Yang Mo walked back on his own while Han Shi Yu followed behind, all the way till he reached his dormitory building.
A distance settled between the two of them throughout the walk, not far but also not close.
Yang Mo didn’t understand why Han Shi Yu was following him. Two shadows that grew because of the street lights entered a dark place soon after. Their surroundings slowly quieted down, with only the sounds of light footsteps from other students returning to the dorm as well.
There was a stray puppy under the dormitory building. He grew a little bigger after all this time, jumping out of the bush on the side and stood in Yang Mo’s way. Its tail was wagging so hard that there seem to be an illusion of a second tail.
Yang Mo hadn’t seen it in a long time.
So he stopped in his tracks to scratch its chin a little. The puppy knew how to enjoy, nuzzling against his entire hand with his hand.
Han Shi Yu stood under the street lamps with a few moths hovering over the sizzling white lights.
He stared at Yang Mo.
And finally, he called out, “Senior.”
Yang Mo did not answer back. The puppy spotted the bag of instant noodles in his hand and was biting at a corner to get it. Yang Mo tugged on it and refused to let go.
Han Shi Yu couldn’t help but call out another time, “Senior.”
“Why did you follow after me.”
Yang Mo did not even turn his head around. Hearing this voice that he hadn’t heard for many times, he felt a wave of anger rise in his chest.
Han Shi Yu: “…I don’t know either.”
How many days, Yang Mo did not count, but it was a long time anyways.
He seemed to have fallen into a very awkward cold war with Han Shi Yu. But without a clear, strong trigger to this war, it felt like tension existed all around, slowly growing between the two.
Among Yang Mo’s circle of friends and how he interacted with them, it had always been moderate as he maintained his social distance very appropriately. With a closer friend, like Lu You Qi, he could freely joke around or mock each other. There was an unspoken casualness between boys and their best buddies so there has never been a substantial conflict between the two.
But Han Shi Yu was different.
The distance between them was too close, beyond the threshold of ‘ordinary friends’ or even ‘best friends’.
Yang Mo’s social thinking was like a stupid artificial intelligence. The search engine looked for material as reference and comparison, but it would fall into an unrecognizable dead end.
Yang Mo could not find anyone in his circle of friends whose relationship with him could be comparable to Han Shi Yu’s with him. After tossing and turning for some time, he could only label him as a younger brother. Then, his brain eventually and unknowingly classified Han Shi Yu into his circle of family.
This led to the fact that, compared to his other friends, Yang Mo would be more sensitive regarding Han Shi Yu, feeling frustrated over his unexplainable hints.
– That was how Yang Mo sorted his thoughts out for himself in his mind.
He felt like this was really logical and it would make sense of everything. But, he was still unable to rationally stand on the side as an outsider to view things. Somehow, it seemed like there were still a lot of unexplainable issues so in the end, he felt the urge to lash out.
His mind started to overheat, as though he had overused it so Yang Mo blurted out, “Then what are you doing standing in front of me?”
Han Shi Yu stood still and didn’t say a single word.
A packet of instant noodles was bitten away by the stray puppy. It couldn’t eat it anyway but still found it found, so it deliberately crushed the noodles which made a loud ‘crack’.
“Do you think you’re still a child?” Yang Mo continued, “What? Feeling upset over a few words or sentences, then wanting others to coax you on their own accord, only then will you feel like answering back?”
“This is the university, Han Shi Yu.” He said, “It’s not effective to show off your young master’s temper.”
Han Shi Yu listened to all of that in silence before saying, “I didn’t.”
Yang Mo thought he talked back because he couldn’t accept it, so he frowned, “What?”
Han Shi Yu was still standing under that street lamp. The falling light rays framed his profile and made him look a lot softer, gentler – his looks were originally a bright and sharp one, stunning others from how astonishingly handsome he was, with a gaze depicting his confidence and slight cunningness.
In this moment, his voice was plated with the texture of the light source, as well as the gentle wind lightly fanned by the white moth. “I didn’t spend all day pestering others, nor did I always act childish with anyone else, nor did I…always think about bringing meals for a person and feeling really happy over the thought of him smiling.”
His eyes, sprinkled with the bright lights, looked at Yang Mo. On his eyelashes too, it looked like they were simmered with white powder – his eyes were talking and Yang Mo felt like he could hear it.
Those eyes of his seem to be saying that, senior was very special to him.
The things he did – good or bad – were all only for him.
Instantly, Yang Mo’s breath hitched a little. His intuition told him that Han Shi Yu might say something irrevocable next.
He wanted to forcefully interrupt it, so he said, “Alright already.”
But it didn’t help.
Han Shi Yu continued, “I might…like you a little.”
Yang Mo blanked out for a split second. He closed his eyes when he turned around, as if his brain was temporarily deprived of oxygen after squatting for too long and standing up immediately.
The stray puppy was biting onto the packet of noodles, waving it around and walked to Yang Mo’s feet while wagging its tail.
It was almost time for the night curfew and people had returned to the dorm already, so the liveliness on the road had faded a little.
Yang Mo replied, “You might have confused yourself.”
When he turned around to face Han Shi Yu, his expression was very calm and composed, his voice also sounded cold and firm. He looked no different than usual,
Han Shi Yu also looked at him.
Yang Mo: “When your roommate established a relationship with his same-sex friend, you also went from surprise to gradually acceptance, right?”
Han Shi Yu nodded.
“You and I have a really close relationship, so when you come across this kind of situation, it’s inevitable that you’d associate with me. Plus, during this period, you are naturally seeking a partner yourself.” Yang Mo pointed at himself and said, “That thought process of yours took advantage of the situation, leading to complex emotions and causing you to misjudge the direction our relationship is heading towards.”
Han Shi Yu was still looking at him, but his eyes were clouded with a misty layer from the light – he couldn’t tell the emotions within.
Yang Mo continued, “Have you ever had sexual fantasies about the same sex before?”
Han Shi Yu shook his head.
Yang Mo: “Then this must be it.”
“You need to think about it properly. This is a really important matter, so you can’t just base it on your emotions.”
Han Shi Yu opened his dry lips and said, “I’ve thought about it for two weeks.”
It was the two weeks that he hadn’t contacted Yang Mo.