Chapter 38: 36. Toy store

The carriage rocked softly as it rode on the paved stones road. I had now ridden down this path many times, but I felt my heart heavy as I realised it would probably be the last time I did so for a long while.

I looked down at my arms where Darkie was nestled comfortably. We had been a long way together. From the days after my accident, to my escape from the estate, my stay at the orphanage, to the kidnapping just a week ago… I felt conflicted. I was happy, very happy that Lionheart had wanted me to become part of his family, but at the same time I felt as though it would all collapse on itself.

Was it the right decision? Would life truly be better if I stayed with Lionheart or would it all come apart again..? I don’t know what’s right anymore… Maybe I should have stayed an orphan… Maybe that’s all I should be.

Those thoughts bounced in my head and made my heart ache. I wish someone Goldie was here. I wish she could tell me that this was the right decision, that there was nothing to worry about and everything would be fine.

-Are you alright?-

I saw hands sign in front of me. I lifted my head and saw Lionheart’s worried expression. I glanced down and noticed a few tears had landed on Darkie’s gold button. I wiped the tears from my eyes and Darkie’s before taking a deep breath.

I didn’t mean to be sad. I wanted to be happy, but for some reason only sad thoughts came to my mind. I tried to clear my head and think about all the happy things to look forward, but that only made more tears fall from my eyes as I was reminded that I wouldn’t be seeing Jade and Hare tomorrow.

I suddenly felt myself being lifted from my seat. I let out a surprised yelp, before noticing it was Lionheart who had picked me up. He brought me toward him and delicately sat me on his lap. Bewildered, I looked around, expecting something to happen, but he simply held me in place on his lap.

-Is something wrong?-

I asked as I looked up to him.

He shook his head slowly.

-You looked worried. I wanted you to feel better.-

Does that mean that… He did this to calm me down? In the confusion, I realised that my tears had dried up, so it must have worked, but I felt a bit strange. I didn’t particularly mind, I actually kind of liked it. It felt safe and warm. Not many people had done something like that for me. Actually, I couldn’t remember the last time I sat on someone’s laps. I had often been held by Hare and Goldie in the past, but never simply sat with them like this. The last time I sat on someone’s laps… It must have been with Fathe….

No… He’s not my father anymore. That title belonged to Lionheart, even if I wasn’t quite ready to call him that yet.

It was strange. So much time had gone by since I had seen those people… I couldn’t even remember the man’s face, only his crop… My memories of the estate had already become vague. Especially the good ones.

It had only been half a year since that fateful night Goldie had helped me escape. My accident had occured during the summer, but my parents-... Those people had been gone to the capital since spring…

A year? Has it really been a full year since I last sat on someone’s lap?

That’s a very long time…

While I was deep in thoughts, Lionheart kept looking in my direction with the same worried expression. He turned to the side and said something to Stash and the coach driver before turning back to me and smiling.

He tried to sign something, but embarrassed after a few failed attempts to find the right words, he turned to the butler in front him who politely nodded before signing.

-My Lord suggests a small detour, my Lady.-

A small detour?

I looked up at Lionheart curiously.

-Where are we going?-

Lionheart smiled at my question and playfully placed a finger in front of his lips to indicate he wouldn’t say a word. I looked to Stash for answers, but he gave a similar response.

What could it be? Why? Where? The curiosity was getting the better of me and I tried to get them to tell me something, anything about where we were going, but they kept their lips sealed right up until the carriage came to a stop.

Lionheart carried me out of the cabin and when he put me down. In front of us was what looked like a window display. It didn’t really catch my eye until I noticed something seemed to be moving inside. Curious, I came closer just in time to see something come right up to the glass.

It was a tiny toy horse! No bigger than my hand and looked similar to a toy horse, but somehow, it was moving as if it was alive and breathing. The tiny horse darted to the left of the display and I followed it, fascinated. It passed two wooden dolls that seemed to be dancing rhythmically before going up a slight incline in the middle of the display. A wooden monkey swung past it on a rope and disappeared into the side of a shelf. All across the display different, wood and porcelain contraptions walked, danced and generally moved about. I had never seen anything like it.

I turned out excitedly toward Lionheart who nodded with a satisfied expression on his face as he looked back at me. I couldn’t believe that we had come all the way here just for me!

I was about to go back to the display when I noticed him walking toward the door and opening it. Was there even more inside? My question was quickly answered. The entire was covered from floor to ceiling in toys, moving and otherwise.

“Hey look! Friends!”

