Chapter 4: Chapter 4

8 Months Earlier

“Come on Devin, we’re going to be late!” Elise yelled.

Devin ran from his mirror and quickly got to the car. He had specifically picked his suit based on Elise’s wishes. He had never been to a homecoming dance before, and probably would’ve blown off finding an outfit if it weren’t for her. He wanted to make this night very special for her. He wasn’t going to let Elise down, no matter what mental crisis he was in.

“Sorry I was just…” Devin started. “Never mind, we better get going. You look stunning by the way.”

“Oh, stop it.” Elise responded playfully.

Devin smiled. He had really gone out of his way to compliment and praise the dress she had picked out. It looked so beautiful, and he was so enthralled by it. It looked so good on her. The way it complimented her figure was almost magical. He couldn’t help but wonder; what would he look like in a dress like that? Would he be as beautiful as her?

And now his mind was back to what was keeping him from coming for so long. These kinds of thoughts had been invading his mind for a while now, his whole life actually. He remembered being five years old and wondering what it would be like to have long hair. He never paid much attention to them. He was five after all, and he assumed at the time that all boys felt that way.

As he got older he realized that wasn’t the case.

Apparently boys didn’t typically wonder what wearing girl’s clothes would be like. And most of them didn’t find the thought of wearing them very appealing. To Devin this discovery broke his mind. He didn’t tell anyone about it. He kept all this to himself.

When puberty hit, it seemed as if Devin was in some kind of negative trance. It was as if no matter what he did, he could never be truly happy or fulfilled. Every single moment was clouded by some kind of dark fog. It was hard to think of his life as his own.

Essentially he was on autopilot. Nothing made him feel anything. Even when he masterbated every day, he didn’t really feel anything. It was more just a way for him to satiate his addiction. It was pitiful really. Maybe a few seconds of bliss and then it was back to nothingness.

When Elise came into his life, he could almost feel something. The love he had for her was real. And he wanted to be the best boyfriend he could possibly be. When he was around her, he felt complete… almost.

Something was missing.

And he knew it the more he gazed at her. For some reason, some part of him was jealous of her. Jealous of her dress, and jealous of how beautiful she looked. He didn’t know why he was having these thoughts.

And yet, at the same time, he did.

Devin had a thing for gender benders. He learned that after watching Ranma 1/2 for the first time when he was 12. He was enthralled by them. They really connected to him.

And so when he found Fictionmania when he was 13, it instantly became a new hobby for him.

A bunch of, frankly really weird stories about men becoming women in some way. Sometimes by being blackmailed into wearing women’s clothes and being dominated, other times by magic or some other mysterious force. He loved reading them, and they instantly replaced typical video recorded porn. A video of two people fucking didn’t do much for him, but reading about how some guy is forced to be a girl really got to him.

TG Storytime replaced Fictionmania for him, mainly due to how it didn’t look like a website stuck in the 90s. Unfortunately the site did reveal some of its rougher edges earlier in the year but that wasn’t important right now.

Throughout all his years of reading TG fiction, he had picked up on all the common trends of it. Men transform into women against their will. They never change back. Female to male transformations are much rarer, and also much less permanent. They tend to be resolved more often than not. The characters transforming also tend to be rather young. As a rule of thumb he found that it was rare to see any character 30 and older transform, provided they don’t also regress in age.

These were more general trends of course, it wasn’t like all these stories were exactly the same. But whatever ridiculous theme and premise a story threw at him, he still ate it up. Of course, if he was so into these stories then perhaps it was because… no, he didn’t want to go there.

He felt disgusted by himself. Was he actually jealous of a girl wearing a dress? Did girls even like wearing dresses for events like these? Do they actually like looking pretty? He didn’t know and was too afraid to ask. They probably didn’t. It was a lot of work and they were pressured to do this. It had to be a chore for them. And he was jealous. He actually wanted to wear a dress. He was a sick, sick person.

