Chapter 203: Ch.43 – Linda-san (3/4)

 

“Linda-san…”

Her name was the only thing I could say as I looked her over. A few more girls from the nearby college, I assumed, passed her doorway, prompting Linda-san to take my hand and pull me inside. She shut the door behind us as we fell into this dark room. She walked inside, deeper into the darkness. So, I took off my shoes and followed her. Finally, she turned on the light, revealing a lovely living room for a small apartment.

Slowly, she made her way to the couch and sat down without a word. The TV was off, and the home was quiet. Linda-san seemed to be staring into space as she leaned back on the couch. I set my bags down and sat next to her. We both sank into the cushions as we both… looked at the… entertaining white wall ahead of us.

 

 

“Madoka…”

Linda-san whispered. I looked at her, and I could see the pain in her face. Clearly, she had a lot on her mind, and I… was hoping she'd open up to me.

“To get to Japan… I threatened a lot of people with their jobs.”

She confessed. Her eyes were dim, and her hollow tone of voice had little emotion.

“You did?”

She nodded.

“Yes. I had a bunch of tutors, family friends, even my own friends while I studied abroad. I made so many empty threats to them as I fixed how I would eventually make my way to Sophia. But at that time, many of them didn’t realize that I had absolutely no authority over them. My family didn’t have my backing, but the idea of upsetting a Conway… caused them to help me.”

Linda-san hit her head on the cushions as she bit her lip. Her eyes were reddish, a testament to how long this has been eating at her today.

“I told them that I’ll fire them if they don’t give me college recommendations to Japan. Friends, I cheated them out of money, telling them that my family will pay them back as I… secretly changed my schools and paid the tuition.”

She sighed harshly.

"I… I had many of my professors call in favors with Jinda High School… so I could intern at the school. My father was furious after I got in… my father was furious, but I persuaded them that…. Making an enemy of me was as bad as any of us. So, reluctantly they kept me on the staff. Everyone knew that I was still the person who would inherit their business. The Conway’s… have a lot of pull, Madoka-san.”

The nurse confessed her sins as she put her hand on her face. The shame and realization of what it meant to hurt everyone for her love. It was finally destroying her from the inside.

“I see…”

“I asked you when we first talked that day in my office… ‘Who were you willing to hurt for the person you love…’”

Finally, she turned to me. With tears raining down her cheeks, the surge of pain coming from my partner was like a jolt of thunder striking me. I instantly felt that searing passion of emotion assaulting my body. My heart felt like it was being ripped out with iron claws. I could only imagine the pain coursing through her if I felt this terrible.

"I hurt many people… and didn't even get what I was coming for. And… it's so embarrassing… it's so disgusting. Even people I would have called friends hate me now. I… I ruined a lot of people’s lives…."

 

In a mess of words, she pushed her body into mine.

"I even almost ruined Eleanor's life, and… and I didn't care, Madoka-san.”

Sensei rubbed her nose against my chest and continued to appeal to me. Linda-san felt smaller in my arms as her voice grew weaker.

“Nobody deserved what I did. I… I just wanted it to work. I-I-I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry, everyone!”

“Linda…”

I held her close to me in this dimly lit room. As if we were the only two in this cold world, I gave her my warmth to keep her alive. When Sensei gave me that ultimatum in the past, there would be no way I could have ever imagined how far she went to get in that white coat of hers. The number of people she threatened, bridges she burned, and the enemies she made along the way must have been massive… to love the person she loves.

"It's okay…."

I tried my best to… ease the weight in her heart, but even I knew… that my words weren't true.

“N-No… it’s not okay, M-Madoka! It’s not… okay…”

She cried in my arms as the guilt attacked her. The shame of it all and for it to not amount to what she wanted in the end. Her dreams and dedication to finding Sophia overshadowed everyone’s feelings. She wanted to be with her and live out this wonderful life that was only in her dreams. That passion drove her to make threats, trick people into getting her closer to her goals, and destroy wonderful friendships for her fantasy. Linda-san… hurt a lot of people for her love.

