Chapter 7: Facing Fears

[CW: Transphobia in the first half of this chapter]

It had been a difficult request of my family, but I had managed to get all of my Christmas presents both in advance and in cash. And combined with what meager savings I still had, I had managed to put it towards a one-way ticket to Japan. I had promised to return with pictures, souvenirs and in time for Christmas Eve, but I was still on my way to reuniting with my Senshi sister.

I intended to keep my word on returning home on time, but despite the fact that I was going to be too broke to afford a ticket back, I had no idea if I would even be welcomed back. At the rate I was changing, I was soon going to be a stranger to them. I was having recurring nightmares about them slamming the door in my face as soon as they saw the new me. I was dreaming that I would show up to class and accidentally transform into Sailor Moon, outing my identity to everyone. Everything felt like it was teetering on the edge of falling apart. In spite of the joy these changes had brought me, my mind was haunted by how they would affect every other part of my life.

Especially my life with Carla.

Finals had been finished, which meant that I no longer had an excuse to avoid her anymore. The only solution I could find was to hide out on top of the Wayne Industries building downtown, hugging my legs as I looked out over the city. Even as I was transformed, and even as the magic kept the cold at bay, there was still a freezing chill at the center of my chest as I knew what was coming. Carla knew I would be here and she would be looking for me and all I could do was wait for her arrival.

“There you are!”

I sighed, standing up as I saw Carla, as Crystalline, scale the building, using the glass of its windows as an impromptu elevator. It distorted under her feet in a wave, forming a platform at her feet. The building shifted back to normal as she dismounted, a fact I was sure Bruce Wayne would be grateful for.

“Where the hell have you been?!” she snapped angrily, stomping across the roof towards me. “You haven’t been answering my texts and you’ve been avoiding me for weeks! I’ve been all over the city looking for you!” She shivered. “Jesus it’s freezing up here!”

I just stared at her miserably. This conversation was always going to happen, but damn it if I didn’t want to have it now. The holidays were going to be cold enough without losing a girlfriend. Hell, probably losing my only friend.

“I was going to tell you,” I sighed, fiddling with the front of my skirt. “But I didn’t know how. I knew that this would be the end, but I just couldn’t face the prospect of losing you. You are, to this day, my only real friend… and I knew that telling you the truth would cost me that friendship.”

“Tell me what?” She blinked in confusion. “What are you talking about?” She reeled back. “Are… are you breaking up with me?!”

I shook my head, standing to my feet and chuckling bitterly. “No… but I think you are…”

“Honey…” she said, tentatively taking a step forward, “whatever it is, we can work through it. We can talk about it.” Her nose wrinkled. “Wait… have you been cheating on me?”

I considered the question. “Well… I guess I have been spending a lot of time with another woman,” I said, laughing. With an exhale of breath, I released the transformation to show the extent of my changes.

“The problem is that the other woman is rapidly becoming me…”

Her eyes widened as her jaw dropped. Only now, as I stood before her in jeans and a t-shirt after a number of transformations, did the changes finally become clear. As the winter winds pressed my thin t-shirt against my body, she now realized how far gone I really was.

She looked me up and down, her mouth opening and closing. “Oh my god…” she whispered. She looked me in the eyes, visibly pained. “Holy shit, honey, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because…” I sighed, letting the bitter cold wash over me, “I didn’t know what you’d say or think. And because if I did… you would probably never talk to me again.”

“It’s… it’s okay…” she said, holding out her hands, “It’s okay. We can fix this… you’re going to Japan soon, right? You can talk to the other Sailor Moon and fix this… We can get you back to normal.”

I hugged my arms against my chest, trying to get some small measure of warmth. All I felt was the prominence of my budding breasts as I did so. “Carla… I… I don’t know if I want to fix this…”

She laughed. “What are you talking about?! Look at you! You’re turning into a woman!” She peered down between my legs. “I mean… do you still have…?” She left the question unfinished.

