Chapter 166: Ch.35 – What is Inside Our Hearts (4/5)

 

Slowly, I began telling her what my mom planned to do. How she's been suspicious of everything since that night. I explained to Mae-chan that mom planned to kick me out of the house to avoid this entire situation. I mentioned how Mary-san brought this to my attention and suggested I move in with her. What happened when I confronted them and how everything spiraled out of control to the point I felt sick. I held back my tears as I methodically explained… how our lies finally came to a head and how our family's foundation was coming apart. Mae listened and even chimed in every now and then, but primarily, she absorbed all my emotions and even held my hand, keeping me strong through it.

“I’m sorry this happened, Madoka-chan.”

She expressed, holding me close to her.

"It's not your fault Ma-chan… But I'm sorry you had to be a part of this."

“Nope, I would have come to you no matter what. Everything in me wants to punch your mom… and Koda-san. But I… I understand how all these tangled emotions can make people act out of character.”

She closed her eyes.

“Your mom… has changed since you went into your coma. It was clear to our family that she wanted nothing to do with us as soon as she gave her life over to Koda-san.”

Mae seemed to be remembering something as she brushed her bottom lip.

“Ayumi-san put her life into Mari-san’s hands after you left her. I… I can see that she had no intention of leaving the world she made for herself."

I thought about it, and Mae-chan was right. Mom’s world revolved around Mari-san and still continued to do so after I woke up. She was her savior, the person who brought her out of dark times, and it was clear that she wouldn't want to see any blemish from how they got together. Mom… is scared of facing the past…

I closed my eyes. It felt like a large object was jabbing into my back, and it wouldn't go away no matter what I did.

“Let’s think of something else.”

Mae suggested as she brought out her game system. She plugged it in and handed me a red and blue controller. It reminded me of the game system that Hana-chan has. I wasn't much into playing them. I'm the music kind of girl as Mae-chan knew by now. Together we sat on the floor in front of the TV in her room.

"Mom is cooking dinner, so we have a few before we can eat. How about we play some dumb games for a bit."

 

 

Already roaring to go, she brought up a video game that looked like a board game.  There were chibi characters, and we had to hit dice and make our way around aboard. We had to collect these gems to win the game and plan out our routes to get here. It was me and Mae on one team and two AIs on another. When we got to pick our characters, I chose an adorable girl with a bright pink dress.

"Ah, of course, you'd pick the princess."

She teased.

“Oh, she’s a princess?”

I smirked.

“You didn’t notice the crown on her head?”

I actually didn't, but I shrugged to make it look like I did. Abruptly, Mae-chan stood up, raced to the edge of her messy room, and pulled something out from the box.

“It’s the best time to give you this.”

Mae teased as she plopped something on my head. It was a small crown… and I knew just where this came from.

“Ehhh?! Isn’t this the crown that came from those DVD movies we watched in the past?"

There was a collection of princess movies that Mae-chan’s cousins had when we were little. I would watch them all the time. I remembered that there was even a princess set too. The box set came with a "real" crown for the kids to wear and play pretend with. It seemed that Mae-chan kept this lying around, likely by accident, and figured it was best to bring it out now.

“You’re an idiot, Mae-chan.”

“And you’re my princess, Mado-chan.”

The air escaped from my mouth as I turned to her. Together we sat in this messy room with these dumb controllers in our hands. I didn't have to be worried about what I said to her. She listened to me and did not judge me for anything. I… I've always felt safe around Mae-chan, but today was glaringly evident that I still relied on her even now.

“Thank you.”

I don’t think those were the words she expected to hear. She likely wanted me to tease her back, but I couldn't. Her words were too genuine for me to let go of. In those stories, the princess would always get the person she loved. Everything would always resolve itself into an unrealistic happily ever after. But my life wasn't anything like those fantastic stories. It was full of broken promises, nasty emotions, and endless tunnels that led to another problem.

“Mado-chan.”

Mae rubbed her shoulder on mine.

“It’ll be okay… just like you told me.”

She whispered as our game faded into the background.

“When I was at my lowest, you told me it would be okay… and I still believe that even when I’m having my hard days.”

Mae pushed herself closer to me.

“Without you… I don’t know what I would have done with myself by now. Thanks to you… and the friends we’ve made since you woke up… I’ve been trying to be stronger.”

Her tone was gentle… honest. My best friend wasn't being playful; she was opening her heart.

