Chapter 97: Kouta takes some responsibility.

I’m in mom’s bed.  She’s in her eighth month of pregnancy, and I have been there since the beginning of our new family, to help her out when she needs it.  Nothing crazy.  I just sort of emotionally fill in for my piece of shit old man.  The times at night my mother would be disturbed by his absence and cry out for him in her sleep have just about ended.  I don’t do it all the time.  Just a couple nights a week, and I like the times I one-sidedly talk with Kizuna.  I even read children’s books to her, so she’ll be born smart.

I don’t know the science on it, but… I’m happy to do it.

Somehow, Ruru has re-entered my life.  I was lured in to meet her with a text by Kanae.  At the studio, I learned something life-changing.  I’m going to be a papa soon.   All of my irresponsibility back when the garden first broke down, or perhaps before, has led to this circumstance. The one person I felt was innocent the most, the one person I really didn’t want to hurt… I’ve broken her heart.

I cannot be her lover.  But she’s decided to have my child.

My feelings on the matter are tearing at me, in that, I would if I could.  If somehow things don’t work out with Sakuraba-san, and Ruru doesn’t move on… I will offer to marry her.  It’s not my right to do so, however my feelings for her haven’t lessened.

When she comes over to visit, I am healed.  It’s different from Sakuraba-san, who maintains a proper distance from me.  Ruru and I…  sigh.  There is no more Ruru and I, though this doesn’t seem to stop her from acting sometimes, like there is.

Without thinking, one day she just sits on my lap with the laptop and cuddles into me, and begins writing.  I wanted to let her know that wasn’t okay.  Because I do still have some feelings for her.  I’ve buried them as far and as deep as I can, but they still exist.  That came to a head this morning.

I am sandwiched between my mother, and my former lover.

Mom is safely to the side, yet I who am usually on the other, with a good distance apart, am now in the middle of the bed.  Instead of being on my back, I’m on my side. My arm is draped over the small frame of a girl just a bit older than me, and resting on her stomach, protecting it carefully.

I would never invite Sakuraba-san into my mother’s room.  I don’t have that closeness with her yet.  Honestly, I don’t even expect to.  Sakuraba-san is for me to have when the time is right, in my room, in private.  But someone who never had boundaries established, is now threatening to disturb my newfound peace.

My son is as hard as a galactic diamond, and it’s primed to mark a woman.  Specifically the woman who had overstepped where she shouldn’t have.  Ruru was up all night talking with mom, probably.  My mother hasn’t been getting real restful sleep.  She gets up often to use the toilet, then goes out to chat with Ruru, when she’s there.

Everything would have been okay, if not for one thing.

Ruru is currently naked.

It’s impossible to deal with.  Is she trying to seduce me?  I’ve told her my feelings already.  I just won’t do it.  I won’t make love to her as long as I’m with Ume.

So my struggle now is to get out of this bed before I make a terrible mistake.  I won’t say the words ‘another mistake.’   Though I got Ruru pregnant, I won’t ever consider it a mistake, because we were in love when it happened.  What’s growing inside of her is that proof we were in love.  When it comes, I will do my very best for the baby, but I also need to be the best version of myself I can be, and that includes not giving into such a delicious temptation.

The best way I can do so, is through affection.

So I perform a sneak attack of my own.

I shift off of her, and sit up, carefully.  

She rolls flat, since I’m not there to support her, and I kiss the firmness of where my child is, instead.

“Sleep well with mama, little hanako.”

Hanako.  It’s too soon yet to know if it’s a boy or a girl.  Yet, I’ve chosen a name fit for someone in our garden to give to the growing child until we know.  Hanako.  Which means ‘little flower.’

It’s a Saturday.  There’s no school to worry about today or tomorrow.  In fact, everything at school has been going great.  I’m my usual mob self.  Invisible to everyone but my deskmates, Oda Kawazu, Kobayashi Natsume, and Sakuraba Umeko.  That’s just the way I like it.

Thanks to Sakuraba-san submitting my work, my grades didn’t plummet, and I haven’t even seen or heard from Shi-chan in a while.  On occasion she would try to find a way to just watch me.   She never approached.  Just watched, as if it was to see I was still there, and not an illusion.

