Chapter 22: 1-22: Frying Pans and Fires

(I shoved back the bottle of syrup to my brother who messily poured it all over his pancakes. Emily, our three-month-old niece, was cooing happily as she was fed by Callie and as Ulther was trying to stop the dog from stealing food off the counter.

"So, I gob the mab." Vern said, mouth full of pancakes and syrup.

I swallowed my mouthful before replying, "You sure it's a good one?"

"Tsk, tsk. My little doubting brother, my sources are as true as my name as a Hero."

"That doesn't make me feel better."

"Look, a map is a map. We have one, so now our chances of getting lost on the way through is pretty low now."

Ulther overhearing us said, "Best be safe, you two. Really, the I am still amazed that you got that one to agree..."

"And don't do anything stupid this time. You always end up doing something and getting hurt."

"Why do you think my baby brothers would do something stupid?"

"Besides historical precedent? Well, they are related to you, 'big brother'."

Ulther look offended then shook his head, "Oh, right. Vern shouldn't you be getting out of here? I think you said you had cooking classes today?"

"Ah, crap. Right." Vern scarfed down what was left on his plate and dashed out the door.

I finished my meal like a normal person and used the water pump to rinse it off before putting it on the rack to dry- as Callie had told us to do multiple times. I then started to leave, two wooden practice swords in my hands.

"Where are you off to, Earth?" Ulther asked.

"Remember last week when Vern rejected that guard in training girl? Well, yesterday she asked again with a wooden sword in hand and Vern got scared and made me reject her for him and now she's mad at me and thinks I put words in his mouth and wants to fight me."

Callie was mouthing, "See, something stupid" while Ulther gave me a thumbs up, "Make losing look good. Give her something of a fight."

I rolled my eyes. It was my plan, but hearing it aloud felt bad. Fredericka could probably have defeated me with a cool head, but with her mad about Vern's second rejection inside a week it was going to be a fake victory for her. "No promises."

"Oh, but also don't let her go too far when you choose to lose. Don't want that to go off again."

I huffed and glared at him before going outside.)

(I shuffled my feet, awkwardly moving around as I faced the guard girl. She looked pissed.

"Come on! Is that all you've got?" She yelled at me; arms out wide.

"Yes." I stated back.

Her brow furrowed. "Seriously? You're related to my precious Vern and the youngest guard captain in our region and this pathetic display is all you've got?"

"Guess so." I grin, trying to get her to stop fighting wasn't working so perhaps pissing her off into 'finishing' me would make this fight end already. It must have worked as soon I was jabbed in the stomach. I fell to the ground and went full fetal position to really sell it,

She stood above me for a second, grunted and then walked away.

My body was sore from the hour-long session of being hit by a wooden spear. I laid still on the ground until I heard a voice. My brother, hair a mess and holes in his shirt stood above me. "You look like shit."

I took his hand and he pulled me up. I looked at his pants. There was a stain on his pants and the skin under the holes in his shirt were blackened. "What happened to you?"

"Let's just say I was kicked out of the cooking class."

"That's two out of three then."

"Yep. Seriously, how did Ulther of all people get through that without messing up or pissing off that asshole chef?"

"Callie. He had Callie help him, probably."

"Probably. Thanks for letting that weird chick beat your ass to calm down."

"You're welcome. Did you catch her name this time?"

"I think it began with an F or something."

"Helpful as always." 

Vern chuckled. "We should get back and pack. Setting off early in the morning."

I nodded, and followed him back to the house- a bit slower than him, legs aching from what the guard girl with a name that possible began with F had put me through.)

(I woke? No, not woke. More like I regained awareness in the darkness, the smell of blood flesh. Er, fresh. My head was a bit... off. I sniffed the air. The blood wasn't fresh now. It was... stale? Does blood go stale? I rolled over and fell a few inches onto a stone floor.

Okay. Where was I? I stood up and brushed myself off.

"Probably dead. At least that's the best I've got."

Uh. I spun around and looked at myself.

"So, death is a very dark room of stone?"

"No." She clapped twice and the place lit up, revealing the hallway that I had... just....

"It's just the place I died in?"

"Probably." The other me responded.

"Hey, what should I call you?"

"Well, the old name is clearly a bad fit and two Terras would be confusing. So, just make one up for me."

I blurted out the first collection of letters that came to my mind, "Dione."

