Chapter 130: Just This Once

~ SASHA ~

Sasha had had a conversation with a friend once, when they were relaying a part they'd been to. Where they'd been sexually assaulted. How it had changed their life and… her friend had trembled in exactly the same way. Her entire body vibrating. Not the way it happened from cold, where skin and muscle were reacting to something outside. But… it was like the body couldn't contain everything it was feeling and began to shudder.

Zev stared at her, his eyes pleading and she held his face.

"Tell me," she whispered, though she didn't want to hear it. "Tell me what it was like, and how it made you feel, and what comes into your head when you think about it. I'll never ask you again unless you want to talk about it. But tell me once. Let's get it out there and… deal with it," she whispered. "Because I love you, Zev. And once I understand, that's going to be it. We're going to be together and we're going to be happy. So… tell me."

He stared at her sadly for a long minute, then he did. They sat there together, him shaking, her trying not to weep, as he relayed the sick dread he woke with every time he knew he had to go to the place he called the Breeding Arena.

Zev talked about the conversations he had with Nick about how crucial this "work" was. How every time he wanted to pull out or stop, Nick would convince him that the future of the Chimera depended on him.

He told her that at first he thought he was the only one who really didn't want to do this thing—that the females were so eager for offspring that they were open to him.

He was told that they wouldn't bond with him, because he couldn't form the bond, remember?

He was told that he was saving the Chimera from extinction, and singlehandedly stopping the "powers that be" as Nick always referred to them, from pulling the funding.

He'd even asked once, what would happen if they did. Didn't that just mean the humans would stop coming through the Gate and they could just live happily in Thana?

But Nick had gotten very serious and hard.

"No, Zev. You have to understand. These people, they have so much money and so much power… they're bored. So if they decide they don't want to play with a toy anymore, they don't want anyone else playing with it, either. The day they decide our projects are over, I'll get the kill sign and… and then it's over. Thana is over."

Zev's face paled when he remembered that moment and Sasha tightened her grip on his shoulders.

"He painted a picture of… annihilation, Sash. Their weapons brought to Thana—the real ones. Not tasers and guns. But bombs and germs, and…"

"Germs?"

His face got very hard then, but he nodded. "That's the thing I found out," he said through his teeth. "I couldn't tell the pack, they'd… they'd never understand. They haven't been to the human world, they don't understand what it's like over there."

"What? What are you talking about?"

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Zev took a deep breath. "They call it biological warfare."

Sasha blinked. "You're serious?"

Zev nodded. "That whole thing with the germs? It was real. I mean, not the things they told me, but the fact that chimera were getting sick. That part was real. But it was intentional. They didn't just make us sick to test us, Sash. They were making sure that I wouldn't get it. They were making sure that my blood… that I could resist it. I don't know what it is, but it kills Chimera and not humans.

"When the pack said that the humans had been helping with food and medicine? I wanted to scream. Because anything they're bringing here is either designed to make Chimera sick, or make them… instructible."

Sasha felt sick. But she just listened, stroking the back of his neck as he held her and spoke.

"All that mating, all that time with the females, it was all to make sure that I was immune. And, I think, sometimes, they did hope that it would make offspring, that the offspring could be experimented on. I don't know. All I know is… those females are all dead. They're all gone, Sasha."

"All of them?" she gasped. "All the ones from here?"

"I don't know! I just know that that all the females I talked to, or mated… I saw a list… fuck." He let go of Sasha, sliding her to the fur on the cave floor, then scrambling to his feet to pace. "I know it's sick, what you're thinking, what you're seeing. I get why it makes you nervous about me, Sasha. I do. After what we had. It was nothing. You have to believe me. What happened with those females… it didn't involve my heart at all. And by the end… by the end they were calling me in less and less. I think they could tell I was ready to snap."

"Snap?"

"I was losing control of myself. I was starting to struggle to do it even when I was a wolf. The whole thing gives me nightmares. Almost every night. I don't sleep half the time because… because I keep seeing them. They were so pale, so pale. They never saw sun! And they were scared… fuck!"

Sasha pushed to her feet and intercepted him when he turned in his pacing, pulling him against her  and stroking his back. Shushing him.

"You don't have to talk about it anymore, I get it."

"No, you don't. It's… it's sick, Sash. And they're still there. I came here to save you—to save us! Lhars was right."

Sasha blinked. "Right about what?"

Zev raked a hand through his hair and grimaced. "We were talking in our heads for a while tonight. And one of the things he said… he said that sometimes I do things for other people, but it's really because it's going to help me get what I want. And… he was right. In the end… I do what suits me. Because I came for you, Sash, and I left them there. I left them!"

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