Chapter 135: Shock

~ ZEV ~

Sasha blinked, alarmed. "Why not? What did I do?"

"You're completely underselling yourself!" Zev growled. "You'd just give away your soul like that, Sash? Just, without even a thought?"

"I didn't say I gave away my soul. I said I was certain you had one. That I wouldn't spend eternity searching for you like some sad ghost."

"But you can't know that!"

"Neither can you!"

"No, he growled. "But at least I considered it. I weighed the decision. I didn't just throw caution to the wind and…. and… laugh it off!"

"I'm not laughing, Zev. I'm just… wait… considered what? Weighed what decision?"

"Whether I would offer myself as Ardent," he said, his eyes dragging away from her face again, but he could still see her.

Sasha's eyes widened and she pulled her hand slowly back from his chest. "You… don't want to?" she asked quietly.

"What? No! That's not what I meant!"

Sasha slumped. "Then what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about—I know what I'm getting into. I know what decision I'm making. You're just throwing yourself into this and not even counting the cost. What if we do find out I'm soulless? What then? Will you wish you hadn't vowed? I don't think I could handle that, Sasha. Seeing that in your eyes."

"You wouldn't!"

"You can't know that!"

"Yes, I can, Zev!" She pushed up on her elbow and met his eyes, her own flashing in anger. "I know I can! I've sat on my ass alone and depressed for five years because I lost you. I know how that feels. I never want to feel that again—now, or in eternity. I'll do whatever it takes—but I'll never decide that you're not worth it!" she snapped the words like a reprimand, then caught herself and put her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not mad, I'm just—"

But Zev was already pulling her in, taking her mouth, burying his fingers in her hair. His heart singing. She was right. She was right. She did know her own heart and he was telling her she didn't? Sasha had fought for him. She'd fought to keep him when he was far away. Fought to be near him when she didn't even know how far he was. Fought for the chance just to find him again. And here he was questioning her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her lips, then took her mouth again. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry! Just stop questioning yourself. Stop questioning whether I want this. I want this, Zev. I want all of it. Everything. With you. Only with you!"

Something in his chest broke open at those words and a river of emotion tumbled out of his heart and into his bloodstream. Sucking in a breath, he pressed her into his chest, ribs be damned.

Groaning his heart's song, pulse thundering in his ears, he drew her into the circle of his arms and rolled her onto her back, looming over her, his kiss deep and frantic.

Sasha whimpered into his mouth, but gave the kiss back just as desperately, arching her back and pulling him close, their tongues tangling, breaths roaring, her fingers clawed into his hair and she whispered his name like a prayer.

Alarms flashed in Zev's head—they couldn't do this. He couldn't take her. The others would smell it on them and it would be a violation, but… dear Lord, he wanted her. He needed her. Needed something to show her what she meant to him. Some way to make it clear to her…

He pulled away suddenly, his eyes finding hers, his breath heaving.

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"What? What is it?"

"Don't move," he whispered, stealing one last kiss, then throwing the furs back and rolling out of the warm cocoon they'd made.

"Zev! What are you doing?"

"Earning you," he said with a growl.

"What? You don't have to earn anything—"

Then he stood and Sasha's breath sucked in and her eyes went wide, frozen.

Right on his nakedness.

*****

~ SASHA ~

Zev was naked. Zev was bare as a baby, standing in front of her, no shame at all.

And he was fucking beautiful.

His rippled torsos and the flat plains of his chest tapered down to a trim waist and thick thighs, the muscles in his legs leaving lines that only made him look stronger.

She knew she shouldn't stare, but he'd taken her so by surprise. She'd known his legs were bare, but she'd assumed.. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish and her cheeks reddened. "I knew you were… but I thought… underwear…"

Zev chuckled and winked. "Oh, right. I sleep naked by the way." Then he turned and, feeling her eyes raking down his back, hurried to the other side of the cave, throwing back the zipper on his big duffel and digging through it.

"I'm sorry I didn't think of this sooner, Sash. And I'm sorry that it's going to happen without all the ceremony. But having you here… I can't risk anything else being stolen from us."

"I… I don't want to either," she said faintly, watching the firm rounds of his buttocks flex as he squatted next to the bag, wishing she put her hands on the hollows of it—

Then he pulled his hand out of the bag and smiled, standing straight and walking back to the furs—but to her side this time.

For a moment she just lay there, staring up at him—a very unfortunate angle, really. But his beauty made up for it as he reached down for her hand. "Let me help you up," he said with a wicked grin—yet, she would have sworn he was nervous too. An edge to his tone, a slight tremor in his cheeks.

Taking his hand, she drew the furs back and let him help her to her feet. At least up there she could stare at his eyes.

Definitely his eyes.

Focus Sasha.

Then he went still and so did she. Could he hear her thoughts the way he could put his thoughts in her head? She was about to ask when his Adam's apple bobbed.

"Are you ready?" he whispered.

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