Chapter 8: Reunion

The airplane bathroom was a tight fit, but after 10 plus hours crammed in a too-small seat, it felt like Heaven to finally move my legs around. Despite being stuck in the equivalent of a broom closet with only a toilet, sink and mirror for company, I was grateful to finally have a moment without all those eyes on me. A chance to breathe free and just be alone.

As I finished washing my hands I looked up at my reflection.

Strangely enough, while I didn’t look like Sailor Moon in my untransformed state, I definitely looked like Sailor Uranus. My hair was just barely short enough to be passably masculine, and while I was still not up to the task of applying makeup, my facial features were definitely in the realm of the feminine.

“Hm,” I said, smiling as I heard the husky tone of my voice coming from my slender throat. “Damn…”

My chest was definitely developing true breasts now, and even as I tried to wear a looser hoodie to hide that fact, they were visible enough for anybody looking for them. My hips were likewise filling out, and with the rapidly diminishing parts between my legs, I was definitely in the home stretch towards womanhood.

My appearance had made it extremely difficult to use my passport and it had taken checking my fingerprints and a quick quiz on my Mom’s maiden name before they were grudgingly willing to allow me on the plane. I still wasn’t certain how to handle these changes as I was stuck in the middle, but for the moment, I could live with them.

As far as the staff of the airport was concerned, nobody seemed comfortable in referring to me as either a ma’am or a sir, which was some kind of progress as well. My clothes, the ones that still fit properly, were just jeans and t-shirts more than anything else, so either I looked like an effeminate male or a butch lesbian.

I had been considering embracing my feminine side more, but given that the only female friend I had available to help with that was freaking Batwoman, I decided to set the idea aside for the moment. She wasn’t going to have much time out of her crime-fighting to go shopping with me.

Still, I knew I needed help from people who had experience with womanhood, and hopefully I would find it here in Japan. And hopefully, I would get answers as well.  This new form was Sailor Moon’s handiwork, so she’d better be willing to take responsibility for it.

I stepped out of the bathroom and into the cramped aisles of the airplane. Rows upon rows of passengers were just now beginning to wake up as they were facing the brand new timezone. Eyes flashed in my direction with a mish-mash of confusion and disgust. I had already caught a number of conflicted looks regarding my appearance, so far, but I tried to tune them out.

Unfortunately, I knew what was waiting for me back in my assigned seat.

My seat neighbor, a visibly exhausted businessman, had gone back to the zillionth round of “boy or girl” as he continued to give me the look of careful social calculus. For the few times that he spoke to me, he had gone from calling me “dude” to “miss” to “buddy” and even now I could tell that words had failed him. I tried to focus on reading a book and pretend that I couldn’t see him staring.

When we finally landed and I began to collect my baggage, I saw him turn to me and clear his throat. “Uh…”

I regarded him with a raised eyebrow. He was old enough to be my dad and I sincerely hoped that he wasn’t hitting on me or anything.

“Um… okay, I… I really have to ask… are you… uh…” he floundered for a moment.

I continued to meet his gaze with a steady  silence. 

He grappled for words for a few more seconds, until finally, with a realization dawning upon his face, he shook his head. “You know what? Never mind. None of my business. Enjoy your time here in Japan, yeah?”

It was my turn to be off-balance. “Uh… thanks! You too,” I said, smiling faintly, shouldering my bag and disembarking.

After making it through a second round of bewildered customs workers staring at my passport in disbelief, I gritted myself for a long and difficult day. It was early in the morning and I hadn’t slept as well as I would have liked on the flight over. But I had my work cut out for me to search the entire city, top to bottom, for any sign of the other Sailor Moon. I needed answers, and I was certain she was the only one who could answer them.

I went over the plans as I strode over to the luggage claim. I was considering a major spectacle. Stopping a big crime in progress. Throwing down with a youma. Something that would attract the attention of the other Sailor Scouts or at least another hero who could point me in their direction. 

If that refused to provide any leads, I had done a mountain of “research” (essentially binge watching the Sailor Moon TV show and browsing internet forums) for any useful information on the Sailor Scouts. I might have had some leads on where to start looking for them in their civilian roles, but that was even more of a needle in a haystack than the superhero plan.

Whatever the outcome, I needed to make contact by the end of the day, because I had only been able to afford the ticket here. Otherwise, I was essentially flat broke and wasn’t going to be able to afford food or lodgings. Either I find someone or I sleep on the streets.

I stepped away from the luggage carousel with my bag and walked towards the exit, to hopefully catch a bus or taxi into the city proper.

What I didn’t expect was a gentleman in a suit, holding a sign with my last name on it to approach me as soon as I stepped off the escalator.

“Miss Moore?” said the man, bowing respectfully as he spoke. “Your car is waiting for you.”

“What?” I said, shaking my head. “Uh… no, sorry, I think you have me confused for someone else.”

It was a hell of a coincidence that it was my last name, but there was no way that it was for me. I was a broke college student and there was no way that my parents had secretly sprung for a private chauffeur. Especially one who referred to me as “Miss”. 

The man was unmoved by my objections and retrieved a folded card from his pocket. I took it, confused and read a small note inside the card.

“We need to talk. 

-Mercury ☿”

That was it. I blinked in shock. 

“Doctor Hisakawa is waiting,” the man continued, bowing again. “Please…”

“Holy shit,” I hissed, staring at the note. Sailor Mercury. It was helpful that she had saved me the trouble of having to find her, but I couldn’t help but feel a little disturbed by how easily she had found me. Having a complete stranger ambush me to take me away didn’t put my mind at ease, but I supposed that I would have to trust her. 

