Chapter 157: 157. I Love Him.

Paul looked at Jessie with slight confusion as he bit into his eclairs. "You and Jason fought?" He asked.

She looked at him and sighed, running her hands to through her hair. "I don't understand all of sudden his change in attitude. I think he overheard me talking with Patricia last night." She said sadly.

"Patricia saw you? Well that can't be good, considering how he's been acting of late it plausible he would be angry." Paul surmised.

She shook her head. "It's not because I met with Patricia, he said something yesterday. 'I won't bother you with my feelings so you wouldn't feel burdened about what to do with them.' That's what he said." She replied. 

Paul brows rose "and that makes sense?"

"I said something similar to Patricia, that what makes me believe he overheard us. I told her Jason loves me so much I don't even know what to do with his feelings." 

Paul's eyes widened. "Is that true? Do you not like Jason like at all?" Paul asked.

Jessie sighed and looked at him "what do you think?" 

"I don't know what to think Jessie, I can't exactly trust you. If anyone would know how to lie so well anyone would believe it's true, it would be you." Paul replied. 

She let out a bitter laugh. "Do you really think I'm that much of a wicked person? I mean, why would I use someone's emotions like that?" 

"It's not the first time you're lying so easily, remember when you promised Jason you wouldn't go after Patricia anymore and yet you dragged Katherine into your schemes at the hospital!" He frowned at her.

Jessie scoffed. "Wow... you really think Katherine is such an angel do you?" 

"She is an angel!" 

"This is exactly why she quit, you refuse to change your mindset towards her. You still her see her as the young, sweet and delicate little girl you first met. But she is a grown woman Paul, she is a strong, independent and confident doctor." Jessie said sternly. 

"Hey" he tapped his fingers on the table. "Don't change the subject this is about you constantly hurting the man that has only opened up his heart to one person all his life. I get that your life is pretty messed up right now but that gives you no justification to hurt someone like that." He reprimanded her.

"I told you it's not like that!" 

"How is it then? If you don't like him why don't you just tell him straight? Why act vague? Do you perhaps think he would kick you out the moment you do." Paul asked.

Jessie laughed, "hey! Why do you hate me so much? I don't get it." She asked.

"I don't hate you, I just don't trust you." He replied. 

Jessie's eyes widened and she shook her head at him, imploring him to explain further.

"The first time Jason bought you why didn't you tell him who you were? He's usually so careful and meticulous about everything but when it comes to you it seems he loses himself. He let you go with no conditions or care to weather not you would implicate him in your story, and I'm sure you were. He gets so angry and emotional about every single thing that concerns you and you? Regardless of whatever he does you never seem to appreciate, on the contrary you only ever yell at him and criticize his efforts." He explained. 

Jessie tried to speak but he wouldn't let her, it appeared he was pouring out his frustrations on her. And it was really getting to the already guilty Jessie. 

"Not only that, even Katherine started changing when you entered our lives. No matter what she never ever spoke back to my mother, and now? She's even insulting her and attacking patients!" 

"Yet you're the only person that remains the same!" She yelled.

"What?" 

"What the hell do you even know? What do any of you even know?!" She screamed angrily wiping away the tears that spilled down her cheek.

"Wait, you're crying? Is this for real or are you acting again?" He asked cautiously leaning backwards. 

"Wow!" She stood up abruptly, her chair roughly falling backwards. "You really are such a jerk! I'm over reacting? I'm acting? Are you so dense you can't tell what's real from what is fake? Here I am in such a dilemma, I'm so scared and terrified and yet you're accusing me of such terrible things!" She cried. 

"What are you terrified off?" Paul asked.

"I'm scared because I love Jason but I don't know what to do with my feelings!" She yelled before she could stop herself. 

When her statement settled for both of them, Paul's eyes widened and Jessie covered her mouth and cursed herself internally.

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"Your what? What did you just say Jessie?" 

"It's nothing forget it." She said wiping her eyes, but Paul knew she would try to run away so before she made any real progress he grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him.

"What the hell did you just say Jessie?" He asked.

She sighed since she couldn't escape she looked him in the eye and said it again. "Fine I love Jason, I'm in love with him. Happy?" 

"Are... are you being sincere? You're not lying right?" He asked.

"Hey! Why do you always think I'm lying?" She spat.

"Don't blame me you're a very good actress, how do you I know your being sincere?" Paul asked. "I'm sure you've said this line countless times to countless men, what makes this different. If you really are why haven't you told him? Why are you making him suffer like this?"

"...."

"Aren't you going to answer? You know what I'll just go tell him. It would be better if you speak to him directly. Jason!" 

"Shhhhh!" Jessie exclaimed as she covered his mouth with her palm. "Fine, fine I'll tell you." He looked at her suspiciously. 

"But you have to promise not to tell anyone, especially not Jason." She pleaded.

"Let me hear the reason first." He said stucking his nose in the air.

"You should come seat hmm?" She smiled.

He walked past her and sat down, crossing his legs he gestured for her to join him. Slowly and cautiously she walked to him and sat down. 

"Look I can't tell Jason I love him because I'm scared. I loved him for quite a long time but I didn't what to accept that I did. It terrifies me that I might actually want to stay here, or wherever as far as he's there, with him. That I might actually want to be happy." She said slowly. 

"... I'm not sure I understand. Why wouldn't you want to be hap- wait you're scared if you become happy with Jason you wouldn't want to go back, back to your old life?" Paul said as his expression softened. 

Jessie eyes widened in surprise, "I did not expect you to be so spot on." 

He shrugged "is it really worth it? I mean I know that life isn't what it looks like from the glamorous exterior. Surely it must be close to hell." 

"But I chose that hell, and believe or not I worked my ass off to get to where I am. I mean I'm still only in my twenties, I wasn't a child actor and I'm already part of the top ten highest paid actors." She explained. "I know the effort that went into my career, plus it's the only thing I'm good at. I'm a 21st century woman, how I'm I supposed to preach gender equality when I'm leeching off a guy. Besides Jason doesn't deserve a failed actress." She said looking down at her hands.

"He never expected anything, all he wants is you Jessie. Fact remains Jason doesn't love an actress, he loves Jessie Marin." Paul replied trying to convince her.

She laughed lightly, "but Jessie Marin is an actress. Although he is the only one that knows my real name." 

"Jessie Marin isn't your real name?" 

"That isn't important, fact remains. I can't give up acting not yet. I'm far too young to retire, and I don't know what to do because I really want to be with Jason as well. But he doesn't want me to get into any slightly dangerous." Jessie runned the back of her neck in frustration. "How I'm I going to fight the Lee's if I don't get into trouble here and there?"

Paul opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him. "Look I don't want anything to influence me at this point. This is a decision I'll have to make on my own, if Jason knows I love him then he'll do everything he can to make me happy, but I need to make this decision on my own if I'm going to avoid regret or blaming someone else in the future. So please, please promise you won't tell him anything." Jessie pleaded. 

Preview 158: Spur of the moment. 

"Wait! Please don't leave." She pleaded. 

Katherine glanced at Paul and got up as well. Standing besides Jason the two of them sent unfriendly glares at the other couple before them. 

"Do you not get that we wanted to eat in peace, was leaving the dinning table too subtle?" Jasom spat.

Paul peeked over Jessie head at their empty dishes. "Seems like you're done to me." He said.

"Well I have nothing to say to you, nor I'm I interested in anything you have to say." Katherine frowned. 

"Same here." Jason agreed.

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