Chapter 204: Ch.43 – Linda-san (4/4)

 

After around ten minutes, the sleeping nurse finally opened her eyes. She appeared to be confused, and it made me smile as she looked about, trying to gather her composure.

“Ngg… Oh… I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

She looked up at me as I had her head on my lap. My thighs were feeling numb, but I could only imagine how it must feel to wake up to me gazing down at her.

“It’s fine… you looked tired, Sensei.”

Tenderly, we gazed into each other's eyes. I could get lost in them as I stared at the nurse. We didn't break contact either, as if our souls were connected due to our recent pains. My heart was warm… and I could only assume Sensei was feeling something similar.

"…You asked… why did I give up after that date, Madoka-san?”

I didn't expect that she would hear me. Another problem is with me opening my mouth before thinking. I ridiculed myself in my head as I nodded softly. Gently, I combed her hair as I asked the question that circled in my mind before arriving here.

“You chased Sophia-chan for years. What made you realize that it wouldn't work on your date, Sensei?"

Briefly, she looked away, then back at me. Her eyes were soft as she finally confessed.

“I felt… disgusted, Madoka-san.”

“Disgusted?”

“When Sophia told me how she felt… that she didn't like me the same way despite only being us… Everything in me wanted to keep pushing it…."

 

 

She gripped my hand and put it to her cheek. She caressed her face in my palm like a cat to soothe her heart.

"But then… I felt obsessed to the point that I just wanted Sophia to say she loved me… even if in my heart I knew that wasn't true. All kinds of things flashed through my head. And it… made me feel disgusting. I….”

She sighed.

“I felt as though I was forcing my ideas and beliefs on the person I loved… And that’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted to do to her. In a true romance… everything just sparks. At the concert… my world felt like fireworks were dancing around me.”

Her voice began to shake as her feelings poured out.

"But when it all died down and the spotlights weren't on us anymore… reality set in. I… realized that all the flowers and roses… were just sick ideas in my head as I pressed myself on Sophia. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, scared… and angry.”

She gripped my hand tighter.

“And I… I couldn’t face the person I love anymore… I was so disgusted that I thought of… doing something like threatening her in some way… to make her admit to loving me.”

Her voice was trembling.

“Linda-san…”

"It was then… that I realized how gross of a person I've become… just to be loved. I hurt so many by that point… that I wasn’t planning on stopping even if that meant hurting Sophia… and that scared me.”

It seemed that Linda-san was even willing to harm Sophia emotionally… to be loved by her.

But Linda-san realized that if she had to do something like that for her fairytale romance… then it wasn’t the love that she wanted. Linda-san… was strong enough to know that all the pain and suffering she went through in these years wasn't worth hurting the person she loved. Hearing this… sparked a newfound appreciation of just what kind of person Linda-san was.

“You’re so… strong, Sensei.”

I don't think she expected those words as her eyes opened wide. I looked down at her face, and it was a tad confused as I continued.

"To know when to stop and step back from your feelings. You stopped yourself from hurting the one you loved… and that’s strength, Sensei. You’re… one of the strongest people I know. I… I want to be like you.”

I confessed.

We both had our flaws, but that's okay. We both are human… but I admired Linda-san because she knew her limits. Even if that hurt her… she wasn't willing to selfishly break the person she loved to be happy.

 

Linda-san… is human, so I look up to her so much. She's healed my broken heart more times than not.

“Thank you… for being who you are, Sensei.”

 

 

I leaned down and held her tighter. We sat together for a little longer as she cried her eyes out. Sensei needed to get it all out. The more she accepts what happened, the sooner she'll come back to reality and realize that…  there are more people out there, and someone… will love her the way she deserves.

After a while, she calmed down and looked me in the eyes. Her face was flushed, but she didn't look as defeated as when I first came. She sat up and took a deep breath before exhaling. It was as if all of her worries were slowly coming out from her tense body.

"It's late… and I made you come out here, Madoka-san.”

“Don’t worry about it, Linda-san. I… I really wanted to come and talk with you about everything.”

We both leaned back into the sofa and looked at the ceiling. Calmly, I explained to my partner what had happened with my family. How the truth came out and I'm living with my auntie so mom and Mari-san can figure things out. How… I missed all of them, and I'm homesick. But. Through all of this, I've realized that I've been sheltered in a lot of cases. And this was the first time that I was able to spread my wings.

Sensei listened to all my problems… just like she always did. Our connection was never as strong as this before. Tonight tested the word partners, and I believe it was a grand success. After a bit more talking, Linda-san took a deep breath and turned to me, put her hand on mine, and looked at me fiercely.

“Hm… hey… Madoka-san…”

The nurse whispered to me. I was taken off guard as her hot breath trickled along my skin. She turned to the side slightly with a gentle smile while glancing over at me.

“What is it?”

The way she was acting took me off guard. But then, she giggled, breaking any tension she purposely made.