We were on the same team, after all.

The ride into the city was remarkably posh, as it had a television and a cooler of sodas included inside. The driver had even loaded my bag in the trunk. The man serving as a chauffeur wasn’t much of a conversationalist but he braked, cornered and drove like an angel as he navigated off the highway and into the dense urban sprawl of Tokyo proper.

From the information that I could gather from him, we were headed to the corporate headquarters for my “scheduled” meeting with Doctor Hisakawa who I could only assume was actually Sailor Mercury. Obviously she wasn’t actually named Ami Mizuno, as it would be rather foolish for the Sailor Scouts to publish their real identities in trade paperbacks.

When we finally stopped, I looked out the window onto the streets of Shibuya ward to see that we were parked in front of a large office building. It was a sort of rounded, almost fluid kind of design that didn’t quite mesh with the boxy buildings on either side of it.

The sign in front, hanging above the doorways, read in both Japanese and English, “Mercury Labs”.

I balked at that. Mercury Labs was a reasonably well known science company. I knew their US headquarters was in Central City, but I wasn’t aware that they had a presence here in Japan. Sailor Mercury wouldn’t be so obvious as to literally be at a company with the same name as her, though… right? 

“Right this way, miss,” said the chauffeur, opening the door for me.

“Uh… thank you,” I replied, stepping out into the chill Tokyo air. I pulled my thick leather coat against me to ward off the brief sting of cold.

He bowed respectfully and directed me to the front door. All around me were business men and women dressed in professional apparel. I had to admit that I felt a little underdressed to meet Mercury in this state.

As I stepped into the building, I was presented with a massive lobby/atrium, with escalators stretching upwards for level after level, each balcony overlooking the main floor below. Hanging above, there was the Mercury Labs logo suspended by wires in a sculpture from the ceiling, quietly rotating. On either side of me, the lobby was flanked by two rather impressive water fountains that roared quietly over the sounds of businesspeople going to work.

“Miss Moore,” said a soft voice to my side. I had to make a conscious effort not to flinch as I turned to face it.

She wasn’t a tall woman, but her presence carried weight as I took in her demeanor. She had a bob cut of dark hair, with thin, wireframe glasses perched on her nose and she wore a dark blue skirt and blazer with a lighter blue blouse. As she pushed her glasses up her nose, I saw a bracelet of blue beads on her right wrist with some kind of shimmering gold charm attached.

“It’s good to meet you,” she said, her English precise. She offered a hand which I took on pure instinct. Her grip was firm, but not crushing. As I felt her skin contact against my own, I felt the faintest sense of familiarity in her touch. Almost instinctively, I could tell that this was her.

Behind her glasses, there was the faintest glimmer of recognition in her eyes. She gave a quiet smile for a moment, nodding as she gestured to the elevators behind us.

“If you’ll follow me, we can meet in my office,” she said briskly, returning to her businesslike attitude. She spun on her heel and started walking away. I followed closely.

“Uh… I have so many questions…” I said, keeping stride.

“I’m sure you do,” she said, nodding. “But they will have to wait. This is the sort of thing we want to discuss privately, yes?”

Her tone didn’t leave much room for any disagreement. I followed her into the elevator without any further discussion. She pulled out an ID card hanging at her waist and pressed it against a reader. It beeped and the elevator roared to life. The floor numbers chimes up and up and up until finally letting us out onto the 50th floor. She stepped out and I followed her into another lobby, with a desk and a young girl working at it.

“おはようございます久川先生,” chirped the girl. “Good morning, Doctor Hisakawa.”

“おはよう,” she replied quietly. “あやさん、あたしのコールを保持してください.” “Good morning. Aya-san, please hold my calls.”

“はい,” she said, bowing. “Yes ma’am.”

She pushed past the reception desk and stepped through large oak double doors into a large, window office. As I followed her, I took stock of a massive space, with bookshelves flanking either side of the office, and a central pool of water, with a plexiglass cover built into the floor. As I followed Mercury’s path over it, I saw that it was a sizable aquarium with fish swimming beneath its surface.

She circled around a large wooden desk with a trio of computer screens setting upon it. She settled into a large leather chair and indicated a smaller char on the other side which I sat down in.

“Tea?” she asked, reaching under her desk to pull up a steaming kettle. “Coffee? Something else to drink?”

“No, thank you,” I said, nodding politely. “Uh… okay, I’m here, and you clearly wanted to talk, so let’s talk. But, I’m not going to lie…” I gestured around us. “All this stuff is giving out massive supervillain vibes and I’m kind of freaking out here.”

“Fair enough,” she said, sighing, “and for what it’s worth, Mercury Labs hasn’t always been the most… hm… ethical business before I acquired it. There is still some work to be done to turn it into a force for good.” She steepled her fingers together. “But, I can assure you that I brought you here simply to talk.”

She gestured behind her, and as her windows suddenly polarized to the point of blocking out light, holographic projections appeared in the air to illuminate the darkened room with pictures.

I peered at the digital collage of still images and moving, silent videos, and with a shock I realized all of them were about me. Either as Sailor Moon or Cross or even as my civilian identity. My entire life was spread out behind her.

“I wasn’t certain what to think when Usagi told me that she was selecting a new successor,” she said, her gaze still focused on me. “I had assumed that her daughter was already more than sufficient for the task, and frankly I was worried that she had handed power over to a complete stranger solely on a whim.”

