Chapter 9: -09- Somehow, We Wound Up Doing It in the Dungeon

We had been in the portal dungeon for about three hours. I learned a few things in that span of time, mainly that Yamasaki-san, even when complaining, is going to be necessary if I actually want to explore a portal dungeon without relying on Niku and his waifu, Juli-san. Furthermore, while Yamasaki-san and my own smart phone turned on and operated just fine, we had no signal, so browsing the internet or making a phone call was impossible.

I had made it a point of drawing cards as we continued on, and I drew that card. Yeah, that one, 「Turtle Breaking Wave」

If Niku was confident enough to show his love for Juli without anything holding him back, I could act like a chuuni for five seconds.

So, when the encounter following that card draw happened, I asked to give it a go.

“What’cha gonna do, Subaru?” Yamasaki-san asked.

“Just watch.” I replied with supreme confidence.

Selecting the Ability Card, I followed the instructions to the letter. I went through all the motions, in the most dramatic fashion, calling out each of the five syllables of that ultimate attack.

And… I almost killed us all.

So, apparently, firing off something like a ki blast uh… has recoil.

A lot of fucking recoil, actually. What, am I an American with experience firing guns? I’m a Japanese student! Japan is peaceful. Japan, banzai!

But yeah, the form of one Tendo Subaru, being launched back from his own stupidity in not adhering to otherworldly physics, had flown through the air with the Turtle Breaking Wave continually being fired by my hands all the while, causing quite a bit of damage to the surroundings of the cavern we were traveling through.

Juli-san had used her Shunpo to snatch Niku up in her arms and move him out of the line of fire. Yamasaki-san had quickly ducked out of the way as if already anticipating my fuck-up.

As for the creatures?

Got ‘em all, baby!

I spent the next few minutes apologizing to everyone for my mishap. I realized the danger of the card, and decided to seal it until I got a bit more familiar with portal dungeon physics. Maybe I should get some cleat shoes to support my body better the next time I try?

Oh, about the cards I used, like the Item card that gave Yamasaki-san the strength buff. From the moment the card was used, there was a 60-minute timer that began counting down. At the end of it, a message indicating that the card had been returned to the bottom of my active deck appeared for a brief moment.

While item cards had a 60-minute timer, both Turtle Breaking Wave and my other Ability Card, Stealth Walk had differing cooldown timers. Turtle Breaking Wave was thirty minutes long, and Stealth Walk was five minutes long.

Unless I planned to be in a dungeon for a whole day, in the case of trying my hand at going solo, it was massively inefficient to wait half an hour between uses of that monstrous attack. Though, it was entirely possible to escape the encounter with Stealth Walk instead of remaining a defenseless sitting duck. This problem would increase when my Deck inevitably grew in size, because then it would be at the bottom of my deck, and I can only draw one new card every five minutes.

There is also no limit at the moment to how many cards I can have available in my hand. At one point, I was able to draw every card in my deck, except for the Nihontou Tachi. That remained as the last card, grayed out and unselectable as long as it was in use by Juli-san.

Yamasaki-san, after a short while, called for a time out.

“How deep have you two gone in this place?” She asked Niku and Juli-san.

“We cleared it.” Niku answered.

“Cleared… it?”

“Well, past the first floor, anyway.” He added.

“Floor?”

Yamasaki-san was looking tired. She sat down and pulled out her habit from her skirt pocket and took a smoke break. Niku on the other hand, was happily sitting down with Juli-san on his lap. She was giving him a hug and I swear you could see little floating hearts above both of their heads.

I sat down next to Yamasaki-san for no other reason than to give those two some space, and because like it or not, Yamasaki-san was my partner.

“You said you had a card of me that was like a pokéyou, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How does it work?”

“I don’t know. You said you weren’t a pokéyou, so I didn’t try to use it in any way.”

“You said it had stuff like attacks, right?”

“Yeah, Slap, Stomp, and Scratch.”

“Do you think using it will make me do something?”

“Possibly? Based on what I gathered from Juli-san, it’s not a definite thing. It’s probably got something to do with our mutual trust.”

“Trust?”

“Well, if you are up against a monster and think that slapping it is the smart thing to do, and I issue a command for you to stomp on it, would you listen to me normally?”

She didn’t reply, but that didn’t stop the answer from being plain as day.

“Do I need to be fighting a monster for you to issue one of those attack commands?”

“I have no idea. Do you want to try it?”

