Chapter 8: Chapter 7

It hurt to open my eyes the next morning. They felt swollen shut, and it didn't help that I had the worst migraine. I didn't even want to know what time it was, but I could tell it was late in the day. How did I get home last night? I vaguely remember lying down in the grass somewhere... Oh, that's right. Someone picked me up, but who was it again? Trying to conjure up these memories felt like a wild night of partying from the night before, and trying to remember what you had done. It's like I blacked out. Instantly, I heard my phone vibrating on the floor, I rolled over to look at who was calling me. It was Hinata. I didn't really want to talk to him, or anyone for that matter, but I'm sure I worried him enough already.

I picked up the call, "Hey..."

"Jesus Tabitha! Are you okay? You had me freaking out last night!"

"I-I know... I'm really sorry." I said this as if I was a dog being lectured by their owner.

It was silent on the other end. I took the phone away from my face just to make sure he didn't hang up, but he was still on the line.

Hinata finally spoke up, "I don't want you going into work today. I already told Todo."

"What? It's fine! I can go in."

"No-no, you can't go in. I'm going to come over to your place and make you food, okay?"

"Yeah, but what about the girls? Who's going to do their hair an-"

"I'm sure they'll manage. I'll be over in about an hour." Before I could protest, Hinata hung up on me. Fuck, that means I'm going to have to explain everything. Everything that Cho said to me. Him being part of the Yakuza and my dead husband. I sat there in bed with my hands covering my face and let out a big sigh. Fuck, I guess I should get ready.

• • •

After I was done taking a shower, I quickly tried to clean up my apartment, however I gave up halfway through. I realized if Hinata was the one that dropped me off last night then he's already seen what a mess the place is. As I sat there at the kitchen table, pondering on how I was going to talk to him about everything, I heard a knock at the door. The knock sounded like a cop knock, which alarmed me for a second. I rushed over to the front door and opened it. Hinata was standing there, looking even more handsome than usual. I never paid much attention to what Hinata was wearing, he normally just wore suits all the time, which always made me feel super underdressed, except today he looked really casual. He was wearing a black oversized button down with cuffed black jeans, and a pair of black Birkenstocks on.

I nodded my head gently, gesturing for him to come inside. He had two bags, one in each hand, full of what looked like meat, vegetables, and beer. I started helping him take out the contents of the bag, but he stopped me.

"Don't worry about helping. Just chill out and I'll let you know when dinner is ready."

"... But you're the guest. I should help."

He cupped his right hand onto my face and looked me in the eyes, "Just chill out, okay?" He gave me what looked like a pity smile. I nodded and sat down on my bed. The thing about my apartment is that my bedroom is also a part of the kitchen, so I just sat there watching him prepare dinner.

It was mesmerizing watching him prepare everything. I had never been much of a cook, nor did I ever plan on learning how to. Obviously I know how to make the basics, but for the most part I usually just order take-out, which I always got lectured for from my mom. Even Hinata made a comment to himself at one point saying, "Who doesn't have sesame seed oil?" He was right, I wasn't a very responsible adult.

I started to lie down as I still kept my gaze on Hinata. I wasn't sure how long this was going to take, but I still felt tired from the night before. Maybe if I just rest my eyes for a few minutes, I'll appear a little more awake. I closed my eyes, trying not to focus on the different food smells in the air.

I bolted up from my sleep. It had only seemed like 5 minutes before I heard Hinata call out, "Dinners ready!". Still in a state of grogginess, I managed to stand up and wobble over to the table. I sat down and breathed in the smell of dinner.

"It smells good. Thanks for making food."

"It's not a problem. Do you want a beer?"

"Yeah, sure. What'd you make exactly?"

As Hinata was grabbing our drinks from the fridge, he started explaining how his mom used to make this dish all the time when he was a kid.

"It's called Nikujaga. She didn't make it all the time, only when I was feeling sad."

"That's really sweet of her. Do you still talk to her?"

"Actually, no. She passed away a while ago."

"O-oh... I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's okay. It was a long time ago."

"Do you have any siblings?"

"Blood related? No. However, I do have people in my life that are like brothers to me." It had occurred to me that I didn't really know much about Hinata's background. I don't even know where he's from, what he does for a living, except according to Cho, he's in the Yakuza, but really everything else is kind of a mystery. Out of habit, I shook my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. Hinata noticed and before he could say anything, I spoke up, "This is really good!"

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"I'm glad you like it. I hope it makes you feel better too Tabitha." I smiled looking down at my food. If he is part of the Yakuza, he's probably one of the nicest ones out there.