I can’t even begin to fathom what’s going on in her mind.  Yet, I know by abandoning her, what I’ve done to her was far worse than if my father indeed fucked her that second time.  But part of the new Kouta is to find a place to grow stronger, and as much as it pains us both, that place is not with her right now.  It... might never be.

I get out of the bed, and walk around to my mother’s side, and also say good morning to Kizuna.  She would be making an appearance soon, between thanksgiving and christmas, if there was no sudden issue.

Still no dad. Since that one text I sent him, he has not shown his face again.  I wonder if something happened that mom hasn’t told me. Mom ended up filing for a divorce finally, and we decided to create a new family register.  I will change my family name when I graduate highschool to Shimejima.  It’s a pain to do it any sooner.

I head out to the kitchen where I left my smartphone charging for the night, and I am greeted with another problem.  There is a message from an unknown sender.  When I check to see what’s in there…

[Unknown Sender (1)

Um, Hello?  This message is for Kawamura-san. If it’s not you, please delete it, and accept my apology.  If it is, I would like to talk with you today.  Oh, Hi~ it’s Mahimahi<3   I’m sorry about the trouble last time, but Rina was really pissed you hurt Shi-chan’s feelings by dumping her.  Anyway, it’s just me alone who wants to talk to you.  Let’s meet at Burger Palace today around noon, okay.  Don’t stand me up, I hate guys who do that.  If you don’t show up, I’ll have my boyfriend make the student council harass you for a month.  See ya then!]

Great.  Just great.  Well, of the two of Shi-chan’s gyaru-friends, Mahiro seemed to be the least troublesome.  Looks like I have plans today.    Ume won’t be around until later, since she is looking after her younger sibling, and it’s no good to go there to try anything.  

I head upstairs, as I want to double check my assignment from my job for the week.  We’re ahead of schedule and will be releasing the game soon.  That’s the best news I’ve received this week.  If we finish early, I’ll even be able to receive a small bonus!

I think I’ll use it to start a savings account for hanako.  There’s no such thing as too soon to start saving for it.  The best part of having staggered babies, is that you can economize by passing one’s clothes to the other.  It was like that for Kanae and I until I was about three.  Then she wore girly things, and I … am not into that persuasion.  I just have a couple doujins of that stuff under my mattress.  It’s only fap material!  I promise!

cough

Work done, I find myself staring at her.  Yes.  That poster of Nakada-san.   I cleaned the area I had marked… that I often marked actually.  It wasn’t the last time I would be doing it either.  Somehow it was cathartic to do it.  To just unload on her while I masturbated to the dirty picture I had of Ume.  Whatever.  It’s how I cope now that she’s gone.  If she knew, she might even be happy… Shi-chan that is.

I want to do it right now, but I’d rather save it for Ume herself.  I’m not frustrated or anything right now, even with the earlier situation with Ruru, I’m just an average healthy teenage boy.  That’s all it is.

I need to cool off.

I head downstairs to get a cherry cola. I’ll see what’s new on the bulletin boards I haven’t frequented in a while on my phone.

Standing at the island as I drink and browse on my phone, I feel two arms wrap around me.

…

Ruru.

“Kouta-kun.  Just… two minutes. Just let me hold you for two minutes okay.  Just imagine you are getting two hugs from the people who love you so much.”

…

I’m fucking weak to that shit, Ruru!  That’s such a low blow.

I timed it.

It was four minutes and twenty three seconds on the timer before she let go of me.  I could have called time at two minutes.  But Hanako needs papa’s love.  Yes.  It was for Hanako.

I turn around and thankfully she is clothed.  Not the half-naked clothed, but actually clothed.  This way I don’t have to yell at her.  I don’t want to yell at her to stop, but there have to be boundaries. This was the painful lesson the garden has taught me.

Ruru… is beautiful sometimes.  Even with the assets she lacks, in a way she is a yamato nadeshiko, on looks alone. Long black hair, a slender small frame, beautiful black on brown eyes, and a natural japanese coloring.  Her cooking is atrocious, and she’s full of bad habits, but she has great thighs, which are comfortable to rest on.