“When I’m done.”

“Alright.”

“Look at those two.” She said, nodding her head towards the lovey-dovey couple.

“What about them?”

“No consideration.”

“You aren’t jealous…?”

“I’m horny, Subaru.”

“Eh?”

“Don’t act like this doesn’t involve you.”

“W-what does it have to do with me!?”

Yamasaki-san in one rolling motion went from sitting down to straddling me. The next thing I know, she’s using her strength to push me against the cavern wall, and while her hips are moving, she slips her tongue in my mouth and begins searching for any cavities I might have.

It was a long and deep kiss, and thanks to her bad habit it didn’t taste good at all at first. However, she’s a gyaru, and I’m a guy, and we’re in a portal dungeon, and there’s a couple across from us doing much the same, and…

The kiss breaks after a long minute.

“I’m really fucking horny, Subaru.”

“Well what do you expect me to do about it?”

She took the last drag and flicked her bad habit away.

“Hey, sex doll.” She called out to Juli-san. “We got time to fuck these losers?”

“What do you think Master and I have been doing over here all this time?” She replied back.

Yamasaki-san turned to face me. One hand pushed me against the wall, and the other undid my pants. She was able to strip me down enough that I was exposed. Then she pulled her own panties down around her knees and pressed her absolutely soaked pussy against my partner.

She was staring me dead in the eyes.

“Just let me do this, otherwise I might make a mistake.”

Mistake? How was this not the mistake!?

With her slippery skin down there acting like a soggy bun for my hotdog, she gyrated and slid up and down my partner. I wasn’t engaged in intercourse with her, but this was like the next worst thing. Well, that was only because it was Yamasaki-san.

“Squeeze my tits, Subaru.”

She said those words before forcing another deep tongue kiss on me, and I was now wholly at the mercy of this goddamn gyaru skank. I kept waiting for it, but she never took me inside of her. She was quiet, with maybe the occasional muffled breath as she kept my own tongue firmly planted in my own mouth as she invaded all of me she could.

I did grope her a little, but I was in the middle of being molested, so, sorry I couldn’t perform well. Yamasaki’s pussy might be thoroughly used, but there’s no way I can deny that physically, as a man, having it pressed against my own manhood felt deceptively good.

“Want to lose your cherry right now?” She whispered with a toxic sweetness.

“N-no.”

“I’ll give you the special privilege of being able to fuck me raw. How about it?”

“No.”

She clicked her tongue. But not for a moment did she stop sliding her groove along my length. I could feel the heat steadily rise in my loins.

“Y-Yamasaki-san…”

“You’re about to blow?”

“Y-yeah…”

She cupped her hand over the head of my cock, and told me it was fine to do it whenever. It didn’t take long after that before I couldn’t hold it anymore. I felt my spirit drain as I kept spurting out load after load into her hand. We were panting a bit together after I came, and she followed up with another long kiss.

Then she got up and whatever miserable mess I made under her skirt, I was not able to see. Instead, I saw her wipe her hand underneath her skirt, and then the rest of the sticky mess I made on the sleeve of the shirt she was wearing.

My own partner was glistening as well.

“Want me to clean you up?” She asked, but I’ve seen the DVD Niku lent me, I knew what those words meant.

“I-I’m fine!” I said in a panic, and stuffed my thing back in my pants as quickly as possible.

“Alright you two, we’re done over here.” Yamasaki-san called out, and shortly after, with what sounded like a horse grunting, the bodies of both of them began to shake violently.

“Mmmh, Master, you are the best in the whole world~”

What Yamasaki-san offered to do which I declined, Juli-san performed as if it was second nature. A sex doll using her mouth while bent over on the floor cleaning every drop of filth off of her precious Master’s tool until it was fit to be stowed away back in his pants.

Niku took a minute or two before he had the capacity to get up.

As we walked, periodically, a small amount of white liquid discharged from where Juli-san was walking only moments before. This wasn’t a one or two time occurrence, this was going on for many minutes, and even after another round of combat with the same creatures, it kept continuing.

How much did he come inside of her? I know I wasn’t the only one with that question in their mind. Yamasaki-san was the one who pointed it out in the first place, quietly, to me.

Niku was not looking as energetic as he did in the beginning, but our first foray was nearly at an end.

Ahead of us was a dark cavern that we couldn’t see into.

“That’s where the floor boss is.” Niku said while pointing. He was huffing and puffing a bit, but looked able to go on.