“For the moment, but it isn’t what it used to be,” I said, pressing my lips together. “Carla… I need to confess something to you. Something I’ve been wanting to say for a long time. Something that I’ve never told anyone.” I swallowed hard. “I… I’ve always wanted to be a girl. I point blank told Sailor Moon that I wanted to become a senshi like her… and I think she granted my wish.” I looked up into the night sky. “I feel more comfortable when I’m transformed. Everything feels more real. It’s not just the powers… it’s the fact that I can look in the mirror and don’t feel that knot in my stomach anymore…” I wiped the tears away from my eyes as I tried to choke through my words. “Carla… I’m sorry…”

She didn’t move. She didn’t speak. She didn’t even blink. Only the shuddering breaths she took gave any indication that I hadn’t killed her with my revelation. After a solid minute of shock, she licked her lips and spoke, her voice like a croak. “So… what… you’re a cross-dresser? Like… a transsexual?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. But… I’ve been wondering if maybe… the reason I was able to become Sailor Moon at all was because I was female on the inside… even if I looked like a man on the outside.” I looked away from her. “I… I’m going to Tokyo for answers… but I’m not going to ask her to change me back. Whatever happens in the future… I want to live my life like this… I want to be a woman.”

She hugged herself. “Oh… okay… but I can’t be with you if you do this. I’m sorry, but I’m not attracted to girls. And when I see you like this…” she waved her hand to me vaguely. “I… I don’t see the man I fell in love with. It hurts to see you like this. Like you’re taking away my boyfriend…”

“I’m sorry, Carla,” I said, feeling the words taste like ash as they left my mouth. My voice felt so much softer in my throat now. “I… I wish I could keep being him… but… I just can’t…”

She closed her eyes, as if looking at me caused her physical pain. “So… what happens now?” she sighed.

“I guess… we go our separate ways…” I said, turning away. “Uh… if you need help with hero stuff I-“

“I don’t CARE about the hero shit!” snapped Carla furiously. “It was YOU who was always so fucking obsessed! You think I like jumping into danger like that? You think I want people to point guns at me? It was supposed to be a fun little thing, but now I hate every single moment of it! You turned it into a self-destructive crusade!” She sniffed. “I don’t care about my powers anymore… I just wanted to live a normal life. I wanted a husband and to have kids… and I wanted you to be a part of that… and now here you are telling me that you want to run off and pretend to be a cartoon character and a tranny!? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“I don’t know…” I sighed, openly crying now, for the first time in a long while, “I had hoped to find out in Japan. But… right now, I don’t know that any answer would really fix this.”

“… Goodbye, Cross” she said quietly, turning her back to me. “I hope you find what you’re looking for… but whatever it is, I’m not going to be a part of it.”

And, with that, she stepped over the side of the building and lowered herself down the way she ascended.

Left alone, without any protection against the chill and wind, I buried myself into my knees, sobbing hysterically. The tears felt like they were freezing to my face. Even if I knew that this was going to be the outcome, it didn’t make the pain any less overwhelming. I had broken our relationship and whatever perversion was running around my brain, it had cost me my closest friend.

And… honestly, I wondered if things might have been different. If we had started things as girls, would we have been in a healthier place? Would I have let the hero-stuff envelop me so much? Would our friendship have been happier?

You are reading story Secret Identity at novel35.com

I pulled out the brooch and clenched it in my fist. This was the source of all my uncertainty. I had accepted this power and it had cost me everything. Even now, I was certain that it was twisting my mind and memories and had forced these feelings on me. Sailor Moon was no savior, but some kind of twisted puppet mistress that had given me this stupid thing just to watch it corrupt me and eat me alive. This was her fault. She was doing this to me.

But not anymore.

I pulled back my arm, and with a feral scream of agony, I hurled it off the edge of the building and out of sight.