"You know what I do when I get agitated and cry?"

I tilted my head and looked her in those bright eyes. She smiled and grabbed my hand tighter. Linda-san put her knees on the couch and brushed them against my thighs. Sensei… looked happy.

“I eat a lot of junk food and feel terrible about it. My friends in middle school… used to do that all the time.”

I… giggled. It was so dumb that I pushed air out of my mouth and laughed.

“Hey! That’s not funny! I’m serious Madoka-san! You’re way closer to me than they ever were… I… I want to eat junk food with you.”

Seductively, she confessed to me. It was super strange how she did it, as if she just asked to make out with me or something similar. I found it very hard to say no to… her.

“Yeah… sure.”

I said awkwardly before gathering my composure. I looked back at Linda-san hastily, causing my hair to swing in her direction. I then lowered my eyes, and pushed my face close to her until our noses touched.

“I want to eat lots of junk food with you too!”

After a long stare-down session, we broke the façade together and crumbled the floor, laughing hysterically.

“O-Okay… okay… I’ll get dressed really fast.”

She got up and ran to her room. I waited there, kicking my feet in the air as I sat back on the sofa. It was soft and way better than Mari-san’s. That might have been the case because it was super expensive, though. Mari-san would kill me by saying this couch was better than hers.

Silently, I asked for forgiveness from whatever god planned to strike me down for that comment.

“I’m ready!”

 

 

Linda-san announced. Her voice was still horsed from crying, but I could see she was trying her best to brighten her mood. She came out wearing a bright blue hoodie and blue jeans. I heard a lot of girls from the west love wearing these tight pants that show the world everything they got… and Linda-san wasn’t breaking that stereotype at all. She literally threw it on what I’m sure was first in her wardrobe, but her swag was like a top-notch model. She couldn't beat Mary-san, but she was a good competitor.

"There's a corner store that's open 24/7 down the street. Lots of college students go there for late-night binges. Let’s go, Madoka-chan!”

Suddenly, she took my hand and pulled me to the door. I had to get my shoes on fast because Linda-san already had her foot out the door before I was ready.

“S-Slow down!”

I complained.

"Hurry up. The faster we get to the corner store, the more time we can come back and complain about crap!”

As I mentioned before… I could feel Linda-san struggling to stay positive. I… held her hand tighter as if that would help keep her strong. I think she realized what I was doing as we got out of her apartment. As she looked at me, her expression was one that I could only describe as… peaceful compared to only moments ago.

“Are you ready?”

She calmed down and asked me tenderly. Our hands wrapped together, showing that nothing would break my bond with her in this ice-cold world. Together, nobody would ever break our hearts without the other being there to mend and repair them again.

“I’m ready, Linda-san?”

“You know… you can just call me Linda when we’re alone. You… don’t have to be so formal with me, Madoka.”

On a brisk night, she led me out of her apartment and onto the sidewalk.

“Are you sure about that, Linda?”

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To be fair, I did feel a little bit of distance when I added the -san onto her name. Honestly, even calling Mari-san… Mari-san recently had been weighing on me. I've wanted to drop it for a while, but I didn't know if it would be appropriate because of our… situation.

But Linda-san and I have accepted each other as beyond friends at this point. So… I closed my eyes and turned to her, allowing her to guide me without worry.

“Okay, Linda. I’ll call you Linda until I think of a cute nickname for you. But at school… I’ll have to call you Taylor-sensei.”

I finally opened them, revealing a slight blush from my nurse.

“Oh, don’t want the other girls to know that we have a special relationship?”

She teased, and it hit me harder than it should have. I found myself turning away.

“I’m kidding, Madoka. Hm… I think your friend, Watanabe Mae-san calls you Mado-chan?”

“Yeah… you can call me that if you want.”

“Mado-chan… it’s super sweet… like I’m tasting sugar when I say it.”

We both giggled as we continued our walk. Hand in hand… we walked together, feeling each other’s passion and hurt… and helping each other. We were like two wounded animals taking care of one another. Linda-san… indeed was there for me, and I was there for her.

It took around two minutes to get there. We passed a small park on our way there, and it was lit up brightly with streetlights. Honestly, this place was lively, certainly a college town.

“What are you going to buy? It’s my treat, Mado-chan.”

 

 

“Eh? Hm… Are you sure, Linda?”

She held me tight as she wrapped her arms around mine. It was like we were on a date, and it seriously started to cause me a bit of anxiety. I thought about how it would look for a high school girl walking around town with… a college girl like this. Her breast pushed up against me, and occasionally, her hips hit mine. I think she did all this to knock me off guard… and it was working. Clearly, we both were in pain… but because of that, we were able to… enjoy each other's company all the more.

It was then that I decided that… I had to push away any anxieties I had tonight. I shouldn't worry about what others think or superstition things like that. My partner was hurting… and I wanted to take her pain away.

