Chapter 11: Chapter 11: A Matter of Expression

Verse

"Should we be worried about her?" I asked, unsure whether Verity was still within listening distance. My concerns were brushed off with a round of shaking heads and one dismissive brush of the tail. The latter cut straight through my worry and caused a feeling of warmth that extended to the core of my being.

Amari looked like she had something to say. I plucked at a string to raise my eyebrow.  She turned to give Ruin her attention instead, but not fast enough to hide a smile. I drew what I now knew for certain to be my favorite of the sisters into a tighter hug. Citrine was the one least comfortable having the attention of others. I also got the sense that she was most sensitive to how I was feeling. Learning the nuances of the many sisters had made for an interesting way to spend my bed-ridden recovery period.

"That girl is carrying a burden she is not ready to share." Ruin now served warm beverages in an attempt to restore what warmth was lost from proximity to Verity.

Amari and I reach reached out to give her arm a reassuring touch. We were all here for each other, that included Ruin too.

She sighed. "Nothing for it but to maintain a supportive environment and keep an eye out for if she spirals." Ruin was careful to hold our gazes as she spoke. I or Amari would have to follow up with her later in the day then.

Whisper gave a much more affirmative nod. "In some ways she knows exactly what she wants." She said this with enough confidence that brought the hint of a smirk to Amari's lips. We had been speculating that Whisper was doing better in some ways than ever. Whisper clutched at her warm beverage as she continued. "In other ways it feels like she is starting from scratch. I think she just needs some time."

"Then it is time she will have." Ruin finished handing out heated beverages and was now circling back around with a hand full of flavored spheres that would dissolve in the mouth or in the drink.

We tried not to show our discomfort around Verity. She was dealing with symptoms largely out of her control as far as we understood it. Knowing we could recover from her encounters with simple sweets and a bit of warmth helped alleviate the physical component of the interactions. Although that apparently was not the extent of it.

Ruin decided to change the topic. "So, how are the needles treating you?" Ruin passed Whisper a floral flavored sphere before retreating to give the girl her space.

Whisper lifted the sphere of candy to her mouth with ease between her new finely pointed fingers. "Being delicate is new for me." She took a moment to appraise the yellow candy with all eight of her red eyes. "The fine control and precision is appreciated." She tugged at a length of scarf around her neck, apparently only half finished but already an impressive length. "There is a certain satisfaction in taking the lead as opposed to delegating all the time."

Hearing how Whisper found uses for her many tiny companions had made for fascinating conversation during our last meal together. Ruin had suggested trying out appendages that would allow her to work in tandem with the thread spinning companions. Time would only tell if Whisper settled on keeping the needle fingers, but having them as a sometimes thing that brought her a restorative satisfaction was more than enough to make it worthwhile.

Finally being in a body that felt right opened the door to seeing the world all sorts of fascinating ways. I almost felt like I could reach out and pluck at the layers to Whisper's words. It was with newfound clarity that I could look back at how easily Whisper discerned that I could never make a body of sand atop a thunderous core my own. She had even said outright that I was reaching for something that no longer belonged to me. Whisper had changed her presentation a half dozen times now since I had first met her, but each and every one was an amalgamation of features that somehow still suited Whisper.

There remained a sense of discomfort in everyone here that I was only now becoming sensitive to. I could only marvel at how Whisper so openly attended her first day of school with a small army of insects at her beck and call. Or why I was willing to start a fight with my sister instead of asking questions. Ruin had heard all of that and decided I was willing to carry and protect based on what? A good word from Amari?

I looked at my friends for what felt like the first time really seeing them as such.

Whisper seemed more a conscious representative of insects and arachnids than committing to any single kind.

Ruin was a patchwork of scars and muscle that had just admitted to shedding the armor to be vulnerable once more.

The differences from one Amari to another were subtle, but they were each just as quick to cling to those they bonded with.

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These were my precious friends who had been there for me when I needed them most.