I sagged, silently shaking as it went. It was done. I would leave this life behind and I would hopefully go back to being a normal, law-abiding…

Man. The word grated at me, but I could only hope that as the brooch’s influence lessened, the feelings would go away. I didn’t have a choice anymore. I needed to be normal and just be content with that.

But in the moment, I only felt the abyss of misery at what I had lost.

I was interrupted by a familiar tink of a metal hook on a concrete ledge followed by the whirring of a rapidly spooling length of wire.

And with an impressive leap, I saw Batwoman vault over the edge of the roof and land in a crouch, her grappling gun in hand.

“You dropped this,” she said, holding up the brooch.

I scowled at her, turning away, burying my head in my knees. “Keep it. I don’t need it anymore.”

“I didn’t catch the specifics, but I saw your girl leaving on my way up here… I'm sorry…” She sighed as she stepped forward. “For what it’s worth… I’ve been where you were before.” She chuckled bitterly. “I’ve lost count of the girlfriends this job has cost me.”

I peered up at her curiously. “‘Girlfriends?’” I repeated, eyebrows raised. It never occurred to me what Batwoman’s attractions might be, but I wasn’t about to judge her.

“Yeah… don’t go telling the Gotham Gazette or anything,” she said with a smirk as she sat down next to me. “But this life is hard. Really hard.”

It was strange having the worst moment of my life with only a grown woman dressed as a bat for comfort, but as I had nobody else to reach out to, I could only accept it. I turned away from her. “You have no idea how fucked up I am.”

“No… I don’t know the specifics… but from one cape-girl to another... this shit gets easier with friends…”

I paused to consider that. I really didn’t have any other friends in this line of work. I remembered back to my days in high school when I worked with a fully realized team. That had made all the difference countless times. Not just within the realm of slugging it out with evil, but with talking through the quiet moments.

I had hoped that Carla would have given me all of that, but our romantic relationship had only complicated things. There had been so much strain that it never could have held the weight we were putting on it. I didn’t just need a girlfriend… I just needed friends.

Sailor Moon had her own team of Sailor Scouts ready to support her and lift her up when she needed them. Even now, I was desperately trying to fly across the world to track her down, just to get that same support.

I tightened my grip on my knees. Even with all this power… I couldn’t do this alone. Even the famous loner, Batman, had developed a team. A family, even.

I sighed, nodding. “Right…”

She offered the brooch to me, and with shaking hands, I accepted it.

“So… I promise that I didn’t show up just to spy on you on what’s probably one of the worst moments of your life,” she said, a little guiltily. “Uh… I was actually looking for you because we needed your help.”

I frowned as I looked over to her. “‘We’?”

She bit her lip. “Well… long story short, some slimeball got his hands on some ancient, cursed magical… thing… and ended up accidentally reviving some ancient demon from the pits of Hell. I got a guy to keep it busy, but he said that we needed some kind of ‘high grade light magic’ or something to take it down for good. I mentioned you and he said to go get you ASAP.” She tapped the brooch. “I hate to push this, but we’re kind of on a timetable. Are you in or out?”

I frowned. I knew there were more magically gifted heroes out there, but she had sought me out, specifically. Maybe it was just out of convenience… but maybe, she had more trust in me than I had in myself. She believed in me… and with that belief, I could maybe believe in myself too.

She offered a hand and I gratefully accepted it to get to my feet. “Okay,” I breathed, pressing the brooch to my chest. “Let’s do this… Moon Prism Power! Make Up!”

The bitter cold of the night and the hollow emptiness of my broken heart faded in the light and peace of the transformation. 

I knew all too well how the anime had depicted the act of transformation. A 2-minute-long sequence of music, spinning, lights, sparkles and ribbons. All to keep the animation budget under control. And… while it was dead wrong for how it really worked… I couldn’t deny that there was an element of truth to it. 