A holographic projection came closer, displaying a headline from my hometown paper, a picture of my old Team standing victorious with the insurance company building in the background. “However, I have learned to trust that Usagi-chan has a prodigious instinct for talent, and her hunches usually work out in the end. The more research I did on you, the more impressed I became.”

She waved away the headline and gestured to a selection of videos. All of them were security cameras showing my work in Gotham, in my Cross persona. “You clearly know how to handle yourself in combat and showed an impressive determination even when faced with insurmountable odds. But…”

She gestured again and other videos came to the forefront. Video clips of my work as Sailor Moon. “The most important fact is that you have shown empathy, compassion and kindness in addition to your skills as a hero.” She pushed up her glasses again with a smile. “I won’t lie to you, I can see why she picked you. There is a lot of her personality I can see in you.”

I blushed. The lighting went back to normal as the windows depolarized and the holograms disappeared. “I am sure all of this may feel slightly invasive or uncomfortable… but from everything I have seen from you… Miss Moore, I am very excited to see your journey continue to unfold,” she finished, still smiling.

“Uh… Doctor Hisakawa?” I began, raising a hand.

“Izumi is fine,” she said, waving it aside. “We are technically teammates, after all.”

I nodded. “Izumi… so you really are Sailor Mercury, then.”

“I am,” she said, her smile widening. “I haven’t been particularly active in transforming and fighting monsters, but I’ve worked to leverage old lunar technology for the modern era.” She held out what looked to me like a small, folding device roughly the size of a standard tablet. 

“Holy crap,” I said, realizing what she was holding. “So you reverse-engineered the Mercury Supercomputer?”

“When I was a teenager, I was able to tap into the electronics of my Mercury crystal to borrow its processing power for my own devices. I created the supercomputer when I was in high school.” she said, chuckling. “But yes I eventually was able to use the technical knowledge I learned as a Sailor Scout to acquire the Mercury Labs branch in Tokyo and use it for my own research.”

You are reading story Secret Identity at novel35.com

“It… isn’t it a little… uh… too on the nose?” I said with a frown. “Sailor Mercury and Mercury Labs? Really?”

She chuckled. “I admit, it was partially out of a sense of irony, but the company truly had the specialties I needed to get my work done. Quantum computing is not exactly a common field of study. And besides, no one outside of the senshi has noticed the connection.”

I nodded, looking around the room nervously. “Uh… so you were able to use that supercomputer to look up all this info on me?” It was intimidating, to say the least, but for what it was worth, we were able to speak openly. After all, she had my whole life recorded in high definition by the looks of it.

She nodded. “I try to stay well-informed. Though I try not to be too invasive or nosy if I can avoid it.”

I gritted my teeth unpleasantly. “But you… uh… know I’m… not exactly a ‘Miss’...”

She raised an eyebrow. “If you would prefer a different set of pronouns, I can happily adjust. Uranus goes by both he and she and it hasn’t been a problem among the rest of us.”

“I mean, you can refer to me as a woman, if you want,” I said, blushing, “but… I’m still sort of trying to understand what has been happening to me. I’ve been changing…”

“I can see that,” she said, typing at her computer, “I would say that your body is approximately eighty to ninety percent of the way through your transformation. Depending on your power usage, you can expect the changes to be fully complete within two or three more sizable uses of your powers.”

“Okay…” I said, sighing as I leaned forward, “but why? Why am I changing at all?”

“Hm…” she said, tapping her chin thoughtfully, “The senshi powerset can only be used by females, to my understanding. While Sailor Uranus is…how do I say this… expansive in her gender expression and identity, he still identifies as both wholly male and female at the same time.” She gestured to me. “So, there is a chicken versus the egg scenario. Either your body is changing to become feminine to allow you to properly access your senshi powers…. Or, more likely… ”

She paused, frowning at her screen for a moment. I cleared my throat a little impatiently. “Or?”

“Your powers are available to you in the first place because you are, in some fashion, already female and your body is simply changing to reflect that reality.”

She cleared her throat as I stared at her in shock.

“I’m not a specialist on this matter, but the literature on this subject suggests that one’s sense of internal identity does not always match up with the physical body,” she said, typing something into her computer, “In English, it is referred to as transsexualism. Your personal identity or neural structures or ‘soul’ are female and your brooch is reacting to that by changing your body to match your mind.”

I jerked back in my seat. Before now, my feelings had never really been pinned down in words like that. For the longest time, I thought that I was just a man who wanted to be a woman. But, if Izumi was right, I really was actually a woman on the inside, who had just been unlucky enough to have been born in a man’s body.

A mistake that was rapidly being fixed.

“Holy shit…” I whispered, sagging into my chair. “Holy fucking shit…”

“I can imagine it’s a lot to take in,” she said, standing up from her chair, “And I know that it doesn’t fix everything, but at the very least I can offer this…” She walked around the desk and handed me an envelope.

Opening it, I found what looked to be a credit card with the Mercury Labs logo on it.

“And this…” she said, kneeling down and wrapping her arms around me. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. You’re safe here, Moore-san.”

I returned the embrace, sobbing. It was a loud and ugly cry and I immediately felt guilty for the mess I was making on her expensive business suit. But when the waves of emotion finally came to an end, there was nothing but the still waters that remained within me. I let her go, nodding to her gratefully.

“Thank you,” I whispered. I looked at the card. “Uh… so…?”

