-----PoV: Yoragata Ruru-----
I opened the third applicator and forced a little bit of pee onto it. The results of the first two… weren’t good. I was hoping for a third opinion. It did nothing for me that Kana-chan was so happy after seeing the results.
She may yet have her own happiness, courtesy of Kouta-kun.
For me… my emotions are as jumbled as the food I have been throwing up for the last few days. It’s been longer than a month since I last saw the person responsible for my current situation, as I refused to look into a mirror to take responsibility for what chaos I wrought in the garden I once shared with this cute boy, and his other flowers.
I was an adult, two years older than him, but at times I still felt as if I hadn’t grown much in intellect or experience since coming to Tokyo after I graduated highschool in Osaka. I mean, I took advantage of him, a kid who was almost eighteen, and then became his lover, alongside his other lover who welcomed me instead of treating me like a homewrecker, and his real sister. While I love him most of all, even now, I got so lonely at nights since we operated on different schedules, and I found comfort in her arms. I found the comfort I couldn’t always have with Kouta-kun, in Kana-chan.
I was so high strung when she left. I couldn’t communicate it to Kouta-kun properly, and with what happened for the short while I was solely his. It was wonderful. Wonderful and scary. I realized how much I needed the other girls then. There was this delicate balance, and it was upended when Kana-chan did something to destroy Kouta-kun’s trust in her, and his lover, Nakada Shi-chan.
So I had done what my role was in the garden. I tried to heal him. It was what Shiori, who had gone past forgiveness and invited me into their lives, had asked for healing Kouta-kun’s worries to be my only responsibility.
They fed me, pampered me, sexed me, talked with me, included me in everything. I had never known such a period of happiness in my whole life. Then one day, when it seemed like my hard work was paying off… I had gone to bring the last flower back.
I made a mistake.
Kana-chan had taken a new lover since she left. I can’t blame her. I remember her lying naked on the kitchen floor looking… broken, before she left.
She only asked me for a beer. I was worried for her.
Somehow she reminded me of when my neighbor closed her drapes, and all the excitement and tension I looked forward to was gone in my life. I was just trapped in myself, with my own thoughts, and nothing else. Wondering what life had in store to kick me when I was down.
So I went to bring her back. To heal the garden.
I failed. I ended up in a threesome with her lover… well a twosome at first, since Kana-chan wouldn’t return my affection. That hurt so very much. The second time she did, finally. I didn’t care for the woman, Sato-san. My heart only raced for Kouta-kun and Kana-chan. Kouta-kun for his touch. Kana-chan for the emotional connection we had.
Shi-chan gave me love and affection too, but like all of us, we all wanted to take from Kouta-kun, and there simply wasn’t enough of him.
I was being as irresponsible as it gets with Kouta-kun while the two of them were in exile. Koutakun took what I offered him… peace. He gave me his trust and frustration in return, which I asked him to do.
I felt guilty, but I also knew that he had a hard time trusting others. Shi-chan and he had a system where if they were apart, they would show what happened, so there needn’t be secrets between them.
I tried to do the same.
My reward was to be flung over the dining room table onto the carpet near the far wall. My ass and back hurt when it hit the ground, and I am so glad I quickly moved to the side.
The cell phone I had shown my infidelity to him on, became a pile of rubble. He became wild, and if not for Shi-chan who was there to intercept him, I would have been injured far worse.
Instead Shi-chan took it for me. She took my sin and made it hers.
I heard it from her that Kouta-kun had violated her roughly.
She wouldn’t ever call it a rape. To her, the body she possesses belongs entirely to him. So it was just him using her to vent his frustration and anger at my betrayal. She managed to pacify him a bit, then fled the house to bring Kana-chan back to see if he couldn’t be reasoned with. To have the garden restored.
I don’t know the details, but I was told what had happened after he was knocked unconscious.
He had raped Kana-chan this time, though she wouldn’t call it that either. She said he failed to properly make her a woman, and she would rectify it. Shi-chan had to hit him on the head with a frying pan while he was in some wild state. She went with him to the hospital afterwards, and stayed with him for a while, until his other family got there. While Kana-chan was gone for a bit, to stay with me, Shi-chan met his mother who had just arrived in Japan, and had been called by the hospital.