“You have no idea how much you mean to me. So if I can help you during your struggles, it’s not a problem. I love you, Madoka.”

We looked into each other’s eyes as she confessed.

“And you will always be my princess, no matter how old we get.”

It was clear to me then… that there was no obligation for her kindness. Mae-chan truly believed everything she said without expecting anything in return for her tenderness but my love.

“Ohh…. Ahhh…”

I wanted to cry, but I held myself back. I tossed Ma-chan's dumb controller on the floor and held her in my arms.

“I love you so much, Mae! You mean so much to me!”

 

 

I knew my emotions were going wild again but never had I noticed… how important this blue-haired madness was to me. With Mae's constant depression, I never felt more scared that I might lose her one day. I couldn't selfishly make everything about me anymore. I decided that if I'm going to be here… I should at least make an effort to help her move on from the past that she told me about.

The one where we had a fight, and she yelled at me. How her life spiraled and I wasn't there to help her.

It was clear to me that our lives had been in a tornado. Our minds have been swirling around, and there seemed to be no stopping point. This only showed that when everything calmed down, we needed a chance to look into the future and try and move forward. I… I couldn't keep being a child and depending on Mae-chan when she needed help too.

“Aww, we’re losing.”

Mae teased as she pointed to the game. I didn't care as I pushed her on the bed and began wrestling with my favorite knight. She lifted me up suddenly and pinned me on the bed.

“Ooo-ff!”

The air shot from my mouth, and before I knew it, she started tickling me

“I give! I-I give!”

But she didn't stop. No, she brought her fingers under my armpits and assaulted me. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't catch my breath. I began kicking, and my feet went so far into the air that my body must have looked like a poorly shaped triangle.

“Y-You win! You win.”

 

 

Mae finally stopped as she nuzzled her nose into my stomach. I sat there, panting, trying to catch my breath. It’s been a while since I was able to have simple fun like this.

“Hehe, I get to have you to myself tonight! It’s been a long time since you came over and stayed the night.”

We lied there for a moment before I finally caught my breath and was able to speak correctly.

"I think the last time we had a sleepover at each other's house was… maybe in primary school… before middle school."

“Oh yeah, we took a bath together that day.”

She sat up.

“Ohhh, I forgot to ask, what happened when you took a bath with Sophia?!”

My mind raced back to that day. I obviously took a bath with her to speak with Taylor-sensei, but I never told Mae and the rest that.

“What do you mean by… what happened, Mae?”

I was on the offensive as she smirked at me.

“Oh, don't be coy! What did the English woman look like underneath all that clothing?! I know she's flat-chested! She's super flat-chested, isn't she?!"

“Eh? No, she actually has a nice chest for her size!”

I was in the moment and blurted out something I shouldn’t have. Mae-chan got on all fours and approached me as I backed up. I hit the wall with my back as she continued coming to me like a lion.

“Come on, we both know that Sophia likes girls too. You can’t tell me you didn’t see an attraction there. She really likes you, Madoka! You know that, right?”

“S-stop it, Mae-chan!”

I pushed her away, causing her to laugh.

“Geez, you’re such a bully.”

I pouted as she laughed her head off. My face was bright red as I remembered that day in the bath with her. Then I recalled her kissing me after I heard her out. It didn’t help that Mae-chan mentioned her feelings for girls again. I was getting flustered as I put my head on my lap.

“Awww, you’re so innocent and adorable that I just have to bully you.”

“It’s not cool! You know I’m having trouble with things like this.”

She nodded.

“Yeah, that’s why it’s so fun to loosen up and just think about it. It’s been a while since we’ve had a girls talk.”

Mae pushed her feet out from the bed and dangled them over the carpet.

“Let’s forget about that situation and just remember how wonderful love can be!”

“Oh, is that your train of thought?”

She nodded.

“Like Yuko-chan! I don't remember her from middle school, but apparently, you both were on the same basketball team."

I was cautious this time as I leaned forward.

“What about Yuko-chan?”

“I’m not sure what happened between you two, but that girl adores you! Her eyes shine when I tell her stories about you."

I lunged at her, falling on her lap.

“You tell Yuko-chan stories about me?!”

“Yep! It was the only way to get her to actually open up. I told her how the people in our elementary used to call you princess and how you loved watching princess movies and-“

“Stop!”

I complained as I whacked her cheek. Mae responded by slapping my cheek again.

“Then you’ve been on a date with that older woman, right?”