“It’s a little something to help you out while you’re here in Tokyo,” she said, gesturing to it. “I have also booked a hotel for you to stay at for the duration of your visit. I will have someone to drop you off when you are ready to leave. Wait…” She picked up her computer off her desk and tapped a few buttons. My phone buzzed in my pocket. “And you should now have cell service as well. I’ve taken the liberty of adding my number to your phone if you need anything. Please don’t hesitate to call if you need to.”

I was floored. A little creeped out by the scale of what she was capable of doing, but it was helpful to know that she was looking out for me. I pocketed the card. “How much money is on it?”

“As much as you need,” she said with a smile, “Just try not to go overboard, okay? I still have to have some accountability, you know? Lest I truly become a supervillain.”

I nodded, snorting as I was caught off guard by her sudden humor. “T-thank you… Izumi.”

“Of course… you’re one of us, after all,” she said cheerfully.

There was a knock on the door. Izumi looked a little miffed, but she pressed a button on her desk and the door behind us unlocked and opened. “なんですか?” she asked, “What is it?”

“もうしわけ ありません.” “I’m very sorry…” The receptionist said as she peeked into the room, bowing repeatedly, “海野博士が研究室でのあなたの存在を要求しています. 緊急です.”

“Doctor Umino is requesting your presence in the lab? He said it’s urgent.”

“ヤレヤレ“ “Good grief.” she sighed, “彼は本当に変わっていません. 私はすぐにダウンすることを彼に伝えます. “He really hasn’t changed. Tell him I’ll be there in a moment.” 

She stood up and adjusted herself, taking out a kerchief and wiping off the mess I had left on her suit. “I apologize, but I have business to attend to. I am sure we shall see each other again soon, but in the meantime, please look after yourself, Moore-san. And don’t forget that we’re here for you, okay? All of us.”

I nodded, bowing respectfully. “どもありがとうございます.” “Thank you very much.”

She returned the bow. “ほんきどういたしまして.” “You are very welcome.”

She led me back to the elevator and we said our somewhat professional goodbyes, but I didn’t miss that bright smile that she left me with. She was smart and she was professional, but there was definitely a core of kindness and love underneath it all.

Just as promised, the chauffeur was idling outside the building. “To the hotel?” he asked politely.

I nodded, getting back into the car. “Yes please.”

On the drive out, I could only stare out the window blankly. While I had immediately gotten most of my major questions answered, I found myself left with even more questions stemming from those answers. So, if I was a transsexual or whatever… what did that mean for me? Obviously my body was only going to continue to change and I would learn to get used to that, but everything else in my life was going to be staying the same. I still had a full schedule of classes to look forward to when I restarted my semester at Gotham U. I had a family waiting for me to return for Christmas. Hell, every ounce of paperwork I had, my passport out of this country included, showed a name and picture that just didn’t feel like me anymore.

I had time here… time to heal and time to relax. But the question of what I would do back home remained. It wasn’t about fighting crime or stopping villains anymore. It was about fighting a universe which had grown accustomed to the idea of me fitting into a box I had long since broken out of.

The hotel I was staying in was massive and looked to be expensive as we pulled up to it. The staff was just as well dressed as my driver, and while I tried to pull out my baggage, the driver was entirely too quick and shuffled it off to a bellhop who ran off with it. A concierge bowed at me and said that my room was still being made ready. They offered me the opportunity to wait in the lounge, but I shook my head. I didn’t like the idea of hanging out among all these successful people dressed like a homeless lesbian. I told them I wanted to look around the city and they told me they would hold onto my baggage for me in the meantime. She gave me a time to return for my room, and I checked my phone, realizing I had a few hours to kill.

So, lacking anything else to do, I stepped out of the gilded lobby of the hotel and back into the open air. The driver had already left, leaving me essentially alone on the chilly streets of Tokyo. With no particular destination in mind, I just set myself to wandering.

I considered the idea of transforming and just doing the “leaping from roof to roof” thing, but I was grateful for the opportunity to become quietly lost in both my thoughts and the city at large. Izumi had given me a lot to consider and I truly needed the space to unpack the truth I had been handed.

I had wandered away from the affluent business area into a more residential neighborhood with rows and rows of homes stretching into the horizon. After a solid few minutes of getting lost, I pulled out my phone to see if there were any landmarks of interest.

KAW!

I nearly dropped my phone in surprise at the sound. I looked around me to see a raven of some kind perched on a nearby branch. The thing had been so loud and surprising, that I couldn’t help but stare at the thing. I frowned in confusion. It was getting cold… shouldn’t that bird have migrated now?

KAW!

I flinched again and actually dropped my phone this time. While the case held together from the impact, I was left to curse and grumble as I fished the phone off the pavement. Looking up I saw… the same crow? No… I turned around and saw that there were two of them.

Two ravens… I paused at that. It sounded familiar, even if I couldn’t put my finger on it. As I considered it, the two ravens took to the air, both of them circling around me overhead. As I watched them, they both took off towards the East, but circled back for me. Almost as if…

They wanted me to follow them? What the hell kind of birds…?

Then the penny dropped. 

A pair of crows in service to a shrine maiden. I knew a certain Sailor Senshi who matched that description.

I walked at a leisurely pace with the birds flying ahead. It took a turn or two and a distinct feeling that they were doubling back, but given who those birds belonged to, I couldn’t not trust their directions.

Finally they led me around another corner and there I was, standing in front of a cozy little Shinto shrine.

The giant, red torii gate at the top of the stone steps made it clear that I was stepping into sacred space, with small fencing encircling the rest of the shrine grounds. Inside, there were a number of trees which I assumed to be cherry blossoms, which were sadly bare due to the season. The shrine building itself was an old, wooden structure with all of the expected ancient Japanese decor that came with it. On the pathway leading up to the shrine, two stone lions guarded either side of the steps leading up to it.

