Chapter 17: 17 – Victimhood

So far, I'd been more or less satisfied with all the answers Gilda gave me.

I didn't share the values of her people, but I at least could respect our cultural differences for what they were. Wrong or right, I couldn't judge without walking a mile in their shoes. At least, that's what my mom always used to say. I was raised to keep an open mind with new people and ideas.

But all that aside, I got a bad feeling from the turn our conversation had taken. It seemed like my question regarding Earth was touching on something Gilda had wanted to avoid talking about.

And yet here we were.

As awkward as things were, there wasn't any point in trying to walk it back.

"I can tell by your reaction that this ain't something you want to talk about, but I can't see why. It seems like an innocent enough question to me. If there's something I need to know, Gilda, please tell me."

Gilda still didn't face me, but I noticed her shoulders jerk when I spoke. I almost felt bad about pushing the matter, but I had no idea why this was such a problem for her. Honestly, her behavior made me more worried there was some sort of dark bombshell related to the fate of Earth.

"Willie... I wish I could say I am sorry for what I am about to tell you, but I have important reasons for my decisions. And I will not compromise my goals simply because I am fond of you."

Yeah, the bad feeling was intensifying. Rather than derail what Gilda was trying to say by asking the wrong questions, I stayed silent and let her continue.

"You are correct in inferring that Earth was considered a poor fit for finding a warrior candidate. Which is precisely the reason I was sent there. They wanted me out of the way for a while."

That was an interesting angle. Honestly, I'd never considered how Gilda's personal circumstances might've been related to my selection. I always just assumed she was an important person, and her mission was equally important. To some degree, she had encouraged that with the way she presented the whole magical warrior thing to me.

"Okay, I'll bite. Who wanted you out of the way?"

She sighed, returning to her seat and gesturing for me to sit too. Apparently, this really was a long story.

"The council in charge of the plan to fight the demon lord's empire. I was considered problematic for a variety of reasons. But basically, some on the council objected to the theories I developed as a result of my research because they judged my ideas to be potentially disruptive to allied worlds. In many circles, I was considered a heretic."

That was worse than I expected. I couldn't hide my concern as I said, "Heretic seems like a pretty strong word. I was never exactly a religious guy, but I know that heretics aren't usually treated all that well by religious folks."

A small fire returned to her eyes as she replied, "Yes. The concern was that if word of my supposedly heretical theories spread, it might undermine the willingness of warrior candidates to fight alongside us.

"The council had deemed it worth shutting my research down, and keeping my findings unpublished, for the sake of continued stability within the Alliance. Which is when I volunteered for the mission to go to Earth. It was a low-priority assignment nobody wanted, and they were glad to be rid of me for a while. Though, for my part, I thought I might be able to obtain evidence proving my theories away from any prying eyes.

"And I was indeed vindicated. In actuality, you have already proven several of my theories."

It was worse than I could've imagined. I could see the bitterness and hurt on Gilda's face. She felt she wasn't wanted and was treated as an outcast. I could relate to some of those feelings, though obviously not to the depths of what she had experienced. Her expression brightened a bit when she said I had proven some of her theories, but she still wore a look like she had swallowed something unpleasant.

"I'm sorry to hear you had such a hard time, but I'm glad I could help you prove your theories. Maybe you'll be treated better now."

Somehow what I said just made her expression turn even darker.

"No. If anything, I'll be lucky to escape with my life. Most likely, I will be arrested and imprisoned as soon as we arrive."

"Imprisoned? For what? Is it really that big a deal to be a heretic if you were proven right?"

She looked me straight in the eyes for the first time since we sat down and said, "No, Willie, I will likely be forgiven for that, thanks to you proving my theories correct. The real reason I will most likely be imprisoned is what I did to you."

I read regret mixed with proud defiance on her face. It was a strange combination, and it didn't suit her.

"What does that mean?"

"Almost everything I have done since arriving at Earth was directly contrary to my orders and the ethical guidelines established as part of the founding of the Alliance. They will see what I did as a heinous crime and you as my victim."

"That's a pretty extreme statement. I don't feel much like a victim. At least now that I'm over the initial shock of being abducted."

"Well, that was only the beginning. However, I have been afraid to tell you for several reasons. Right now, I could care less what the council thinks. I am most afraid of you hating me."

Her expression shifted rapidly. When she mentioned not caring about what they thought of her, I could see the utter scorn clearly on her face. But, when she talked about not wanting me to hate her, I could see a hint of the sadness and loneliness on her face that I'd seen glimpses of a few times before.

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"I don't hate you... I don't even really understand what the problem is. I think it's a good thing that I helped you. Why wouldn't it be? I mean, you've helped me a lot too."

What I said just seemed to bring her more pain. I could tell she didn't want to say the next part, but she opened her mouth to speak anyway.

"Because you were used as a lab rat. You were never supposed to be here in the first place, and all the aid I gave you was really to benefit my research and prove my theories."