"Hmm. Not... horrible." The other me began to say it in different tones and pronunciations while I looked around the hallway. "Okay, now what are you going to do now?"

"Nothing."

"Fun." She rolled her eyes.

I looked at Dione, "What else is there to do?"

"I don't know. Trying to escape?"

"Escaping from Lady Death oneself is as impossible as killing an ancient without an army as large as a country."

"Ancients have been killed by less. By single combatants even."

"They were stronger and better than me."

"Well, go ahead do noth..." Dione faded.

I blinked. 

Weird.)

(Some time had passed since we emerged from the woods. We were now entering the town.

"Huh. New name?" I remarked as I read the arch which marked the entrance into the town proper. "Honiville."

"I liked Old Vale better. Sounds cooler."

"Yeah, I guess they felt that it was too old." Vern hit me for that horrid joke.

As we walked through the gate, I could feel eyes focus on us. We were pretty dirty at this point so I really couldn't blame them.

In front of us were... slave traders. In their cages were... humans...  malnourished humans and lesser demons. 

Oh.

"Twins. Keep walking. Keep walking." Vern said as the traders tried to sell us on a slave or a pet. I kept my head down and tried to ignore them as we entered the town square.

It was then that the extent of our mistake was in coming here was more than just that they had resorted to slave trade to make money.)

I awoke. I actually awoke this time, in a brightly lit room. There were some open windows, revealing the bright blue sky. I touched my thigh. It was still sore but there was no wound. I check my stomach. Same. Magic healing? I clearly wasn't dead. This room however, it wasn't one I recognized. I could hear some noises outside, though of what I was pressed to say.

There was a knock on the door. I stayed silent. The knocker hearing no response opened the door. How, I could never figure out.

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In front of me stood Pinja in all zer glorious shape-ness.

"I feel like I should be surprised but I'm like dead or hallucinating as I die."

"No. My employers were using a corridor to try and... do things on the Island and you happened to get lucky. They recognized that mark on you, and also the magic of that one. Even more with that one to vouch for you. A bit of an extra wrinkle to explain, but my employer thought it would be a fun show. I got stuck collecting samples from the demon who had nearly killed you."

"So, you and... your employers killed that monster?"

"No. Just cleaned up what was left of it after that one killed it. I can see the family connection."

"Pinja, ignoring whatever it is you're saying- do I know this employer?"

"I am not allowed to say. Contracts and all that."

I sat up. 

"Pinja. Where am I? This doesn't look like the ruins and I doubt it's the island."

"A room."

"Oh, trying out a new bit for your comedy show? Where the fuck am I?" I stared at Pinja until ze replied.

"It doesn't matter but I can say you will hate it."

"It's Honiville isn't it."

"Honipolis now."

"Twins." Last time I was here I had nearly been killed but it was luck and an agreement with a certain individual that I didn't find myself underneath the dirt. 

"Oh, and I have a request from-" I kick the rotund demon.

"No curses."

Ze rolled zer eyes, said "fine" then left. The dropped a tray of freshly baked pretzels, a Honiville- and I guess now Honipolis speciality.

I eyed them suspiciously, then devoured them because I was really hungry, and they were really tasty and not something that were found outside of the area I was now trapped in. It was just as delicious as the ones me and Vern munched on while hiding in an alleyway from demon knights. Not the as good as the ones I had in the capital with Quaza. I ate them in silence as I waited for either Pinja to return or someone else to enter the room.

(Fredericka, as I had learned she was called, was much more actively annoying the week after we returned home, Vern with a broken jaw and myself badly concussed. After spending a few days being patched up by the local priestess, a funny old cranky woman, Fredericka wouldn't leave Vern, and by spatial association me, alone. She blamed me, amazingly, for what had transpired to cause the injury to Vern. That hatred of me was apparently deeper than hitting me with a wooden spear could solve. 

Speaking of that...

"Twins, Fredericka. Can you leave Earth alone already?" Ulther said as Fredericka chased me around with a large wooden axe. For training she said. I was certain this wasn't training anything but a future murder scenario..

Vern was busy smacking a dummy with his real sword. I think he was winning but he was barely able to cut into it.

"Calm down sir. Just having some fun with old Dirt over here." She replied swinging the axe around.

"I don't like your definition of fun!" I yell rolling out of the way of a downward swing.