The twin birds both descended to rest upon the two lion statues, preening their feathers.

A wooden door on the shrine slid open, and an older woman in the traditional white blouse and red pants of the hakama stepped out.

“いらっしゃいませ,” she said, descending the steps. “Welcome.”

She was a stern-looking woman, with long dark hair and eyes which seemed to look right through me as she got closer. She was beautiful, there was no doubt, but every ounce of her appearance made it clear that she wasn’t just a pretty face.

“Mars…” I murmured.

“Reiko Tomizawa,” she said, bowing, “It is good to finally meet you, Moore-san.” She gestured to the shrine in general. “Welcome to our family shrine.”

“Well… I got your birds’ invitation,” I said, eyeing them as they continued to preen. “Phobos and Deimos, right?”

She nodded. “The names were actually chosen by Izumi. She was always an astronomy enthusiast.”

“Are they cold?” I asked, shivering a little. “Don’t they have to migrate?”

“I keep them warm here,” she said, indicating the shrine behind us. “There’s a fire. Come…”

I followed her up the stairs as she ascended. She pulled open the shrine door, and just as promised, there was a roaring fire within, burning on an altar/fireplace in the center of the room, with the smoke ascending up a chimney. The birds happily flew inside and roosted onto the rafters above us, watching quietly.

She reached down from a nearby stack of logs and added another to the flames which greedily lapped at it. Reiko sat down kneeling before the fire and encouraged me to follow suit. As I didn’t think my knees would cooperate with the traditional Japanese seiza kneeling position, she didn’t seem offended as I sat down criss-cross.

“Well…” I said, staring into the fire, feeling the warmth wash over my skin. I was grateful to peel off my jacket. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I just wanted the opportunity to see you. I expect that Izumi has already done so, and I wished to have my turn,” she said, staring intently into the flames as well. I saw that the light of the fires were reflected in her eyes, making her look even more intense. “Usagi spoke highly of you and Izumi seemed impressed with your work. I can now see why.”

I sighed. “I guess? I don’t know what kind of hero they expect me to be, especially considering the fact that I’m dealing with an identity crisis.” I looked towards her. “I’m assuming you know what my deal is? Apparently Mercury had everything on me the moment I walked into her office, so I guess you all know I’m a complete wreck.”

“Izumi can be… a bit of a… know it all…” I nodded in agreement. “And she sometimes struggles to relate to others… but she truly is a good person underneath it all. She really does mean well,” she said, a guilty smile on her face, “And yes, I was informed regarding your situation. I am sure it is a challenge.”

I scoffed. “No kidding. I have to spend Christmas with my parents when I get back to the States and I have no idea how I’m going to explain all…” I gestured to my body, “...this.”

“I can understand,” she said with a knowing nod. “Family can make things complicated.”

I tried to remember what I could about Reiko, or at least her cartoon counterpart, Rei.

“You… were raised by your grandfather, right?” I asked as I put some of the pieces together.

“He passed away a few years ago,” she said, her face suddenly empty of emotion. “He left the shrine in my care and I have devoted myself to its upkeep.”

“And… your mom…”

“Gone,” she confirmed, “When I was a child. My father is serving in the Diet as part of the Japanese government. We don’t speak much.” She sighed. “I understand what it means to go against the wishes of your family. My father all but begged me to abandon the shrine and work for him. He said that the death of my mother had been holding me back and I shouldn’t let the loss of my grandfather do the same.”

“Yikes,” I said, gripping my knees.

“Of course I knew better,” she snorted, “I knew that I was beginning to leave the reasonable marrying age and my use to him was waning. I was certain that he had some young man he wanted me to pair up with to further his career. He wanted me back so that he could use me, nothing more. If I continued on my path, I would be nothing but a political liability.” She turned to me. “I may not know all of the specifics, but you must do what is important to you. You cannot allow someone else to shape your future or tell you who you are supposed to be. Only you can determine that.”

“I get it…” I said, my vision blurring through tears, “But I’ve already lost a girlfriend over this. I don’t have anyone else to back me up.”

“You have us,” she said, putting a hand on my shoulder, “And I don’t think you are as alone as you believe yourself to be, even back in the US.”

I thought about that. There was Batwoman, of course… but also others. Kyle. Jared. Casey. Riley. Hell, even Gary. How long had it been since I reached out to my old friends? Would they still be there for me if I got in touch? Would they forgive me? Would they accept the new me? I had no way of knowing unless...

Almost as if reading my mind, she said. “You may upset people… but you might connect with them too. People can surprise you, if you give them the chance.”

I considered that. “I… thank you… I guess… I should at least give my parents… and my friends… a shot at seeing the real me?”

“And if they cannot accept you, then that is their failing,” she replied, nodding, “And there will always be others to accept the real you. Not out of obligation, but out of genuine love.”

“… but there’s so much hate out there,” I said, shivering as I scooted a little closer to the flame. “My girlfriend called me some really awful stuff. And my parents… they’ve said some really ugly things about ‘the gays’. And their religion tells them that hate is all okay. I… I’m not certain that I believe in God… at least not the way that they do… but I can’t help but feel like I might be doing something morally wrong.”

“Let me speak from the experience of four years of Catholic education and years of training as a Shinto priestess. While the Bible and a whole host of other religious books have a great deal to say about what is and isn’t sin… I think the worst sin you can commit is to lie about who you are,” she said, her voice steady, “The Bible has a great deal to say about lies. And one of the punishments for lying is that we learn to believe those lies. We take from ourselves the ability to discern truth. Tell me… what is your truth?”

