Chapter 10: Chapter 10: Cold Reflections, Warm Company

Verity

I cannot help but feel like I was back where I started.

I was safe here. On some level I knew that.

The impression in my bed left by Whisper was still here, even if she was not. Already I felt something akin to loneliness.

I have fought for this place, Orbital Hall. I could fall apart here as much as I want. No one was rushing me. Again, I knew that.

Mentally? Intangibly? I felt fine. Everyone else was on the mend, Whisper assured me that  I was recovering better than her, but she was not the one who sucked the heat out of the air around her until any space became inhospitable.

A heart physically torn in two was apparently not cause enough on its own to warrant replacing. Not for me at least. There was a whole Bolt Stone sitting on my desk, but it just did not feel like mine no matter what I tried.

I remained unsure about how this was supposed to work.

My gaze wandered from the heart and toward the pile of books Whisper and Amari had delivered to my room. I pulled back my vaporous hair before finding where I had left off. What was a Core but a manufactured heart? Were Bolt Stones naturally occurring? Did that matter to me? What made the shattered rock in my chest mine and why did it pain me to don a Blank body?

Verse was on their second with no problems. I was having the opposite problem and rejecting anything I did not make myself. Maybe this was not so much a problem as it was a symptom of something I had yet to understand.

I reclined back in my fluffy cloud. There was a blank outline in my mind of something that inspired dread. I just did not have the words to describe the shape of it.

I had an inkling. No, I had several that I could connect to Chorus's lessons on Reconstitution that Amari had recounted for me. Studying kept me occupied while dreams and restorative sleep eluded me. I could not remain dormant long enough to submit inquiries to Lady Night. I had to settle for Whisper speaking to her on my behalf. Unfortunately that kind of conversation was too slow for my liking.

When I did wake, I could really only stand to maintain my form and regulate the temperature of my body for an hour or so before, well, being really unpleasant to be around.

I did not want to be sure.

Every drop of water suddenly lost their cohesion and deposited me on the ground in a puddle with a splash. Gone was my fluffy cloud and hair.

Ah. This was my pain then, the one I had spared Verse from. No, this was not something I could go to my friends for. Just the thought of interacting with them hardened my heart. I had to be better. I wanted to be better.

Why then did the word 'better' suck the warmth from the air around me until every drop of water was rendered frozen?

No clay Blanks. What worked for others felt fundamentally wrong to me. I made a mental note to ask Chorus if there was significance behind that. I had not found my nameless pain or dread in any book and was beginning to wonder if I ever would.

A molded form of flesh lay packed beneath the bed. I slid across the ice over to it and opened the container that kept it free of moisture. With a bit of effort, I hopped into the chest cavity. A heart of frozen and broken stone, that was me. Tendrils of a pale ichor resistant to the freezing temperature extended to fill out the limbs. I'd been given so much time and an array of materials with which to craft something that suited me. It was a shame that the soupy ichor was poor at holding a shape. I had enough of an affinity for it that I would have worn it exclusively if I could. For now it made a useful mobility aid. Perhaps later I could experiment with a blending of fluids that that would allow me to eschew solid components altogether.

A knock sounded at my door.

At this hour, half a turn past dawn's light, I could only expect Whisper to have warmed herself enough to brave my presence once more. She alone had accounted for half my visitors. I stood, wondering what form I would find Whisper in this time. It had taken me two days to mold a form that felt snug. In that time Whisper had gone through so many, a different one every time she checked in on me.

"I'll be right there Whisper!"

A voice, no, a Chorus of them answered."Ah. No, someone else entirely is here and hoping to speak to you."

"I'm really not sure I'm up to receiving visitors right now." It wasn't entirely untrue.

"If it is any consolation, she asked to see you regarding your current condition." There was a shuffling at the door. The Chorus was stepping aside for someone.

"Verity iz it? Zhe and her whom would inherit a zelf destructive power whether dezired or not?" A clarion voice pierced the closed door and shattered what feeble walls I had been building around my heart to confront friends. I was not prepared, not for this confrontation. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Inheritance. I had taken great care to hide that word from Lady Night.

"I am she. Do I have to open the door?"

Stormfolk lie. Stormfolk do nothing but lie.

All Stormfolk are liars. Especially me.

A moment passed. I narrowed my eyes at the door. I crossed the room, but left my hand still upon the handle.

"No." Answered the stranger's voice. "Would that I could come to offer you empty platitudez and comfort from a place of innocence. But I would like to zpeak with you all the same. If you would prefer an empty platitude, I would thank you for doing the work of a guardian in confronting the Ztormfolk."

I turned the handle and pulled.

The sight of a starry night sky greeted me from underneath a pair of leathery wings dyed in the most brilliant shade of violet. If one got up close, one could make out the scales that decorated Ruin's chosen form. This was not the case for the majestic creature visibly armored in heavy scales of blue, violet, and black. Standing on four muscled legs and with wings folded, she still took up so much hallway that only one could walk comfortably beside her.

There was a word from my childhood stories for one such as this: Dragon.