There was a sense of stepping up to the plate, full of hope and ready to do what was right. Pulling something out from deep inside you and wrapping yourself in it. The transformation wasn’t about a simple costume change but bringing out something from within yourself. It wasn’t about forgetting your fears or your faults, but digging deep into everything that made you you… and pushing past the other stuff.

This transformation wasn’t about my body or my clothes or my superpowers, it was about expressing the real me. This was who I always was underneath it all… and now I could show the world. 

As the lights faded, I pressed my hand to the brooch, feeling the warmth of its presence. My heart thrummed in my chest as I looked into the sky.

There, where there had once been clouds, the glimmer of moonlight began to pierce through. Suffusing me and surrounding me. It was comforting and seemed to wrap me in its power.

I felt that power surging through me, not just the power of the brooch, but the connected hearts of all the other senshi beating as one. I was not alone.

“Okay…” I said, turning back to Batwoman, my voice noticeably calmer. I wiped away the tears and centered myself in the moment. “Race you to the bottom?”

I’d climbed up and down this building enough times to know how to get down easily. It was halfway between a climb and a controlled slide, but moon gravity and sticky fingers did enough to let me get down in one piece.

Batwoman, by comparison, just leapt off the building and used her cape to slow her descent enough to land a little before I did.

“So, did you want to walk or…?” I asked uncertainly.

She grinned and tapped a button on her wrist. There was the throaty roar of an engine and a sleek, futuristic motorcycle came tearing out of a nearby alley. It not only balanced on its own, but steered and stopped without a driver, idling itself in front of the two of us, parked neatly next to the sidewalk. It was a sleek frame of smooth black metal and glowing red highlights, with the very visible slimmed, “feminine” bat symbol front and center. It looked like something at least a decade or so from the future, but damn if it wasn’t impressive.

Batwoman jumped onto the seat and patted the back. “Hop on.”

I balked a little. In spite of all of my many adventures, I had never ridden a motorcycle before, much less a Bat-cycle with a member of Team Batman.

I nestled onto the back of the seat, which required me to wrap my arms around her waist and get particularly close to her. I stiffened nervously for a whole host of reasons.

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” she said with a grin. “Let’s go…”

And with a roaring engine and a jerk of acceleration, we were off.

I kept my eyes closed, both to keep the wind out of my eyes and for my own sanity, but it really didn’t help all of the ludicrous weavings and turns that Batwoman took to navigate Gotham City traffic at what felt like an appreciable fraction of the speed of sound.

After an eternity of gripping onto the impressively tight abs of the heroine, eventually we came to a stop.

I all but leaped off of the motorcycle, almost ready to start kissing the ground for its sweet stability. Batwoman, still wearing the same smirk, slid off the bike and approached me. “This way.”

I took stock of our surroundings and realized that we were in the warehouse district, which was an impressive distance away from the Wayne Industries building. Rows and rows of identical sheet metal buildings were lit only by the sparse streetlights. In the distance, I could hear the waters lapping against the docks themselves. She led me to a warehouse close to the waterfront, and the closer we got, the more a feeling of unease weighed upon me.

It wasn’t just nerves. It was something thicker… like the air itself had congealed. It was familiar. It was the same sensation I had back in Tokyo. With the arrival of the monstrous youma.

We stepped into the warehouse, it was stacked up with wooden crates all around, save for a path of bare concrete leading us forward.

Well, it used to be bare, certainly, but now it was covered in blood and some kind of twisted meat and bone remains. The stench assailed my nose with a vengeance and I had to cover my face with my hands with how vile it smelled. 

Batwoman barely twitched as she led me forward. I tried not to stare at what had once been a person. I could hear some kind of murmuring somewhere in the area as we drew closer.

We rounded a corner, walking past the remains and in a clearing of shattered boxes and merchandise (most of it looking to be ancient antiquities), there stood a tall, blonde man in a tan trench coat. His arms were splayed out, with some kind of necklace or amulet in one hand and a cigarette in another hand.