Then on the upcoming Sunday night, while I was still hidden away in my own apartment next door, Kana-chan told me the news. Before Shi-chan could return, Kouta-kun had disappeared, just with some clothes, his phone, and his anger. Apparently the family had a meeting to talk about his mother being pregnant, and a large family-shattering fiasco happened.
The final straw was Kana-chan telling her parents only moments before, that Kouta-kun had made her a woman, and enough so that she might join her mother in pregnancy. That caused his father to overreact and abandon the family.
After that, nothing. There was no word or sign of him. Every text any of us sent went unanswered.
Kouta-kun just abandoned us all.
And It led me to breaking down and crying for so, so long.
If not for Kana-chan staying with me… I would have just packed up and returned home to Osaka. I don’t know what would have happened to my book. Even now I don’t know.
So, as I hold the applicator stick, and it confirms my fear for the third and final time, I break down and cry. I cry as I have so often since Kouta-kun left. Kana-chan consoles me, as she has every time since Kouta-kun left.
I’m pregnant with Kouta-kun’s child.
He planted a seed in his precious lily.
“I’ll … I get word to him somehow. Just come with me to the studio. I’ll get him to show up. You just talk to him. He will listen if nothing else. Okay?” Kana-chan says to assuage my burden.
I nod. I mean, what else can I do?
…
I’m sitting in the wardrobe room where it sort of all began with that amazing photograph. The one where I’m draped over him. I’ve never felt the sexiness of a woman as much as I had than from seeing that photograph.
Kana-chan even hung it up in the room. Framed it. Put it in a great location once you enter, seeing the exquisite work. I stared at it in minimal light, as I chain smoked to calm my nerves down.
That’s when he walked in.
“Ruru?”
The first thing I notice about Him, is how different he seems. I mean, it’s Kouta-kun. But he’s got an air of confidence I never really noticed before. He doesn’t show a smile at seeing me, but that doesn’t stop him from taking a seat next to me on the couch.
“Kouta… you came!” I shouted happily upon seeing him.
It was him. Finally it was him before me.
That boy I had such feelings for. The one I betrayed and broke. How could I think it was such a good idea to come? I’m in a dangerous situation, aren’t I… I…
“Kouta-kun. I missed you so much.” I want to cry, but I can’t. I cried so much already.
“How are you doing?” he asks me softly.
“It doesn’t matter. I… have something important to tell you. I wanted to talk with you before I did anything, since I owe it to you.”
Kouta-kun is looking at what I’m holding in my hand. Does he not know what it is? He really is an innocent boy.
“This is .. a pregnancy test, Kouta-kun. I… am pregnant.” I tell him directly.
He is stunned. His face is unmoving, not in happiness or anger, just like a noh mask.
It takes him a moment to process it before he replies.
“I… did this to you?” He says, with some guild evident on the face as he looks at the lines on the test indicating a positive result.
“It’s not your fault. I was as irresponsible as you. It happened because we loved each other.”
He nods his acknowledgment of that fact at least.
“I’d like to talk to you about what you think I should do…” I lead.
He shakes his head. Does he not want to talk about it!?
“I am not responsible enough to do this here, alone with you.”
He offers me a hand, and I take it. It’s the first touch of Kouta-kun I’ve had in so long. I’m emotional as can be. He helps me up from the couch and then knees down in front of me. His hand presses against the place my womb should be. It’s not quite hardened yet, but it’s there. Three tests can’t be wrong.
He then kisses it, over my shirt, and puts his ear to it.
I have no idea what he expects from a little over a month in, but … it’s just good to feel him… to be near him once more. He puts his arm around me, and escorts me out of the room. Out of the office, and to a house not too far away on foot.
It’s a two story house in a good neighborhood. He escorts me in, and has me sit at the table.
“Please, just wait here a moment, okay?” Is all he says, before heading into a nearby room.
The whole walk was quiet, and I was bursting at the seams with questions to ask him, yet I felt it would only be an annoyance to him if I did. Maybe he’s not quite ready to talk about it yet.
But who’s house is this?
I learn this once a very beautiful woman, who is severely pregnant joins Kouta-kun and I at the table. She’s in a nightgown, and actually seems quite the imposing figure. Is Kouta-kun dating an older woman now, and pregnant as can be!?
