice, she said something which filled my heart with warmth.

"Welcome back, Kazu-kun."

After being speechless for some moments a delightful smile curved on my lips too before a reply came out of my lips naturally.

"I am home, Tsubaki."

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Since it was already noon we decided to have brunch which Tsubaki wholeheartedly prepared. She brought me food in hospital too but eating with her like this inside the house on the table we share, gives a strange fulfilling vibe.

"How is it Kazu-kun?" Being asked with such hopeful round eyes, even if I would have fed poison I would have said the same thing.

"It's totally the best Tsubaki." Smiling contently Tsubaki nodded as we continued our not-so-talkative lunch. 

This peacefulness, this warmth, this love that I feel overflowing through and through from Tsubaki makes me want to do something for her. Something which she not only for show but really does like.

As of now, I don't really think I have the capability nor any particular idea about how I could make such an already well-accomplished and reliable person happy. 

For now, I have kept those things away as Ms.Tsubaki brought another ponderable matter.

"You...want to shave me?" Standing with a bright red face and an elated smile on her face Tsubaki nodded without an ounce of hesitation even just from her expression I could guess how hard it was for her to say something like that.

"Yes. I do think bearded Kazu-kun would look dashing and dangerously mature but I like the kind and gentle Kazu-kun more. So I brought this....is it no good?" Asking with just drooping eyes was an injustice of her but it wasn't like I was going to reject her offer in the first place.

"Well, I have only shaved once before so I won't be able to properly guide you. So you think you can manage?" Since I don't grow hair on my face often I need trimming only once or twice a month. Just to make my facial hair grow more shapely if I ever desire to keep them in the future, Kunimi suggested shaving with a razor.

"Leave it to me. I have watched tens of videos so you don't have to fear getting hurt." She said with a thump on her chest which made me chuckle a bit at how determining she become for such a small thing.

After arranging a chair in front of the mirror which was just beside the bathroom door, Tsubaki wrapped a saloon sheet (which I don't know where came from) over my upper body before I got comfortably stable on my seat.

"Okay then here we go." Even without looking at her face, I could tell how nervous she was. In all honesty, if Tsubaki would give me a cut or two, I wouldn't mind at all as I know what reward she could grant me in return for such small injuries. Well, I couldn't say such an embarrassing thing out loud, can I?

After binding her hair in a ponytail she squeezed the shaving cream over her forefingers, before bringing it to my lower cheek.

My breath halted for a second when her cold fingers coated with the cream came into contact with my skin. Tsubaki didn't move rashly but while being extra cautious gave me a gentle massage on my lower face.

Circling her hand like she was fondling the most precious animal, she started to spread the foam gently over my chin, jaw, and the upper portion of my neck. All this time I was silently watching her serious expression with my eyes sheepishly parted.

Her adorable face which had a tinge of redness on her tender cheeks was a treat to just look at. At any time or in any attire Tsubaki leaves me breathless and the sense to protect always takes another fold. 

(A/N:- Must protec)

"Okay, Kazu-kun. I am gonna shave you now. Please don't move or I will cry okay?" Suppressing my grin I nodded wordlessly.

Soon the blade started cleaning off the foam along with my hair from my face. Her hand was gently pressing and wiping away the cream with her oceanic eyes continuously focused on her hand movement. Cleaning the razor she got back on her mission with a little relaxed gaze now.

As she proceeded her previous stress seemed to get some air as her stiff hand became a little smoother.

"Is it okay for us to resume school from tomorrow?" Asking something like a domestic wife Tsubaki continued her work while waiting for my answer even though she asked me to stay silent some moments ago.

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"Hmm." Humming I kept my mouth shut so she doesn't get hindered. 

"Doctor said that you have to walk at least a kilometer in a day so after the station, we will board the car, okay? " Humming I responded in affirmation. Even though she doesn't organize a car I would've loved to walk again with Tsubaki to and fro hand in hand. 

But I knew requesting such a thing would be mercilessly rejected so I held my urge.

"Mid-term will start just after vacation so I think whether we should join the library for a proper atmosphere?" She asked me something which I would have done if I haven't met Tsubaki or not have been living with her.

"Mm-mm." Frowning my brows I displayed my rejection which brought a full bloom smile to her as she wiped my face gently with a wet towel.

