Chapter 70: 71. Chapter

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-From the perspective of Anakin-

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A few days passed by since Nizzal had become the new grandmaster of the Grey order. She declared that the order's interaction with the outer world will be much more open from now on. This seemed to shock the residents at first but most of the people accepted the news happily, if slightly worried. 

Since then me and Ahsoka have been occupied by wandering the city looking at the many artistic and historic sculptures and memorials scattered around. Most of the people immortalized through such artistic means were completely unknown to us, but they were all important to the people living here. The sculptures and memorials were similarly representing civilians and force sensitives. There seemed to be no visible distinction or discrimination between the two group of people. The only thing that mattered, was the achievements and skills of those. 

For example, there was this mandalorian man called, Rhunimack Vuchaill there there is an extremely large and detailed statue in the middle of the park. The man was a researcher, he wasn't force sensitive, yet he was the one, says the memorial that figured out how to recreate teleportation gates based on the alien technology found in this city. The man had died many centuries ago, at the age of seventy one. Based on the extremely strict facial expressions carved onto the statue, I can guess that the man was similar in temper to Master Windu. 

I was sitting not far from the statue, resting on the bench while looking around the park. The city of Unity wasn't exactly a city that was filled to the brim with throngs of people. No, there were people here, in a quite a large number, but not to the extent to feel crowded. The atmosphere of the city was also very different, almost easygoing. It was extremely rare to see anyone who wasn't dressed in a military uniform move with obvious haste. 

The reason was pretty much presenting itself. Droids, every manual labor, jobs that were not needing human touch were done by droids. There were many type of droids, hovering above the ground or above our heads heading towards certain directions, doing jobs like cleaning the sidewalk or transporting items, basically everything. The place was filled with these automatic droids of many shapes doing most of the necessary jobs on their own.

Only if the separatist were selling B1 for cleaning purposes instead of war... The galaxy would have been a much better place. 

I also realized that the citizens did not hold fear towards force sensitives, they treated them just the same, as they openly used force powers on the streets or even in children's games. This made me feel quite conflicted... I couldn't help, but wonder if the difference from which many jedi suffer, a certain sense of exclusion was never really a thing. I mean, that it might have been created by our own actions, our chosen lifestyle, the seclusion we created among force sensitive and none force sensitive people. We were the ones, who hid behind our temple walls, we were the ones, who never opened up towards the public, but acted mysterious and aloof more often than not towards the citizens of the republic that we swear to protect. 

They did not ask us to protect them... we appointed ourselves as protectors, and with the passing of time, the people grew to accept us as such. Until the day we ourselves believed that we were indeed the protectors of the galaxy, chosen by a higher power to fulfill a more important role, and risked everything in the process. I always felt that our actions were more often than not superficial. For example: we have waged war against slavery for so long, yet slavery still remains and even thrives at certain places in the galaxy. It is not surprising, our missions were only treating the symptoms, and not the sickness. Why was that, I asked many times from myself, or even Obi-Wan, but he didn't have a real answer, he only mumbled something about not having enough manpower, and the Republic expecting too much from a few thousand jedi, we cannot care for an entire galaxy. 

It was of course true, but that wasn't answering the reason why we didn't try to do a more detailed job at the times we had the chance. Now I suspect that the reason was more sinister. The sickness the corruption, has reached us too, we were effected by it and corrupted to a degree. We knew it, we sensed it, as our connection to the force dimmed over the generations, our force sights were ever more clouded by the shadows of the darkside. Everyone sensed the growing tension around us, and the moving thickening darkness on the edge of our visions. What we didn't want to realize was the fact, that we didn't sense the darkness that moved somewhere around the galaxy. The Sith have hidden their presence masterfully, we couldn't sense them before, why would we be able to sense them now? 

No, what we sensed was the darkness that had already corrupted us, the darkness that was moving inside of us, the only reason we couldn't see it was our pride. We thought ourselves to be better than the simply people we wanted to save, such arrogance. We couldn't even save ourselves, how would we save others?  

