Chapter 5: Chapter 5

1 Year Earlier

“This is getting ridiculous,” thought Devin.

It has only been the first week of summer vacation and he’s already read 2 TG stories. And now that he’s found out about Scribblehub he has a whole host of new ones to read.

“I need to stop this.” He thought.

At this point going on a website to read a gender bender story was almost second nature to him. Like a drug addiction he couldn’t stop. Thankfully no one knew about this obsession of his. No one actually goes out in public and says “Hey, have you ever read one of those online stories where a man becomes a woman and has some wacky adventures?” It’s probably a good thing that not even the most viciously bigoted people know that sites like Fictionmania and TG Storytime exist. They’d have a fucking field day if they did.

“These stories are sexist”, he told himself. “It’s wrong to like them.”

“But all stories are sexist”, another part of his mind said. “What about those romance novels where the weak, vulnerable woman falls in love with a strong man that always protects her and takes care of her? That’s pretty sexist.”

That did make some sense to Devin. He hadn’t really considered-

“No”, he thought. “This is not okay. I need to stop reading these things.”

He had enough of constantly going on sites like Fictionmania, TG Storytime, BigCloset, and now Scribblehub. These sites held him hostage like a slave. This obsession has gone far enough. It needs to end.

Something caught his eye.

A new story on TG Storytime called “changeday 中國” by a user named liuzixuan.

It seems very strange. He can’t help but check it out.

***

Devin couldn’t say anything. He could only stand there, paralyzed in fear.

“Dumbass”, he thought to himself, “Why the hell did you forget to close the tab?”

Devin had been getting more careless with his computer, and he’s already had some pretty close calls with his parents. Last night, he had a tab of the TG Storytime site open, and he forgot to close it. Even when he woke up.

It was especially frustrating because Devin had been trying to leave TG Storytime for good. It had become too much of a habit for him to go there. After the huge drama that happened the year before, he made a vow to eventually stop using the site permanently. It had only partially worked. It seemed like he was phasing out of it, but apparently not fast enough. Though to be fair, if he had been stuck on a tab of any of the other sites, nothing would’ve been better.

“Idiot”, he thought. “Fucking idiot what the hell is wrong with you?”

“Devin.” Elise spoke up. “What’s going on?”

“What’s going on, indeed”, Devin thought. He wasn’t very interested in answering the question.

“Devin-”

“NOTHING!” He immediately responded. “NOTHING! AT! ALL!”

“I’m tired of these answers.” Elise said, somewhat sternly. “Like, you don’t tell me anything anymore. Everyone knows there’s something wrong with you and you just don’t tell anyone. I’m tired of it. Tell me what’s going on, Devin. Please.”

Devin looked down at the ground. He had let her know. He had let his guard down and she knew all about his perversion. Now she knew how disgusting he really was. Worst of all, Sierra was inside him being very giddy about the whole thing.

“What are you hiding from me?” Elise asked in a saddened tone.

Devin looked back up at Elise. Her face was full of concern. She almost seemed affectionate. And truthfully that was what she was trying to be.

Elise knew that this situation had to be very difficult for Devin, or whatever name he or she calls themselves now. But it was difficult for her too. Devin had been hiding so much from her these days. She just wanted some answers.

“Okay.” Devin said. “This is going to be hard to accept.”

Devin proceeded to take his sweatshirt off. Underneath was a t-shirt, and visible bra straps, and visible breasts. Elise suddenly widened her eyes. It shouldn’t have been that surprising. She had already figured out that Devin looked like a girl, and apparently went on a website for Transgender Fiction, so it wasn’t hard to deduce the reason why he was wearing sweatshirts all the time. But just seeing her boyfriend with breasts was enough to shock her no matter what. They weren’t very big but they were still… there.

“Devin, why do you have boobs?”

Devin didn’t know how to answer that. He could’ve said “It’s Sierra, she’s in my mind making me do these fucked up things”, but he didn’t want to sound insane. He was going to have to come clean to her. He didn’t need to tell her he was trans, “which I’m not”, he thought, but he did need to tell her about the hormones.

“I’ve been, uh, taking some pills.” He said softly.

“I can see that.” Elise replied.

They both stared at each other for a while.

“Do your parents know?” Elise asked him.

“No.”

“You didn’t tell your parents!?”

“They wouldn’t give me them! I knew they wouldn’t! No matter how many times I ask them!”

“Devin, you can’t just NOT tell them these things.”

You are reading story Shame and Desire at novel35.com

“Yes I can!” He said. “I don’t need to tell them everything. I don’t need to tell anyone everything!”

“Even me!?” Elise said. “What about me? You didn’t tell me about this. Why? Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t know how you’d react! I’m sorry, okay?”

The two continued to stare at each other for a while.

“So, you’re trans?” Elise asked Devin.

“No.” Devin replied sternly.

“But, but… you’re taking pills to grow boobs! How are you not trans!?”

“Because I’m not!” He yelled. “I just have some weird kinks okay? I deal with them just fine.”

“Are you sure you’re dealing with them fine? I don’t think you are.”

“I am.”

Elise looked at Devin’s face, which looked full of so many emotions she couldn’t identify. She didn’t want to continue the conversation, but it wasn’t like there was much else she could do.

“What is this?” Elise pointed at the computer.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This site! Devin, what is it?”

Devin looked in her eyes very seriously. “A site no one like you should know about.”

“What are you talking about?”

Devin didn’t want to get into the details. That would take too long. But it was important that she knew that this site was NOT for her. It wasn’t for people like her. It was for people into gender bending content. Trans people. And some other groups of people. A person like her had no business knowing about it. If she did, she would freak out and call him sexist. And then probably write some insanely bigoted manifesto.

“Assuming what she would do now huh?” His mind said. “Trying to make her out to be the bad guy. Some boyfriend you are.”

“It’s just a site. One of those sites where people write, uh, gender bender stories and post them online.”

“There’s MORE of these?”

“Shit, should’ve left that part out. Well done”, he thought.

“Yeah, there’s more of them.” He said.

“Well, this one doesn’t look like it’s been updated since like, 2010 or something.”

Devin raised his head and looked at the site. He hadn’t noticed that before. He was too taken back by the site looking more modern than Fictionmania at all. But now that he was seeing it, he couldn’t deny it. The site really did look like something out of the late 2000s or early 2010s.

“What’s this?” Elise asked.

“Uh, it’s the 25 most popular stories on the site. Or something like that. The site has a system where users can favorite a story, and these are the 25 stories with the most favorites.”

“I was asking about the stories.”

“What is she getting at?” Devin thought.

“Umm, what do you mean?” He asked.

“Have you read them?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, are they good?” She asked.

“You… you can’t actually want to read these.” He said.

“Well, you’ve been hiding all this from me. What can I say? You’ve piqued my curiosity.”

He could not believe what he was hearing. She wanted to read these stories. Something must be wrong. Besides, she wouldn’t like them. She’d think they were offensive.

Devin gulped. “You won’t like them. They’re sexist.”

To his surprise, Elise laughed. “Everything’s sexist. You’re already living some crazy secret life you’re not telling anyone about. I just want to learn about it. You’ve been hiding so much…” Her voice trailed off.

Devin stood there for a while. He eventually sighed. It didn’t look like she was going to relent anytime soon. He might as well get this over with.

“Just… try to have an open mind. People like you… they can get really worked up about this kind of stuff.”

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