He gave no notice to our arrival, continually looking straight ahead and chanting something in a  language I didn’t recognize. Across from him, wavering in some kind of burning pentagram on the ground, was a shadow which seemed to reach the roof like a burning plume of sludge-like smoke. Its form was indistinct, but blood-red, burning eyes in its depths fully conveyed its undeniable malice.

“John,” called out Batwoman. “I got her.”

The man called John, nodded, still chanting.

“We’ll do it on the count of three… you drop the spell and she’ll zap the thing,” she continued, pulling out a pair of batarangs from her belt. She looked at me carefully. “Are you ready?”

I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by what I was seeing. Villains and super villains were one thing, but this thing looked to be a fucking demon. Sure, I had seen Sailor Moon take down one of these things without breaking a sweat, but I had no idea if I could do the same.

Nevertheless, they were counting on me to deliver, so the very least I could do was try. I reminded myself that I could do this because I was Sailor Moon. I was not alone. Now or ever.

 

I pulled off my tiara and gripped it, whispering the words. “Moon Tiara…” It glowed to life in my hand and I readied myself to throw, trying to aim for the heart of the creature.

“Three!” called out Batwoman, readying her own weapons. A pair of batarangs in her hands. The man named John gave a thumbs up.

“Two!” she continued. The shadow wavered in the circle. I heard a faint sound of chuckling in the center of its mass.

“One!” she said, eying me. I nodded in grim determination.

“NOW!”

Everything happened at once. The man stopped chanting and the pentagram died away, the demonic shadow rushed at us with a roar, Batwoman tossed the batarangs which exploded in the recesses of the demon’s insubstantial form and I finished my attack by putting the full force of my throw into where it’s face would be, crying out, “MAGIC!”

The tiara flew from my hand and impacted against the cloud in a starburst of light that nearly blinded me. The smoke dissipated on impact, as the true form of the demon revealed itself.

It was large, muscular and its glowing red eyes were no less terrifying now that it had a physical form. Its body was lumpy and misshapen as its arms (all four of them) bulged asymmetrically from its torso. Its skin was an angry red, like a welt, with visible scars and burn marks covering its body.

Of particular interest was the now-smoking scorch mark on his face. It’s mouth opened wide to reveal a row of fanged teeth, it’s lip curled in a snarl of fury. My tiara had, after impacting on the demon, clattered to the ground and was now being stepped on by the demon.

“Moon priestess…” hissed the demon, its voice like steam erupting in the air, “your world has long since turned to dust. Silver Millennium is only a relic, lost to time. And you  have no place in this world.” It raised its four arms and black flames began to pour out of its hands. “PERISH!” it roared, hurling a salvo of the flames at me.

I leaped out of the way, and just in time for the flames to devour everything that had been where I had been standing. Boxes, concrete and even the wall of the warehouse had been disintegrated to ash, leaving nothing but scorch marks.

“ARE YOU BLOODY JOKING?!” roared the man called John in a thick British accent, “THIS WAS THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH, BATS?! SOME FUCKING BINT WITH A FRISBEE?!” He raised his hands and began to chant again, energies coalescing in his hands.

Batwoman didn’t answer him, but pulled out twin pistols from her belt and began to unload them into the creature in a barrage.

I scowled in irritation as the singular attack that I had at my disposal was now out of reach. I tried to will the tiara back to me, but it refused to budge under the creature’s bulk.

I tried to think of another Sailor Moon viable attack, but everything I could think of required some magical moon item I didn’t have. Moon Healing Escalation, from my experience and despite what the cartoon suggested, was only for healing and wouldn’t do any real damage to the thing. And none of the other attacks I had tried before had worked.

“Fine…” I said, clenching my fists, “We’ll do this the hard way…”

I kicked off of the ground and rushed at the demon. With Batwoman’s gunfire and John’s blast of light which he hurled at the beast, I was able to blindside the demon with a flying punch.

