Chapter 4: Chapter 2.1: Winter Song

TW: Stalker

……

Over the next few days, the boy who answered to the name of Cardin Rasheville slowly recovered. The lacerations on his arms, though still an angry red on the creamy skin, were healing well. As he regained his strength, he started exploring the house. Keary, who had been very used to living on his own, grew fond of seeing the fair head popping up when he least expected it. Far from finding it unpleasant, Keary enjoyed the boy’s company, but things were getting rather… difficult. 

First, there was the matter of the topic of conversations. Both Keary and Cardin had too many questions about Cardin’s past to which there were no answers to be had. Mikka had continued the search, but to no avail. One would think that it would be easy to track down wealthy French foreigners visiting or residing in the country, but it was as if any records or information pertaining to this one specific boy had been wiped off the entire Internet, on both the surface- and the deep-web. Keary’s gut told him that something was off here, but with nothing else to go on, coupled with Cardin’s unmistakably honest confusion and distress each time the subject came up, he simply began avoiding the topic, and spoke about other things instead. Besides, he might have to trade personal information in such a conversation, and his own background wasn’t something he was too keen to talk about either at this point. 

The second, bigger, and more immediate problem for Keary was that he was growing increasingly… frustrated. Cardin didn’t seem to have any notion of how beautiful he was, and whenever they were together, Keary would catch himself staring, captivated, at every move the boy made. His trim frame, his angelic face, his lilting tenor, and his endearing manner of speaking, all had Keary enthralled. 

As much as he yearned to reach out and touch the golden-haired boy, part of him deep down blanched at the thought. There was an innocence in the cerulean eyes that kept Keary in check, an innocence that he found himself yearning to preserve and protect. There was nothing to be done about his own past; he was a lost cause, tainted and sullied by the decisions he had chosen for himself. But to bring that darkness into the life of this beautiful boy… that was something Keary was firmly resolved never to do. 

But, oh god, how sorely that resolution was being tested. Every. Single. Day. And it didn’t help at all that now Cardin was moving about more instead of staying immobile and recuperating in bed—Keary’s bed—he had to borrow Keary’s clothes, since he only had the one set to his name. Watching the blonde boy pad around the heated indoors in the shirts that were a couple of sizes too big for him, Keary had to desperately push away inappropriate fantasies of undressing him to reveal the delicious lithe white body underneath. 

He wanted him to stay. Somewhere along the course of the last few days, Keary had realised that he wasn’t ready to let go of this fascinating visitor, not just yet. He didn’t want to unplug the stops to find this boy’s family, because he wasn’t willing to watch him walk out of his life. Not just yet. 

But… how long could he keep his distance like this? Just knowing that Cardin was walking around in his clothes, sleeping soundly in his house, in his bed… 

Keary dropped his face into his hands and groaned. 

“Keary?” a voice asked worriedly. 

The dark-haired boy leapt to his feet, face burning. “I didn’t hear you come in.” 

Cardin peered up at him with concerned blue eyes, golden hair tucked behind one ear. “Are you alright? Your face is all red.” 

“I’m fine.” Keary hastily grabbed the jackets that were lying nearby and tossed one to Cardin. “Come on. We’re going shopping.” 

……

As they took the easy walk down the hill and through the neighbourhood towards the shops, Cardin realised just how secluded Keary’s house was. While most of the other houses lined up in rows or clustered close together, his stood apart. Cardin commented on this aloud. 

Keary replied, “The previous owners of the house had their own reasons for wanting privacy, and I can’t say I don’t appreciate it. The neighbours pretty much mind their own business.” He turned to Cardin, the shadow of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Unless, maybe, if you scream loud enough…”  

Cardin’s heart skipped a beat and he quickly averted his face to hide the blush he knew was creeping up his neck, suddenly glad for the cover granted him by the borrowed winter clothing. 

He had come to appreciate the time that he spent with Keary. The older boy’s dry sense of humour made him laugh. Keary had a careless elegance and grace that made Cardin extremely self-conscious, but he knew that his host was doing his best to make him comfortable. 

Keary had insisted that Cardin continue to occupy the master bedroom, while he himself stretched out on the couch at night. A small library had also materialised in the living room a day after Cardin had been strong enough to move around, and the blonde had been helping himself to the books with Keary’s permission. Each of them had a name printed neatly on the first page: Talia. 

An ex-lover? Cardin couldn’t help but wonder as he flipped through the yellowed pages. Where is she now? Keary had merely shrugged when Cardin asked about her. Seems like he doesn’t know either. 

Regardless, he knew he couldn’t keep freeloading off Keary’s kindness and hospitality like this. He had to find his own family, and get back to them as soon as possible. 

Cardin’s thoughts shifted as they turned onto the main street. Lights and baubles hung from the streetlamps and trees, decorating the stretches of shophouses and the square. What was the occasion? 

Right… Christmas Day. A time to be with family. 

“They’re beautiful when they’re lit up at night.” Keary said, watching his companion observe the decorations. “Things can get quite festive here. People like having reasons to celebrate.” He took Cardin’s hand in his own warm one, and the boy started out of his reverie, but all Keary did was lead him to one of the doors. 

“In here. There are some things we need to get for you.” 