Did we mystify our own powers, and abilities unconsciously only to be able to feel special about them, to fuel our arrogance? There was something terribly wrong with that thought. However, I knew, that there was truth to it, the feeling of being chosen to fulfill a greater purpose far beyond those of less important, less knowledgable, less wise or skillful people was known to me very well. And I also knew, that however hard I tried to act aloof about it, the thought that I was the chosen one many times made me feel a sense of invulnerability. I did many things that other jedi would never attempt to do, because of that. Many members of my clone troopers, lost their lives at those moments. 

From many of such situations I only came out alive by sheer luck, which I would have never admitted openly but in my heart I knew the truth and that was enough. Even so I liked to believe that I was a chosen one, that couldn't be killed, because of some sort of prophecy... I of course knew that it was self delusion, but it worked, and made me brave enough to do what I had to do anyway. It was nothing more than a way to cope with the ridiculous demands and expectations that the war and the council placed on us. 

This was especially bad in my case, as the suspected chosen one. I was among the youngest jedi knights who had received a padawan... I never complained openly about that, as Ahsoka was someone who I cherished deeply. She has taught me just as much, as I have taught her over the years, and I never for a single moment thought of her as a burden. Of course, she was annoying at times, but who isn't? She was also stubborn as a mule, but I wasn't someone who could complain about that specific thing, not with a good conscience at least. 

With all of our struggles and arguments it was a connection I held dear. And now, she even knows about Padmé... and she didn't judged me for it, instead she was happy... this was something I will never be able to thank her enough. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be hated by Ahsoka for that... that lie, because it was a lie... I deceived everyone, and the sense of guilt that I felt for such an act was simply suffocating. That was what brought me ever closer to the darkside... the guilt from my own sins. The tower of lies I built was similar to the tools that the Jedi used, to deceive themselves and others around them, they needed people to believe in them to be better, after they themselves couldn't believe that anymore.

I can see, that I have done what the order did. We were skating on thin ice, we all know it, I knew it, yet I wasn't able, no... that's just a cheep excuse... I wasn't brave enough to choose between the order... between my carrier and my wife... I wanted to keep both, and I still want to keep them, but it is clear that I couldn't do such a thing. Not realistically. However, it might not be too late to choose one, before I lose both... that is the only thing I can hope for, at this moment. 

I sighed heavily as the terrible yet invisible weight pressed down on my shoulders. 

-How am I going to tell this to Obi-Wan... and what will I do? I can't leave Padmé... then I can only leave the Order, but... what will happen with Ahsoka then, and Obi-Wan... he will be so disappointed. Can I even leave it in the first place? They believe me to be some chosen one... It's not even sure that they will let me walk away just like that... It might prove to be too large of a blow to their ego and the military morale... Come to think of it, I am a General now... Even if the order lets me go, I can't leave the army in the middle of a war. They will treat me as a deserter.

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The weight of the choice presented to the young man sitting in a sunny park in the heart of Unity was no easy matter. But even so, life goes on, as life itself doesn't care about the ones who struggle with heavy decisions. While one is haunted by the shadows of the past, or maybe burdened by the fears of an uncertain future, or for the most unluckiest of children, who struggle with both at the same time.

Lost in long reaching bony arms of transparent hopes, and suffocated by deep and dark fears that are created by our own mind's wild imagination only to chain up our present, making us almost entirely forget about its existence. That we have a choice, one that could not be taken away. 

Those who are bound by the memories of the past, or the terrors of the future yet awaiting, are similar to the hallow tree, that's trunk yet stood tall, but its insides are slowly eaten by the swarms of worms. Do not judge my friend, those who have come to this fate. As you may yet share the sadness felt by the hollow tree, and for those who have known of the fate I speak of. Remember, that thy trunk may be empty, but the roots still reach deep in the soil. A tree can always grow a new trunk while its roots still hold onto the ground. 