By all means, the hit should have broken my hand and dislocated my shoulder with how dense the thing was, but the moment my fist made contact with the thing, it exploded with light and left another sizzling scorch mark on the thing to match the one I gave him with my tiara.

Enraged, the demon swiped at me, and only my quick kick off it let me escape his blows.

“FOR GOD’S SAKE, DO SOMETHING!” shouted John, turning to me, as I landed beside him. “YOU GOT ALL THAT MAGIC, SO FUCKING USE IT!”

“I DON’T KNOW HOW!” I screamed at him, “IT’S NOT LIKE THIS SHIT CAME WITH A FUCKING MANUAL!” I stabbed a finger at the thing’s foot. “IT’S GOT MY CROWN!”

“SOD THE FUCKING CROWN!” hissed John, throwing a bolt of lightning at the thing, which served mostly to irritate it rather than anything useful. “THE MAGIC IS INSIDE YOU, STUPID! JUST BRING IT OUT!”

“I DON’T KNOW HOW! I ONLY FIGURED OUT ONE ATTACK!” I said angrily.

Batwoman, now out of ammo, ducked behind a box to reload. “JUST MAKE UP A NEW ONE, THEN!’ she shouted.

The demon took our squabbling as an opportunity to heft up a nearby forklift like it was a toy and hurled it at me and John.

My brain working entirely on autopilot, I held up a hand, “MOON…” It began to glow. “TWILIGHT…” something began to take shape between us. “ILLUMINATION!”

Just as the forklift would have crushed us, the machine crashed against a shimmering barrier of moonlight which had sprung to life between us.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe that worked!” I sputtered, watching the hunk of metal crash to the floor in a heap. Even the demon seemed surprised by my sudden manifestation of power, but it eventually shook it off, rushed over to us and crashed against the barrier itself, pounding all of its fists relentlessly against the shimmering silver wall.

I felt my entire body jerk with the impacts and exhaustion began to surge through me. Whatever this was, it was taking more power than I was used to. I couldn’t hold up against it constantly smashing against the shield.

Luckily, I didn’t need to. Because my Moon Tiara was now free and glittering on the other side of the warehouse since the monster stepped off of it.

I reached out to it, and tried to martial every ounce of my remaining energy. There weren't going to be any Tuxedo Masks showing up to throw flowers and tell me to believe in myself. I had to win this with the power I held within myself.

“MOON TIARA MAGIC: ECLIPSE CUTTER!” I shouted, reaching for the tiara. The thing lit up like a supernova, hovering in the air like a tiny flying saucer. A corona of energy began to surround it, casting off rainbow-colored lights in all directions.

“GET WRECKED!” I shouted, pulling the weapon back to myself, and the thing shot back to my hand, leaving a trail of rainbow energy in its wake as it went.

The demon had a brief look of surprise on its face right before its face and its entire head exploded into shadowy wisps as the tiara carved a glowing white hole through it.. The thing lost its strength as it fell over and crashed onto the floor. Its body began to disintegrate into dust as I collapsed onto the floor, barely able to keep myself upright from the exhaustion.

“Well… there we are,” said John, taking a drag from his cigarette. He slapped me on the back. “Well done… uh… sorry, what was your name?”

I looked up at him, rubbing at my shoulder where he had slapped me. “Sailor Moon.”

His eyes widened. He cast his gaze over me, blinking. “Christ…” he whispered, “No… no you can’t be her… But damn if you don’t have the same kind of power.”

“Not the original,” I hissed, trying unsuccessfully to get to my feet, “She was the one who recruited me to be her successor.”

“Ah,” he said, exhaling a plume of smoke. “Well nicely done… but maybe next time, lead on the Moon-eclipse-thing you did, yeah?”

“Give her some respect, John,” said Batwoman, extracting herself from a pile of boxes, “She saved all of our asses.”