Darkie exlaimed. I looked to my right and beyond a wooden archway, I could see a wall covered in plush animals. Excited, I walked up to them. They looked very different from Darkie. Instead of buttons, their eyes looked like small little black beads. Their fur was also thick and fluffy like hair. I couldn’t help but wonder if the hair had been put on them one by one or if there was a special way to grow hair plushes…

I spotted a green bear with a bow stitched under its chin. He looked big and friendly and I felt drawn to him.

[Hi!]

“Oh hello! I didn’t see you there! Who might you be?~”

[My name is Silika! And this is my friend Darkie!]

“My my! What a pleasure to meet you both! My name is Bean because I’m green to the seam!~”

He said in a melodious voice, which made me and Darkie laugh.

Curious, Lionheart walked toward us followed closely by Stash and another man who I guessed must be the owner. Lionheart said something to stash who, after nodding, kneeled down to my height.

-Do you like Sir Bear, my Lady?-

He asked me as he picked up the bear from the shelf.

I looked at Bean and happily nodded. He was a nice bear. Stash looked back to Lionheart and then back to me.

-Would you like to take him home with us?-

The suggestion surprised me. It didn’t occur to me that we could take things home from here, I thought they were just for show. I looked down to Darkie.

[What do you think?]

“Maybe we should ask Bean what he thinks?”

I nodded in agreement and turned to Bean.

“Oh, I would love to!... But… I think I might miss my friends.”

He said.

I felt my gaze gravitate toward the wall where dozens if not hundreds of other plushies sat on their shelves. So many friends… I couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to have to say goodbye to so many.

I shook my head. I couldn’t do that to him. After a moment of hesitation, Stash put Bean back on the shelf with his friends. He turned back to me and signed.

-This is a toy store, my Lady. My Lord has stated that you my claim any of these as your own and take it home with you.-

A… Toy store? I didn’t know such a thing existed. I knew there were furniture stores, grain stores, clothes stores and even bookstores, but I never imagined people would make stores just for toys. I thought they were just something adults made for children. Like food or cleaning rags.

I looked around with a new perspective. I could take one of these home? ANY of them?

Curious and excited, I started looking around frantically. The clerk approached me and asked something, but I had to wait for Stash to translate for me.

-The gentleman wishes to give a tour of the premises, if the lady would permit him?-

A guided tour? Yes please! I want to see everything! I nodded enthusiastically, which didn’t miss to make the store clerk smile. He pointed with his hand in a direction and started walking as we followed him

There were a great many fascinating things around, and many of them, like those in the vitrine, did indeed move on their own or even change colours. Curious, I asked about it. He happily explained the process in detail to Stash who could barely keep up his hand signals. As I understood it, much of the work done to allow them to move on their own was thans to the blessing of Coloviath, god of journeys.

Stash then proceeded to clarify that the Coloviath’s blessing was meant to ease his kin’s burden during their travel. It would make sails blow their own wind on calm seas and turn the wheels of carts on their own when going up hills. The Coloviath Kinsmanns had researched his blessing extensively and had developed the ability to animate almost any objects to a certain extent. As they had discovered, the more complex the movement, the weaker the strength, and so they were perfect for toys.

While the clerk was showing a fluffy sheep toy which would lazily eat away at imaginary grass before moving on to another spot; a small wooden bird landed on the man’s shoulder. It chirped quietly a few times, but the clerk simply ignored it and continued talking about the sheep.

-What’s that?-

I asked while pulling on Stash’s sleeve and pointing at the bird. He looked in the direction but before he could say anything, the bird flew over his head and landed on Lionheart’s extended finger. He brought his mouth close to it and whispered something. The bird flew once more and landed on my hand.

It was small and round. It tickled as it softly bounced on my finger and flapped its wings. And gently caressed its head. It wasn’t as soft as expected, but there was something calming in the restless movement of its body. Like holding a small animal.

-Do you like?-

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Lionheart asked.

I stopped stroking its head and held it in my palm as I observed it happily. I looked up at Lionheart and nodded vehemently.

-Want to take it home?-

I looked at the bird in my hand again. It looked just as curious about me as I was about it. I looked down at Darkied Still tucked underneath my other arm.

[What do you think?]

Darkie was silent for a moment before answering.

“Well it doesn’t talk much…But it sure looks fun to play with!”

Agreed, I looked up at Lionheart and nodded energetically.

Lionheart smiled and said a word to the clerk. He then came and picked me up from my feet, bird still in hand, and we left the store for the carriage. I looked back in confusion.

-Don’t we have to pay first?-

He shook his head in response and sat down on the coach benches. His hands now free ,he explained.

-We are nobles. We don’t pay in person. They send the bill home. ᐊlaẕn will arrange it.-

Stash came back to the carriage and not a moment later the carriage took off once more.