Ulther glanced down at The Times, a paper printed by the baron in the county over. It was surprisingly accurate in its reporting and covered news from the border towns, both ours and demons. On the cover was "One Half of Honiville Destroyed! Dead and Injured Are in the Hundreds!" with a rough and rather inaccurate drawing of Vern and I in those dumb masks he had tried to convince me were good disguises below the title.

"Woah. You guys sure did a number over there. Even for you two that's wow." Ulther whistled. 

Vern sweating and panting dropped his blade and turned around, "It was most due to a very unfortunate chain reaction."

"I didn't read about any military storage being damaged."

"The alcohol ones were." I said still dodging.

Ulther widened his eyes and laughed, "Wish I had some of that stuff." His pupils then dilated, and he seemed to start sweating. He was clearly thinking of what Callie would say about that comment.  

"Stop freaking moving and let me hit you!" Screamed Fredericka, eyes crazed and her black hair sweaty mess. She cocked back her axe above her head.

"Are you insane? No!" I retorted as the next attack narrowly avoided bonking me on the head.

I had to admit this was getting old. The next attack I kicked the axe out of her hands and forced Ulther to separate our subsequent fist fight. Vern sighed and tried to keep her calm as Ulther dragged her away, kicking and screaming.

I touch my lips, both my blood and hers on it. I instinctively started to lick it off, realized what I was doing and wiped it off with my shirt. My eye felt swollen. I tried to wink. No, definitely swollen. My other wounds were small bruises on my body and a large tear in my pant leg that Callie would kill me for having. I reached down and pulled the loose fabric off and threw the large pant leg piece over my shoulder. I was sure I looked stupid with my half shorts half pants.

I chuckled as I remembered how Fredericka looked as she was dragged away but quickly stopped in case she had escaped and was in earshot of me.

Callie should still be at her job, so only the babysitter should be home. I walked over and picked up Fredericka's axe and leaned it on the wall of the storage shed before beginning my walk home.)

My wait was not that long, having just finished a third pretzel when Pinja walked back in the room looking what I think was nervous.

"Hey, Pinja." I greeted zer, swallowing the last bite of pretzel.

"H-hey... um... Terra." Ze looked around nervously. I squinted and stared at zers eyes as they darted in different directions.

"So,when can I go back home- er to the island.

Zer nervousness increased. "Island? No. Home? Um, soon?"

Was that a question? What tone of voice was that for an answer?

"Soon? How soon is that?" I ask, voice drenched in suspicion. 

"Depends, I guess Terra."

"On what?"

"Well, first my boss needs to finish meeting with the other one first. Then it depends on if she lets you go or not."

"She?"

"Olli."

I groan and cuss then calmed down. Olli wasn't one to kill, so whatever plan she had on the island wasn't deadly and I probably wasn't going to get myself killed either. Though if she wanted me to stay here....

I needed to escape.

(My head felt like shit. That was putting it lightly, I had a concussion, and the loud noise of healing magic was only making it feel even shittier.

"You look like crap." Vern joked as I tried to choke him just by staring at him.

"Feel like it to, thanks to you."

He shrugged, "Sorry, little brother."

"Yeah no. Until I'm healed, you can't call me your brother."

Vern shrugged. I could feel the healer's magic work into my skull fixing whatever may have been broken and wrong in there.

Vern sat down at my bedside. "You went too far." His left eye reflected my face, bruised and tired. I looked away.

"Did I?" I ask knowing the answer but not the cause.

"Yeah." Vern winched; his eye stopped reflecting me.

Outside I could hear the sound of fighting from the woods. The strange house, its master and servants splattered all over the trees outside. I look at the clock. The guard at my side noticed a small worm demon on the wall and smashed it with her spear.

"This is your second concussion this month. You aren't trying to start a pattern here are you?"

I laughed, bruised ribs hurting making me stop mid-chuckle. I waited for the pain to lessen and then asked, "So, was it you know?"

He nodded, was about to speak then closed him mouth. He closed his eyes and then opened them, "She nearly killed Ulther."

"Was it because she attacked that ferociously, or was Ulther too stubborn to give up?"

"Both." He responded then turned his back to me,

"Are you still upset about that? From back then?" I asked.

No sound comes from him. I wait another minute and then turn around and let him be. The screams of battle outside were my lullaby as I drifted off to sleep.)

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