If I was sure of myself, I might ask for one, but I am not.  I know my limits, and it’s better not to make trouble where none needs to be.  

Incidentally, I haven’t once seen her drink alcohol in all her visits here.  Mom hasn’t either, and I remember mom getting drunk with dad often enough throughout my life.  Alcohol does strange things to people.  I don’t know if I’ll try it when I’m old enough, but I don’t really have any desire to.  It tastes bad enough secondhand through kissing.  I imagine this is the choice she made for keeping the baby healthy.  Of the two evils, drinking is the more damaging, so that’s good enough for now.  She may decide to stop the other down the line, and that would be better.

Honestly, I can’t figure out how a straight guy like me ended up with these kinds of women.  That’s the best part of Sakuraba-san I like.  She’s a well-behaved girl, she doesn’t do any of that bad stuff.

“Kouta-kun. I’m sorry.  I .. got what I needed.  So thank you.”

I give her a small, safe, hug.

“Please, have a little respect for me.  I almost attacked you, when I woke up, and I would have been really mad if I had!”  I warn her without anger.

“...”  She averts her gaze from me.

“I love you.  You don’t have to say it back.  But I just want to say it to you.”

“I know… I know you do Ruru.”

“Kana-chan was with Shi-chan last night.  That’s why I stayed over.”

“I didn’t expect that Shi-chan was still there.”

“She’s not, not all the time.  Only a couple days a week does she see Kana-chan.  I like to give them space when they do, although I did join them on one occasion.”

It seems the garden is still there in some fashion, even if the one to tend to it is no longer me.  If that was ever what I did.

“Kouta-kun.  Would you come with me to visit my folks?”

“You are going to let them know?”

“Yes.  It’s better to do it in person.”

“What do you plan on telling them?”

“The truth.  I met a man I fell in love with, and I’m carrying his child.”

“I mean about us.”

“You said there is no us.  But you wouldn’t abstain from being a parent, right?  I’m just going to get yelled at, but my mom is probably a bit like yours and also wants a grandchild.  So it’ll work out somehow.”

“...”

“Please?”

“I’ll come.  Can we do it over a weekend?”

“Next weekend then, is that alright?  Tomorrow your mom is taking me to see a doctor to find out what we can about our baby.”

“Then it’s fine.”

“Who’s Hanako?”

I scratch my cheek for a moment.

Then I touch her stomach.

“Oh.  You named it without even asking me?”

“I just wanted to call it something for now.  Helps the reality settle in.”

“If it’s a boy, I want to call it Murai.”

“Sure.”

“Then, if it’s a girl, you can choose Hanako.”

I nod.  I’ll be happy with either.

“I expected Shiori to be pregnant first.” She says.

“I did too, somehow.”

“You really aren’t upset?”

“No.  I’m happy you chose to keep it.”

Ruru hugs me again, but quickly this time, and goes to the fridge and pulls out a coffee.  She has work to do, though I don’t know what her inspiration is being drawn from.

“I have a lunch date in a little bit.  Do you want anything from Burger Palace?”

“Going on a date with Sakuraba-san?”

“No.  It’s one of Shi-chan’s friends.”

“Natsume-san?”

“No. This is one of her gyaru friends from school.  I’m going to listen to her complaints about Shi-chan, then come home.”

“Okay, then get me whatever you want, with extra mayonnaise.”

“Roger.”

She’s sitting down drinking a coffee and smoking, as she begins her novel writing, and I pass by her and kiss the top of her head before I leave the house.

How should I treat Ruru if she’s not my lover or mistress?  Like a sister?  Then if Kanae is what I have to base my knowledge of a sister off of… I’m probably going to have a real problem.

…

As I leave the house and head to meet Mahiro, I think of Kanae.