When they got to the school, Devin did his best to act nonchalant and he did a fairly good job. He was still going through a bit of a mental crisis, but he was able to suppress it. He did finally kiss Elise, and it felt amazing. It was a great night for her and also for him. Mostly, at least.

It was when he caught a glimpse of a lesbian couple dancing together that he instantly felt a pang of jealousy. He wanted what they had. And he couldn’t deny it. He wanted to be… Elise’s girlfriend.

The thought disgusted him to his core. He wanted to be a girlfriend. A girlfriend to someone who may not even like girls that way.

After the night was over and he went home, he sat down and stared at the mirror again. He hated looking at himself, but he simply had to. Now that no one was watching, he could finally stop the act and look as depressed as he was.

He was disgusting. He had let this fetish of his take over his actual life. And now he was imagining himself as a girl. He was becoming jealous of them. This obsession had to end.

At the same time, a realization hit him. If he was going to be a man, then he’d grow up looking like his father. In all his masculine glory.

He felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t look like that. And it wasn’t like his parents wouldn’t try to stop him from getting treatment every chance they could. It can be a long, tedious process to get there, and he couldn’t afford the wait.

No emotion but fear was in his mind as he went online and searched for T-Blockers and Estrogen. A part of his mind was screaming that this was wrong but it was overtaken by the fear. He didn’t, he COULDN’T look like a man.

***

“Um, excuse me, is something wrong?” The employee asked Devin and Elise.

Devin simply stared at the employee with a shocked expression. Did he pass? As a girl? Did he actually look like a girl? This one person seemed to think so. They thought he was a girl.

And with that, Sierra was inside him, screaming in delight. She was being recognized. After years of being trapped inside, it seemed as if she had finally come out. It took Devin a bit of effort to not start jumping and squealing in joy.

“Uh, yeah. He’s not a girl. He’s my boyfriend.” Elise told the employee.

The employee immediately widened their eyes and their face was flushed. “I- I’m so sorry, I just… what would you two like?”

Devin and Elise placed their orders and soon enough they got their food and got to a table. When Devin opened his mouth and spoke, the employee looked even more flustered than before. Hearing Devin’s deep, male voice confirmed that Devin was a guy.

Which was good, obviously, right? Devin was a guy, at least that's what he always told himself. It was just this sick part inside him that was forcing him to become a woman. He knew, inside him, Sierra was already planning a voice training schedule.

Elise was simply very confused. She knew sometimes guys can be mistaken for girls. And it’s awkward when it happens, but Devin’s reaction had been extremely unusual for the situation. He just stood there, staring at the employee with a shocked expression. He didn’t say anything or even attempt to correct them. He just stood there, seemingly in a trance. Most guys would at least correct them, which Elise had to do for him when it became apparent he wasn’t going to do it himself. Why hadn’t he?

As they sat down and ate, Sierra was continuing to push Devin. Only this time she was more relentless than she had ever been before. He had just been gendered female in public. That employee, they didn’t see him as trans, or as a girl who used to be a guy, or as some sick perverted guy with a fetish. Just a girl, and that was it. At that moment, to their knowledge Devin had been a girl his entire life (“which may very well be the case”, Sierra said inside him).

That one moment had ignited Sierra more than ever before. “Why don’t we go further?”, she said. “Let’s buy some new clothes.”

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Devin was having a hard time containing himself. He knew that the longer they stayed at the mall, the more SHE would be tempted. To push further. To even reveal herself to Elise.

Was she already revealed to Elise? She had to be right? He had just been gendered female in public. There was no way she didn’t take notice of that. And now she was probably thinking back to all their interactions and figuring out what was wrong with him.

Worst of all was that Sierra was getting very giddy at the thought of Elise finding out. Devin knew that the longer they stayed at the mall, the stronger she would get. She might even go on to buy women’s clothes.

Immediately, Devin stood up. “We have to leave.”

“Why?” Elise asked, slightly concerned. “We haven’t been here very long. Are you okay?”