“Let me introduce you two. My mother, Shimejima Reiko. Mother, this is my former lover, Yoragata Ruru. She’s an honest to god Hanshin Tigers fan.”
“It’s a pleasure to be meeting you.” the woman he introduced as his mother says to me.
“Ah, Likewise.” I say. It’s his mother. I’m kind of intimidated by her to be truthful. Though a bit relaxed looking, she seems to have the air of a business woman, like Bijou-san from the Alpha office.
“Mom. I need some advice on what to do. It appears I have… with Ruru here… made a baby.”
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His mother’s face. Until I die I will never forget it. It wasn’t a scowl. It was a bright, cheery face. One I would have expected from my own mother one day. But certainly not from his.
“A grandchild?” She says to us.
Kouta-kun just nods. I… I’m still too panicked to say anything.
I pull the applicator stick out of my pocket and put it on the table. Finding the inner courage, I say what I can. “I have two more at home… all are the same.”
…
His mother looks over to him, as if to ask why this late at night, is he bringing a pregnant former lover into her home.
“Ruru wanted to ask what I wanted to do, before she made a decision. I… I’m still young. I don’t entirely know, so I wanted to ask you, since you might know the right questions I need to ask, to make the best choice.”
Kouta-kun considered it this far? I haven’t even told mom or dad yet... not even Mari-san!
“Hmm.” She says.
She gets up and moves to the refrigerator, and brings out two cold bottles of coffee, and an ashtray. She offers me one of the coffees, and then lights up a cigarette. Should she be doing that… for that matter, should I…? I’m pregnant now too.
Yet, I stare at her pack, and seeing that, she offers one to me. I take it graciously, as I’m out. I smoked my last one in the studio earlier.
“Kouta. I think the first thing to do is start from the most basic question. Do you two still love each other?”
…
I don’t hesitate. “I do. I still love you, Kouta-kun.”
His mother then looks towards my Kouta-kun. The look on his face is one of conflict. He is thinking of what he wants to say carefully, I can tell. Kouta-kun does that from time to time on issues important to himself. The fact a no wasn’t immediately forthcoming was somewhat agonizing.
“It’s not that I don’t love Ruru.” he begins “Rather, two things have happened since I abandoned her. The first of which is that I understand that I was not strong enough to protect and care for Ruru properly, something which may still be the case. Instead, I know I have harmed her deeply, both physically and emotionally, and that is unacceptable. The second, is that I am seeing another woman, Sakuraba-san. I don’t want to betray her by returning to what we were. For that, I’m truly sorry. But I have obtained a new happiness in my moving forward.”
I can only nod. There’s a new woman, and no need of me as a mistress. It makes sense. I’m the one who grew up in that weird environment. This is how a normal relationship is supposed to be for a regular highschool boy.
His mother takes in the information he just gave. I felt my heart sink knowing it is over between us as lovers. I still love him. But my mistake was a permanent one, it seems.
“Alright. Then, what about the baby she is now carrying. How do you feel about that?”
“... I … don’t know? I’m not upset or anything that she is pregnant. In fact, I don’t know that I have a right to feel anything. I can say that if she has the baby, I am prepared to offer whatever support I can for it. However, it’s her body. She’s young, even for an adult. She’s working hard as an author, and I can’t begin to imagine the stress a baby will bring to her, so if she wants to choose an option that alleviates the problem. I won’t argue it.”
“Kouta-kun… are you saying it’s okay to have an… abortion?” I ask with a lump in my throat.
“I’m saying I will support whatever decision you make. If you want to have it, I will support you to the best of my ability. Keep in mind, I am a highschooler, so I can’t work more than I already am. My financial support is limited. I can watch the baby if it’s born as much as possible to allow you to continue working as well… but… the situation is difficult.”
I nod. He has addressed the circumstances perfectly.
“Then, if I said I wanted to have Kouta-kun’s child. You won’t be angry?” I ask him.
“No, Ruru. But… your cooking is terrible.” He says harshly, truthfully.
I’m floored. That’s your chief concern!?
“That’s not a problem Kouta-kun. I’m together with Kana-chan… so the baby will certainly be well fed.”
“Mom, any advice here?” Kouta-kun asks his mother.
