Chapter 32: Benkei’s Last Stand

All my life, I’ve only ever been afraid.

Some would say that my birth was an accident. Others would say that it was intentional. All I know is that my birth was more special than others.

My father is but a normal sailor. Aside from constantly traveling the world and neglecting his children in the process, there is nothing out of ordinary about him. My mother, however, is a completely different story.

She used to be the caretaker of the heir to the throne, Lord Oda Petoro. From the outside perspective, she is nothing more than a dirty traitor, whose greed for power made her assassinate the prince, and so she had to pay the price. However, things aren’t like that at all. My mother was only caring for the nation itself, and she did what she had to do to protect the country. She would, later on, sacrifice herself to save the family, so a woman like her can’t be evil.

And yet, that is only another layer of the iceberg.

My mother was a caretaker of the prince. She loved the prince more than anyone in the world. That’s why she couldn’t have killed the prince. No, she helped him run away from the castle. And then she tried to give him a loving family that would always be kind to him. But her greed knew no bound. She wanted to give more to the prince she held so dearly. And that’s why I was born.

Musashibou Petoro. That is my name. It is the same name as the prince, because Mother, having expected that one day she would perish, entrusted his life to me. But not in the sense that I would be the one to protect him in her stead. Mother didn’t have any hope for me whatsoever, so instead, she raised me to be the sacrificial pawn, to be the one willing to die for the prince so that he may live another day.

Imagine, how hard it was having to swallow the fact that you were born purely as a puppet for another to control? And even worse, when that said person was supposed to be your own brother?

I didn’t want to accept that. I tried to deny that for all of my life. I purposely asked to leave her room unattended after her death, in hope that time would rot away the unpleasant memories that I had with her. I rebelled against my father, the foolish man that was oblivious to the plan, and my adoptive brother, who was the source of my uneasiness, and towards my brother, who had everything that I could have ever wanted. However, the two, still without a doubt in the world, continued to care for me. And in my time being with them, I could slowly see that they did truly care for me, even if their way of showing affection might be a bit awkward sometimes. In the end, the grudge that I bore eventually faded away, and I learned to live my life normally, like a family, with them.

However, my mother’s words still haunt me.

It’s like a prophecy that I can’t run away from. She knew that her sacrifice that day would only serve to stall for time, and sooner or later, destiny will come catching up to my brother once more. I was raised to be the pawn, but I refuse to take such a fate. If anything, I swore that I would be an indestructible knight, that would forever protect my brother with an unyielding will.

Two years ago, a girl came to our house. And I thought I had a key to all of my questions. After learning that she had a cross of her own, I tried everything I could to learn all about her. About the way she uses it, the way she controls it, and the way the power inside of it works. Bit by bit, I gathered information in any way I could, in preparations for the day that destiny decides to knock on the door.

That day finally came today, when I found out that Petra-nee had gotten her hands on my mother’s cross and hid it within her room.

The two of them were careless, my brother and sister, and they didn’t realize I could hear everything the night before. And when the next day came, when Katsu-nii went to buy food and Petra-nee went off to train, taking the cross was child’s play. At that moment, I thought I had it all. I thought that this power would be the thing that helped me protect my brother.

How wrong I was.

The cross’ desire far outweighed my own. My mind was invaded by sceneries that I couldn’t figure out. My head was filled with people and places I couldn’t tell. And soon after, I was plunged into darkness. I couldn’t react at all. I couldn’t figure out what was going on in the outside world… No, it’s better to say that I couldn’t tell that I was unconscious at all. Everything around me was only a single shade of black. No matter how much I yelled, I couldn’t hear my own voice. No matter how much I inhaled, I couldn’t detect any smell. No matter how much I beat myself up, I couldn’t feel any pain.

I was scared. I cried for help, to no answer. Then a crack of light showed up in the darkness. But little did I know that crack of light wasn’t the glimmer of hope that I wanted, but instead, a deceiving light that lured me into even deeper darkness.

There, I saw it for the first time. The Demon in Mother’s cross.

It was huge. Bigger than anything I’d ever seen. And scary, too. However, it didn’t attack me with its size or strength. It instead struck me with what hurts the most: its words. It showed me the truth of what had happened when I was in that darkness. That I had killed my own father with my own two hands. I wished that I could disregard its words and tell it in the face that I saw through its lies, but in the end, I knew that its words were true, because the memories of which had already returned to me by the time it reminded me of my atrocity.

I’m truly pathetic. I swore to be a knight to protect my brother, but all I did was turn myself into a killer. A coward blinded by greed, and now too afraid to face the consequences of his actions. However, I didn’t even get time to wallow at my actions, for the Demon had already turned its target towards my brother and sister, who came inside my consciousness to rescue me. But my hope that just started to show was soon pummeled into oblivion, as the two of them proved to be no match for the winds of destruction the Demon carries on its back.

This is it. Everyone is going to die. And it’s all because of me…

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No.

I refuse.

I refuse to let anyone else die. Even if I have to sacrifice myself, I won’t let anyone else…

I see now.

Mother, is this what you meant all along?

I was wrong about you, Mother. You didn’t teach me to be a sacrificial pawn. You were trying to teach me to be an unwavering knight all along.

… Mother, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for being such an incompetent son.

I’m sorry for being so selfish and whiny that I ended up on the wrong path, and because of it, I have hurt the people that’s important to me.

If I could see you again in hell, Mother, then I would like to apologize properly. But now, I have a mission to do.

“Stop… Demon… You won’t hurt my family anymore!”

I charge forward with all my might. My body is cut immediately by the fearsome wind.

No, stay calm. This wind isn’t fearsome. It’s nothing but a breeze.

One… Two… Three… Four… The cuts keep appearing. I’m starting to lose count. My left shoulder gets drilled too. Now my right shoulder. My left foot. My right leg. My stomach. Is it purposely avoiding my head, or is it too panicked to land a meaningful attack? I don’t know anymore. But this won’t stop me. Even if my head gets lopped off of my body, I won’t stop.

One more step. Just one more step.

My fist lands on the creature’s hoof.

I did it. I won.

Look at me, Father, Mother, Brother.

I’m an unwavering knight now…

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