Chapter 94: Kouta talks the future.

It was slowly turning from summer to autumn, the heat and humidity had lowered, but that didn’t stop my hand from wanting to sweat.  It was being held by my new girlfriend, Sakuraba-san.

Because she wasn’t Nakada-san, I didn’t have to worry about any strange looks.  While she did turn some heads, she wasn’t the cool beauty everyone watched.  We separated at the lockers, then ended up in class at the same time.

Kawazu was there, on time for a change, and natsume-san hadn’t arrived yet.  

“Where have you been, man?  I was starting to worry you left because of some bullying or something.  A few weeks ago you got into an altercation with that basketball bozo, Arai, right?”  Kawazu asks, perhaps with some concern for me.

“I had some stuff come up in my life, and I was just trying to deal with it.” I say off-handedly.

“What?  Did you knock Nakada-san up or something?  Have to take her to the clinic?  Get yelled at by her folks?”  A line of questions get thrown my way courtesy of my deskmate.

“Nakada-san? No… I’m not seeing her anymore.”

“WHAT!?” Kawazu blurts out.

“It… I think it was too much for me.  So, I’m just trying to be stable.  I don’t think I have the proper compatibility to be with her.  In the end it was just a crush, and with her history…  you can’t blame me too much, can you?  Barely a month ago I was a stupid virgin otaku.  Now I’m just a stupid otaku.  But, I think I learned what I needed to about myself.   I’m working my way to my own happiness.”

“If you say so.  I think you should have rode it out.  Nakada-san… she’s been a bit off lately, and I think I finally understand why.”

“If anything’s happened to her, then it probably is my fault.  I haven’t even told her we broke up.  I just disappeared.”

“You ghosted her?” He asks with great surprise.  “What kind of balls do you have?”

“The kind that might get kicked later on today, who knows?  I’m just better off this way.  I’m already dreading even seeing her.” I say with a hint of depression in my voice.

“If you need anything man, I’ve got your back.”

“Thanks, Kawazu.”

“Ou!”

After our conversation finished, Natsume-san appeared and took her seat.  She didn’t even look at me.  I deserved it.  Our last interaction ended with me declining an advance of hers that is almost unforgivable.  If she gets mad, I’ll offer an apology.  If it’s not enough, I’ll dogeza.  I don’t care, I just want to move on.

I know it seems like a cop out, but I couldn’t figure out how to face those girls I left behind, or their friends.   Sakuraba-san is my friend, she’s separate from all of them.  I’ll ask her about how visible she wants to make our relationship at school.  She might be a bit embarrassed by me, so I won’t put her on the spot unless she’s okay.

She made me a bento, and we’ll just hang out here peacefully for lunch.  No harm, no foul.  Sakuraba-san likes shoujo manga, so I can have a nice conversation with her about cute things.  She is a cute girl herself.  She has cute accessories on her bag, and has been nothing but polite, kind, and accommodating to me.

The homeroom teacher arrives and notices the seat which has been empty for weeks is once again filled by me.  Sorry I was absent, teacher.  I did properly submit all the work through Sakuraba-san though, so there shouldn’t be a problem right?

…

There wasn’t.

Class went on with a minimum of gossip, then lunchtime came.

Kawaze and Natsume left to do their own thing, and Sakuraba-san turned her desk around and ate lunch with me.  Her bentos were adorable, and delicious.  I don’t know how, but everything I like was in there. A sausage in a cabbage dress, a cute little penguin made out of pickled radish and nori, tons of sides.  It was enjoyable.

She even fed me a bite.  I was enjoying it very much, until I was caught in the act.

In the doorway… stood Shi-chan.

She was just watching us.  Sakuraba-san looked at her with … what kind of face was it?  Jealousy? Pity? Superiority? I have no idea. Nor do I want to know.

She never set one foot into the classroom.  I only saw her once, and refused to look at her again.  Sakuraba stopped giving me bites, but we still continued to talk.  The talk was about something I hadn’t been prepared for.

It seems she was following a web novel that put me on high alert.

It was a rom-com about a woman in a relationship with a guy who has two other lovers.  It was by a female author who wrote another series I liked.  “It Can’t Be XXX!!”

Ruru… it seems had met her deadlines, and was becoming popular with her second work.  I’m happy for her.

