Chapter 67: -Special: Kanae self-destructs.

-----PoV: Kawamura Kanae-----

“ENOUGH!”

Kouta pushes himself forward into me, and we go tumbling.  I had thought I had his legs firmly locked, but it came loose, and he was able to get to his feet.

We’re firmly attached by the zip-tie I put on him, to prevent this very thing from happening. But Kouta is a lot stronger than I imagined him to be.

Perhaps it’s because I see him as that younger brother I easily bullied when I wanted to.  He never fought back before, so I was quite unprepared.

I feel myself being yanked and dragged in small spurts, until he stops.  I try and see what he is doing, but all I can see is him holding his phone.  

His foot is on my neck, and I’m feeling it hard to breathe.

Is he trying to call her?

If she’s got the camera set up, it shouldn’t matter.  She won’t hear it ring.

…

“Onee-chan.  I swear if she does it, I’m breaking ties with YOU!”

Somehow that’s to be expected from you Kouta.  You were always the innocent one.  You aren’t like us, who have to claw our way for the affections of those who don’t really love or care for us truly.  They only love you, and we have to settle for the scraps.

I’m struggling for breath, and he finally takes his foot off of it, and I am being pulled roughly once more from the living room to … the kitchen?

I can hear him opening and closing drawers in the kitchen.  Are you going to kill me, Kouta?

If you do, I understand.  What I tried to do is probably unforgivable to you, but I don’t care.  If I cross the line with you, then we can really all be together.  When you are with Shi-chan and you finish, you can put Shi-chan into me.  We will really be connected then.  Then it will be Shi-chan who makes me a woman through you.  I can stand losing it to you to gain that.  With us all firmly planted in your garden, I never have to worry about losing Shi-chan, because you will be unable to let me go either, after what you would have done.

I feel my hand drop, and I can see a body jump over me.  

I see, he cut the zip tie and is escaping.

I could get up, but what’s the point?

Will he make it in time to stop her?

It’s not like it matters though.  Dad’s already done her, I don’t see what the big deal is.  Even if it happens, Kouta will forgive her.  I know it.  I know it because I took that from him too.

…

I stare at the ceiling and recall that day three years ago.

“Onee-chan!”

“Where’ve you been Kouta?”

“I was coming home from the manga shop and I saw this girl who was collapsed.  So I went to help her.  She was real pretty, she had these cute twintails that I like from all the Mahou Shoujo mangas I read.  Anyway, I think she was hurt real bad.  Like real real bad.  So I talked with her.  She was worried real bad, and she was talking like she wanted to die. I think maybe she had a boyfriend and he dumped her or broke up with her…  So I told her it would be alright.  If she was worried so much I would take care of her no matter what!  I told her she could find me anytime, and I’d love her no matter what…”

He kept droning on and on. 

“...so I took her piggyback to the hospital, so they could see if she was okay, and they’d call her mom to pick her up, and I even left my contact information, so when she gets better, I can ask her to be my girlfriend…”

I didn’t listen to it all, but it didn’t matter.  I’d never hear about it again.  

When we got home, I noticed a problem already. There was a pair of shoes by the door and they weren’t dad’s.  But Reiko’s shoes were right next to them.

Again, huh?

You only do it when dad is at work.

…

I was going to drag Kouta up to his room, so he didn’t accidentally stumble upon Mom’s secret. I’ve known about it, but I haven’t told anyone. Dad can find out on his own, it’ll only cause me more problems raising Kouta if they get a divorce.  

Things are fine as they are now…

“Mom!  What are you doing!?  Who’s this!  That’s not dad!”

I didn’t hold on to Kouta’s shoulder like I usually do.

So now, I have a large vase in my hands. It’s the one that dad always puts flowers in when Reiko is home.  I can hear Kouta still yelling at her in the bedroom.  

It’s okay Kouta.  I won’t let you worry.

He’s at the door with it wide open.  I can see Reiko in all her shame from my high vantage over Kouta’s short body.  I don’t recognize the man, but he is not my business after all.  Kouta is.

So I slam the vase on the back of Kouta’s head and he hits the floor like a soft piece of tofu.

“Kanae!  What have you done to your brother!?” Reiko shrieks at me.