I stared into the flame for a long while. “I’m a woman… I’m a Sailor Scout… and I’m a hero…” 

She nodded. “Hold to that truth and let it guide you. You will find your path forward through it.”

“Hmmm…” I fell silent, turning back to the crackling flame. “I have to admit… so far, you’re not how I imagined you would be. I mean, yeah, it makes sense that Ami became a CEO or something and you’re still keeping the family shrine… but I guess I would have expected you to be more… active? Like, still doing the hero thing?”

“I will, from time to time, ‘suit up’ and banish a demon, when the time calls for it,” she said, a little reproachfully, “But as I’ve grown up, I have learned that there are more ways to make the world a better place than setting parts of it ablaze. Let me be clear,” she turned to me with her whole body, “I am not Rei Hino. She is not Ami Mizuno. There is no Aino Minako, Matoko Kino, Usagi Tsukino or Mamoru Chiba. Yes, the broad strokes of our journeys have been told through comics and cartoons, but we are, first and foremost, people. We have lives outside the episodic and action-packed. We have hobbies, we have dreams, we have lovers… and you are not just Sailor Moon. You are your own person.” Her gaze on me was firm. “Your story is more than the monsters you fight or the powers you wield. It is who you are that makes all the difference.”

I sniffed. “I… I’m still trying to figure out what that looks like.”

Reiko nodded as she rose to her feet. “Well the good news is that you have friends to help you discover that.” Her birds stirred slightly, and she nodded as if expecting their reaction, She offered a hand which I graciously accepted. “Come… you have someone else who is expecting you…”

I blinked and shouldered my coat back on as she led me back outside. Stepping back into the winter chill was unpleasant, but somehow, just by meeting with Mars like this, I felt a little warmer in spite of it.

Waiting by the end of the steps was a woman with long, blonde hair, waving eagerly to the two of us. She was dressed in a fashionable, orange puffy coat, under which she wore a white sweater, striped skirt and dark leggings, with red boots on her feet. “Hello ladies!” she said, in  enthusiastic English.

She gleefully ascended the steps in leaps and bounds and wrapped her arms around me in an impressive hug. “Oh my goodness! Look at you!” she squealed, nearly crushing me in her arms before letting me go. “You look incredible! And you’ve only had the brooch for how long now?”

“Half a year?” I said, bewildered by how familiar this girl was acting. Who was she? If I hadn’t already met her, I would have assumed that she was Sailor Moon. The cheerful attitude and dyed blonde hair seemed to point in that direction.

She pulled away, examining me carefully. She was, like the rest of the Sailor Scouts, very pretty, but this was the realm of honest to goodness celebrity-grade looks. Her makeup, her outfit and her smile all looked like they belonged on a magazine cover. But as she spoke, there was also an honesty that seemed to shine beneath superficial appearances.

“Let her breathe, Mina,” said Reiko, a little reproachfully, “You’re going to kill the poor girl.”

“Oh come on,” she pouted, “She’s tough… besides, you gotta let me take her out! Look at her!” she gestured to me with the wave of her hands. “She needs help and you and I both know I’m the one to offer it.”

“I… suppose, but please try to be considerate of her feelings, okay?” she said, crossing her arms. “Don’t go overboard.”

“I will,” she said with a solemn nod. She stepped closer so they were face to face. “Do you want to come?”

“I can’t ,” she said, shaking her head, “Sorry, I’ve got a ceremony this afternoon that I need to prepare for. I’ll see you for dinner, okay?”

“Right,” she said with a nod, “I’ll see you then.”

There was a brief pause between them before the two of them drew together and shared a brief kiss.

“Love you,” said Mina, grinning wide.

Reiko blushed a little, but smiled all the same. “See you later.”

Without even giving me a moment to process what I had just witnessed, Mina grabbed my hand and dragged me away.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said, back in English, dragging me along out of the shrine. “Shooting took forever and when the director gets in one of those moods, it just ends up being take after take after take until he finally lets us go.” She groaned. “That’s the life, you know?”

“Uh…” I said, trying to escape from her grip and keep pace. “Not to be rude or anything, but… uh… who are you?”

“Really?” she said, turning around to face me, shocked. “You honestly don’t know?” She sighed, shaking her head, “I seriously need to talk to my agent. I’m not getting any kind of recognition in the United States market…”

“Sorry?” I said, unsure how to respond.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, waving it away, “Let’s just get to my car and we can make all of the introductions…”

As we rounded the corner away from the shrine, there was a vibrantly red sports car gleaming as it was parked next to the road. Mina took out her keys to unlock it and slid into the driver’s seat on the right side. Briefly confused by the adjustment, I circled around the car and opened the passenger seat on the left side.

My seat was already occupied by a particularly fat, white cat lounging in it.

“Artemis! Get out of her seat!” said Mina indignantly as she nudged the cat.

The cat grumbled in a very human way as it moved. “I get it, I get it. Quit your bitching.” It was a little upsetting to hear such a deep and resonant voice come from such a small cat. It hopped into the small seats at the back of the car.

“Sorry…” she said to me apologetically before turning back to her talking cat, “I swear if you keep acting like this, I’m getting you fixed, mister,” she snapped.

“Try it, and I shred every single stitch of clothes you own and I shit in each and every one of your shoes,” snapped the cat, clearly unthreatened.