Life will go on, even when we cannot be a part of it, just as it goes on after we stop being a part of it. Therefore, do not look for the things or peoples others deem worthy of your time. Instead spend it with those who you yourself feel worthy of it. Do not bound yourself with the expectations of others, do not be voluntarily imprisoned, even when otherwise free. 

The greatest terror known to man is not looking into the eyes of what we fear the most, but to become the source of it.

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On another side of the city, a togruta girl was walking with her human friend, they were speaking and laughing loudly enjoying the sunshine and the relaxed atmosphere that was lingering around the streets. The girls couldn't help, but relax in this place, after all both of them had become accustomed to the stressful sense of purpose that filled Coruscant from the deepest underground caves to the tops of the highest of skyscrapers. People on Coruscant never seemed to relax publicly, they only did that behind the walls of their homes... or when they went to a local pub, after a few shots of alcohol that relaxed the tense muscles with its own sinful intoxication. 

It is not that, the two girls have much to do with such experiences of course. Maybe the older one had a taste of it on a night when she may or may not have managed to slip out of the sight of his master on a practice patrol session on the lower levels. 

His master might have scolded her for the entire way back to the temple after she became a bit tipsy... Even so, he did not mention it to anyone else, not even Master Yoda, or Obi-Wan. It was one of the many little things, gestures, that her master did for her, looking the other way intentionally. She knew that it was not just for her, as he would have been scolded likely even harsher than her, yet she couldn't really hold a grudge for that.

Maybe it was not really a proper jedi act, but it was one she very much treasured, one that was more human. Those were the times she really loved being Anakin's padawan, he was not as emotionless or rigid as other masters, who always followed the script to the last syllable. 

He was much more flexible in his mindset, and that was the exact thing that made him into a great general. He did make errors of course, but those were errors anyone could make, but not everyone would have the skill and resilience, nor the flexibility to bring a failed plan to fruition against such dire odds. No... it wasn't a proper Jedi act, but it was necessary to survive. Necessary to defend the Republic, to defend our home, our temple, everything we grow to know and love.

Ahsoka looked at the black haired girl, who was carefully watching her thoughtful expression. She realizing that her sneak peek didn't go unnoticed looked aside quickly. Then she began to shake her head and sighed only to ask a few seconds later.

-Why the long face all of the sudden, we were having fun just now. 

-Ugh... sorry about that, I just got an urge for melancholy out of nowhere... it was kind of strange to be honest... 

-Ah... I know those feelings, it's as if the thought was planted in your mind. 

Ahsoka was surprised to hear the precise description of what she felt, she nodded as those words were perfectly describing the feeling she just experienced... and it wasn't really the first time it happened either. 

Rika seeing her surprise continued the explanation. 

-It's your force bond with your master, or maybe someone else, it can act like a telepatic channel, both ways when someone close to you is troubled by intense emotions or a great burden. This way you can affect the mindset of those around you, subconsciously leading them to share your emotional mindset, be that may rage, doubt, sorrow... or anything else. That is the reason why the Jedi chose to suppress their emotions in the first place, but you should know that already. 

-Yes, I know that. Does this mean, Skyguy is having trouble suppressing his emotions right now? Should we go see him, maybe we could help? 

Rika's answer wasn't immediate, as she thought over the possible choices the situation offered to them.

-No, we shouldn't trouble him right now... Most of the times we struggle with making a decision, our decisions have already been made. We just need to make up our resolve to push through what needs to be done. 

-But, how could you know for sure if it's one of those times?

-Its easy, if he trusts you, and needs advice, he will come to you and hint at it, you will only have to be aware enough to see the hint, and answer the question behind the actual question.

Ahsoka froze in the midst of their aimless walk. She looked at the still walking back of Rika while feeling her jaw drop slightly, making a face resembling a fish dropped on the shore. 

Rika sensing her friend's sudden halt turned back slightly and couldn't help but smirk at the stupid expression that the togruta was making. 

Ahsoka meanwhile shook herself out of her stupor and complained loudly in an intentionally childish voice. 

-I thought that you said it was easy... there is nothing easy about that. 