"I was also thinking so. Well, studying in the school library is also good with such serious air around and all but, in all honesty, I would love nothing...more than...staying alone...with.." By the time she reached the end of her words, our face was already inches apart with eyes aligned and fixed at constant. 

Before I knew I had pulled Tsubaki on my lap when she was wiping my face and now when her hot breath collided with mine, then only I realize our position. Her caramel shampoo along with her natural scent was profoundly dancing in the surrounding.

Her beautiful eyes which I could never get tired of staring at, glinted fuzziness spread over them as I found my face reflecting in her view. Her lips which were moistened because of the nude lip balm she uses made her look extremely bewitching right now.

People say that living with the same person even for a month makes one used to them, but here I was. My heart still races whenever  I get this close to her, feels her warmth, touch her body or stare into her deep eyes. 

I knew what she wanted at the moment and I honestly wanted the same thing too, very badly. Leaning forward I brought my face closer, slowly, to give her time but never had I imagined that Tsubaki for the first time would reject me.

"I think I should take a bath-" She was about to stand up and leave as if nothing happened but I knew it all was a facade so with my head hung in frustration and grief I held her wrist.

"Tsubaki....did I hurt you...by any means that day?" This was something I desperately wanted to know since the day when my schoolmates came to visit me in the hospital. I still had a very unclear collection of that day. I have hazy memories of being with Tsubaki after visitors left and something happened after that. Something so regretful that Tsubaki didn't come to meet for a long week.

I wanted to know what happened, anyhow and for that I can only ask one person.

Being held for some seconds Tsubaki finally uttered a single syllable before she started struggling against my grip.

"No..." I rashly pulled her back on my lap with agitation filling my voice before I grabbed her chin and made her look toward me.

"If it's nothing then say it while looking at me!" When my eyes met hers my heart shook violently before my pupils dilated in regret. 

Her beautiful eyes which I complimented in my mind some moments ago were now filled with warm tears and which were daring to spill any moment now. Her chin was quivering with her whole face holding a painful expression like something terrifying have happened.

I immediately let go of my hold on her face and hugged her. Holding her tightly in my embrace I comforted her as well as myself that she wasnt going away from me. The horrifying feeling of not seeing her anymore washed over me which made my hold on her nothing less than an unbreakable bond that I was clinging to with my life.

Her shaking body and wetness over my nape made my heart quench in pain and sorrow. I regulated my breath and calmed my nerves first as I didn't want to make her more anxious than she already was.

I have been pathetically dependent on her since the time I have been started living with her and telling myself that Tsubaki was an extraordinary strong girl, I always glossed over her courageous front. But right now, right at this moment, I realized how awfully wrong I was.

She wasn't shouldering such heavy burdens without getting any backlash. She...she was hurting all this time without letting me know. She was doing all for me and I on the other hand was just receiving her pity with open hands.

'Damn...!!' Biting my lip hard I exhaled deeply before I took out my hand from the cover and wrapped them around Tsubaki and patted her back while I spoke.

"I don't know what I did or said to you Tsubaki but judging from your reaction I guess I hurt you very badly." She didn't say anything just sunked her face deeper into my neck to hide herself from being seen. That was all for me to confirm my concern.

"I know you won't tell me even if I ask so I want to apologize to you. I know my plain apology won't just heal the wound I have given nor it would make you forget that day but still, I can do nothing more than apologize to you again and again. I thought of myself as pitiful because I was kidnapped but now I realize I wasn't the only victim of that incident. You...Kayo. You were hurting all along without even showing anything from outside and I, a true fool who even announced my love for you like it's a matter of fact, never understood you. I proudly told myself that I can love you more than anyone but yet...Anyway, let me request one thing Kayo. "

I separated myself from her before I wiped her tears and tucked her fallen hair behind her ear before continuing.

"In the future, if anytime I hurt you please tell me, I will do my best to treat the matter in the best way possible. If I ever make you angry then shout at me rather than hurting yourself alone. And yes if I ever...ever make you cry then please don't hide it. I promise that I will always be by your side whatever happens. In happiness or sorrow, in sickness or health, I will love you as my first and foremost. So Kayo please trust in me once again."

__________...___________ 

A/N:- Ah...was it heavy?

Next, some chapters would be fluff and romance only. Kazu's behavior toward Tsubaki would become a little more...what can I say..caring?

Ah yeah...expect a rival from the other side this time after things get stabled. So until then keep commenting and let me know if you are hyped for upcoming chapters~

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