“Ruru...chan? How old are you?”
“I’m twenty.”
“This is what you want?” she asks me, with parental concern.
“I… love Kouta-kun, even though he has no need for me. I… do want his baby. I understand what it means to say that.”
“I had Kanae at eighteen. I did a terrible job of raising her. I was career-minded and I made my family suffer because of it. If you choose to do so, please keep that in mind. A child requires a dedicated parent to be there for them. It’s a mistake I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to atone for with this one.”
She rubs her swollen belly. Will my stomach look like that too, soon?
“However, I wouldn’t mind a grandchild to play with my own. Ruru-chan. You are welcome here. If you need help, we will help. I’m sorry if my son won’t return your love, but he has shown me how much he cares about family. I imagine he will strive to be as good a father as he can. He’ll get plenty of practice with mine, since my own husband has decided he is done with me.”
I’m shocked. Kouta-kun’s dad… left his pregnant wife? How truly sad that must be.
“I… really don’t want to burden you with this, Shimejima-san.”
“Reiko. Dear, please call me Reiko.”
“Reiko-san?”
“That’s fine for now. It is no burden. I want to have a happy family. Since I... have lost my previous one. Let’s learn how to raise our children together, okay?” she says invitingly to me.
I look at Kouta-kun who no longer has a conflicted face.
“Then that is the answer we’ve reached. Right? Please take care of your body, so we have a healthy child.” Kouta-kun says to me, finally.
It’s done.
I found more water in my body.
I know this because I felt a drop hit my hand as it fell from my chin.
“Normally, I would have told Kouta to marry you, but it seems like that isn’t an option available, I’m sorry dear.”
I shake my head.
“It’s fine. I was just so… worried. But Kouta-kun… I don’t want another person but you. If the opportunity arises, please… don’t forget about me as someone who still wants you. Who still needs you.” I plead to him.
Kouta-kun can only remain silent.
“It’s late. Let’s save Kouta some temptation. You can sleep in my room with me, and we’ll have a long talk, okay?” His mother tells me.
“I-I can just sleep on the couch. It’s no trouble.” I offer, not wanting to intrude more than I already have on their hospitality.
“Nonsense. I want to learn all about Kouta from you, as well as yourself, and your favorite pitcher.”
“The last one is easy. It’s Yuya. Did you see his shut-out a few years back, despite being a southpaw! And then he got selected for the all-stars…”
Tigers talk is important. I can see a toothy smile on this pleasant woman… Reiko, as I started to go on about baseball.
“I like her, too, Kouta.” She says suddenly to Kouta-kun, interrupting me about to go on and on.
“Too?” I ask, not failing to catch it.
“Yes. I had a chance to meet Shiori-san as well. She was so very quick to call me Mama… Well, this was before what caused Kouta to re-evaluate his life.”
“Shi-chan…?” I ask. That’s right! They met at the hospital.
“But that girl doesn’t know a Tiger from a Giant. That part is just no good, you know?”
“That’s right. Fuck the Giants.” I say, as a Tigers fan.
“Fuck the Giants!” She replies and we knock the coffee bottles together.
It seems I will get along just fine with Reiko-san. Now I just need to get used to the idea that I will become a mama next year.
I spent the night with Reiko-san, and we talked about all sorts of things. I feel terrible for her predicament, but I also understand it. I was invited to visit anytime I wanted, as long as I didn’t reveal to Kana-chan where I was going, since Kouta-kun was staying here with his mother, which Kana-chan didn’t know about, and might start trouble.
I promised not to tell.
My days moved forward and in the second month of pregnancy, my stomach solidified. When I visited often, Kouta-kun would be affectionate to my stomach. I never considered looking for another partner. I ended up buying a vibrator for the nights I didn’t have Kanachan, and thought of Kouta-kun when I used it. I was managing somehow. Far better than Shi-chan, who Kana-chan and I would only see every so often. Kouta-kun even promised to come and visit my folks for the holidays.
That conversation was what I dreaded the most now. I hoped Mari-san would be there. She would understand and be on my side, I hoped.
(Special Secret: Ruru showed Reiko the marriage registration form one day while visiting, and Reiko promised from that point to treat her as if she was her own daughter. They got along thick as thieves from then on.)
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