“So get this right!  In the latest chapter Katou-kun had lured our heroine Nana-chi into the shower, and was trying to convince her to do that!”  She says with a shameful face.  “I… would be scared to try that!  It would have to hurt so much!”

I wonder?  It hurt Ruru some when I did it.  It didn’t seem to hurt Kanae at all.  I wonder if Sakuraba-san is sending me another clear signal on something she might want to explore?  It may be something to look into, although, I’m happy just holding her.  Perhaps I’ll tease her a bit the next time she’s on my lap, and find out.

“I think… if you prepare to do it a certain way, it will hurt a lot less than what she wrote.  Probably.”

“You read it too?”

“I happen to have met the author.  It’s based on a real story.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  The author used to be my neighbor.  She’s a really cute girl.”

“Could … could you introduce me sometime?”

I frown at that.  I frown at myself for walking right into that, actually.

“I don’t know.  If she’s busy, she doesn’t like to be disturbed, plus she sleeps in the day and does her writing at night.”

Sakuraba-san doesn’t seem disappointed.  She just nods.

“If it becomes possible, though?”

“I will if it’s possible.” I tell her, with no intention to let her meet Ruru.  I myself have no intention to meet Ruru again, either, as much as it pains me to say that.  My healing flower… I didn’t understand her needs, then I find out I snapped and hurt her. It’s better for her that I never show my face.  She can find someone better suited to her, not the dysfunctional garden I somehow was a part of.

“That would be so cool to meet Sensei.” She trails off.

Lunch ends.

Nakada-san who was at the door the whole time, has disappeared once more.  The usual school life I had before is slowly returning.  A quiet friendly lunch, no crazy drama, the only sex talk being about a manga.  Yes, it’s a safe place to find myself and begin again.

…

After class, Sakuraba-san has her club, and I have to go to Akiba to drop off my work.  We part ways at the gate to the school.  No kiss or anything, just friendly words.  My immediate goal is to go to head to the train station.  When I board and turn around.  She is there.

“Kouta.”

Which one is it?

She holds my hand, and I try and remove it from her grasp.  She’s unwilling to let it go, and yet I have to make a scene if I’m going to get free.

“Let go of me.” I tell her, looking into her golden eyes, and feeling no compassion.

She isn’t letting go.

“This is why I left.” I say, moving the hand she’s not releasing.

“What are you talking about?  You haven’t left.  You just got lost.  I’m sorry it took so long to find you again.”

“Stop with the crazy talk.  I left Shiori!  I left you, and Ruru, and Kanae.  I have no intention of coming back.”

Those words only make her grip tighten.

“You are abandoning me?”

“I’m protecting you, and I’m protecting me.  If I’m not with you, then I can only hurt you this one last time by telling you to go away.”

“I won’t.  I belong only to Kouta.”

“No.  That mindset is wrong.  You belong to yourself.” I say with smug resolution.

By now, we have attracted looks from the other nosy passengers.  It was to be expected.

“I have work to do.  It’s a long ride to Akihabara.  Will you please leave me alone?”

She says nothing.  My hand is not being released.

“Ryohei is staying at Mama’s.”

“I’m aware.”  If I’m stuck, I’ll keep the dialogue to a minimum at least.  I’ll lose her once I get to the office. Thankfully it’s right outside the station.

“You… that girl from lunch.  Are you seeing her?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.  Have you been with her?”

“…”

She takes my silence as an affirmation as she asks the next question.

“Why… didn’t you show me?  If you wanted to add another to the garden… I wouldn’t have argued too much, if it would have made you that happy.”

“Are you capable of listening to yourself?” I ask her with irritation. “If I did something like that?  Why would I show you?  To hurt you further, or to betray them in such a private act?  Why would I bring someone innocent in that place?  The relationship we shared was unnatural, Shiori.  Why were you so interested in letting me be with anyone else in the first place?  Okay, I will admit fault for letting Kanae kiss you.  But only for that.  I had no idea how messed up she was, or I never would have even thought to call her and ask for her help.  And Ruru?  That was supposed to be a one time thing, and accident which I begged you to forgive, and would have been okay with you dumping me… and then you go and invite her into our home, our life together?  I… I can’t.  I only wanted to be with you.  Only you.  And now… I’ve understood whatever happened there is beyond my ability to handle.  Whatever you girls did to me, made me no good.  I don’t want that.  I don’t want any of that to happen again.  This is why I left.  I just want to be left alone, and I’ll make my own way forward. I’m a good average normal student. That’s who I am.”