“You okay man?”

He gave me a momentary thumbs up while bent over and holding on to his knees.

“Tendo-san. When the floor boss is defeated, there is a panel with a return formation on it. Standing on it will take us to a safe room where we can exit back into the shop from an available portal. In the future, you’ll be able to enter from the second floor as well. We were forced onto the first floor this time because you and your partner had not yet cleared the first floor.”

“Ah, so it’s merit-based? You can’t just join another party and skip floors?” I fired off multiple questions to Juli-san.

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“That sounds about right.” She agreed.

“Is the boss difficult?”

“It’s just a stronger version of the creatures we’ve been encountering. The first floor seems to be more of a tutorial.”

“The JSDF couldn’t handle those creatures?” I asked, surprised.

“Not every portal leads to the same encounters.” She clarified.

In other words, some portals may be of a higher difficulty. That’s how it was in some of those manga, portals with rankings from F to S or even higher based on the difficulty of monsters found within. Would this be an F-ranked portal dungeon then?

“I have an item card that will give Niku a vitality boost, Juli-san.”

“Tendo-san, your cards simulate food, correct?”

“Yeah?”

Her eyes sharpened quickly.

“I will handle Master’s dietary needs.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I saluted.

Juli-san’s face softened after that.

“Shall we go in, take care of business, and hurry back home?”

 

~~**~~

 

When we stepped back through the portal, Niku was leaning heavily on Juli-san. She escorted him to his room, or their room, or whatever room he was using to crash while in the shop during non-business hours. Niku hit the bed hard, and bounced twice before settling in place. His stomach took a few extra bounces to settle after that.

“How was it… awesome… right… Subaru?”

Niku was struggling to speak. The boss fight was over fairly quickly, as Juli-san had handled it by herself. What Yamasaki-san and I did was to test how my Partner Card worked, and the result was, that without a designated target, Yamasaki-san felt the desire to perform each command on me. In other words, after issuing a command to slap without a target resulted in me getting slapped.

“Is he going to be okay, Juli-san?” I asked Niku’s waifu.

“Yes. Master recharged me fully while we were inside.”

“Recharge? You mean…?”

“Master’s skill… It’s amazing!”

“Uh, does it have to do with um, what we each did when we took a break?”

Juli-san smiled at me politely.

“Right. Uh, so it’d probably be good to see us out then, so you can tend to him. Unless you’d like a hand?”

“It would be my pleasure to see you both out, Tendo-san. Yamasaki-san. You can trust that my Master is in the very best of care.”

“I don’t doubt that one bit, Juli-san. But if the first floor wasn’t all that dangerous, why did you give me your Partner Card?”

“Until we entered and I discovered we couldn’t go anywhere as a party except the first floor, I realized my hastiness.”

“How far down did you two go?”

“Far enough to warrant giving you my partner card, Tendo-san. While I can’t give you any better explanation for your system than it can already provide you, I do hope you will continue to visit my Master often. He speaks of you fondly, as a good friend. And this goes back long before I awakened.”

“I promise I will. By the way, did you get what you wanted out of that?”

“You were aware it was unnecessary?”

“I had an idea.”

“Didn’t you see what I wanted dripping out of me all the way to the boss room? My only want in this artificial life is for my Master to see me as his number one. I don’t even mind the harem, if he wants one, only that I am above all the others.”

“You know he would be loyal and love only you.”

“Love is a complication of the living, Tendo-san. You’re only ever released from it when you’re no more.”

“Philosophy from my best friend’s Battle Maid Sex Doll?”

She winked at me.

“I believe he called me his waifu?” she said cutely, putting her finger to her bottom lip and tilting her head to the side.

“MOEEEE!!!!” I felt my heart burn passionately for Juli-san at that moment.

Out of nowhere Yamasaki-san slapped the back of my head, knocking me out of my sudden amazement for Juli-san.

“Let’s go, retard. I think if Fatty doesn’t eat some of her cooking soon, he might actually die.”

“R-right.”

I bowed at Juli-san and opened the door to the shop. Yamasaki-san right behind me stood in front of Juli-san.

“Sister sex doll, if you love ‘em, squeeze ‘em all the way.”

Yamasaki made a fist and Juli-san did the same, the two of them bumping them together.

“Good luck in your own endeavors with Tendo-san, Yamasaki-san.”