“We have to go NOW.” Devin said sternly.

Flustered, Elise hesitantly agreed. The two then went up to leave the mall. Elise was now even more confused. Had being mistaken for a girl gotten to him that much? Devin was straight up panicking now. This was definitely not normal behavior.

Devin was feeling very guilty. They had just gotten to the mall and now they were leaving, all because of him. He was lucky Elise was so understanding. He didn’t deserve her.

They got into the car. Elise took the wheel again. Devin simply did the same thing he did when they were driving to the mall, stare at the window and contemplate what he was doing. Surely his weird behavior was making him stand out even more. If Elise didn’t notice anything before, she had to have noticed something now. There was no way he was getting out of her forcing him to talk about it.

That employee was only one person. Maybe more people would’ve gendered him female if he stayed. And Sierra was getting giddy again. It was time for him to stop thinking about that. Was he really that full of himself? To think that one person gendering him female meant everyone would?

Devin put his head down in shame. He was so full of conflicting emotions. He had no idea how to navigate them all. He was a wreck.

When they got to Devin’s house and walked inside, Devin was at a point where he didn’t want to deal with the world. But he wasn’t going to kick Elise out or tell her to leave. He needed her. The only way he could be comfortable was when she was around. And of course he didn’t want to be a jackass, which he probably already was since he forced Elise to drive all the way back to his house after just arriving at the mall.

“Devin, seriously, are you okay?” Elise asked.

“Yes I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong. I need to go to the bathroom.” Devin told her.

As Devin walked into the bathroom, Elise doubted his words. Obviously he wasn’t okay, and she was tired of him not telling anyone what was going on. He’d been on edge for months. What was up with him?

Elise thought back to the employee mistaking him for a girl. It couldn’t have been just that that had made him panic. It had to be something else. Something deeper.

Elise walked around the house and eventually came upon Devin’s room. She debated whether or not she should go in without him, but the door was already open so she did.

As she sat on his bed she thought back to that incident with the employee. But mainly she was thinking about why exactly it had made Devin panic like that.

A thought occurred to her as she got out her phone. She looked through all the photos of her and Devin. She knew that Devin had been looking different but she never found out what it was about him that was different.

She figured it out now.

His face looked softer. He looked gentler. He looked feminine.

Seeing him like this, Elise thought that he even looked cute. She gasped as it finally clicked in her mind.

Devin looked like a girl.

He REALLY looked like a girl. Not like some guy in drag, or some guy who people joke about as looking like a girl. He actually looked like a girl. She couldn’t not see it. And the short hair didn’t stop him from looking like a girl.

How did this happen? What was going on? Did he even know about this? Elise was deeply contemplating what she was seeing.

Then another thought hit her. “Was Devin taking hormones?”

It seemed like an absurd thing to think about. He couldn’t have actually been doing that to himself, right?

Then again, he had been wearing sweatshirts a lot. Why would he need to do something like that? Unless he was hiding something. Something like his… chest.

The thought of Devin having breasts was almost too bizarre for Elise to comprehend. And yet it seemed to be what was happening.

And it didn’t end there.

When Elise looked around the room, she saw Devin’s computer. It looked like he had left it on, and turned off sleep settings.

And forgot to close all the tabs.

One of the tabs had the words “TG Storytime: Transgender Fiction” on it.

Elise widened her eyes. There was no denying it any more. Devin was taking hormones. He had to be, if he was viewing this site. He, or she, wanted to be a girl.

“Why is he(?) hiding this from me?” Elise thought.

She felt horrible doing it, but she clicked on the tab. She hated the fact that she was snooping around his computer but the insanity of the situation was overtaking her.

“25 Most Favorite Stories”.

The first story down, “For a Girl”, the second, “Of Heroes And Villains”.

At that moment, she heard footsteps come and suddenly stop. She slowly turned her head to see Devin, clearly seeing her and the computer, and looking as if he was about to hyperventilate.

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