"I mean you no harm, child." Seeing her sharp teeth and forked tongue suggested otherwise. "I am however here to engage you regarding a topic that you would no doubt prefer to avoid." Her words were so measured, voice clarion despite no longer needing to speak through a door.

"Fine. Zhow yourself in or zomething." I was not sure what prompted me to adopt the visitor's manner of speaking. There was a hard edge to the words that I had interpreted as not suiting her that brought me a satisfaction to mimic.

An amused chuckle passed from her maw as she passed into my rapidly freezing domain. "I have not yet explained my foiblez and you have already met me halfway."

"Um, you're welcome I think."

"Your manner and accommodation reflect well on you. Thank you kindly, Verity."

Chorus poked their head in the door to offer me an assuring trio of smiles. "If that will be all, Headmistress?"

"Affirmative. Zee to it that that none draw near enough to learn zecrets that our young charge might prefer to remain hidden."

"Of course." Chorus drew the door shut.

"If you don't mind, can I ask about the affectation of speech?" I wanted to delay this topic if I could.

"Of course, child. When you unravel and build yourself back up enough times, you might find your definition of whole becomes something that others do not recognize, it becomez harder to be understood in countless ways. Affectationz of zpeech iz a common indicator of zuch."

I blinked. "I actually understood some of that."

"Then there iz zomething that I have done or zaid that you relate to. This iz not necessarily a good thing. A part of my story is that eventually I gave up trying to explain some things others might find unsavory. I have more than earned the title Mother of Monsters."

I cautiously retreated to my bed and took a seat on something that would not collapse underneath me.

For her part, the Headmistress relaxed by finding a place in the corner of the room where she could stretch out her wings and reveal the night sky that played out across span of wings' interior.

"Beautiful. Although I imagine those wings make you invisible in the Night's sky."

"Indeed. To not be perceived unless we wish it is a common desire for Night's Chosen."

I folded my legs upward and wrapped my arms around them while averting my gaze. "Something like that, yeah." Without my hair I could not hide my expressions.

Both our gazes came to rest upon the Bolt Stone on my desk.

"I will not press you then. Instead, a quick lesson. If you take away nothing from the ordeal of confronting a force of your own nature, know that this world and the Outsiders that prop it up are ultimately affirming forces."

"Okay." I shivered "I can see that in Lady Night at least."

"It is up to you to decide if you remain heartbroken. If there is too much life inside you left to live, try seeing yourself as two growing hearts instead." The Headmistress turned to go. I remained motionless where I sat. "That is how Verse came about, is it not?"

The door opened.

I found myself speaking without thinking. "How do you find the words to a nameless pain?"

"If I knew that, I would not see so much of my emptiness in you. I hope only to spare you from my mistakes. Come find me when you have made a decision." And with that she began to make her way down the hall.

The Chorus began to close my door.

"A quick question, if you don't mind."

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"Of course not. We will endeavor to find the answer if we do not know it."

"Do you know why none of the Blank bodies fit me? Does that say something about me?"

The expressions on the Chorus's mask softened. Sometimes that stone was as malleable as water or shadow. "There are of course any number of reasons why that might be the case. Verse has communicated to me that it was desperation and a desire to belong that allowed them to comfortably inhabit a Blank."

I nodded. "Whisper has tried on so many, but I don't think our distress was comparable."

"Of course. If it is any consolation, we would rather perish than be confined and de-fanged inside a Blank. They were originally conceived to be non-threatening for a reason. If you wish to learn their history, I would recommend asking Whisper and the Headmistress. In many ways, you are right to feel discomfort at the thought of them."

"Thank you. That actually does put my mind at ease. That will be all Chorus."

"As always, we do our best to help. Have a good day Miss Verity."

 

***

 

Whisper was next to visit the room that was quickly beginning to feel like a prison.

"I'll be out in a few moments!" But in what capacity? My sense of freedom was bound up in the ice. I briefly wondered if leaving it behind should bother me. No, I needed to go easy on myself. I was hurting enough already.

Out from my frozen domain I stepped and into one of the many robes that had been distributed by Amari. There was allegedly to be a group clothes shopping trip that I struggled to look forward to. Whisper wordlessly tied my robe shut with a length of fabric round the waist before offering a black hand free of chitin or sharp edges. The needle-like fingers were new.

I took this as a good sign and gave her delicate hand an affirming squeeze with my own. No more acknowledgement than that. We were both still figuring out how to be gentle with ourselves and each other.

"Morning meal?" I asked, an invitation. No expectation for anything more. We lacked the time.

"I'm up for inviting others. If you are of course." No swarm cloak. Not around me anymore. They stayed in her room and helped her study.

"I think I would like that." I had a decision to make.

There were many common areas located in the residential floors. Small ones served as more private dining and lounging spaces in contrast to the larger and more public ones for those with no time or interest in cooking for themselves. We had taken to gathering in one of the former ever since Ruin and Verse had both settled into a room near Amari's. I found a seat as far from Ruin as I could, unsure how her aquatic body would react to how my broken heart would eventually start to suck the heat from the air around me.

