Chapter 131: Shaken, Not Stirred

~ SASHA ~

Zev's entire body trembled and his face had gone pale. He stared down at her, tormented, his eyes wells of pain and self-loathing. She tried to pull him back down, but he was steeling himself against the emotion. As she watched,  his jaw went tight and he screwed his eyes closed, blowing out his breaths and clearly trying to get himself back under control.

Sasha didn't know what to say. Here she'd been angry with him, insecure that he was off having sex with all these women when in reality, he'd been traumatized. Violated as surely as if she'd been forced to sleep with men she didn't want—and on top of it all, he took responsibility.

"Zev," she started, wholly uncertain how to soothe him.

But he shook his head and opened his eyes. "Don't, Sash," he said hoarsely. "The truth is… mated or not, they were my people, and I left them there. And I can't… I can't regret it because it brought me back to you. And I refuse to change that. I hate myself for it, but I'm selfish enough to—"

"You are not selfish!" she hissed, gripping his waist tightly. "If Lhars said that he's an asshole. Everything you've done has been against what you wanted, and intended to help other people—that's the truth. You've been damaged as much if not more than those—"

"No, Sash, seriously, don't say that. Don't think it. They are all prisoners, and some of them are actually caged. They have to live like animals. I only just learned the truth of that—it was the final straw. But I couldn't find a way to get them out. And I knew… I knew if it was a choice between you and them I was always going to choose you, and that's wrong! I'm their Alpha. I should do anything I can to save them!"

"You are," she said fiercely. "I don't know what they said to you, Zev, or what Lhars said, but you have to stop and see this. You can't help them if you're a prisoner too. You have to be free to free them. And once this is all done and Xar is out of the way, that's what we'll do. We'll do it together. We'll figure it out. We will save the ones we can and bring them back here and… I'll help you, Zev. No matter what it takes. You did the right thing getting out of there."

She stroked his hair and stared into his eyes as he continued to tremble. His eyes were distant as if he were remembering, but he looked less pale. No longer turning green.

Then he blinked and locked eyes with her, shaking his head.

"I don't deserve you," he breathed, putting one hand to her face, cupping her jaw.

"Zev, don't—"

"Listen to me, Sash. I'm serious. If there was one thing that being with all those other females showed me, it was the… the sheer beauty of what we had. One time, Sash. We did it one time and you're branded on my soul. It's like… it's like I came alive that day—and I died the day I left. But that afternoon… do you remember?"

Sasha's heart trilled because she felt exactly the same way. Fighting tears, she nodded. "Of course I remember."

"But do you know?" he whispered. "Because I know, Sash. What happened between us… that wasn't normal. That wasn't what it's like all the time. We have… there's something between us that goes deeper. Sash, I didn't just love you with my body that day, I loved you with my soul."

He held her face in both hands, his eyes piercing and suddenly bright—not with joy, but intensity. He was fierce, determined to make her see.

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She put her hands over his and gripped him. "I know, Zev. I know. I felt it. I loved you that way too."

"See?! We're bonded. There was something that happened between us that day and…" He didn't speak, but his words appeared in her head.

It's still there, Sash. I can feel it. Can you feel it?

She nodded and bit her lip, reminding herself that he'd already claimed her. That this wasn't the time for self-protection. "I've always felt it," she said honestly. "Even before that day. You're a part of me, Zev. It's why… it's why it was so hard for me when you left. I knew you wouldn't just leave. I knew it!"

Fingers curling into her cheeks, he dropped his chin until they were almost nose-to-nose.

"You're mine," he whispered fiercely. "And I will take down any male that so much as wags his tail at you."

She snorted, a release of tension, but he didn't even crack a smile.

"Two more days, Sash. Two. More. Days." He leaned his body in so their stomachs brushed and Sasha's skin prickled, tingled with the closeness of him.

"Do you feel that?"

"Yes," he breathed. "It's always that way when you're close. That's what I'm saying, Sash. You're… you're the other half of me. The idea of one of them touching you…" he winced and shook his head.

Sasha reached up to take his face in her hands. "Stop torturing yourself," she said flatly. "I'm here, with you, and you're here with me. This is happening, Zev. Finally. Neither of us is walking away."

He opened his eyes again and took a deep breath. "No, of course not. You're right. We're not walking away. We're walking together from now on. I'm holding you tonight, Sash. I'm holding you for tonight and tomorrow, and then the next day… the next day we walk the ritual and prove to them, all of them, who we are to each other. And when that's done I'm taking you away from all of them. We're taking the solitude."

"What's the solitude? You guys kept talking about that and I don't have a clue."

"You'd call it a honeymoon except… more intense," he said, flashing a wicked smile that made Sasha's heart throb with desire and relief. "We'll be utterly alone for a few days—it's a wolf tradition, taken from our animal brothers. When a pair mate they… they disappear together to cement the bond. And try to make pups," he grinned.

Sasha sucked in. But Zev's face was alight with so much joy, she didn't have the heart to tell him she wasn't sure she was ready for kids yet. But all thoughts of children flew out of her head when he started speaking into her mind.

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