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"But you tried… and maybe things didn't work out. Maybe you hurt people like you said, Sensei…."

I rubbed her golden hair as I pushed out my feelings gently. I wanted my voice to be nurturing, and understanding… because that’s how I felt in my heart.

“But you also helped so many people too. I’m not saying that what you did was right… but you’re not a bad person…. And I don’t think you realize that, Sensei.”

 

 

“I am a bad person…."

Linda-san said weakly, causing me to tighten my grip on her.

“No… you’re not. You are an amazing person… Sensei, you’re someone I care about so much that I would do anything for. You… don’t even realize how great you are, and I want you to know that.”

“M-Madoka-san…”

“It’s okay… I’m here to help you. You’re not alone anymore, Sensei. Don’t bottle everything up anymore. It’s okay… I won’t reject you.”

Her fingers clawed into my skin, and Sensei began crying. Her anguished voice echoed throughout the apartment as we embraced each other.

“Why didn’t it just work out, M-Madoka? Why couldn’t I... be happy? Why… Why…”

“I know… I know…”

"I worked so hard… I didn't want to hurt anyone… but nobody listened, and… I'm so in love with her. Why… why doesn't she feel the same? I'm so hurt and angry…."

My tears fell down my cheeks as I hugged her. A hint of vanilla danced past my nose, making her all the sweeter. How I wished everything would have worked out for her… but it didn't, and because of that, she was broken… but not destroyed. I wouldn't… let her become ruined because of this.

"It'll be okay…."

“I don’t know if it will, Madoka-san. I… I don’t know what to do anymore… I… I just… I…”

She stopped talking and just cried into my arms. The enormous weight she put on herself to create the fantastic fantasy she had… was collapsing way too quickly on her. I did my best to keep her from being buried by all the pains and anguishes of her choices. I… decided that I would be her pillar and keep her from falling.

After what felt like a few minutes… my wounded Linda-san finally calmed down as…

“Sensei?”

I looked at her face, and her eyes were closed. It seemed that she closed her eyes and fell asleep in my arms. Here I was, holding her shoulders as she lay on me. I take it Linda-san had been up, constantly thinking about all the things that went wrong. How her paradise of fantasy didn't equal the cold truth of reality. This emotional weight must have finally taken hold of her, and her energy ran out.

“Don’t worry… everything will be okay.”

I promised her in a whisper. It wasn't an empty promise either. I… I would stick with her and hear her out as long as I could until she was out of this slump. All the hate she gained for the sake of the love that she wanted. And… ultimately, the rejection that woke her up from the fantasy she created.

“You’re so sweet… I hate that you don’t see that.”

In the cold apartment room, I held her. Before I knew what I was doing, I brushed away her bangs, brought my head down, and gave my favorite Sensei a kiss on her forehead. Her skin was warm, almost hot at this point. The sensation rippled through me as I brought her closer.

My lips parted from her, and a cool sensation brushed on my skin. As if I sealed our connection, she wasn't escaping any longer. I would feel all the pain she had… and do my best to help her heal from this point on. I sat there, looking at my fragile Sensei. I tenderly asked the question that's been on my mind for a while.

“Why… did you give up then? What… made you realize that it wasn't worth it after everything you did, Sensei?”

I whispered. If Linda-san went through all the pains and sufferings of others to make it this far… would one date truly destroy everything she's built for years? I wondered… what caused her to realize that she and Sophia wouldn't work out?

I looked out the side window and saw the stars in the sky. They flashed brilliantly above as the moonlight filtered into the home. I felt like I could stay here forever, caressing her silky hair. Peacefully, she slept on my thighs, and for a brief moment… I felt as if I was feeding her my strength with each stroke of her hair.

Sensei… Linda-san… was going to be okay.

 

I sat there, combing her hair with my fingers for a while. How warm and soft Sensei was… there was no way that she wouldn't find that perfect person who would rescue her one day. I doubt it would be the one in her dreams… but Sensei was beautiful, and the day when she finds her one true love… would indeed be magical.

 

Even in this cold world…

Someone would warm her heart.

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