So… I let her have it.  Just the tip of my frustration.

I feel her hand shaking.

“You won’t love me anymore?” She asks, slowly, controlled.

“I won’t betray my newfound happiness to be with you.” I reply.

“Betray?”

“Yes.  My family was just destroyed, by betrayal.  I was just destroyed by betrayal.  Mom has been cheating on dad for years, dad cheated with you and shiho on mom, I broke my family’s trust by sleeping with Kanae.  Ruru… You… you most of all for letting me set up that stupid garden!  Maybe if I was a detached ikemen who played around with girls, it might have worked, but I’m not.  I’m just a young eroge otaku, who had no business doing anything like that!  And you KNEW it.”

“Kouta…”

“Say what you want to say, but can you let go of me when you are finished.” I say with disgust.  Not at her, but at myself for being such a weak piece of shit.  I will never be like that old me ever again.

“I won’t leave you, nor will I let you leave me.  If you need some time away, fine.  But I will always be yours.  Forgive me if I can’t… “

I know what she wanted to finish, but she left it unsaid.  It’s not my business anymore.  Only Sakuraba-san and Mom matter to me now. Fuck Dad, and fuck Kanae.  

The train arrived at the station long after we stopped talking.

She kept holding on to me until I entered the office.  Then she let go of my hand, finally. I parted with one final line.

“Take care of yourself, or don’t.  But find your own happiness, one that doesn’t need me.”

…

You are reading story Nakada-san To Ren’ai at novel35.com

And with that, I departed from her.   I talked to the receptionist, met with Senpai, and then with Chiba-san.  I dealt with the usual bullshit from that fujoshi woman, then had a little chat with senpai.

At least for him, things were on the up.

“Hiromi’s pregnant!”  he says happily, he looks like he won a ten million yen jackpot.

“Congratulations.”

Senpai actually gives me a half-hug and shows me a photo of a ridiculous thing laid out on his bed.

“What the hell is that?”

“Baby Beelzebub!” It’s a small nappy, a nose attachment, and a tiny green wig.

“Cosplay already?”

“Well, it’s okay if it’s a girl.  I’m sure I can do crossplay for a couple of photos!  The best stage will be from ages four to ten, where she can be any number of magical girls!”

“And if its a boy?”

“Trap Magical Girls!!”

Senpai is a cosplay otaku to the fullest.

The topic went from his happiness to my own.  I told senpai what he already somewhat knew from Kii-chan no doubt telling him.

“It’s okay.  You didn’t do a wrong thing.  We’re otaku.  This kind of stuff is a dream anyway.  Even I expect trouble in the future.  When Hiromi has the baby, it might make Kimi-chuwan feel shut out.  Even I don’t know what the right thing to do is.  But Kouta filling in to take care of an Imouto on the way… that’s a respectable thing, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, okay?”

Senpai didn’t judge me poorly for my choice.  He reinforced what I already knew.  I was just a newbie in love.  So I will take the proper baby steps with Sakuraba-san.

I left work feeling a bit recharged.

I was home by five in the afternoon, and there to greet mom.  I think she tried cooking.  It was just miso and rice, and fish.  We sat down to eat dinner, and she told me dad would be over tonight.

Sakuraba-san wasn’t here, and I thought I might call her up and see if she would let me spend the night there.

“Kouta.” mom asks with concern “Are you alright?  You aren’t eating.”

I wasn’t.

“Oh.  Sorry, the food is fine… I just ran into Shi-chan today on the way to work.”

“I see.  Was everything amicable?”

“I doubt it.  She probably didn’t understand why I left her, But like you said, what you sow, you reap.  This is what I sowed, so I will have to reap it eventually.”

“I liked her though.  Was it because of what she did with us… in the hotel?  Was it my fault?”

“No.  Shi-chan said she did it so I would get a thrill out of it.”

…

“Did you?” Mom asks, not entirely out of character.

“What would you like me to say mom?  I enjoyed seeing my naked lover kissing my naked mother and I dropped a load inside of her that would make her stomach twice as large as yours?”

…

“That’ll do.  Your father did the same if it makes you feel better.  I had so much of his batter inside of me, if I wasn’t already pregnant, I’d have twins.”

“Mom.. can we… not… do this?”