“I want strawberry pocky, super salty chips… and a soda. A stupidly sweet drink.”

I confessed my junk food list.

“Do you like pickles, Mado-chan?”

Sensei asked with one finger in her mouth. It was adorable that someone so mature had little moments and motions like this that made her look like a cute idol or something like that. She… was super cute, and it made me want to poke her cheeks. But I was afraid she’d retaliated by doing something like Risa-san, and I wouldn't be able to defend myself.

I… had to pick my battles wisely.

“I love pickles.”

I said with enthusiasm.

“Let’s get a jar and share it together!”

We both laughed, and Sensei pushed her face up to me. She rubbed her nose against mine briefly, then took off towards the shop, pulling me along. When we walked inside, the man at the counter waved to us.

“Hi, Taylor-san!”

“Hello!”

They seemed to be friendly, and it reminded me that Linda was a social person through and through. She believes that she doesn't have friends, but many students at our school like her a lot. Linda… doesn't see how important she is to everyone around her…

Even Sophia and Simpson-san. Linda… is beyond important to them that it hurts them too.

After fooling around, we loaded up our hands with junk food and put them on the counter. Linda-san bought everything just as she promised. The amount of junk food we accumulated was stupid. We turned to one another with three bags in hand and giggled like middle school girls.

“Have a nice night.”

The counter employee said. Suddenly, we burst into laughter as we ran out of the corner store. I wasn't sure why we did that, as if we shared an inside joke that was only funny to the two of us… and the world wasn't allowed to join in.

We finally calmed down as we walked passed the park from before. It was then… that an idea popped into my head. What I wanted to do to make this night special for both of us.

“Hey… can we stop over there?”

I asked. My partner agreed, and we both walked inside the park. It was quiet but brightly lit, thankfully. It was a bit cold out, but I had a fun idea with such a clear sky a night. So, we sat down on the wooden bench and began eating our junk food. We fought to open the pickle jar, but thankfully we got it open with the effort from both of us.

“This is nice, Mado-chan. I’m glad you thought of eating out here. A bit cold… but it calmed my mind a little.”

She confessed. 

“Linda… I wanted to get you away from the house for a bit. And not only that…."

I took out my phone, opened my music app, and played… a genre that she mentioned she liked. I remembered Sophia-san saying what she wanted to do on the date and go to that club. So, as I was on the train, I downloaded some Western music. I shot up, turned around in the glistening moonlight, and asked the princess with the potato chip in her mouth…

"Would you like to dance, my princess?"

I think she was taken off guard as she chewed it slower. Her cheeks went the color of a fuchsia petal. Her beautiful eyes lit up in the moonlight as she finished her chip, set the bag to the side, and took my reached-out hand.

“Sure thing… my princess!”

She took my hand, and we slowly danced to a song… that wasn't made for slow dancing. It was on the rhythm and blues spectrum, and here we were, two women in the park dancing with our hands on each other's hips. I felt like I was on a ship rocking back and forth in a soothing motion. As if we were both on a boat, stranded in the middle of the ocean where nobody could reach us… but we were happy because we were together.

This night, we both seemed to realize that the world isn't a fairytale. It's cruel and hurts to put our hearts out there…

But when we are together, we can still make things magical. I don't believe in many spells and dark cult-like things like fortunes and horoscopes… but I couldn't deny that it felt like the stars aligned for Linda and me to meet like this.

 

We both will be hurting for a while, and we know that. But that didn't mean we had to give up on love altogether.

 

 

Love hurts.

It’s painful…

It’s unforgiving…

But it can also be beautiful.

And we will fight together until we reach that beautiful love that we both want so badly.

 

 

---

 

After we grew tired of our junk food, Linda and I took her car, and she brought me back home to Mary-san’s place. We joked about all kinds of things, spoke about our pains, and showed each other that our bond was stronger than a friendship.

Today we… took that leap to know that if we couldn’t trust anyone else in this world… we could trust one another.

“Thank you for the night, Mado-chan. I’ll… I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I had a lot of fun.”

I waved to her as she drove off. Before she pulled away completely, she stopped the car suddenly. I turned to see what she was doing as she stepped out and looked back at me. Excitedly, she hopped up and gave me the biggest wave imaginable. It was like one from those overzealous western movies.

 

“Thank you for being there for me!”

 

 

I… did the same. Overjoyed and full of emotion, I waved back to Linda in the same manner. I didn't care if someone saw us doing this strange goodbye. Our connection was stronger than anything this world could throw at us. We… became one at that moment. Nothing else mattered, and we wanted to show that we would always be there for each other. After a bit, she got back in her car and drove away. I stood there until her car turned the corner. Linda is strong… and it will take a lot of fighting, but she’ll get through this. There will be times that we need each other, and I'm beginning to see how much strength it takes to make a bond like ours.

 

So, I’ll be there… to support her every step.

 

 

 

 

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