The bird in my hand was calmly resting on my hand. It only moved every so often. I knew it could fly, but I didn’t really know how to get it to do it… I extended my hand and try to make it fly away, short of actually throwing it, but it wouldn’t go anywhere.

-Are you trying to get it to fly?-

Lionheart asked to which I nodded.

-Seeking birds need direction, or else they won’t fly.-

So I have to give it directions for it to fly? That might be complicated… Would it understand secret language? But something else also caught my attention in his explanation.

-Seeking bird? Is that its name?-

Lionheart hesitated for a second before turning to Stash who provided the explanation in his stead.

-It is what these birds are called, my Lady. They are used to carry messages across long distances-

He gently picked up the bird from my hand and after staring at it for a moment it flew back to me.

-If you can think of who and where you want it to go, it should be able to fly there. Simply close your eyes and think of where you want it to fly to.-

I tried to do as he said and the bird flew right out of my hand onto Stash’s. It was much easier than I expected!

Lionheart nodded approvingly.

-This one is just a toy, so it won’t go too far. Some can travel across kingdoms without a rest, but they can easily cost the same as a mansion.-

A mansion? Wait… How much did THIS seeking bird cost? Isn’t that just too much for a gift? I didn’t really understand but it made me anxious. Wasn’t money important? Jade had once explained it to me, but was it really really okay to spend as much a MANSION just to make me happy? The idea made me uncomfortable. I felt guilty and remorseful.

-Isn’t that too expensive?-

I finally asked him after agonising over the subject, but Lionheart simply smiled.

-Well this is only a toy seeking bird, so it isn’t quite as expensive.-

He explained with a calm expression.

I felt a sense of relief. Never had I gone hungry in my life, but my time at the orphanage had taught me what it meant.

A proud smile spread on his lips.

-But if it’s for you, I wouldn’t mind spending as much as three mansions! You’re the daughter of Baron Ashbrook now, there’s nothing you can’t have!-

Lionheart signed.

I felt the air get stuck in my throat. I knew he meant it as a way to show how much he cared for me, but it somehow made me feel…

It felt confusing. It wasn’t the idea of money that made my heart beat so hard. Money had never bothered me before, why would it now? Why does it feel important when it should matter less than ever?

No It isn’t about the money. Not the gold and copper. It was where it came from. Someone from the orphanage could never have that much money. No commoner could. Only a noble…

And I was noble.

Again.

A burning sensation in my chest made me bend forward on my knees as I gripped Darkie. Something was happening. In my head, in my heart, it hurt.

The more I thought about being a noble, the more it hurt.

It screamed… I can’t trust them!

They were the ones who beat me, who hurt me! They were the one who brought me to church and had me slapped and then imprisoned me in a room, barricaded the windows to the point where barely any light could filter in.

Suffocated me, like this carriage.

Nothing’s changed. It’s only a matter of time. It will hurt again and they will justify it. They’ll think it’s okay to beat me with a crop made for animals.

My head was burning as if hot coal had been poured in it. Why did it hurt?

Why does being a noble hurt? I’m tired, I don’t want to hurt any more. Please. Please. Please. Please. Make it stop. Please. No pain Please.

My throat was burning. My eyes were stinging. Please make it stop! Please make it stop!

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn’t…

Suddenly the air got lighter and light shone on my closed eyelids.

My breathing was still erratic, but I could now feel the air of the outside world fill my lungs again. I could feel the tears that had trickled down my face and the saliva from my mouth. Probably from the silent screams that had escaped my still opened mouth.

I opened my eyes, I was tucked between Lionheart’s arms. So warm, so soft. The carriage was gone. I could see the vast blue sky above us and green grass around. I could see the carriage just a bit down. We must be in some kind of park, I thought, but then I noticed the manor just a bit further. It was Lionheart’s… I mean, our home.

My mind slowly calmed itself. I wasn’t screaming anymore. I could feel a silent whimper escape my lips, but Lionheart was there. He was holding me, hugging me tightly yet gently. I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed tightly.

I felt so scared, but I didn’t really understand it. It wasn’t like before. I didn’t fear that my pare… That the people from the estate would find me. It was something unseen. The idea that maybe things would go wrong… And it terrified me.

I felt a tremor. It took me a moment to realise that it wasn’t me, but Lionheart. As he held tightly onto me, he also cried on my shoulder.

Maybe he was also scared. Maybe it’s normal to be scared?

We stayed like that for a long time. When we separated enough that I could see his face. His tears had dried, but I could see the dark circle under his swollen eyes.

It was hard to trust nobles… But I wanted to trust him. Very much so.

He stood up and started walking toward the estate.

I only caught a glimpse of the door before the fatigue was too much and I fell asleep in his arms.

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