Kanae… our bonds have changed a bit.  Not like what’s yours is mine, but it’s more of, I understand it better.  I won’t consider her a lover.  But what she wants from me, I will give it to her.  I always will.  I came to terms with this when I made love to her that night.  Kanae is like my other half.  If I’m an innocent person, she is tainted.  I have to give her a part of myself from time to time, and it will keep her sane.  Yes she’s probably still madly in love with Nakada-san.  If what Ruru said was the case, then it’s fine how it is with them.  If anything I’m indebted to Shi-chan for continuing to give her affection to Kanae, but what I meant was that… if Kanae asks to be with me.  I will be with her.  I won’t consider it foul play on behalf of Sakuraba, because as far as I can see it, it might as well be masturbation.

Kanae won’t stop until she has my child.  Probably.  It’s why I always kept the line open between us, when I should have severed it completely.  Mom… mom says she’ll shoulder what happened that night.

But the truth is… I’m looking forward to doing it with her again.  I will claim her over and over and over every time.  Whatever happened broke that part of me, and that’s just how it is.  I will keep it a secret from Ume.  There’s no way she could understand.  Ruru and Shi-chan can, hell they encouraged it!  But it’s unnatural.  I will accept that taint on my soul for keeping Kanae in my life.  That’s how Kanae will remain as my family.  If she can’t forgive mom, that’s fine. I doubt she even talks with dad.  So I’m the head of the family now. I will build the family I want, the way I see fit, and I will be happy.

Maybe one day I might get Ume to see how it is.  On that day, I may find myself in need of a new woman too.  Maybe I will end up with Ruru then, if she hasn’t found a new love.  I can’t believe she’d wait forever.  It’s just not realistic.

…

At the burger palace, I see a cute gyaru who is flagging me down.  It’s Mahiro, and true to her word, she is alone.

“Kawamura-san.  I appreciate you not avoiding me.”

“Why should I?”

“Because of Rina and I trying to beat you up.”

“Whatever.  I understand why you did it.  I was just mad that you insulted my girlfriend.  I would have let you beat me up a little.”

“So that’s why!  We didn’t know you were dating her.”

“I didn’t make it public.”

“Would it have mattered?”

“Yes.  We would have beat her up in secret if we knew.”

You are reading story Nakada-san To Ren’ai at novel35.com

“...”

“Come off it, Shi-chan is part of us.  We’ve got each other’s backs.”

sigh “So, why did you call me out here?”

“Because I want you to get back together with her, why else?”

“I just explained to you I have a girlfriend.”

“So?  People two-time all the time. Just look at Rina’s boyfriend.”

“...”

“Well the best example was the bad example!  So shoot me.  Anyway, if you won’t, can you at least just… do something for her?  Say hello, give her a hug, let her fuck you… something?”

That last one she tried to slide in there…

“Why?”

“Because she’s getting that way again.”

“What way?”

“The way she gets when she starts seeing everything as being you.”

“?”

“Kawamura-san.  Can I show you something?  It’s… it’s disturbing.  It’ll hurt you probably, but … I think you need to see it, so you can understand.”

“Is it what I think it is? Because I got a video and I deleted it.”

“Maybe.  But just… just watch it okay.  I’ll buy your meal or something if you will.”

…

“Here, use these headphones.”

So, Mahiro puts the video on the countertop of the booth in front of me, and passes me the headphones she has.  Once I put them in my ears, she presses play.

Fuck I wish she hadn’t.

It’s the same video I had anonymously sent to me.

Except this time there is audio.

“When was this taken?” I ask

“Before she met you.” I hear muffled in reply.  It’s muffled because I keep hearing a familiar word being repeated throughout the video.

“Kouta<3  Deeper~ Kouta<3  Ahn~  I love it Kouta <3  Make me your woman… It’s for you Kouta <3  This body and heart belong to you <3”

…. 

It’s not me though.  I’m not sure who it is actually, this video is at a strange angle, as if the person recording it is trying not to be seen.

I push stop.  I’ve seen enough.  I take the headphones out and hand them back to Mahiro

“We’ve known her a long time.  Even before highschool we were friends…  ever since she…  she gets like that when she’s real bad.  It’s dangerous.   Since she met you, she said she hasn’t had to do anything like that.  We’re worried for her.  Please… just… do something to cool her off.  Not for us, not for you… just… if you ever loved her at all, help her out.  Please.”

