Chapter 135: Ch.31 What I’d Do For Her (4/4)

 

 

When we stepped outside, Okabe-san walked a good distance from me, turned around, and clenched her fist.

“…You’re right.”

She crossed her arms. Coldly, she turned back to me. As if her eyes were full of frost, a chill ran down my spine.

 

 

"I don't care about what is going on with Taylor-sensei. To be honest, I don't care what's going on with anyone…I can't give a shit.”

Her strong gaze toned down as her cheeks became a bit reddish.

“But after you helped me with Nagumi-chan…I guess I took your actions as kindness towards me.”

She scoffed.

“What the fuck is my problem, right?”

“…Okabe-san…”

“Listen, thanks for your help, but I don’t need it anymore. You can leave my sister the fuck alone when she’s here, Nakagawa-san.”

I crossed my arms and looked back at her. It was time for me to stand firm now.

“Listen, I might have gone too far the other day…”

“No, you didn’t. What you said…was right.”

Her strong posture toned down as if someone placed a bunch of weights on her back.

“It hurt…but it was right. I’m a prick who doesn’t give a shit about anyone else. You were right, Nakagawa-san.”

“…”

“So, you don’t need to sugar coat it…for the first time it hit me…how much I seriously hate myself.”

She twisted her ivy hair with one finger, it caught as she tugged on it in frustration.

“…I know all about Conway-san and her messed up situation with Taylor-sensei.”

 

 

Her eyes glared at the ground in distaste.

“And you know what…it pissed me off when she told me about it. When she cried, begging me to understand.”

Her venomous words cut me, but I stood my ground.

“That’s cruel to say, Okabe-san.”

“Just hearing her talk about her problems… reminded me how lucky she has it."

She scoffed as she crossed her arms.

 

"Her parents aren’t starving her to death like Nagumi-chan.

She’s not being neglected by her parents like my little sister.”

 

 

With her fist, she hit the brick wall. That only enraged her further as she slammed her hand into it again with more force than last time. 

“Conway-san is being sheltered with everything she could ever want… She even has someone to cater to her like a maid. She's being treated like a fucking princess, and she still finds things to cry about? Nagumi can’t have that kind of life! D-Don't you think Nagumi would love to have a life like that?!”

“…Okabe-san?”

"You girls don't get it. I would love to sit at school and make friends, gossip, and have fun…but I can’t…I haven’t been able to be like that for years now.”

As her fist shook, tears rolled down her cheeks.

“You girls don’t know how it feels like to have the family member you love in the middle of the kitchen crying because nobody is listening to her…when all she just wants is food. A-All she wants is to be fed!”

Like a tremor, her body began to shake with rage. Hot tears rained now her cheeks as her voice started to crack.

“O-Or them being locked in their room when they get injured because nobody wants to take care of them! So all they can do is cry while they're in pain, and nobody would listen.”

I couldn’t believe what she was saying as she trembled closer to me. That enraged face of hers toned down as melancholy started taking over.

“Ever since my parents divorced, I’ve been stuck with an abusive mother, and Nagumi’s with her neglectful father. All he buys is booze, and if she asks for anything, she’s shut away in her room. I-I’m constantly worried he’ll hurt her one day! I-I'm so scared every time I bring back to her home.”

The relentless hiccups started assaulting her. But Okabe-san fought them back as she screamed at me.

"When my parents divorced, I-I went my mom so Nagumi-chan wouldn't be abused...but I'm terrified every day that dad will start hurting her too."

"Oh my god... I...never knew, Okabe-san."

She glared at me so harshly, as if I was planning to hurt her she backed up and whipped her head. Like a wounded lion, she bit back at me with her words.

“I’ve asked enough people to help! Nobody does anything to help my little sister! So, when I heard Conway-san’s story about rich people’s problems…it seriously pissed me off. Watanabe-san’s little anger issues, who cares? She at least has a family that loves her enough to feed her!”

She rubbed her eyes with her sleeves.

"Everyone has their own problems...but unlike them... Nagumi-chan isn't old enough to solve her own...so I have to...and I'm tired...I'm so tired!"

This was the honest rage of Okabe-san. All of her frustrations were burning from her as she spewed her hate for everything.

"T-Then you...the one person I...I....you just had to remind me...yesterday...of everything..."

Her voice quieted down as her lips began to quiver. Okabe-san grit her teeth in a sad attempt to hold back the pain in her heart.

 

“I hate the way I am but I’m too scared to be anyone else...I-I’m too scared to change...”

 

 

“…Okabe-san.”