I stare her down, and say without any feelings at all, other than those of love for my brother. “I’m protecting him.”

I watch Reiko hurriedly dress, and she throws the man’s clothes at him, who also moves to dress.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She yells at me, but she’s the one in the wrong. She kneels down by Kouta’s side after she’s put on some clothes.

“If Kouta says anything to dad, it might lead to a divorce.  Kouta needs his whole family, Reiko. I will make sure he has it.”

She looks at me with a mixture of disgust and contempt, but I shrug it off easily, since I’m not in the wrong at all.

“The only thing we need to decide is if I’m calling an ambulance now, or if you will drive us to the hospital.  Please choose quickly.”

…

The car was in the driveway, and with some help from that man, who’s name I didn’t bother asking, loaded Kouta into the back seat.  There is a little trickle of blood from where the vase impacted his head, but he should be fine.

At the very least, if he asks, I’ll say he tripped.  Anything he thinks he saw, we’ll say is a dream.  I’ve managed to extract that promise out of Reiko, at least.

Dad is at work, she informed him what the doctors said, that he had a concussion, and that he should be alright once he wakes up, but he may be disoriented for a while.

That’s good.  I didn’t want to put him in a coma, just make it so he wouldn’t remember.  Just rest Kouta… just rest for now.  Onee-chan has taken care of everything.

Mom goes outside, and I follow.  She’s starting a cigarette, and I join her.

“Kanae, where did I go wrong raising you that you would hurt your brother over something like this?”

“You never raised me!  I doubt you even gave me your milk!  When I was six you ran off, and you only come home when it suits you.  I cook, clean, sew… I do everything for the family.  All you are is a paycheck!  Don’t you dare pretend that you’ve done anything of value except occasionally dote on him, just so he’ll leave you alone.  I can think of only a few times in all the years that you’ve done something equivalent to family time with Kouta, and I had to tag along to make sure you wouldn’t lose him or let him get kidnapped, because you are as irresponsible a parent as it gets!”

I was so fuming mad at her.  Not over Kouta though.  That was for myself.  I never recalled receiving so much as a hug unless it was to show off to dad.

“So I’m going to give it to you like this.  until Kouta turns eighteen, you will stay in this family.  After that, I don’t give a single shit what you do.  He will be old enough to understand then.  I’ll make sure of it.  If not, I’ll stand with dad if there’s a divorce, and have you take all the responsibility.  Understand?”

…

Reiko looks at me coldly.  I want her to say something, but she doesn’t.  That silence is enough for the both of us to understand. It’s only about three years, one and a half since you are always gone.  You can do that much as payment for ruining my life at least.  The rest of the payment is for Kouta’s heart until he’s grown.

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…

I see a face looking down at me.

Oh, it’s Ruru.

Are you wondering if I’m alright?

I’m not.  But don’t worry, my world will collapse around me soon enough.  You can hate me after you find out why.  I’ll accept your feelings.  You are a good girl, and you make Kouta happy.  Please continue to do so in the future.

…

“Kana-chan?  Are you alright?  Are you hurt?  Should I call an ambulance?”

How cute you really are.  You are soft, but you are part of that clean world.  Shi-chan’s touch is full of the filth I desire.

“No.  Just let me lie here for a while.”

“Is Shi-chan anywhere? I didn’t see her here?”

“She’s out running an errand.  She’ll be back at some point. Don’t worry about it.  If Kouta calls for you, please go see him.”

“Uh, okay?”

“Can you pass me a beer?”

I really could use one right now.

Yes.  Ruru really is a sweet girl.

I take a sip but it spills around me.  I don’t give a single shit about cleaning it up. I’m lying naked on the floor in my home which I have caused near irreparable damage to.

And all I want to do is die, so that I don’t have to face the reality of it right now.

I can’t say I didn’t know what I doing.  I did it all.  I sent her out to fuck dad, letting her believe it was Kouta who wanted her to.  It helps that Kouta never keeps his phone locked.  I figured once he saw it, his own bad habit would surface.

Just like when I used to let him peep at me when I would masturbate.  I’m glad I helped him grow up healthy.  It’s better to do that to a real woman than those anime girls.  I bet he thinks he never got caught.