It was a clothing store. Keary made Cardin pick out a few pieces that he could wear indoors, and after making sure they fit, he also insisted on getting Cardin apparel for the cold season. 

“But… I don’t have any money on me…” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Keary waved a nonchalant hand as he paid for the purchases. “Now, if you can just take these…” He stuffed the bundle of paper bags into Cardin’s arms to interrupt any remaining protests. 

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They made a couple more stops to buy other necessities for Cardin, then paid a visit to the supermarket (“I don’t really cook, but I guess there’s no harm stocking up in case it snows too heavily and the delivery men can’t reach us,” Keary said, loading the cart with pre-made food packets as Cardin looked on with alarm. Was it even possible to eat that much curry??) and a furniture store, where Keary ordered a new mattress (“Since you’ll be taking my bed,” he winked, and Cardin sputtered and blushed). Laden with bags, they started trundling back through the snow when Cardin suddenly stopped. 

“What’s this?” 

Keary halted. “It’s a notice board. Housing and room rentals, jobs, cram school tutors…” He followed the cerulean gaze. 

Ah. The Lost Persons section. 

There were only two sheets of paper pinned there. Somebody was looking for an 8-month-old shiba-inu named Mochi, and the other poster had a picture of a blue-and-white budgie. 

Cardin turned to Keary. “As soon as I regain my memories and find my family… I’ll pay you back for all of this.” His mouth was set in a determined line. “Everything.” 

Keary looked down at him, silver gaze gentle. “There’s really no rush. You can stay as long as you like.” Softly, he reached out and brushed a lock of golden hair out of Cardin’s eyes, tucking it behind his ear. 

The warm touch of Keary’s fingers lingered, making Cardin swallow, but before the blue-eyed boy could find a response, his dark-haired companion had already started making his way down the street again. 

……

After that, Cardin found excuses to get out of the house to check the notice board everyday without fail. He was worried that the older boy would tell him it was useless, and to give up, but Keary didn’t try to stop him. In fact, he gave Cardin errands to run that would take him to the shops, passing him the solitary set of house keys without hesitation. And when Cardin got back, there would always be a bowl of hot, comforting food or soup waiting for him. It was as if Keary already knew what he would find: 

Absolutely nothing. 

Christmas Day had come and gone. This evening, it seemed that Mochi the shiba pup had been found. Its picture had been taken down and replaced by a 3-year-old ginger cat. The budgie had disappeared from the board a couple of days ago. But nobody was looking for a blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy. 

Cardin sighed. How can I have no family? It isn’t possible. Everybody has to be born to someone, a mother, at least. Why aren’t they looking for me? 

He tried hard to recall the incidents of the night he had been found by Keary. He could remember running through the snow… the fear… someone had been chasing him… But who? And why? 

I had something that they wanted… Something they couldn’t afford to let me deliver… 

He remembered clutching that something tightly in his hand. It had been small, and slippery from the blood that ran down his arms, and he had been afraid to drop it as his hands grew numb from the cold. 

What was it… What was it…? 

“That will be 50 dollars please, sir.” 

Cardin’s eyes flew open as he jolted back to the present, the evasive memories flowing out of his grasp once again as he found himself at the cashier, clutching a snow rake Keary had asked him to buy. Caught unprepared, he fumbled in his pockets for the money. 

Stepping out the shop with the newly acquired rake, he started the long walk back home. His mind was so preoccupied with trying to retrieve his lost memories that it took him some time to realise that he was being followed. 

To be fair to the stalker, Cardin had been so deep in thought that he probably wouldn’t have noticed, except that he tripped over the handle of the rake and dropped it on the sidewalk. When he bent to pick it up, he happened to look around, and saw a hooded man in a black coat quickly move to lean against a wall, turning his head to seem as if he was looking the other way. 

That was very odd behaviour for a person who had just seen someone right ahead of him drop his belongings. The average passer-by would have rushed forward to help, or just kept on walking. Pretending not to notice, Cardin began walking again, and his fears were confirmed when the stranger in black started after him. 

Alarmed, Cardin thought of how dark and deserted the lane up to the house would be at this time of the evening, and decided to cross the road and head back to the shops. Even if he didn't know anybody, at least there would be more people there, and he might be able to lose his tail in a crowd. He contemplated looking for a payphone to call Keary, but realised he didn’t have his host’s number. 

The man tailing him was persistent, and the end of the row was just up ahead. Cardin began to panic, his footsteps hastening. He heard the man behind speed up to keep pace. 

At this rate, I just might have to confront him. But will it be safe? He might have a weapon on him, and all I have is… this snow rake. He took a breath. Better to do it here where others are around to help, than alone on that hill. 

His hands tightened on the pole of the rake, but just as he whipped about, ready to face the stalker, a long arm grabbed him around the shoulders and a voice called out: 

“Yo, Benny, there you are! We’ve been wondering where you’ve been! Did you get lost or something?” 

Startled, Cardin tensed. “Wha—" He looked up at the tall, red-haired man who was grinning down at him. “I’m not—” 

“Just play along. He won’t dare to do anything to you as long as you’re with company,” the man said under his breath. Then, loudly, “Come on, everyone’s been waiting for you! Mikka’s starving and raising hell.” Half-dragging Cardin, he bundled him through a nearby door into a café. 

……

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