A passing glance showed Verse and Ruin were much further along in their recovery.

The term Blank no longer seemed appropriate to the half dozen of painted designs that now decorated Verse's hands and face.

Ruin delighted in preparing fresh meats to eat. Fish again. Where did she find the time?

Gone was the scaled exterior of hers. The flesh she'd forged for herself retained no shortage of muscle or scars. Her choice of coloration now ranged from turquoise to a deep blue with the fins at her arms, legs, and head providing the sharpest contrast of the two colors. 

There was one exception, a blackened onyx coloration around her heart.

"Is there a story behind the black spot?"

"My first scar and the first time I had my heart broken. Stabbed in the back with my own blade, an onyx thing. I got tired of wearing the armor and scars both." Ruin looked so calm as she spoke, as if figuring everything out was the most straight forward thing in the world. "Besides, it's just not worth hiding my heart anymore."

I was not entirely sure what to make of that, but was glad she said it. Ruin seemed okay with no one having a response to dropping something like that on us so casually. Besides, she seemed quite content to focus on applying finishing touches to our meal.

Verse accepted the first cooked skewer of meat from Ruin before turning to me. "I see you're finally out and about in a form of your making. Whisper said you were working hard on something so you wouldn't have to wear a Blank."

The term caused me to shiver. Verse must have caught it.

"Oh, sorry." Was that a wince of her own? Verse quickly looked away.

"Did the sand ever feel wrong to you?" I wanted to express that I was willing to discuss it. 

She rubbed at her arm, strings pulling and relaxing as if it were the most natural way to manipulate a body. "Yeah. But it was all I had, ya know? Between that and completely falling apart."

I laughed an empty laugh. "I guess that makes you stronger than me." I wouldn't accept anything less than what felt right. A part of me was starting to warm up to the idea that this frozen heart of mine might be the new normal. I could make my peace with it.

Verse, for her part, chose to take it as a compliment. "We're all standing upright and in bodies of our making. We're together again and sharing food." Ruin passed Whisper and I more skewered meat as Verse continued. "That we can keep going is all that matters. Everything else can come in time." Ruin and Verse shared a smile and nod.

"You sound like the Headmistress." Whisper said, drawing the eyes of everyone gathered. "Oh, sorry. I knew her before she took charge of this place."

"Tell us about her." I prompted. There was a gleam in Whisper's eye. Whatever inspired or delighted my friends was something I wanted to hear about.

"Well, before she came here she broke things. A lot of things. More than you two, I should think." She glanced between Verse and I. "But she would have you believe they were already broken. And just getting things to the point of where they stopped doing harm was enough. Healing and learning could come later."

I wasn't sure whether the appraising look in Ruin's eye was for her own cooking or Whisper's words. "Sure sounds like how she runs this place. A smattering of classes thrown together by a number of the staff followed by days students are largely free to fill on their own."

"With as much added structure as requested." Whispered added.

"The inverse of course, also being true." Verse concluded. There were an awful lot of books to read that the Instructors and Guardians themselves spent time studying.

Almost on cue, Amari seized that moment to join us with an armful of written material covering the lessons we had been missing. One of those long break periods were starting, and Amari had taken it upon herself to try and help us play catch up. "What prompted discussion of the Queen of Monsters herself?" Amari was wearing a mischievous grin aimed at none other than Whisper.

"Nobility and Monsters are incompatible archetypes!" Whisper flicked the now clean skewer pointedly in Amari's direction.

Amari raised her hands, mockingly innocent eyes wide. "At least one of you has been read yesterday's lesson from Chorus."

Ruin looked at the two quizzically. "I thought those terms were no longer in use. Like, the Nobility and Monster-kind are dead, right?"

"Barring the Headmistress," Whisper started.

"Who is every ounce the Dragon that the Stormfolk recount." I interrupted.

"The Archetypes are largely gone from the world. No one adopts them because they have a tendency to, um." Whisper looked at me a little worried.

"Take over." I said rather bluntly. It was better than spitting the words.

Verse wiggled a hand. "I interpreted it as altering your inclinations? I'm not sure I buy into the whole concept of Fate pushing Aspects and Archetypes into certain ends."

Amari took a seat in Verse's lap. The two hugged each other tightly before alternating who got to eat the next chunk of fish from the skewer.

Amari didn't seem to have changed beyond a more open closeness with Verse. I was not actually sure what the story was there but found myself reaching my limit for the day.

I took the opportunity to excuse myself. They understood, even if it was a little early. There was something I had to do before I fell apart again.

 

***

 

By the time I tracked down the Chorus, frost crystals had begun to coat my skin. Moisture absorbed from the fish perhaps?

"Verity, how can we be of service?"

"I would like to ask the Headmistress about claiming my Inheritance."

The shadows in the room darkened. "You are certain of this?"

"If I am fated to inherit my creator's power, I wish to do so on my terms. Besides, there is more than one kind of Storm." It had only just then occurred to me that with a new body came new vocal chords. My new voice was cold and hard in a way that suited me just fine.

"Very well."

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