I nodded.

"Yeah. Saitou-san is nice, but I definitely feel that I… need to mature to be on her level."

Mae nodded.

"So, I guess you're interested in an older woman then?"

“Arrrgg… this is too embarrassing, Mae-chan.”

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I held my hand to my face as I tried my best to suffer through her teasing. To no avail, though, she just patted my head like I was a little doggy. Finally, I calmed down as I looked her in the eyes.

“…I’m not ready for a relationship right now, Mae-chan.”

I confessed what was indeed in my heart.

“I know how selfish this sounds… but when I was out with Saitou-san, I realized that… I'm not ready to give someone my heart just yet."

As we searched each other's eyes, I saw Mae-chan smile. It wasn’t judging… she was clearly letting me open my feelings as always.

“I’m always here to listen, Mado-chan. So… if you ever decide to give your heart away…"

She pushed my bangs back, and before I knew it, she leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. It was hot… blazing hot and only made me feel… overwhelmingly protected.

“Mae-chan…”

Out of my lips, her sweet name came out. When she lifted herself up, I could see the remnant from the girl who ran up to me that day in the gym. When she tried to play with me, I began crying because I was scared. I… I wanted to do everything in my power to bring back that outgoing person I used to know. This sadness surrounding my best friend… needed to leave her.

As we gazed into each other’s eyes, the door jarred open.

"Ah! S-Sorry ladies, I didn't mean to interrupt, but the food is ready."

Mae-chan’s dad stood at the door. Us in such a compromising position, I would be stammering over my words too. So, to break the tension, I jumped up and bounced on the floor.

“We’ll be right there! Thank you, Watanabe-san!”

He chuckled as he shut the door. I could hear under his breath…

“Those girls are adorable.”

It seemed Mae-chan’s dad hadn't changed when it came to the two of us.

“Ohhh, I’m so hungry!”

Mae jumped up.

“Let’s go! Let’s go!”

She held my hand as we left the room. We walked down the hallway into the dining room. That old table from the past had a collection of foods sprawled about on it. I was amazed that Chie-san was such a skilled cook. There were octopus buns, tempura, white rice, and rice cakes. Beef bowls, rice, egg plates, and the like. It was a bit insane actually. It seemed that she brought out the good meat for her guest and that was roasted pork sliced into portions. It was pulled apart and looked tempting. She had sets of teas all around and what struck me the most was how tall the glasses were.

“When she heard you were staying over tonight, Madoka-san, my wife went a little crazy.”

Chie kept that stern look as she lifted her nose.

"Ayumi would boast about her cooking, so I thought this would be a perfect time to outdo her."

She was as honest as Mae-chan, and I sat at the table.

“Itadakimasu.”

 

 

We cried before going about with our meal. Chie-san filled my plate to the brim before serving everyone else.

“Which tea would you like, dear?”

“Ahh…”

"Wow, mom, you're being unusually nice!"

Mae teased, earning a scowl from her mom.

"Hush, Mae! Don't you know when someone is upset, the best thing you can do is give them a good meal?"

Mae pouted as her mom turned back to me.

“Ah… black tea.”

She poured the black ice tea into my cup. It was a lot, and I didn't expect to finish it.

"… Thank you, everyone. You guys… are so kind to me."

I looked at the Watanabe family. I didn't feel out of place here because I've known them for all these years. Mom and dad would drop me off so often that this was my second family for years. Over time, we've grown in different directions, but today reminded me that I did… have people who loved me.

"Oh, Mado, you can come to us any time. If you were still small, I would give you a plane ride around the house.”

I imagined Watanabe-san picking me up and flying me like an airplane. The thought was hilarious, but I'm sure it would look super weird and inappropriate in practice.

“You’re embarrassing me.”

“Oh, I remember those plane rides! Mado would want them all the time when she came over.”

Even Chie-san started to laugh. She remembered them… and it made me blush to the point my head was on fire. So instead of combating the Watanabe’s, I began eating my meal… and it was nothing less than fantastic.

“How is school going, Madoka-chan?”

Mr. Watanabe asked as she took a sip of his coffee.

“It’s going great.”

I nodded then the memory of what mom wanted to do… came back into mind. I could feel my eyes lower as I shook my head, trying to keep the happy moment, just that… happy.

"I heard you have to start the year as the 1st year, is that right?”

Chie-san asked.