“B-But I need to stay strong for Nagumi-chan. I don't need your help or anyone else's. So, just fuck off, and leave me and my sister alone already, Nakagawa-san.”

 

Her nails clawed at her arms in a panic. Despite how much she's tried to sound strong...it came out weak and feeble. The sight of a destroyed person was clearly in front of me. As she admitted, she's tired. Apparently, she's dealing with abuse of her own at home. But because her little sister lives with her father, she's constantly scared because she can't protect her.

"That's horrible, Okabe-san..."

I approached…it was the only thing I could do.

“D-Don’t fucking touch me, Nakagawa! I-I swear...”

But instead of heeding her warning, I reached out. Okabe-san took a step back but I wrapped her in my arms. Her fluffy hair fell on my cheeks, and her thin body pushed up against mine. She was painfully cold when I finally embraced her. However, instead of accepting me, she rammed my sides with her elbows. It hurt like hell…but I stood my ground as I held her all the tighter.

 

 

“Let go of me! I just want to be left alone! I-I need time alone! Let me go!”

Her warm tears fell on my cheeks the wounded lion shook her head back and forth. All I could do is take her assault by holding her as tight as I could.

“Why did you have to...why did you have to remind me…of who I am, Nakagawa-san?”

She pushed and shoved, but I stayed firm. I wondered...how long had it been for her since someone embraced her like this?  Just the question floating in my mind caused a sharp pain to lodge in my stomach. How I wanted to tell it everything would be alright...but I knew that I'd be lying to her.

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“Don’t you think…I want to have friends too...Y-You....don’t…you…don’t get it...”

“Okabe-san…”

The way she tensed up and fought showed me that she was...afraid of me, wasn't she? Afraid of anyone who got too close to her. So, I tightened my grip on her, doing my best to soothe her broken spirit. She started clawing at my back. It hurt so much…that I felt as though I would be bleeding if she kept it up. So, to get my point crossed, I held her as tight as I could, and whispered to her.

“I told you before… that I want to help Nagumi-chan…so you can trust me. I promise I won’t do anything to hurt Nagumi-chan, okay?”

This wasn’t about helping Okabe-san…despite her needing it too. Even if I told her that I was here for her, she’d probably do everything in her power to hurt me right now. She would believe that to be a lie. Okabe-san was like a wounded animal right now. She’s been beaten and pushed around by others in her life to the point that everyone is her enemy… But Nagumi-chan hasn’t been broken yet…and even Okabe-san knows that. So, to show her that I do want to help, I need her to know…that I’m here for Nagumi-chan.

“Please…is it okay if I help Nagumi-chan, Okabe-san?”

After what felt like minutes of struggling and fighting…she calmed down as her breathing became shallow. In this alley in the dead of night, her whimpers came to light.

“…Why do you even care?”

"Because Nagumi-chan doesn't deserve what's happening to her… just as you said.”

I never considered the idea that Okabe-san and Nagumi-chan were in such a situation. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel for my family…to be my enemies. To be abused in these ways by their own parents. The thought disgusts me at the core. After a brief pause, Okabe-san finally muttered something in my arms.

“…I just want her to live a normal life. Is that too much to ask? But I don’t know what else to do. A-And I’m sick of trusting others.”

She clenched my collar suddenly. That fierce rage in her shone in full display as she shook my shoulders.

"I'm always so angry! I hate everything, I hate everyone…b-but I love Nagumi-chan to death! I know I'm a horrible person! But…But why do bad things happen to Nagumi?!"

She was literally shaking now.

“If it wasn’t for Nagumi, I wouldn’t have a reason to wake up anymore. I can’t live without her. M-My parents don’t care about us. I begged my uncles and cousins, and they just looked the other way.”

She started coughing into my chest now, causing her body to shake violently. It…scared me how aggressive her emotions were.

“I’ve even called child services… but that resulted in nothing. Now they won’t listen to me because they think I’m lying. What am I supposed to do?!”

She looked me in the eyes, but all the cold ice that used to be there melted away into a flowing tear.

“I need to work, so Nagumi can be fed. But I also need to help her study…and she’s falling behind…and nobody cares. Why doesn’t anyone care about Nagumi?!”

Okabe-san looked away shamefully.

“And I don’t know what else to do. I’m too scared to try to ask for help anymore. I’m too scared that I’ll be used again. I don’t know…what…else to…”

With her eyes bright red now, she l got free and backed up. Holding onto the wall, Okabe-san leaned on the ground.

“What the hell is my problem? What the fuck am I saying?”