“Right,” said John, shrugging, “Well not all of us have a direct line to the fucking Silver Millenium Crystal, yeah? Bloody unfair comparison, if you ask me.” He offered a hand to me which I warily accepted to get to my feet. “John Constantine,” he said, dropping the smoke in his other hand and grinding it into the floor with his foot.

“Don’t mind John,” said Batwoman, crossing her arms. “He’s kind of a dick to everyone.”

“No ‘kind of’ about it, love,” said John with a smirk, “Now, if you two ladies will excuse me… I have a payment to collect and a very stiff drink to buy.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Unless you two would like to join me?”

I released his hand. “Eww, no…” I said, feeling physically ill at the prospect.

“Ditto,” said Batwoman, shaking her head.

“Oh come on, what kind of woman could say no to the master of the arcane, John Bloody Constantine?” he said, a little indignantly.

“The lesbian kind,” I said tonelessly. It felt a little strange to call myself that, but if I was a woman who was attracted to other women, then what else could I call myself?

“Ah,” he said, looking at the both of us, a little disappointed, “Right then. Cheers, ladies!” He turned on his heel and left, humming as he stepped through the giant hole in the warehouse.

Police sirens began to echo through the air and Batwoman gave me a pointed look. “Let’s go. They can clean up the rest.”

I nodded, stepping out into the night. Somehow, the feeling of the full moon’s light washing over me helped ease some of my exhaustion. Like a breath of fresh air. My body drank the power in and I felt some of my strength return to me. With a leap into the air, I managed to bound onto a nearby roof, followed by another.

Below me at the ground level, Batwoman brought her motorcycle to life and motioned me to follow her. We made our way through the city for a few minutes before she waved me down, pulling up beside what looked to be a remarkably still-open, small Mexican restaurant.

Curious, I hopped down to street level to meet her.

“Come on…” she said, pushing open the door. “I’m starving...”

“Seriously?” I said, frowning as I followed her inside.

“They know me,” said Batwoman, smiling, “We stopped some gang from running them out of business and now every single member of the Bat-family gets free tacos for life.” She waved to the back, “Hola, Raul!”

“Hola Senorita Bat!” said a jovial, rounded man, clad in a stained apron, “And this is…?”

“Sailor Moon,” I said, bowing politely.

“Ah! Yes, I heard of you!” he said, nodding enthusiastically, gesturing to a nearby table. “A beautiful girl with great power! But kind, too. Please, let me get you two something.” He looked to Batwoman. “The usual?”

“Si,” she said, sliding into the chair. “For both of us.” Uncertainly, I sat down across from her. Raul sat some glasses and an iced pitcher of horchata on the table before he slid back into the kitchen cheerfully.

“I’m… not going to lie… this is kind of weird,” I whispered to her.

Batwoman shrugged. “Girl’s gotta eat. And who the hell is going to pick a fight with two of the toughest bitches in Gotham while they’re just having a late night snack?”

“I guess… but I’m not going to lie… I wasn’t expecting the night to go like this..” I said, looking around the otherwise empty place. Two rows of battered tables and rickety chairs, the buzzing sound of fluorescent lights and the tinny music of late night latin radio. In the back, I could hear Raul working the kitchen and humming to himself. And there was Batwoman, sitting right across from me sipping from a glass of horchata. I took my own sip from it and found it was remarkably tasty.

“You’d be surprised what you get used to in this line of work,” she chuckled. “This is nothing by comparison.”

“I guess…” I said, staring down at the table in front of me. I looked up at her carefully. “Does it get easier?”

She watched me carefully. Even under her mask, those eyes conveyed so much emotion. “This job… it never quite slows down… but you get stronger over time… You never quite get used to it, but you learn to deal with the changes as they come.”

I nodded slowly. In spite of everything that had taken away from me tonight, I was finding the changes to my body more and more welcome. In this moment of quiet reflection, I accepted that it was never the brooch that had put my mind in this state. It had always been this way. The brooch was just releasing what was already inside of me.