“Thanks. With that dumbass, I’ll need it.”

Oh sure, when she finally says thanks for anything, it’s to my friend’s animated sex doll. We departed Niku’s shop, and not a few steps later does Yamasaki end up dragging me into the store next door. The dagashiya.

“Welcome to the Uesugi Candy Shop!”

After entering, a few moments later a little girl with long black hair, no older than six or seven years old comes out from the back room to greet us.

“Mommy! We have customers!” She turns and yells.

A moment later, the granddaughter of the dagashiya baa-chan appears behind the counter.

“Hello Saya-neechan.”

“Hello Su-kun. The usual?”

“Ah, no, actually.”

“Popsicles?” Yamasaki-san asks her.

The little girl walks past us and towards a cooler with Ramune drinks in it. She pats the top of a while box next to it. “We’ve got ten different kinds!” She says in her best sales pitch.

“Anything pineapple flavored?” Yamasaki-san asks her.

“Uh-huh!”

The little one opens it up and pulls out a pineapple popsicle.

“Right. How much is it?” I ask Uesugi-san, pulling out my pay packet.

“200 Yen.” she says as she rings up the price on the register. “Is this your girlfriend, Su-kun?”

Yamasaki-san, being taller than me, steps behind me and puts her hands around my waist. “He won’t commit to calling me anything but Yamasaki-san. It’s rather frustrating. Why won’t you call me Shoko, Su~ba~ru~kun~”

Yamasaki-san’s acting must have appeared humorous to Uesugi-san, as she was grinning. The popsicle was paid for, and Yamasaki-san collected it from the little girl.

“Onii-chan, did you watch Masked Rider XZ on Saturday?”

“I’m sorry, I was busy shopping because of all the stuff going on. I have been keeping up though. Did Riders X and Z end up doing their unity attack?”

“Yeah!! They totally beat boss Gigasaur, who was really Takeshi!”

“Takeshi from the office?”

“Uh-huh!”

“I thought he might be a bad guy!”

“He was! Takeshi transformed into Gigasaur and nearly killed X, but then Z came in out of nowhere and crashed her motorcycle into Gigasaur’s body, blowing him away for just long enough to rescue X and they did their Unity Attack and Gigasaur went KABOOM!” She said quickly, imitating the explosion with her hands as animated as a little girl who loves tokusatsu possibly can.

“Whoa, that sounds awesome! I can’t believe I missed it!”

“Yeah. The best part was, daddy came and watched it with me!”

I stuck out my hand, and she gave it a high five. I don’t know all the details, but recently the person who was that little girl’s father had rejoined their family in some capacity.

“Did you know my Daddy’s onee-chan is Masked Rider Banchou?”

“Really?”

“I super swear it’s true!”

“But… if that’s the case, you shouldn’t tell just anyone that. A Rider keeping their identity secret is important. What if I was a bad guy?”

“Naah, you like the same cola candies my daddy does! Anyone who likes those cola candies is a good guy, I’m sure of it! Just like Author-oniichan!”

I have no idea who Author-oniichan is.

“Is that so? I guess… I should maybe… buy a couple after all. I definitely don’t want to be a bad guy!”

Another hundred yen later, I was the owner of a handful of cola candy balls. I did enjoy them a lot as a kid, so I guess it’s not a bad purchase. She definitely did her best to make that sale. Who wants to be a bad guy onii-chan to a little girl?

Yamasaki-san, satiated by sucking on a pineapple popsicle and me with sucking on a cola candy ball, returned home through the park, noting the JSDF blockade was still there in full force, though the number of civilian onlookers had decreased quite a bit. Then again, it had only been just over a few hours since we went out.

Again, both Yamasaki-san and I felt the enigmatic pull towards that specific portal when we passed by it.

We made it back to my apartment without incident, however when I unlocked the door and entered, there was nothing but more trouble waiting for me.

Sitting on my sofa and watching the news, was my mother, Tendo Nabiki. She got shit for having that name back in high school when a certain manga and anime involving a boy turning into a girl when hit with cold water was hugely popular in the nineties. Mom shared the name with something of a bitch character, and as luck would have it, part of that integrated into her personality. Now, I’m not calling my mom a bitch, but she’s crafty and does whatever she wants, just like a certain freeloading gyaru bully I’ve been dealing with for the last few days. And as for dad…

“Subaru! When exactly were you going to tell me you got a girlfriend?”

God fucking damn it!

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