That was a pretty harsh way of putting it. My brain processed information faster now, but I was having a hard time keeping up with the changes in what I thought I knew to be true. I didn't really get what she meant, and I didn't want to jump to conclusions, so I remained silent and waited for Gilda to explain. Eventually, she stared down at her hands in her lap and continued.

"Warrior candidates are supposed to be the chosen representative of their home world. They should represent the best of the best. Be given the highest honors and sent off with fanfare and glory. The goal of the Alliance was to bring together the mightiest warriors in the galaxy. They were to be trained with our technology so they would be able to fight on equal footing with the Demon Lords at the front lines, safely away from their homes."

I was far from the best of the best, and I didn't get any fanfare before finding myself on the floor of this spaceship. That made it likely the other candidates would have a very different perspective on this magic warrior situation. Despite my jumbled thoughts, I stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

"The first stage of my mission was to investigate if Earth had any worthy magical warriors. Only when I found suitably strong candidates would I contact the planet's leadership, presenting them with an invitation to the Alliance. It was already known that Earth's magical development was almost nonexistent, so it was considered a fool's errand. Which is why they had no problem sending me. After all, if there was any real chance of inviting Earth into the Alliance, they would have sent a highly regarded diplomat instead of a pariah like myself."

She was back to wearing the bitter expression. And I was getting a clearer picture of the problem now.

"So, the issue is you never invited Earth into the Alliance after you found me?"

"No. The issue is that the council was correct. There were no suitably strong magic users on Earth. There was no point in revealing myself to the leadership or offering Alliance membership. If I had followed orders, I should have simply left empty-handed. However, as you know, that is not what I did."

"Sure, you found me and saw my potential. That should be worth something to these council people."

"Oh, it surely will. Your presence will likely change everything. The war effort is much more likely to succeed now because of you. However, I had no right to abduct you for my experiments. It was completely unethical and against regulations."

Something clicked in my head. I'd always thought it was weird for a highly advanced civilization to condone abducting some unsuspecting kid and turning him into a magical warrior. It seemed unreasonable to expect that strategy would end well... it would most likely even backfire.

"Okay... I think I understand the problem now. It could have gone badly, but everything turned out fine. That's gotta count for something."

The self-derision on Gilda's face had reached a new level. She almost looked like she loathed herself.

"That was just the beginning. I ignored the warrior specifications and searched the world for somebody who fit my criteria. And once I found the exact right type of personality and physical attributes for my research, I crossed even more ethical lines. I utilized direct and indirect manipulation to keep you calm and cooperative. Making sure you stayed focused on achieving my goals."

"Wait, a second. So, you've been manipulating me? I thought you said I was the one in control..."

"Yes, that is true from a certain point of view. However, it is not as simple as that. Once you have the neural lace installed and begin integrating the onboard AI into your consciousness, you cease to be the same person you were before. The AI layer doesn't just augment your processing power or give you new abilities. It also fundamentally alters your ability to perceive and process the world around you. The mind you have previous to having the AI layer integrated is not equal to the mind that exists after. They are different people. This was meant to be something the warrior candidate voluntarily chose for themselves. However, I stole that choice from you and installed the hardware without permission."

Crap. My mind was spiraling out of control.

This wasn't what I wanted to hear.

But it all made sense.

I was definitely not the person I had been before. Any decisions I'd made since I had the hardware installed were now suspect. There wasn't any guarantee that the previous me would have made the same decisions. In fact, I would say it was pretty likely the old me would have demanded to be sent back to Earth immediately. By not giving me any choice in the matter, she had already given herself an unfair advantage before even talking to me.

It was hard to keep my irritation in check, but I decided to ask the one question that mattered most.

"Honestly, that does piss me off. I'm half tempted to tell you off right now... Just let me know one thing. Why didn't you just talk to me before you did anything? I might have agreed to help you. You didn't have to use me like that."

Wearing a smile devoid of happiness, she said, "Actually, I tried to talk to you first. You rejected me outright and demanded to be released. I was forced to sedate you and erase those memories."

My mind went utterly blank for a moment. I had to run Gilda's words through my head several times before I could process what she had said.

"Wait, what?! Are you fucking kidding me? You erased my memories and then went ahead and installed that shit anyway, knowing I didn't want it? I can't believe this... What a bitch! Fuck you!!"

At that moment, I couldn't stand the idea of staying in the same room as Gilda one second longer. I had a strong urge to physically lash out at her. If I didn't leave immediately, I might've attacked her. So, I pathetically chose to flee to my room like a little kid because I had no place else to escape to.

A corner of my mind couldn't help but notice that she didn't try to argue with me or stop me from going... she just sat there after taking my verbal abuse. The thought momentarily flashed through my head that maybe she'd wanted me to hurt her. But I didn't have any room inside my head to feel sorry for her right then. So, I stomped into my room, threw whatever was close at hand against the walls, and screamed, "This is fucking bullshit!!!"

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