"Yeah. So, to make sure I get the right schooling, the school board suggested that I stay in my first year and make my way like that."

It bothered me that I was a year behind but older in class. Still, it honestly felt superficial after speaking with my classmates, doing projects, and the like. In the end, we are all students trying to get through school in our own ways. I might be the oldest in the school to graduate, but I didn't mind anymore.

“You and Mae don’t have any classes together, do you?”

I looked at Mae.

"No, we don't. We usually hang out at lunch, but other than that, we text a lot."

Chie-san smiled.

“It’s good that you two stay in touch. When you were in your coma, Mae missed you a lot.”

“Mooooom, stop.”

“Hush, Mae.”

Chie-san turned back to me.

“Do you remember anything around that time, Madoka-san?”

I continued eating as I thought about it…

"No… and I don't know why Chie-san.”

Everyone focused on me as I explained.

“A lot of people… like Mae-chan told me what happened… but I don't remember any of it. It's strange because… I feel like it's true… and there's a lot of things that I know are true… but I just don't remember."

Mr. Watanabe, likely feeling the tension in the air, spoke up.

“Well, that doesn't matter right now. All we need is for you to cheer up, alright, Madoka-chan?”

The frown turned into a light smile. Mom is right about me not remembering everything that happened. And, sadly, I couldn't tell her everything that I was told was true… because everyone has their own perceptions of the events. Only mine… aren't there. But that doesn't nullify the fact that I loved Mari-san. I could feel that… and even before she told me, I realized that I was in love with her.

It's just… everything else is a mystery that I can't solve… because my mind… my brain stops me from remembering it.

“You’re right, Watanabe-san.”

I forced a smile when suddenly, my thigh was touched by… Mae-chan. Apparently, she was comforting me as she chewed away at her rice. She was… always so connected to my feelings. Like we were joined to each other, we could feel when one another was off-kilter.

“Are you two going to take a bath together like you used to?”

Chie-san asked. I don't think she was kidding, as she wasn't even smirking.

“Eh, could we even fit in the bath together?”

Mae-chan asked as if it was the most common thing in the world.

“Are you serious?!”

I complained.

“Well, you would always want to bathe with Mae in the past. I just figured since you're over after all this time, you might want to do that again."

I started eating like a maniac. The more food in my mouth, the less I'll have to speak, I figured. All the Watanabe's did was laugh and tease. As I thought about it… Mae-chan certainly changed in the way of her figure as she grew. I remembered the last time we had a bath together. It was just before middle school when we stayed over at her house. That day, we played so long that we had to take a bath together or we'd be up too late. We were… less than endowed back then, and the last thing we were thinking about was relationships. But as high school girls whose emotions are at the forefront…

It’s… a little different.

“We can bathe right after dinner, Mado-chan.”

Mae said casually; she was teasing, obviously.

“Sure… we can bathe together.”

The Watanabes laughed. How… this felt a lot different than my family. As I thought about it… there was always a lingering tension with the family I had. I… could tell…

How fake things really were in comparison to the Watanabe’s.

“Madoka-chan… I remember something about your father… Is it alright if I speak about him?”

Watanabe-san asked a tad hesitantly. I nodded, assuring him it was alright.

“Oh, what do you remember?”

“I remember when we all went to the summer festival. You and Mae were being babysat by one of her cousins. Your dad told me something as we watched you two run about…."

Mr.Watanabe sipped on his coffee then continued.

"Your father said, don't let you and Mae stop being together…."

I awed at the simple story. Back then, in my own little world, what mattered was what was right in front of me. For some reason, I never thought back to how others would perceive the events between my friends and me. It seemed that dad knew for a fact… that I needed Mae-chan by my side, didn’t he?

“Yeah…”

I smiled genuinely. The warmth that I felt when it came to my dad washed over me. I wasn’t sure if it was nostalgia or an actual presence lingering over me but what was certain was… It turned out that dad wanted me to be happy even after he was gone. Mae-chan… made me happy. The Watanabe’s made me happy. There had to be a way to bring this kind of family… into the constructed family that Mari-san and mom made while I was gone…

Or… it might have been too late because of how it all started.

“Well, that’s no problem, dad!”

Mae-chan jumped from her seat and wrapped her arms around me.

“Mado-chan can’t do anything without me.”

Her mother sighed.

"And apparently, you can't do anything without her, Mae."

“That’s rude, mom!”

They bickered with each other as we finished up our meal.

 

 

 

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