We both finished up our eating and sat there at the table in silence. Hinata was playing with a beer cap bottle, while I just twirled around the last piece of carrot on my plate. Hinata broke the silence, "Are you going to tell me what happened last night?" Still looking down at the carrot on my plate, I shrugged my shoulders like a little kid pouting, "I don't know." I mumbled.

"Cho's the one that told me you ran off."

"She did?" I was shocked by this. I didn't think Cho would've said something to him, after everything she said last night.

"Yeah she did. She told me that you guys got into an argument and you took off running. That's how I found you in the field."

"Oh..."

"What did you guys talk about that led to an argument?" Shit. I don't want to bring this up, except I don't think he's going to let this go so easily.

"I don't know. I mean, she said something about you and about my personal life, and I got upset."

"So what did she say?"

I didn't want to sound serious, so I tried explaining it as if it were a joke, "She said you were part of the Yakuza. I didn't believe her! I don't know why she would say that."

Hinata was quiet. I glanced over at him to see what his expression was and he looked deep in thought. I continued to explain last night, "I don't really talk about my past. I find I have a really difficult time opening up to people and accepting how things are." I scooched back my chair and sat up. Hinata looked up at me with a confused look, "Stay here please. I need to show you something." I walked over to a moving box that had seen better days. I hesitated on opening the box, but knew I had to do this. There on the top of many memories, a photo lay there. I focused on the person in the picture and thought back to happier times. Before I get lost in the past, I walk back over to the table and gave Hinata the photo. I sat back down and examined Hinata as he peered over the image.

"That's my husband- I mean 'was' my husband. It'll be a year in November since he's been gone." I felt my lips getting dry as I explained this to Hinata, "I hate driving in the rain, but he never had a problem with it... Unfortunately, that got him into an accident. We uhm... Had only been married for 6 mont-" My voice started cracking. I could sense tears sliding down my cheek and onto the table. I didn't bother to wipe them away. I didn't want to hide them.

While looking closely at the photo, Hinata finally said, "What was his name?"

"Ummm... James."

"You look so different, but happy." I didn't say anything to his remark. It just made me sob more. I tried to stay quiet, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. I haven't opened up like this to anyone in what felt like forever. I put my hands over my face and wailed out what I had been holding in for so long. Instantaneously Hinata got up from his chair and reached his arms around my head, stroking my hair. He kept repeating that things were going to be okay and that it was okay to cry. I wanted to believe him, I really did, except I don't know if I can ever feel happiness again. It'll never be quite the same as it was before.

Hinata ushered me over to my bed. I was still crying and just like how it was in the field, I curled into the fetal position, crying into my pillow instead of the grass. Hinata rubbed my back and sat there silently, as I cried every tear that I could.

I'm not sure how much time had passed, but at some point the tears stopped and I just laid there sniffling. Hinata finally got a word in, "I'll make you some tea." As soon as he was sitting up, I grabbed onto his arm. "Can you lay with me, for just a little bit?" I'm not sure what had gotten into me, maybe I just needed Hinata to hold me, or anyone. He climbed over gracefully on the other side of the mattress. I did not want to stare at him directly, so I continued to face the open space in my apartment, holding onto my pillow, as though if I were to let go of it, it would disappear forever.

I could feel the weight of the mattress steep down more as Hinata got more comfortable. I didn't know what to say to him and I'm sure he felt the same way too. I needed to say something, except Hinata beat me to it, "How are you?"

With a dry chuckle, I responded with, "I've been better."

"That's good at least."

"I suppose."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Ok."

"What if I was in the Yakuza? Would you treat me differently?" I contemplated the question. Would I actually care? Before Cho had told me, I never noticed anything off before, or maybe I just ignored it. Would I treat him differently? Still not facing Hinata, I answered his question, "I don't think I'll mind. I'm not sure if I'm just saying this because I'm tired, but I think I'll be okay with it."

"Okay, because I like you Tabitha. A lot. I want to be your shoulder to cry on." I breathed in a big sigh, as I tried to hold back the tears from coming again.

"Hey Hinata?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you hold me please?" Without saying another word, he reached his arm around my chest. I could feel his light breathing on the back of my neck and smell his cologne even more so. He cuffed his hand onto mine and it fit so perfectly as our fingers intertwined with each other. I wanted to stay awake like this a while longer, however my body said otherwise. All the crying that was done from earlier has finally taken its toll. I slowly started growing in and out of consciousness, and eventually escaped reality.

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