Kouta was always terrible about cleaning up afterwards.

Boys.

Kouta should have reacted to her getting fucked good, and he’d be unable to get it down.  Then I could easily take him.  Once he realized he couldn’t uncross that line, it would be possible for him to accept the love of Shi-chan and Myself.

Kouta doesn’t understand.  Shi-chan is a creature of sex.  She has the desire at all times to have it, but she fights it so hard.  Sometimes she wins, sometimes she loses, but in my conversations with her, when we would bathe together or go to the super or Seven, I learned that she’s only been able to really control it since she met Kouta.   

I don’t know what her body count exactly is, but from what she’s mentioned, Kouta shouldn’t have too hard a time accepting it, but it might still be rough, this is why I wanted to break him, so it would be easier to digest if he was dirtied too.  Every time she has done it, she did it with the goal of being able to get something out of it she could benefit Kouta with.

A technique, an understanding of a man’s wants, needs, movements, desires.

She doesn’t even remember any of their names.  I think dad was the first one she learned.  The rest are all like silhouettes with Kouta’s face and body on them.  In her mind the only one entering her is him.  The only thought on her mind is pleasing him.

But not me.

She’ll do it to me, but only for the love of Kouta.

Because of the strange bond we have.  Where I take all that Kouta loves, and he gives it to me because he thinks I need it.

Kouta is an existence to me like night and day.  Our world can only bloom with the both of us, who circle each other, in such a way.

The floor is hard.  The beer can is empty. The house is quiet.

Kouta hasn’t returned.

Ruru hasn’t returned.

Shi-chan hasn’t returned.

I get up, and head to the bedroom to await my judgment.  I’d rather be comfortable than on a hard sticky floor.

I lie down, with nothing left to think about but her warm caramel body mixing with my own.

One last time, then let me die.

It’ll solve all the problems, right?

The door to the bedroom opens, and it’s Shi-chan.

“Kana-chan!  Something happened!  Kouta said stop, but I couldn’t hear it!  Did you guys do it?  What happened!?  I didn’t see Kouta anywhere in the house, is he here or over at Ruru’s?”

…

I can’t reply.

I just lay there, staring at the ceiling of the bedroom, yet I manage to shake my head no.

“Kouta will come back, right?”  She says with a despondent voice.

I can see her face, it’s a mess.  She’s got a tear-stricken face and even bits of snot crusted onto her nose.  She’s still the most attractive thing in the world to me. Right now she is probably in pain and confusion wondering why, but the only thing I can only offer her solace in is a lie.

“Kouta went out with Ruru instead.  He’ll be back at some point.” I say with effort.  Is it a lie? I hope not.  I hope Ruru is keeping him safe.

She’s a good girl, Kouta.  You should take the form on the door and go down to the government office and register.  I’ll give you my blessing before I die.

Shi-chan is acting like I am.

In a place that nears borderline hysterics.

She crawls into bed with me, and cries on my shoulder.

It’s the most peaceful feeling I’ve ever felt.

It’ll all be gone soon.

I love you both, Kouta and Shi-chan.  I know I’ll never receive that love again, because I’ve broken the trust that we had.

It’ll be tough, but I’ll keep the rent up.  I’ll ask Mafuyu if I can crash at her place for a bit, until I can dig myself out of my grave and maybe try once more.

For now, I put my arms around Shi-chan, and with my other, I softly play with myself, so she doesn’t notice.

The day comes, and I dress, pack my laptop, and leave without giving her a wake up call.  

I know once she figures out what happened, the only thing she will feel towards me is contempt.  I know if I receive that from her, it will be unlike the neglect I received from my mother.  In a way, the person I received my milk from was Shi-chan.  She was the warm hug that offered compassion and understanding to me.  I have given her nothing but pain and suffering, which in the end is all I can give anyone, even Kouta.  If I leave now, I can avoid the one thing that would be a killing blow to my heart and soul.  Her neglecting me, even if Kouta insisted she didn’t.

Her days from now on are going to be hell.

And it’s all my fault.

(Special secret:  Kanae had access to both Kouta and Shi-chan’s phones because those two wanted to trust each other by leaving it unlocked in case there was ever any doubt.  She abused their trust, and she’s not sorry about doing it.)

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