“Ah, it’s just playful talk.  It’s what grown-ups do.”

“Mom, it’s not weird between us, is it?”

“No, Kouta.  It’s not.”

“Even though Onee-chan and I…”

“Please let me take responsibility for that.  Just forget it happened, if it bothers you.”

I nod.

“Are you going to stay here tonight?”

“I was thinking about calling Sakuraba-san…”

“Stay.”

“Mom?”

“I’m.. actually a bit nervous.  Please stay.”

“Alright.  I’ll be upstairs though.”

“Thanks, Kouta.”

I nod.  Mom could only eat half of her portion, I did my best to even eat close to that.

I handle cleanup, and retire upstairs early to do my homework, and look at my new assignment from my job.

It’s midnight.  I stayed awake, staring at the poster of her.  I heard the front door open and close.

Dad came over it seems.

I cracked my door open just a bit, to hear if mom needed to call out for me.

I heard pleasant sounds, but… about an hour and a half later, as I was nodding off, I heard the door close again.

So I got up and went downstairs.  Their bedroom door was open, and mom was in tears, unable to hold it back.  She was naked, on top of the covers, and crying pitifully.

After everything, I’m not one to shy away from her naked body.  It doesn’t mean I desire it at all.  It’s just… she’s just a woman.  That’s all.  She’s a woman I’m caring for, because my father is a piece of shit.

I offer her my hand.

“Let’s go take a bath.”

Mom takes my hand, and we go into the shower.

I scrub my father off of her.  What he did just now, was my fault, as everything else was.  I thought dad would at least stay the night.

“Kouta…  Did you get a good look at what a ruined woman looks like?” Mom says jadedly.

“You aren’t a ruined woman.”

“I am.  Your father… no… whoever that man was, it wasn’t my Ryohei anymore.”

“...”  I don’t know what to say to respond.

“Then take the Divorce.  Keep the house.  You can meet someone new.  We don’t need them.  I’ll stay with you, and Kizuna.”

“Kouta… why did you come?   With everything I’ve done and also haven’t done?”

“Because you are my family.”

“I don’t deserve you as a filial son.”

“It doesn’t matter if you do.  I’m your family.”

Mom turns around, perhaps not entirely thinking she was exposing herself to me, and gives me a hug.

“Thank you Kouta… for still caring for this worthless old woman.”

I hug mom back.

Thank god my son is in his right mind, staying out of this and under the towel I have wrapped around my waist.

“I… know it’s wrong of me to say this.  But, why not give that Shi-chan girl another try, if it doesn’t work out with Sakuraba-san?”

…

“Maybe.  Maybe one day when I am strong enough, I might, if the stars align.  But for now, I’m happy where I am.  I want to be better than just a Kawamura family fuck-up.”

“Kawamura… huh.”

“Mom?”

“Maybe I should take back my old family name.”

“Shimejima?”

“Right.  Shimejima Reiko.  I was destined for great things, you know.  I was supposed to marry a corporate executive, and live the high life.  Not that I regret being able to travel all over the world.  That was a very fun life to have, even if it was at the expense of you all.”

“You are only in your early forties.  I’m sure there is a man your age who wouldn’t care that you have a child.  I say go for it.  I’ll support your happiness, if you support mine.”

“Okay.  We’re in this together then.”

“That’s right.  Let’s make our own family register.  We’ll be the Shimejimas.  Reiko, Kouta, and Kizuna.”

Mom and I share a moment of stupidity together, then she washes my back, after I’ve washed hers, and we retire to her bed.

When mom falls asleep, I go upstairs to my room, open my phone and look at the single picture Sakuraba-san let me take of her naked body.  I shoot my load onto the face of the Nakada-san poster, and realize I’ve got a long way to go to be a better human being.

A few days pass, and nothing out of the ordinary has happened.  Shi-chan has left me alone.  I only got one text from Kanae, saying everything is okay, and dad never came back for a reprisal.

At school on Thursday, Sakuraba-san said she wasn’t in the mood to go to her club, and that we could fool around a little.  I was all set to, until I met the first hurdle of my new life.

I was accosted by Shi-chan’s friends, Rina and Mahiro.

(Secret 72:  Kouta and Sakuraba-san enjoy going out to the local manga cafe, renting a room, and reading shoujo manga together. Kouta likes to just hold her protectively. It is all going according to her plan, he just doesn't know it.)

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