On a cool night, she began to cry again to her lonely self. All I could see was a child in a world too big for herself. And that wasn’t a bad thing, Okabe-san was just a child…who has responsibilities too big for her.

“Onee-chan?”

From the side door, Nagumi-chan peeked out. Noticing her loving sister on the ground she rushed over, pushing me to the side.

“W-What do you need, Nagumi? D-Didn’t I tell you to stay inside?”

Her little version embraced her…holding her head in her arms. Nagumi-chan didn’t speak a word, she just silently held her sister's head.

 

 

That’s how I knew that these two were beyond close. Without a word they were connected, ready to face the world together. As if Nagumi-chan was offering her older sister all the energy she could to press on. Okabe-san held back her tears, but it was too late, I’m sure Nagumi-chan knew that her sister was hurting. So, I closed my eyes and approached slowly. When I bent down, I looked Nagumi-chan in the eyes.

“Hey…Nagumi, does your sister need help?”

She put her small chin on her sister’s head. Instead of saying anything, small tears trickled down her face. She embraced her sister…all the tighter now. I couldn’t breathe….

That pain I felt when Okabe-san ran from me the other day…didn’t mirror how I felt now. This wasn’t guilt…

This was just pure sorrow.

“Don’t worry…we both can help your sister, can’t we Nagumi-chan?”

Okabe-san blew hot air as she shook her sister from her. She stood up shamefully and held Nagumi-chan's shoulder.

“Whatever…It’s getting late…and she needs to be back home so she can sleep for school tomorrow.”

Holding her sister close, they both began walking towards the street. There I stood in the alley, watching the sisters closely hold one another as they venture out into the cold, sorrowful world.

I couldn’t leave it like this…so, I called out…

“Okabe-san!”

I cried out, earning a turn of her head.

“What?”

“…I-I would like to get your email…at least.”

Her cold gaze pierced me. Her cheeks were flushed and her expression tasteless. She closed her heavy eyes and opened them again.

“You can’t help me…”

She held Nagumi-chan all the tighter and turned back around. But before she could turn the corner, I raised my voice.

“…Maybe I can’t help you right now…but I want to help Nagumi-chan at least…”

And by proxy…that might help you. I wanted to say it, but I was already inching too close. If I pushed too much further, she might give up altogether and ruin my chances at doing what I can.

Okabe-san is a rude, cruel, and mean person…

And that can’t be denied…

But she cares a great deal for the little girl she’s holding in her hands. I’m sure she’d give up her own life for Nagumi-chan at this point.

And that’s the side of her that I’m willing to help.

“…”

Sluggishly, she walked over and reached out her hand. I gave her my phone, and she slowly punched her number in it. When it was done, she called hers and backed up.

“…I don’t expect much.”

“…Yeah, I’m sure you don’t.”

As cruel as that sounded…I bet in her heart a little bit of hope was in there at least. It’s apparent she didn’t trust anyone. As she stated, it’s been years that she’s been fighting this battle. But maybe…just maybe, for the first time in years, she connected with someone…And that happened to be me…

Now thinking about how she must have felt when she realized that she was still alone, I couldn’t imagine her doing anything else but running away in shame. Those feelings of isolation being brought back up to her to the point that all she could do was run…

Again, I don’t think I was in the wrong for expressing myself there. Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here right now with her, offering her a bridge that might make her life a little easier.

“I’ll…call you sometime, and we can chat, okay, Okabe-san?”

“…Whatever…”

She turned around and held Nagumi-chan. Before she left, the little version of her turned back to me.

“Naka…Onee-san…T-Thank you.”

Pitifully, she waved as Okabe-san pulled her along. It was late, way past the time I was supposed to be back home, but I couldn’t move as they turned the corner.

“…I can’t imagine how scared Okabe-san must be.”

If I had to go drop Hana-chan off at a place where I knew she’d likely be treated like that… it would drive me mad with worry. It’s not a simple solution to ask for help though. As it turns out, she’s already done that, and she's been trying for years to get help for Nagumi-chan but nobody is listening to her pleas...

Okabe-san…doesn’t trust anyone…

And by that, she doesn't care about anyone…

Except for the little girl in her hands.

“...I get it, Okabe-san...Nagumi-chan...”

I understood her all the better. Maybe one day I could say that she is a friend of mine. But right now, Okabe-san doesn’t need a friend. No, she’s too damaged to believe in them. What she needs right now is someone to help her little sister. It will take her a while to trust me…but I want what’s best for Nagumi-chan right now.

 

“For Nagumi-chan...”

I sat there for a moment.

My stomach tensed in a painful knot as I made my way back home.

 

 

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