Mahiro is straight up begging me.

“Alright.  Alright.  I’ll.. have a chat with her.”

“Thank you!  When you calm her down, I’ll call off my threat.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“I really mean it though.  We love her, we don’t want to see her go back to being crazy.  She really fuckin’ loves you.”

“I know she does.  But… I’m not strong enough to handle her love.”

“Then get strong.”

Mahiro gets up and puts a 500 yen coin on the table.

“My treat.” she says, before she leaves.

If I do nothing, then she will go back to how it was, huh?  If I do something, it’ll only cause more problems.  Either way, I’m in for more hurt, and can’t escape without being an asshole.

If that’s how it’s going to be, I’ll figure it out.

[Lotus Blossom (99+)

Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3Kouta<3]

...Fuck.

[To Lotus Blossom

Have a minute?]

ping!

…

ping!

Was it even ten seconds?

[Lotus Blossom (99+)

Yes.]

[To Lotus Blossom

Park by the Seven, ASAP.]

ping!

…

ping!

[Lotus Blossom (99+)

I’m running. Stay there.]

…

I take a moment to stow my phone in my pocket, and I order some food to take back home.  It’ll probably be cold, but we can always reheat it.

…

I get to the park first, but in no time, I see her running my way.

“Kouta!!!”

Before I give her a chance to barrel into me, I put my hand out and say stop. She instantly slows down to a halt.  I walk over to her and embrace her.

She’s panting heavily.  Did she run non-stop?  From where? Her house?  That’s not exactly close by.  She’s physically fit though, I can definitely say that if nothing else.

“How’s the itch?”  I ask close to her ear.

“It’s horrible.  But… it hurts less now that you are here.”

“I can’t be with you to scratch it.”

“...”

“Is there another way?”

“I don’t know.”

“Have you acted on it?”

“...”

“Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.”

She hugs the life out of me.  If she did anything, it’s not a betrayal on her part, nor mine.  This is how she just is.

“If it gets bad.  I’ll answer your text.  If it’s a hug or something that will help you, I’ll deal with it.  But try and find a way, okay?  You are worrying your friends.”

She’s sniffling.

“I…” 

“I’m no good without you, Kouta.  I… am Kouta’s… woman.”

“You aren’t.  But you are my friend.  That’s all.”

She holds on to me like I’m a life preserver in an endless ocean.  Her face is horrible when she’s done.  She tried to hold in her crying as best she could, but it was no use.  I had to give her a napkin from the fast food bag.

“Can… I call you if I can’t touch you at least?”

“Yes.  You can call or text.  Keep it reasonable though.  I don’t want to see this nonstop.”

I show her the bizarre message with only Kouta<3

“You haven’t read a single one?”

“What do you mean?”

“That was from the first day you disappeared.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I sent it.  I must have sent you ten thousand messages.”

Ten thousand?  What the…

“It’s okay, you can delete them.  Just don’t keep me shut out.”

“As long as you understand this is the new boundary between us, then it’s okay.”

She pulls away and nods.

“Will you hold my hand for a little bit longer.  I’ll go home after that.”

So I hold her hand.

I miss it, but it’s for the best.

This is for your friend, and for you.  Don’t debase yourself.  I can’t be with you, but I care for your health and wellbeing, even though I have no right to.

At the end, I had bought an extra burger and I shared it with her while I ate my own.  It’s hard to unwrap and eat a burger with one hand, but I managed it.

We parted and I went back home.

When I got there, Ruru was still typing away, and mom hadn't woken up yet.  I put the food on the table, and then I got a message.

God damn it.

It was a photo of Shi-chan hugging me.

Who was the sender?

Take a wild fucking guess.

Yeah.  I’m fucked.

[Sakuraba Umeko (1)

Kouta, is there something we need to talk about?  I’ll be over in ten minutes.]

I swore enough that I could have been a fisherman.

(Secret 74:  True to her word, Shi-chan kept the texts to a minimum, and Kouta got word from Mahiro that Shi-chan wasn’t on edge as much afterwards.  It did not sit well with Sakuraba-san.)

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