In spite of everything that I had experienced so far, I had to admit that the talking cat was a very unsettling development. I gingerly settled into the seat, blinking in disbelief at what had just happened.

“Okay,” said Mina, clapping her hands, “Let’s get you to Harajuku and get you into some decent clothes!”

I looked at her carefully, “Wait… you’re taking me clothes shopping?”

“I mean, probably picking up some makeup too,” she said, starting up the car and pulling out, “Maybe some decent shoes… we’ll keep our options open…”

“I… uh… thank you?” I said, blinking in disbelief.

“Don’t even worry about it, sweetheart. It’s the very best way to welcome you to Japan,” she said, smiling.

“So…” I said, gathering my thoughts together. “You’re Minako? Or Mina? Or…”

“Minami Fukami,” she said, winking to me, “Nationally beloved actress, starring in such unforgettable films as C’est La Vie, Sheer Heart Attack or Her Codename Was Sailor V!”

“Wait… you’re Sailor Venus…” I said, frowning. “I mean… given the name and the white talking cat…”

“Uh huh!” she said giddily.

“So that means you used to be an independent hero as Sailor V, right?” I said, frowning deeper.

“Yep!”

“I actually saw the Sailor V movie,” I said, blinking in disbelief as I remembered watching the movie ages ago. “That was you playing V in the movie. So… just to be clear… you were playing yourself?!”

“Well what did you expect me to do?” she said in outrage, “They were planning to give the role to that whore Mio Kuroki! Did they seriously think that a cow like her could fit into my outfit!?”

“And… that’s really Artemis?” I said, pointing over my shoulder.

“No autographs,” grumbled the cat.

“And… you and Reiko are… uh… together?” I said, blushing.

“I mean…” she said, rolling her head indecisively. “Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of boys I could be having fun with…and have… but Rei-chan is…” she sighed. “She’s stable. She’s home. We’ve been through all of this shit and we’re still friends and everything. I mean, last year we were both single, hanging out, the sake started to flow and we got comfortable together and then she took off…”

Mina broke off, blushing furiously as she realized what she was saying. “The point is, that I’m not all that concerned about what other people think. We love each other, and that’s what matters.”

“Have you two… had to hide it? Being together? I could imagine that it would be kind of a scandal if it got out,” I asked, watching her carefully. I had no idea what lesbian relationships were supposed to look like.

“I mean… we’ve gone to events together,” she said, shrugging, “Movie premieres, fashion shows, that kind of thing. If people ask, I tell them we’re friends. People just sort of draw their own conclusions. It’s not like marriage is even legal for us here anyway, so we’re just sort of stuck in limbo until Japan gets its head out of its ass.” She scowled. “Besides, fuck what other people think love is ‘supposed’ to look like. It’s ours and we wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.”

“So… both you and Mars… and Uranus and Neptune?” I said, my head spinning with the realization that the Sailor Scouts were much more gay than I expected.

“Pluto, too,” said Mina, rounding a corner. “I mean, the three of them got rings, moved in together and started raising a child together, what else are you going to call it?”

“So… they’re a… what’s the word… thruple?” I said, realizing the implications.

“Pretty much,” said Mina, “Again… we try not to get too sidetracked by labels. We just sort of do us.” She slowed down as we began to get into traffic. “Shit… parking is always such a goddamn nightmare around here…”

“Are we going to even find anything that can fit me?” I asked, gesturing to my rather lanky form. “I’m kind of a head taller than everyone else around.”

“Meh… if I can find clothes for Mako-chan, you’d better believe that I can find clothes for you too,” she said, waving it aside. “Besides, this is Harajuku, the beating heart of fashion in Tokyo. They have damn near everything here… let’s go.”

She managed to maneuver the car to an open parking garage and we were able to finally leave and explore Harajuku together. Artemis was insistent on staying in the car, so Mina made sure to leave him with a blanket to keep warm and ensure that they were parked in a sunbeam for his enjoyment.

Harajuku was a sprawling mass of stores as far as the eye could see, but the biggest attraction was definitely the people and how they were dressed. While the rest of Japan tended to be fairly reserved, this was where people were able to more fully express themselves.

Gothic lolitas and hardcore punks, colorful kawaii enthusiasts and monochrome visual kei fans, gaudy ganguro and reserved neotraditionalists… all of them side by side in painting a vibrant fashion spectrum.

“C'est magnifique,” sighed Mina, “It’s been way too long…” She took hold of my hand again. “Here… let’s take you to the same place I shop for Mako-Chan.”

She led me through the crowds, collecting us a number of stares as we pressed through. I heard in passing, people mentioning her name and asking who “that other girl” was. I heard at least one pair of school girls wondering aloud if we were lovers but I had been dragged out of earshot before I could correct that assumption.

In the end, Mina brought us into a cozy little shop nestled in one of the twisting alleyways. The sign read, BROBDINGNAG in large, intimidating English lettering. Inside, there were some impressively tall mannequins and equally tall staff who were more than polite in offering to properly size me. Mina, to her credit, refused to let me pay for anything and said that anything we purchased on this trip was a gift.

Scanning the racks, there were a number of different styles and fashions, and the more I considered them the more than I realized how thoroughly I was out of my element. I had never been particularly interested in fashion even before my transformation. And here I was being dropped headfirst into the deep end without anything to hold onto.

Mina seemed to notice this and nodded to me as she pulled a long white sundress off of the rack. “How about this?”

“Uh…” I blinked at it. “Sure, I can-“

“Nope.”

She put it back on the rack and moved on. She held up a black, almost scandalously short party dress on a hanger. “How about this?” she said, shaking it a little as she held it aloft.

