Chapter 2: Chapter 1

I woke up before my alarm went off. Ever since I moved to Japan I've never had a full night's rest. Maybe that was because I was still getting used to living here.

I've only lived here now for about 4 months, and so I thought that maybe I would be used to the unfamiliarity by now. I guess not.

I lay there in bed just looking up at the ceiling in my tiny little flat. I didn't have much decorations going on, if anything most of the stuff I brought with me are still in boxes scattered throughout the apartment.

I reached over onto the floor to check my phone to see what time it was. It was 5:00 a.m. and I still had plenty of time to sleep, and yet here I am, wide awake not being able to fall back asleep anytime soon.

I didn't start work till 9:00 a.m. so I had plenty of time to get ready, not that I needed much time. I stopped doing my make-up a few years ago, and my current job was pretty casual with what we wore to work.

I rolled over onto the floor trying to get my body to wake up from the cold surface. As I set up, I felt my body stiffen from being in the same position all night.

The first thing I did after finally standing up, is to go straight to the bathroom. I turned on the bathroom light and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked really swollen, worse than usual. I don't remember crying last night, but maybe I was doing it in my sleep. As I stared at myself a bit longer, I noticed that my weight keeps shedding off. I've always struggled with my weight, due to me being able to gain weight really easily. However, when I tend to be more stressed out my stomach starts to hurt which then leads to me not eating. What did I eat last night anyways?

I've always been average looking. I've never thought of myself to be beautiful, maybe pretty on occasion, but definitely on the average side. I remember a guy telling me once that the first time he met me he said I was a six, but then he got to know me and my rating changed to a nine. I guess that was his way of giving me a compliment. I'm very short, sometimes I think I'm a little too short for my liking, but it's always been like that. I blame my dad. Now that I think about it, I guess if I had to pick a feature on me that I like, it would probably have to be my smile, when I do decide to smile that is, and maybe my eyes. I guess I have nice eyes. I'll thank my mom for that one.

I live in Tokyo, but not in the center of Tokyo, more on the outskirts. I'm renting out a room in an apartment building that's big enough just for me in Shinjuku City, Wasedatsurumakichō. I don't mind it because I've always wanted to live here, and I even tried learning Japanese for about 5 years through an app. I wouldn't say my Japanese is very great, but I think I can understand it well enough to get by. Luckily my job doesn't require me to speak Japanese since I work in the English department, only occasionally to make small talk to my Japanese co-workers.

Working in an office can be tiresome and my thoughts run rampant when I do tedious tasks. When I first moved out here, and started my job, I thought that maybe because I was in a different country that I would always be busy and my mind wouldn't wander, but it turns out that every office job is the same.

I knew I had to keep myself busy, or I would probably end up losing my mind. My mom came up with the brilliant idea of doing make-up again. Just as a side gig, to keep myself occupied. So that's how I started becoming a freelance make-up artist. Now when I say artist I mean that very loosely. I wouldn't say my skills are on a professional level, but it's something that I enjoy doing on the side and it keeps me busy. I don't have many clients either, more like regulars. During one visit from a regular of mine, Cho, had asked me if I was interested in working at a place to do multiple people's make-up.

Cho asked me this, as I applied her make-up, if I had ever worked in a place and gotten paid to do make-up. I responded with a blunt no, realizing shortly afterwards it probably sounded rude. She then went on to explain why she always has me to her make-up, and it's because she actually works at a cabaret club.

I never pinned Cho as being a dancer. She was very pretty and had a very nice personality, so I wasn't sure why she wanted to be a dancer to begin with, but maybe that was just me being judgmental.

After she explained to me the job duties I would be doing, I asked her why she thought that would be a good idea? With a cute response she exclaimed, "Anata wa sabishi-sō ni mieru". In spite of the fact that I knew she was right, I was lonely, I still had the sudden urge to punch her, but I refrained myself from doing so.

Cho told me she would talk to the manager at the club and put in a good word for me. I really didn't want her to do that, but I also knew that I needed the change.

I called my mom later that night to tell her about what Cho had said to me, my mom seemed to like the idea. I know she worries about me a lot, and I worry about me a lot too, but she's always been super supportive especially after everything that happened. I hate worrying her, she shouldn't have to worry about her 30-year-old AWOL daughter. It made me feel like such a loser at times, like why couldn't I get my shit together?

After wallowing in self-pity, I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and laid down for bed. As I was in and out of consciousness, his face flashed in my mind. I tried to think of something different, but ultimately fell asleep with the image of his beautiful face.

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