-Eh... I guess it isn't really easy after all... I was chosen among the infiltrator apprentice squads for a reason after all. 

-Aww... there you go again, remember Rika pride leads to the darkside... 

Rika blinked, then smiled suppressing a bumble of laughter. 

-It doesn't do that... not really. A healthy amount of pride for your achievements will only do good for you. Pride that comes without proper, and reasonable restraints is the thing that leads to the darkside. The darkside is not a mystical thing that you have to fear beyond reason Ahsoka. Imagine it as a knife, it can be used for cooking and many other things, while it can also maim and kill people. Tell me, if someone cooks a great meal with a knife, the knife will be the one that is praised or the chef who used it? 

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Ahsoka rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. 

-I can see it from a mile where your lessons intent to go Rika... Oh, you know what? It might be both the knife and the chef that will be praised in such a situation, now what do you say to that? Hmmm?

-Heh, it might be true, indeed, but not likely. Allow me to ask you a different question. 

-Do I really have a choice? Urgh... Go on... 

-If one kills with the same knife, who will be held responsible for the act, the knife or the individual who used it as a weapon.

-You know who... You are enjoying lecturing me way too much Rika. 

The smaller human girl blushed slightly at that comment as she stated in a panicked voice. 

-B-but... I can't help it... it's... we were friends for so long and I always had to act shy and childish... 

-You are shy and childish Rika. 

Stated Ahsoka with two innocently raised brows and a teasing glint passing her light blue eyes. 

This time Rika was the one who rolled her eyes, while turning forward to continue her walk. She also said in a gumpy tone. 

-You know what I meant. 

Ahsoka snorted at the reaction that was so similar to hers from a few seconds ago, but she didn't tease her friend any further and in a few quick jumps she was again next to her, walking through one of the busiest streets around here. They continued on their lazy walk to look around the city. 

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-From the perspective of Ahsoka-

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Both of them seemed to have talked enough for now, as they silently gazed over the vendors standing behind their market stands on the sides of the street in predetermined rows. They glanced at the rushing and floating droids, then at the people who were mostly of mandalorian origin.

They were walking around speaking in a relaxed manner, seemingly content with how things were. The surprise of Nizzal's declaration, to break the law of absolute secrecy was still in the air, and it will be there for a long time. Of course, Rika had already informed both Anakin and her that it won't be as drastic of a change as we might anticipate. The sense of time in the territories of the Grey order, was a bit different. Here declaring such a thing would only mean that diplomatical processes and openings towards the Republic would begin. It doesn't mean that the veil of secrecy will be dropped in one day from maximum effect to ground zero. 

It might never reach such a state, they only plan to offer an alternative, not to showcase their location and a way to get there whenever a possible enemy wishes so. They plan to build embassys and send official emissaries to important councils such as the Republic Senate and the Jedi High Council. They only plan to make their presence known, without revealing much of anything about their location, or weaknesses. 

Even as I walk the streets of Unity, I have zero idea of the military potential of the Grey Order, or what sort of threat they could pose to the Republic. However its clear, that this nation, if you can call it that has a clearly trained army, and a large amount of force sensitives. All trained to use their abilities at least on the level of self defense. Their military technology was probably up to date as you could see a few mandalorian jet troopers fly over our heads from time to time. Also there were columns of troops without armor marching around the less busy streets at times. They were probably young soldiers doing their drills. 

Even so, that much wasn't going to tell me anything crucial about their fleets the equipment level of their spaceships and the number of them. Frankly we don't know how many other territories they have, or if they have other alien technology used as weapons aside from that warp thing that was already an extreme threat if fallen into the wrong hands. Using that technology they can literally teleport bombs into state buildings, bunkers or any location they know of. It could be done with people too, warping an army into a bunker... or kidnapping unassuming people by warping them out of their own house. 

It was clear to me, that the reason they never really got caught by anyone was this warp technology. You can literally disappear from any tight spot in seconds thanks to that. I can only hope that there were some actual limitations to its use, I mean I got a strange thing that supposedly makes it possible for me to be individually warped from anywhere in Unity to a predetermined location I chose, and have the verification to chose. There are ones that can only be reached by having a certain rank. Or given validation by someone who has that rank. 