“Um… okay?” I said, gesturing helplessly. “What-“

“Nope, wrong again,” she sighed, putting it back on the rack.

“Okay,” I said, frowning at Mina as I put my hands on my hips. “What the hell is going on here?”

Mina turned to look at me seriously. “You need to speak up. You need to find your own look. Not the one handed to you, but the one you have inside yourself.” She gestured to the racks. “You can’t just agree to stuff that’s given to you. You need to find the clothes that speak to you. The ones that call your name. I want something that sparks a fire. Something that you can fall in love with.” She pointed to me. “I can tell you’re mad and upset… use it. Channel those feelings and answer the question: who are you and how do your clothes tell that story?”

I thought about that. It occurred to me that I had spent so much time focusing on just having a woman’s body and acting like a woman, that I never really thought about what kind of woman I wanted to be. They weren’t a monolith, obviously, considering I had already met three different women today that were vastly different from one another.

Find the clothes that speak to you… the ones that call your name.

Fuck… I technically didn’t even have a name. I mean, I had the name on my passport, but that wasn’t me. I hadn’t really decided on what I wanted to be called as a woman.

“I don’t know who I am…” I said softly, “I don’t know what my story is or what kind of style I have. I feel like I was just sort of dropped into the middle of the game without knowing any of the rules.”

Mina nodded to me. “That’s fine… so let’s start with this… who do you want to be?”

I pressed a finger to my lips thoughtfully. Well, for a start, I wanted to be Sailor Moon. I always had. But that raised the question of who Sailor Moon even was to me. Was it the fictional girl on the pages of the manga or on the screen of the anime? Was it the real girl who had taken on the mantle of Sailor Moon? (Someone I clearly didn’t know as well as I thought I did) Or was it some kind of idealized Sailor Moon who only existed in my head?

The third one felt more accurate, which led me down the process of trying to figure out who that Sailor Moon ought to be.

For a start, she wasn’t exactly the stereotypical girly girl. Sure, she liked to be fashionable and look good, but she wasn’t just some boy-crazy bimbo. She was kind of a dork, too. She played video games, she read comics, she was a hopeless romantic, she leapt first without looking… 

And, the more I thought about her, the more I realized how much we had in common. We were both determined, we had strong senses of justice, we both were idealists who wanted to change the world.

As the picture took shape, I began to pick stuff off of the shelves. A pair of jeans, a colorful top, a cute t-shirt, a blouse, a vest, a skirt, a sweater… and eventually, after trial and error and careful fitting, I found that I had effectively built a wardrobe.

It was going to take both of our efforts to carry the bags, but it was worth the feeling of accomplishment I now had. The mirror was now showing a girl that I felt more comfortable inhabiting. I left my old clothes in one of the shopping bags and wore my new purchases.

The sweater I was now wearing was fairly long and loose-fitting, with a series pastel pink stripes on white. The jeans, by contrast, hugged my legs fantastically and showed a distinctly feminine shape. The boots were a hair's breadth away from being outright combat boots, but the pink laces were definitely not military issue. I openly wore the brooch around my slender neck, no longer afraid of showing the world who I was. It made a good fashion accessory and people would just assume it was a replica, right?

“There we go,” said Mina, nodding over my shoulder, peering through the curtain into the fitting room, “that’s what we’re looking for.”

I frowned a little at my face. “It’s close… but it needs a little more.” I turned back to Mina. “Is there any place I could get my ears pierced nearby? And maybe get my hair done?”

By the time lunch announced itself with the ravenous growling of my stomach, I was exhausted. We had needed to make multiple trips back and forth to Mina’s car just to deal with all the purchases I had made, but I was happy with the clothes that would reflect the new me.

I gingerly tugged at the earrings now hanging from my lobes. They had the perfect studs to fill them in, with little silver crescent moons on them. My ears were still tender from the procedure, but I couldn’t argue with the results.

A lock of curly hair, with a pink highlighted streak dyed into it, fell into my vision which I was forced to push out of the way. A perm, combined with some selected pink highlights embedded into my blonde waves really did a lot to show off the changes that were moving through me.

I smacked my lips a little self-consciously as I tried not to muss up my new makeup. It was fairly light and subtle, but I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to get some vivid shade of scarlet lipstick. The stylist had done a pretty good job of explaining the process too, and now that I had a fully stocked makeup bag under my arm, I was beginning to feel like I could do this for myself in the future.

The whole look was fairly feminine, but definitely with an undercurrent of rebellion. I was going to be a girl, but it was on my terms.

“Damn…” said Mina, whistling in appreciation, “Not bad. Seriously… I barely recognize you.”

I smiled wide as we walked back to her car for what I hoped was the last time for the day. “It’s been amazing, Mina, really… but right now, what I really want is some food and to just get some rest. I’m still a little jet-lagged from the trip over here.”

“Fair enough,” she said, nodding. “I actually got the perfect place for us to get some food.”

I slid into the passenger seat of her car as she unlocked it. Somewhere in the piles of shopping bags, Artemis meowed in irritation. “Please tell me you’re done. I’m going to get crushed under all this shit.”

“We’re done, Artie,” said Mina, sliding into the driver’s seat, “We’re just going to go grab some food, yeah?”

“Great…” purred the cat, “because if you didn’t feed me in the next ten minutes, I was going to start chewing on these camisoles.”

As Mina put the car in drive, and began to back up, I looked at her expectantly. “So where are we going?”

She smiled. “An old friend’s place.”

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