It was a change… but in the way that a seed changes into a flower or a caterpillar changes to a butterfly. A natural metamorphosis.

“It’s all so crazy,” I said, shaking my head, “I used to watch Sailor Moon on TV. Read the comics and just imagined what it would be like to be her. This… wasn’t what I was expecting it to be like.”

“I could throw roses at you, if that helps,” said Batwoman lazily.

I blinked in surprise. “Wait… you watched the show, too?”

She clicked her tongue in mock outrage. “I mean… what closeted lesbian growing up in that day didn’t? Sailor Uranus and Neptune were queer icons.”

I chuckled. “No, don’t be silly. They were very clearly perfectly normal cousins who held hands and made out with one another.”

She snorted. “Right. Yeah… totally normal. Nobody would think anything else.” She shook her head. “Fucking straights…”

The English dub of the show had taken some… interesting liberties in hiding the romantic relationship between Sailors Uranus and Neptune present in the original.

I sighed, leaning back in my chair. “So what’s he really like? Batman?”

“Honestly? Overworked,” she said, chuckling, “The guy is a workaholic who doesn’t let up a goddamn minute. I think if he tried to relax, he’d outright fall apart into a million pieces. He’s the real deal… but I think he walks a wire-thin tightrope.” She pointed a finger to me. “What about your boss?”

“She’s… kind,” I said, replaying the memory of meeting her, “Her voice, her demeanor, her presence… all of it radiates this warmth. Like… in one look, she knows you down to your very center and would do whatever it took to help you become your best self.”

“Hm…” said Batwoman, nodding. “How’d you two meet?”

I blushed a little at the memory. “I kind of thought that I could take on a monster head-on and by myself. She was the one who bailed me out when it kicked my ass. She gave me a chance to make a difference… in my own life and in the lives of others.” I looked up to her, “How about you two?”

“Me and the bat… kind of always knew each other…” she said cryptically, “Hell of a shock when I realized who he really was on his off hours.”

“Is it weird living in his shadow?” I asked, frowning. “That’s been the thing I’ve been struggling with… I have so much to live up to... “

“Look,” said Batwoman, leaning forward, “At the end of the day, I call the shots. Just because I got this,” she tapped the bat insignia on her chest, “doesn’t make me his clone. Same for you. You don’t need to become just like her… just be the Sailor Moon that makes sense to you.”

“Mm… I’m trying,” I sighed, “Thank you.” I felt a grin spread over my face. “See, now is when you tell me to believe in myself and toss a rose at me without doing anything else of value.”

She snorted. “Uh… fuck no. Tuxedo Mask is a pansy. I’m packing .45 caliber roses right here,” she said, patting her belt.

Raul returned with a sizable tray of tacos for us to split, and honestly, it was amazingly good for midnight eating in some dinghy restaurant. But the more important thing was the feeling of normality. The ability to talk to someone. We kept talking as we polished off the tacos, trading stories. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was dressed as a schoolgirl and she was dressed like a bat, it would have felt completely normal and natural.

“Hey…” I said, as we left the restaurant with full bellies. “I… can I ask for your phone number?”

Batwoman looked at me in surprise. A faint blush appeared on her face. “Oh. Wow. Uh… I’m flattered but-“

I shook my head. “No, sorry not like that… I’m really not in a place to jump into another relationship right now. But given that my only real backup left me high and dry… I should probably have someone to reach out to for help… yeah?”

She nodded. “You know what? Fair. Here…”

We pulled out our phones and exchanged numbers. It felt more than a little surreal to have Batwoman’s cell number, but I was beginning to realize that normal was just a matter of exposure.

We went our separate ways, and while I was exhausted and emotionally drained from what I had faced today… I still felt hopeful for the future to come.

In spite of everything, I didn’t feel alone anymore.

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