My eyes turned towards Rika who didn't seem to notice my lingering gaze. 

-So, how do you like the market Ahsoka? 

-Eh... ah, its fine... Come to think of it, I wanted to ask you about the droids... are they doing all the jobs here? 

-Yes, I can imagine that you find it pretty strange, or even disturbing after fighting against separatist droids for so long... Even I would have to indulge in droid dismantling if I wouldn't be pulled out of my infiltration. There is a length you can pretend to be depressed... it doesn't work forever and you will be sent either to the farming corps or to the battlefields. I personally never understood why you guys hated the farming corpse option so much, if it was up to me, I would jump headfirst into it. Of course you have been raised and taught with precise tinkering to subconsciously look down on the farming corps, as the Republic needed its iconic psionic fighters to boost its morale and self image. 

I opened my mouth with a spike of disbelief and anger even for the suggestion, but then... I actually couldn't really oppose it. I thought back to the treatment we received in the temple, the masters, the ones we looked up to always spent their time on the children who were talented or worked hard... maybe even both. While the ones who weren't that promising never got their attention. We were children and as children ripped away from their families, obviously thrived for the masters praise and every drop of their attention we received. They never told us with words that the farming corps was bad for us. 

But the way, they acted, the disappointed glances towards those who had eventually ended in the farming corps were a much clearer message then simple words could give us. When we eventually became padawans, chosen by a master we even went so far as to joke about those who ended up in the farming corps. 

In the end, subconsciously or consciously we all decided to treat those of the farming corpse as failures. Even as we never even saw them again, I mean we literally didn't know jackshit about what it was like to be in the farming corps. They were off Coruscant, on planets where agriculture was the main industry.

But now it was clear to me, that they intentionally made it so, the farming corps rarily or never could meet with those who had become padawans. It was a sort of exile for them. The reason was also obvious, they couldn't let the carefully created mystery break apart. Those who live in the farming corps have to think themselves to be failures who deserve to be wasted on a backwater farm, and those who live in the temple have to believe that they are the winners who are living their purpose filling in the places of those who were less skillful less able. It was a game of intricately created traps, that were based on psychology. Everyoen was playing their roles, either conscious or subconsciously. It was a trap you may never even know to exist, yet your life and thoughts are very much influenced by it.

I felt conflicted at the end of my line of thoughts. It felt so wrong to do such a thing... It was so hard to believe that such a thing happened, and it was done that way with intention in the Jedi temple. I didn't want to believe it, but now that I knew of it, I wasn't able to unsee it anymore. I couldn't help, but frown with a sense of lingering betrayal. 

Rika seemed to glance at me worridly from time to time, seeing that her hint had managed to push me towards a certain direction. Seeing my deep frown she smiled at me apologetically. 

-I am... sorry. I probably shouldn't have said that... it's not my place to...

-No... it's quite alright. 

I interrupted her calmly. Then added after a short pause.

-Thank you, I appreciate you making me aware of this... I should have realized it long ago, there is no free meal in this world after all. The republic paid extensively for the training of force sensitives. They needed to keep them in line one way or another... preferably from their free will. 

Rika nodded to that still a bit worried sensing my forced calmness. Then she said.

-You shouldn't suppress your anger... 

I interrupted her driven by a spike of anger. 

-Should I start dismentling the vendors stands, then? 

Rika felt embarrassed as the vendor closest to us sent a death glare in our direction. She quickly looked down to her feet while grasping my arm and starting to pull me in a seemingly random direction. 

-No... I didn't mean anything as drastic as that, Ahsoka... 

Now sensing the glares on my skin I also began to feel bashful for my momentary outrage so I let her lead me away obediently. 

-What I meant, was to release it in a concentrated way. 

I blinked... 

-What do you mean? 

-It would be better, if I showed you instead, come. 

 

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