I found Amari lacing her fingers between mine. Her thumb plucked at one of the strings serving to run through and connect my fingers to the rest of me. The sensation that vibrated to my core caused me to experience a shiver. It was an electrifying sensation that shocked me out of my thoughts. With my now undivided attention, Amari held my gaze. "What do you think?" There was a knowing look in her eyes. "About Verity."

I bit at my lip a little harder than intended. Some things about this body were more sensitive than I wanted. She would know what was on my mind. Feeling how tense and taut my strings had been had probably given her a good indicator that something was bothering me. I was not entirely sure how she and her sisters differed from Verity and I, but I had guesses.

I plopped a sour sphere into my drink and watched the sphere dissolve into the shape of a cloud. I sat for a while, wondering just how much I wanted to say. "I think I would feel a lot more comfortable if I knew what happened after I got swept away by the Night lady."

Ruin twitched. I tried so hard not to conjure the visual component that accompanied the memory of her being struck by father.

Whisper sipped her drink and said nothing.

"I know it's not fair of me to ask you reopen fresh wounds. You all did so much for me and I cannot thank you enough for that. But if Verity is not going to open up on her half, the least I can do is share what you gave me the strength to walk away from." That drew eyes at least. Amari's expression remained a mask. She did however gingerly rest her head on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath and attempted to confront the discomforting feelings that I had done my best to distance myself from.

"From the very beginning, every fiber of my being screamed that I was owed something. The first memory I can call mine was being torn apart from Verity. Initially I suspected that she consciously clung to something in the process that left me feeling hollow. It took me a while to separate all these feelings. But when faced with another Stormfolk, my parent, that hunger returned stronger than ever before. I've been self conscious enough that this feeling felt distinctly separate from everything else that has bothered me. Suddenly the thunderous core I had been clinging to felt like it was going to eat me alive." I paused a moment, no longer able to distinguish the dissolved sphere of flavor from the liquid around it. When I drank, nothing remained of the taste of water. There was only the bitter sour taste of the candy sphere. "I wondered since if that bottomless hunger was what caused Storms to grow so big. And now I worry Verity is still clinging to something similar. When Whisper described what was going on with her I just thought she was out of balance or something. But now I can no longer untangle these ideas in my mind. I will not share some things said in confidence to me, but I suspect I am not the only one that sees something in her." A part of me wanted to talk to the Chorus again, but there were only so many places I could be at once.

The look on the faces of my friends hurt to look at. Maybe approaching this how I did made me a bad friend. But while I worried about them, I was outright scared for Verity. "I'm sorry." I offered, my voice now a whisper. "I am just really uncomfortable shrugging what is going on with Verity off. I know we're all tired and hurting, but I am terrified she's still dealing with something scary."

What felt like a respectful silence settled in the absence of any willing voices. A part of me suddenly did not want to have this conversation.

Ruin was the first to speak, her voice grave. "She said she wanted to win. And that no cost was too great. Even still, it felt like she was holding back. Like she was not willing to hurt us."

"But now it hurts to just be near her. And I don't have the heart to stay way." All eight of Whisper's eyes were on me. I nodded. "She got what she wanted, I think. But she hasn't done anything with it."

Ruin supplied the missing context. "She plucked out her parent's heart, or something approximating it. Whatever it was caused the whole place we were fighting in to collapse and retreat."

Verity cut off a piece of the Storm in my stead. It had been my original plan, but I had misguided selfish reasons for doing so. What was I missing?

"I think." Amari made it a very pointed interruption. "That you all need a distraction. Not that this isn't important, but I think you're all right and trying to help to an extent. I just think some time spent engaging in other activities and getting to know other students here will be a productive use of your time. That, and it sounds like Verity needs some time to make up her own mind about some things." She bounded to her feet and fished out several rolled up pieces of paper from an inner robe pocket.

I accepted a copy and unrolled it to find stamped information that denoted the Who, Where, and When, followed by flourishing script that had to be hand written detailing everything else.